In an Interview with MTV:

Ozzy: "my wife, Sharon, is the organizer, the governor, she organizes us all. Cause, I'm clueless. I get up in the morning, I've got a drawer full of black underpants. And I go, "Which one should I wear?" They're all black, you know?"

MTV: "What is a typical day in your life?"

Ozzy: "Well, I usually get up…"

MTV: "What do you and your dad have in common?"

Kelly: "We're really messy. Like, just these little things that I've picked up from him. Like, picking my nose."

See the whole Interview on the MTV website.

Ozzy: "You don't need to hire a dog therapist, you just need to wake up at 7 am and open the f*cking door!"

Ozzy: "I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all f*cking mad."

Sharon: "Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum!......... Do I have a scrotum?"

Ozzy: "Who pissed!!? Who pissed on my f*cking carpet!?! That b*stard f*cking dog man. I'm going to throw you in the pool! It's a f*cking terrorist man! It's f*cking part of Bin Laden's gang!"

Ozzy: "Bubbles! Oh come on Sharon! I'm f*cking Ozzy Osbourne, I'm the Prince of f*cking Darkness. Evil! Evil! What's f*cking evil about a shitload of bubbles?"

Ozzy: "I like the smell of armits in the morning. It's like victory."

Ozzy: "He's up in his room planning his future."[About Jack]
-- Sharon: "The only thing he's planning is his next wank; whether he's going to use his left hand or his right hand."

Ozzy: [Looking at the doll of himself] "I look like Satan's f*cking cousin. I wish I had teeth like that."

Ozzy: "I feel like I'm invisible."
-- Kelly: "Oh, shutup!"

Dill [Jack's Houseguest]: "I was always the middle little kid. Well, actually... [ponders] I was the last kid."

Ozzy: [In the Limo] "I hate these f*cking stretch b*stards junk pimpmobiles!"
-- Sharon: "Ozzy look at the ceiling its like Kelly's Bedroom."
-- Ozzy: "Oh wonderful, we'll live here."

Kelly: "They make you, like, feed a tree before you feed yourself."
-- Ozzy: "How the f*ck do you feed a tree? What you put a ham sandwich on the tree?"

Jack: "Kelly always says she's Ozzy Osbourne's daughter to get into clubs."
[Kelly throws a glass at him]
-- Sharon: "STOP! I'm Ozzy Osbourne's wife. Now shut the f*ck up and go to bed."

Sharon: "I wiped my crotch with my hand and chased Kelly, trying to wipe it on her. I said to myself; there's no way I can let that go in. They'll take my kids away."

Kelly: "Aimee wears a thong every day, and today she's wearing a thong of mine. So it's been up my crack, and now it's up her crack, and I'm okay with that."

Kelly: "That's such a fat kid thing to do."
-- Jack: "Incase you hadn't noticed, I'm a fat kid."

Kelly: "I'll shove a banana up your @ss. Bend over b*tch!"
-- Jack: "That’s such a waste of food. There are people in Somalia who would die for a banana!"

[Ozzy goes to the Fire station to get a permit to build a fire on the beach.]
Fireman: "We need to have your address."
-- Ozzy: [Looking directly at the Cameraman] "Where do I live?... Where do I live?"

[The waves kept coming closer to the fire.]
Ozzy: "F*ck off! You f*cking @sshole ocean!"

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Created by Jenna - 2003
Last Updated May, 2003