POEMS


Complete


All my strength has left these limbs
Only to center into my heart
Our tears wash away all our past sorrow
Thereupon, we embrace each other
With our white wings of flawless love
Enclose us forever in one anothers arms
The sheer passionate love of this moment
Can be easily be felt across any distance
Slowly pulling away, just to glance
At each others mesmerizing eyes
That solely concentrate on the others
At the same time
As if thinking together, we say
I love you...
To hear the sound of such a beautiful voice
Is to be at peace, for that
Not even angels can sing with such harmony
Our lips longing for the other, reaching closer
Until full contact which begins this love
There will be no end
In that, we will be together always

09/??/04


That What Was, And Always Shall Be


I am nothing but shattered glass
And decayed degenerate dirt
Compared to your purity and magnificence
You are all that is to me dear.
Wishes never came to be true for me
But you are far more than any wish can define…
Truly a perfect being…
Nothing can show all my affection and admiration
I can only surrender my all
My all is this heart and soul

I found you…
And now I desire to hold you…
So tightly, so warmly
To embrace you into my arms
For all eternity, in every space in every second
I will love you always…

Unknown Date


There Is No God


From the entozoic heart
Of which the anguished lingers
The pain of slit open hearts
Injected with liquid lead
It bleeds tears of defeat
Causing abasia upon shackled legs
Only bound by love
Waiting... and wondering...
How does ones body continue to stand,
With multiple fatal wounds

This is not possible
It cannot be real, for this is reality
But they say there is a "God"
In which he is suppose to help us all
At any given moment
And love us limitlessly

Where is this so called "God"
When my best friend destroys me in an instant
When for years I was laughed at
When my parents split apart
When friends desperately need help and my help is nothing
When no one can help me
When the media defiles human beings
When I wrote this list with tears

There was never a God to begin with
God is a concept created by man to control man
There never was, or ever will be a God
The universe exists as one
As man exists as one


09/18/03


This Anniversary, I spend Alone

The 3rd years end approaches
I continue to think everyday about her
How perfect she is
Oh the agony of how much I miss..
I still linger with questions everyday
Despirately attempting to imagine
A world where she is everywhere and no where else
But I don't deserve it
I never did..
She was always too well equipped
For my rough blade

She is everything to me
My heart, and mind were formed only because of her
Without her, I am  nothing but dirt.
I wish everyday, upon every star
That she will return
Because she has left her mark in my heart
I will never forget her
Even with my last hours of living on this earth
I would spend it thinking about her
I rather take in hundreds of lead bullets
Then see her gone.

One may say this feeling will pass
But I only answer saying
I wish it were that simple
But no one ever said
The principles of love were simple..

Everyday, I await the day of her return
But that day will never come
Because I am nothing to her..

09/09/03


The Black Andromeda

The day remains unknown to this date
Yet Andromeda shone with crippling light
No flame ever burned as bright
It brought forth the light of the newly profound era
I sought what I desired
To only find what I could never obtain
I could not touch it's grace
For that the distance is so great..
Thus Andromeda Redshift
Only to leave the burnt pattern of a walking nightmare

It is darker than black
Cast shadows reveal more then they conceal
I cannot bare to see it leave like so
Wishing it Blueshift with tears

"On this endeavor for the truth
Waiting in the shadows of a recent fall
Looking up at the darkened sky
That only gets worse yearning for a cathartic experience
To break the shackles of my own"*

This is going nowhere…

05/15/03

*Hopesfall - Endeavor. 1:51 - 2:25


The Journey

I could never understand..
Existance nor dreams never could do so
Yet, you surprise all imagination
All in the space of a second
From eye to the tear
Nothing I could ever imagine,
Would resemble you

You have broken all boundaries
That have ever been embarked upon
A quest for you would have been foolish
To think, someone so perfect can exist in this world
Yet, you are as real as dawn at sea..

03/17/03


Heart Beats at Your Pace

Emotions appearing from the unknown cores
Everyday is a blessing to know..
Alas, I only drown in regret
The taste of decay in my mouth
Just wishing when will the day arrive
Lest it never come?..
But hope drives this feeling
I know it shall come
How I know, is only known to superiors

As I gaze at this very moment
I will continue until I go blind
My eyes of judgment have never been stronger
These emotions have caught up with me once again
I cannot turn away..
For that is fate, and fate is never broken
To ever run from it, would tear me out
Because I am nothing without you

02/03/03



Possession

What is mine, and eternal
Nothing will break it
Yet I must bare the moments
When it is scarred and torn
Cut and bled
But not broken
All It has ever wanted
It has been deprived of it
What it wanted was the creator
But when shall the creator come to aid
Distance is among us
Yet this distance decreases
As friendship increases..

Like a shivering animal
In the cold, darkness of night
Waiting for the breath of dawn
Emerging from the horizon
I will wait for you the same way..

01/29/03



Twin Figured Heart  - Half Epizoic  - Half Gone To The Angels Eyes


She waits by my side
Her smell reminds me of a time
I tried to stay, I tried to run
I keep falling again
I'm in love
And nothing completes me like you do.
Like you do...

All my dreams are set in stone
All my goals made into gold
But I’ve watched them fall time and time again until I go blind
I’ve watched them decrystalize
And I’ve watched them turn to ice and crash and fall
And melt to the crust of this earth
It's all just a ticking time bomb...

When you walk away..
It broke me down
I felt like I could not live on
The pain was so overwhelming
I struggled since then
I was guided by fate
But it let me down

I have nothing, I am nothing but dirt
I want to run away from this nightmare
This sinking feeling is in my head
I feel the dragons rushing through my veins
And tear it out...
I know that, you know that, I'm dead without you
I can't rest
Without you I feel dead...
Nothing destroys me like you do...

She appeared from a mystery
Where did she come from
That I did not care at the time
I only wanted someone to be there for me
But it was all wrong..
She hurt me and you
What on Earth compelled me to do it

When were realities true to the core
I have nothing
She gave me something, but nothing in the end
Many days pass
I still wanna runaway
She never filled my heart with purity
I shoot her down, I shut her out,
I can't believe this is hate, I won't believe that
Months flew thinking the same
I want to make, the final decision..

Remember.. I promised her nothing.
The final decision was made..
Banish her
She was a figment of my imagination
Meant to replace you're spot in my heart
But it will never be replaced..

I hate the day, the night I'm not alive, I hate the day
Drowning.. fuck karma watching you slip away...
Without you by my side,
and without you in my life, I have nothing
I’m waiting for that day
When it’s over
And we are reunited once again....


01/09/03
01/25/03 (edited)

Season of Color


Upon the dawn of light..
There is a moment
A single moment
When one color is shown through the clouds
In the form of a star
This texture of color shines with beauty and grace
A moment only seen like true angel eyes
A tear from my eye
Alas.. your eyes..
They have the same precious grace
Diamond nor gold can appear this way
Only you appear this beautiful forever..

01/04/03


The More Money They Get The Colder Their Hearts

The more money they get the colder their hearts
To love has become a phrase
Warmth doesn't exist
Instead of holding him tight they would rather watch him fall
But he knows and sometimes he weeps quietly his heart breaks and breaks
His fire seems to be extinct
That is how they want him to be
(But what have you achieved)

One day..
He drove his car..
Into the crash burial..
And he had luck..
It's winter..
And the cold didn't make him realize..
That his legs..
Were severed..
The snow absorbed his blood…

The martyrdom has been accomplished…

-Deadlock



Your Eyes - Same Chemical as Stars

I walk around memories
These feelings, are my remedy
I take out the Seraph Card from my depths within
You show the Two of Cups in your heart
We hold hands and stay as one
Spread our wings
Flying togather in the clouds

There is no sunset to the dawn of what I feel

12/12/02



Black Becomes Darker

But I can't bleed
Where were you
When I wanted comfort
You were nowhere to be found

I don't care about
Your supposed "problems"
Continue to think you have problems
Oh no, one of your many gothic-like slaves has left you
What a problem, how depressing, what a tragedy
You live in a world without care
Stop mocking me, and my friends

I have left
You are still here
Do the words
Get lost
Not sink in?

12/12/02



Climate Of An Unstable Heart
Enclosed Spaces Only Within Wings Length

I see the light of day in the distance
Only wings can reach it
But my wings has yet to grow
Curses of it haunt me

I know very well the rain falls in drops
Constantly teasing with imaginary figures
Always wondering,
Who's coming to save?

A phosphorus like fog fell from an imaginary Zyon*
Always defragmenting my life
It was thought to contain essential forces
But it chokes the ones I care for
It's life was full of fallacy

Realization of the mist
Took time, and patience
It burried my heart in disfigured flames
The heart that belonged to someone beloved
It hurt my loved one
Which affects me

I blew away the fog
In one final blow
It's trust was lost in lies

I woke up tonight
And no one's here with me
I only I had the wings..
To fly towards my desires

The direction is pointed
But the strength has to be reached


12/05/02

Note
* Zyon is Heaven in Hebrew



Botchla

But I adore her
This will never happen
But I adore her
This will never happen
Over my dead body
Of course I think about it
Burn my path, if it does
Shape my body as I feel
Torn
Shape my body as I feel
Torn broken
And if it happens
I'll burn and crawl deeper in my hole
Darkness always says hello
And your burning body will light my way
Burning body light my way

-Poison The Well


Winter..The Season of Bleak  Desolate Memories

With the first snowfall this year
It hurts more than the last
Constantly tearing my insides
The stress has got me..
Taking me away
I'm crying tonight
With every bit of me
Dying with every tear of mine

It is all bottled up inside..
Where no one can reach
The denom is what no one can destroy
Its name is Memories..

Sparkles remind me..
Of the days my life was nothing
and meaningless to everyone

As I cry at the stars
I stare away..
All too much to take
I get left behind in everything and everywhere
I look forward to dying in each night
Crumbling in winters dark cold night skies

Winter is the time when my scars effect me...
Childhood Scars...
Lone Scars...
And Especially
Love Scars..

11/17/02 - First Snowfall..



Struggle


He stands up to his thoughts and emotions
The carousel spins beyond his grasp
He wishes it would stop
But it stops for no one
It's too late for him
It travels too fast to hold on
The only hope is so far away
Yet he continues to attempt
To hold on the rail of hope

11/14/02



Reflection


With every part of me
Falling in love with every bit of you
I think about..
The way it was before
Oh how beautiful it was ..
No one had ever made me feel that way before
And no one else will
I cry because of the feelings
The ones that always remind me
That my hand could not extend far enough
For you..

What I'd do..
To see your face
Just to squeeze you tightly
In a way.. that you nor me have felt before

11/13/02


Three
Thoughts, Three Words, And A Secret Message

And whom will be the
Next to see my rage?..
She shall be next
Why you ask?
Everything was a lie
Repeats of pain and loss
Scary it seems..

A R E they still watching me?..
Rendering their thought
Exposure of the truth

Balancing the silence of light
Everyone becomes closer
Loving and caring
Oh how it is so unfamiliar, but only to the one
Who I love is there an exception...
09/18/02


10/03/02


Cali Awaits For You

Casting this spell to enlighten the truth
Why.. did you play around with
My intrinsic components?
Cali calls your name...

What have you done?
You whore..
Feelings are what you lack
Cali calls your name...

You manifest the weak
Into Isolation
And feed off their pain
Cali calls your name...

I have obliterated your lies and traces
That you left behind
You will torture me no more
I call your name in vain for your punishment

Are you still breathing?

10/30/02



To Grasp What Cannot Be Embraced
[ You Stubborn Fool, I Love Another.. ]

Thankfully I don’t miss your lies
Or the way you always were
What I would do… for one more day without you
Your miles away, but you still seem to make me cringe
If I could…
I would open a chasm to an abyss
and condemn you to eternal damnation
I despise you for your dark shadows..
Why wont you leave my soul alone?
Your malevolence still haunts my head
I HATE IT! AND I HATE YOU!
Your trust is gone, so leave
You were only imaginary
Made of my denials, and your lies
Wasting my time was the only thing that was never a lie
Your scars… Most wanted good-byes

The other...
With everything becoming opaque
Aligning with the stars
As the prophecy foreshadowed
Someone somewhere should know this..

I adore you, with all your angelic grace in your stance
We fly together in the clouds
You’re so distant, yet so close to the heart
Thinking about your embrace
And how it holds us in place
Depths of me have yet to be exposed to you
I have yet to understand it
But I remember the days…The sun went down
We sacrificed, and we felt apart
Those memories are in the past
Memories were. Now, is this.

Heavens tears have fallen to my heart
They take away the suffering
Appearing in dreams
Never the mare..


10/28/02


Opposite of Trice


The demons in my head
They torture me with love and friendship
Linked togather as they are
My mind, my soul, is on the verge
Too afraid to act
Twice it happened
Again and again
With the same pain
Now... i'll let it be
It shall only be a friendship
But a strong one
Because I' m still afraid
everyday

10/07/02


The Night Of Winter


Taking in another dream
I beg for sleep
As my wings slowly disappear
Into the mist of night
I wake up...
Gaze into the stars
Through my thoughts
The stars look down on me
Wondering what they mean
While the moon is full
Sitting like a portrait
The moon reflecting off my chalice
Containing pure wine
Pure as what i feel
In these cold winter days
Winter is the time of joy for many
For many unlike me
It brings back past memories and emotions
The hate and love
That shaped my life to what it is
Comes back every winter
With the reminder of fall
It haunts me..

09/24/02


Answers Are Closer Than They Appear

Daggers raining from
Across the waters..
Night falls on this side of me
It falls in a way that it lets me
Escape into a world free of pain
Lost in circles
Longer it seems, the more
Emotions catch up with me...

09/18/02


Process Of Realization

She said she loved me
She said she would do anything for me
She said she loved me
She said she never felt this way about anyone before
She said she loved me
She said she would do everything for me
She only said..

She painted my heart to believe
When I told her how I felt
She didn't understand
In my hour of disbelief
She said goodbye...

What she said was never true

09/15/02


09/11/01

As they fall
Crashing down a thousand times
They sleep on concrete pillows
Their loved ones not so far away

Another day goes by
Another year does the same
But their memory lives on..

In the Flames
We can see
The victims
The heros
The perpetradors

Violence never solves anything
But how many times must it be proven
Before we realize what it means?

09/11/02


...


She took down an empire to ruin
And beheld her face to the darkness
Through the might of her powers
That lay within
As the walls descend

...Silence...

Marking of a new era begins
Markings of power
Powers that can sever my soul
Or save it...

09/11/02


Scars


Shadows covering my face
Hauntings of immortal scars beneath them
They must pay….
For all the insalubrious pain
They burn my path
Now I walk around in circles
To find nothing but what they destroyed…
I shall get my revenge one day
some day....

09/04/02


Daggers of Life


I could never stand tall
through the pressuring falls
of what was.. and is to stay
Slipping further away..
further away from the truth
Than the core of the depraved lie..
The fate of what side the dagger lands on
Is decide by the one who truely understands it....

08/31/02


Life As It Stand Infront of Me

So much of an outcast…
This life is meaningless
Darkening sickness
Drowning in scars
They that inflict eternal pain
Their malicious thoughts
Haunting me to the grave itself
Painful as it is
I must live with this foreshadowing
Life that repeats itself like the clock that
Lays destroyed over my head
Smashed as it is
Cut, scarred, slit open…still
They dare not stop
Why am I even trying?
Crying out to the stars daily
As I lay there… lifeless as it seems
Screams of bane
None have took notice
Why take notice to another
Pathetic soul as myself
Laughing and pointing
At me is all they ever did
They have not stopped for 6 years
Many enemies emerged from
The depths of the shallow dark waters
Ignoring them for years…
They have yet to stop!
Facing this I could not take
I stood alone…
Since the cradle to the grave
I will fall and die alone….

08/22/02



Choke 


Lifeless memories
Drowning - Scars of the past
Smashed me to the ground
Laughing and pointing
They never left me alone
Walk upon me like monarchies
Dejected my mind
Simpleton I am to believe
That it would ever stop..
Infliction of these invisible scars
Enemies emerge...
Hope they choke...

08/11/02


Nameless 

Hurt by this repetition in this lie of a severed soul
Drawn to the stars, as they share my pain
Must I always fall this way?
Poisons in the air fill my heart
Brandishing those mortal words of terror
Conjunction of the water and blood
Gives them satisfaction of pain with pleasure
Yet I try to stand, and grow my wings to fly
Far from these problems that arise from the sun
Bane is all I'll ever know
The remedy of death lurks around
Each and every corner..

08/04/02
Please do not tell me they make no sense. Because they do when you THINK! I don't tell people what they mean, but there's alot more people that go to my site then i originally thought.. These poems are meant to make you think.. Heres an example "Shadows covering my face" It doesn't literally mean theres shadows covering my face, it means.. that I'm covering up what i really am inside. another one is.. "Crashing down a thousand times. They sleep on concrete pillows" (its from the 9/11) It doesn't mean the towers fell a thousand times, but in my mind, because on the news they plays it so much, it seemed like a thousand times. The concrete pillows represents the remains of the towers, and the lost people in them "sleep" there (lay there dead). As you can see, I'm not the rhyming type. If theres words that confuse you sush as: perpetradors, simpleton, brandishing, conjunction, bane, malice, and so on. Then go to www.dictionary.com. Please feel free to relate to any of these. If you want to use any of them in your MSN nicknames... ask first

Sorry if there maybe some spelling mistakes, I'm not the greatest of spellers.
GUEST BOOK
1