| My quit diary When I quit, I kept a diary at one of the Smoking Cessation sites that I visited - Quitnet. The Q, as it's known in the quitting community, has various traditions to mark quitting milestones eg, becoming an Elder at 100 days quit and earning a seat in the Lodge, flying a kite naked at 200 days quit, and becoming a Doctor of Quitology at a year quit! Daft, but in the dark days those little motivational milestones became very important! A group of us who quit in February 2001 banded together and formed the F Troopers, lead by Corporal Tom Ahern (tgk). It was a lot of fun reporting in to Barracks each day and patting each other on the back as the months rolled by.... 6 March 2001 Hi everyone. My name`s Pam and I live in the UK, in England. I quit smoking on 24 Feb 2001 and its the best thing I ever did. It`s thanks to the friends I have made online, my determination to lead a smoke free life, concerns about what smoking was doing to my health ......a million reasons. I work as a Careers Adviser/Counsellor, a job I really enjoy. I tell people that I could never decide what to do for a job myself, so advise other people instead ! I tried to give up smoking many times without success. I tried everything - willpower, gum, hypnosis, acupuncture, anything I could think of. I realise now that all these attempts were uninformed. One day I came across `Cognitive quitting` www.cognitivequitting.com which switched on a light bulb somewhere in my brain, and I`ve not looked back since. Well, 10 days quit for me. I`ll keep you posted on my progress, and will be coming back here often for support and advice - and hopefully help others as they have helped me. 10 March 2001 A short update - reached the 2 week anniversary of my quit today. Best ever for me !! I also thought it might be good to start a quit diary here - I really enjoy reading everyone else`s. Where to start then........ I`ve wanted to give up smoking for such a long time, and have made numerous half hearted (uninformed) attempts over the years. The more I tried and failed, the more frustrated I became by it all. I got sick of having to worry about where I`d be able to smoke the next cigarette before I was even halfway through the present one. I always seemed to be the only one who smoked in any group of people, the one who had to sneak outside or down to the basement, who dreaded being somewhere unfamiliar incase there was nowhere to get a quick fix. Sick of the money I was wasting, the fuzzy head in the morning, never having any energy etc etc etc. After a lot of mental preparation I finally did it 2 weeks ago, and I`m hoping I`ll never smoke again. `Never again` is a very long time, but I`m hoping this is my last quit. 11 March In the short time I`ve been here I`ve already had messages of support. Ventured into Chat too - but I`m going to have to learn to type a bit faster to keep up! Had a tough day yesterday, but wasn`t in danger of giving in to smoking. Today`s another day, and I feel really good and positive again. Two weeks, 23 hours, 43 minutes and 42 seconds. 374 cigarettes not smoked, saving £76.63. Life saved: 1 day, 7 hours, 10 minutes. 12March 2001 This is day 16 of my quit, and I realise that periods of time are going by without me thinking about smoking. This is a good day for me, and I`m feeling very strong. Checking my quitmeter I see that I haven`t smoked 401 cigarettes since I quit !! Assuming around 15 drags on a cig thats about 6,015 hand-to-mouth actions I haven`t made. How my life was dominated by smoking ! 16 March 2001 Is it really 3 weeks tomorrow since I quit?! Never got this far before, and I`ll be going a lot further yet. 17 March 2001 3weeks 10 hours smoke free is a fantastic feeling. This time next week it will be a whole month. And it will be, because I`ve no intention of smoking between now and then, or after that. 18 March 2001 Not planning to post every day, but couldn`t resist this one. Am going off for a week on May 11th to a beautiful Greek Island for a much needed holiday: the cost of the hol = about 3 months cig money. In other words, I`ve almost saved for the cost of the hol by not smoking since 24 Feb. Makes you think !! 24 March 2001 One whole month smoke free !!!! This is one milestone I so badly wanted to reach, and it feels fantastic. This past few days I realise that I`m now feeling very comfortable with this quit. It feels very natural not to smoke now, I`m more relaxed and calmer than I ever was as a smoker. Thankyou everyone here who`s talked me through some bad times ! Now, here`s to the 2 month anniversary..... 31 March 2001 One month and one week smoke free. Or does 5 weeks sound even longer? Whatever, it`s a great feeling! I don`t seem to get smoking craves any more, go for longer not thinking about smoking, and enjoy the benefits of being smoke free so much. Thank goodness for quit buddies keeping me on course! 4 April 2001 The lift broke down in the building I work in today - at one time walking up all those flights of stairs to the 5th floor would have been virtually impossible - today it was a breeze, and I wasn`t even a little bit out of breath when I got to the top. Just another joy of being smoke free - now at 5 weeks 4 days. 7 April 2001 Its 6 weeks today since I quit. My sense of smell really has returned because today I can really smell stale tobacco in the house - carpets, curtains etc, and its getting on my nerves. Need to arrange to get them cleaned. I can`t believe what the house must have smelled like when I was a smoker, what non smoking friends had to put up with. Yuk. 11 April 2001 6weeks 4days quit - only 4 more days until my 50 day rant - I can`t wait !! 14 April 2001 Get ready for it .......... 15 April 2001 50 days - Tweenerville !! (Sorry - this is a bit long - but I reckon I’ve earned it!) I’ve been looking forward to doing this - mainly because, at the start of my quit, it was hard to believe one day I’d be here. This in an unbelievably good feeling! 50 days smoke free is an unbelievable 1250 cigarettes not smoked, which would have cost me £260. Quitting was always something everyone else seemed to be able to do, never me. Sure, I used to try - using gum or patches mainly, but even had a go with acupuncture and hypnosis. I really used to think that if I got enough ‘tools’ together I’d sail through it. I really did used to think quitting was just about weaning myself off nicotine and nothing else. I recognised there was a ‘habit’ element to it all, having a cig at certain times eg after a meal, but never for one minute did I realise that each cig was inextricably intertwined with every moment of my day, every feeling I experienced and every emotion I was going through. The 10 or 15 cigarettes I smoked a day for so long had very gradually stepped up to 20-25 a day, and sometimes even more than that. During the last 5 years I’d experienced being made redundant from my job, the death of my mum, plus some health worries. There was always an excuse to keep on smoking ‘because I was stressed’, or ‘under pressure’, or ‘depressed’. I honestly believed that cigarettes were helping me to calm down, cheer me up, see things more clearly, relax, get me moving - you name it and there was a valid reason (in my mind) to keep on smoking. I didn’t like being a smoker though. I didn’t like the fact that I was the odd one out in my circle of friends, and I knew it wasn’t doing my health any good either. I had smoked most of my adult life and had somehow avoided getting a cough. However, I realised some months ago that my chest was feeling congested and tight sometimes, that I didn’t have much energy. And one day I stopped and worked out - honestly- just how much I was spending a month on my nicotine addiction. Around Christmas time I started to look into other ways of quitting. I wasn’t even sure what was out there, but I did know that tackling the nicotine addiction alone wasn’t going to get me very far. I knew there was more to it than that, more to it than just ‘kicking the habit’ - but couldn’t find any answers. I found one or two ‘Stop smoking’ sites on the Internet at About.Com, and started to visit them and did a lot of reading up. It was all very helpful and interesting, but still I couldn’t find the answers I was looking for. One day I ventured into a smoking cessation chatroom at About.com (my first ever time in a chatroom - and I was nervous!), and the first person I met in there was ddsteve. In chatting to him I started to learn about cognitive quitting and about a very different way of tackling my smoking habit/behaviour. I set a date to quit, and worked towards it, feeling very excited about regaining control over my life. I smoked my last cigarette on February 24th 2001, and enjoyed stubbing out that last one. I have a great memory of that cigarette - maybe because I was so keen to start my quit I had found I wasn’t enjoying smoking any more, and that last one actually tasted rough and made me cough.Through Steve`s knowledge, skills and support over the ensuing months I became comfortably -and I believe permanently- quit. Learning about my smoking behaviour and how to change my responses to smoking urge situations was the key. Learning how to understand what my body needed and addressing it, rather than making an automatic association with a cigarette was another. This time I was developing skills to take an active part in managing my quit instead of ‘hanging in there’ and hoping for the best. I’ve had some amazing support throughout my quit, which is still there just as strongly, and this has made all the difference to me reaching this 50 day smoke free stage. I have never, ever succeeded in reaching this point before. I am not only determined to stay smoke free, I believe I now have a blueprint for staying quit - knowledge and skills to keep me on track. Best of all are the quitbuddies I`ve made along the way, some of whom have become good friends, and who`ve kept me going in some tough times. I said at the outset that I used to think quitting was just about weaning myself off nicotine, and didn’t appreciate that it was much more than that. I came to learn that smoking was bound up in most aspects of my daily life, that I’d spent my life hiding behind cigarettes, letting them mask my true feelings. Cigarettes started, punctuated and finished most things I did throughout my days. I used cigarettes as a response to everything I felt - joy, pain, sadness, excitement, fear, stress, apprehension. Once I quit I realised I was finding out so much about myself - who I am, how I really feel about things, how I deal with things. I find out more about myself each day, and now I don’t need to hide behind a cigarette to face a difficult situation. I now feel so much calmer and relaxed now that I don’t smoke, something I never believed would be the case. Well, I’ve enjoyed my 50 day ramble. I’ll get down off my soapbox now. Hope some of it has helped someone else out there, and here’s to the 100 day anniversary - I want to be an elder! And when do I get to fly my kite?! 24 April 2001 2 whole months quit - wow! Loads of great messages of congratulations gave me such a buzz today, they make a real difference. And then later on - wham!! A massive, mega crave, the like of which I`ve never experienced throughout my entire quit. I posted for help - and in no time at all the posts and Qmessages came pouring in. I feel very emotional about the support that came my way and kept me on track. You are a fantastic supportive community, and it is a privilege to be a part of this support group. Thankyou. 5 May 2001 In 30 days time I`ll be an elder! 70 days not smoking feels great. Never ever thought I`d make it this far. I haven`t smoked 1748 cigs since I quit - that really is something to think about. 6 May 2001 Today`s a `down` sort of day. Nothing too specific, just one of those `restless,cranky`days when I used to smoke too much and hope that each next one would make me feel better. OK they`d give me a few moments relief, but did I actually enjoy them? I can`t say I`m craving a cig because I`m not, but for some strange reason I find myself wanting one. Yet again I realised its all about learning how to deal with life`s events as `me`, without puffing away on a cig. I`ll just keep busy today and hope tomorrow feels better. 19 May 2001 12 weeks quit today. Got home from my fantastic holiday (vacation) in Greece last night. The most wonderful part of it was not giving in to the smoking triggers and ruining this quit. The days when I used to sit at the pool bar with a drink and a cigarette are all behind me now. I can`t say I didn`t want a cig at times but they were very brief thoughts and were never going to end up with me smoking. Within a couple of days of being there I found I hardly cared about the smoking going on around me, and no interest in lighting up. I felt really proud, and the congrats from my quitbuddies when I got home made a huge difference and gave me such a boost. 22 May 2001 Only 2 more days until my official 3 calendar month quit anniversary, and not too many days after that I`ll be an elder. Me! It feels fantastic. 24 May 2001 3 calendar months quit at last!! Getting my kite and silly hat ready for the 100 days anniversary. Whooo-hoooo!!! 4 June 2001 - An Elder at last. Me, an Elder! It doesn’t seem 5 minutes since I did my 50 day ‘Tweener’ ramble, and now here I am at 100 days quit. Going to delay my kite flying til the weekend - I’m at work today, in a busy town, and they mightn’t take too kindly to me streaking down the high street wearing a silly hat and not much else, holding on to the kite strings! What an amazing journey it’s been to this point. The last 50 days have been easier in some ways and yet harder in others. Let me explain… The 50 days leading up to becoming a Tweener were a real adventure. I so badly wanted to be quit, and it was exciting as each day rolled by without smoking. I seemed to be on a permanent high somehow, although in and between there were days when I had craves to deal with, especially the first couple of weeks. The last 50 days have been different. There have been many days when I felt like I was on some sort of plateau. Feelings of ‘what’s next’, or ‘so what’. Some days I’d forgotten why I’d quit - it’s easy to become complacent about it all, forget all the benefits I experienced in the early days eg more energy, senses of smell and taste returning. And a few craves to deal with too - not nicotine related, but ‘mind’ craves. They’re the hardest of all, taking you unawares. But as I approached Elderhood I started to get more enthusiastic about it all again. I realised again how much I love being a non smoker. I sat down and thought again about those awful days when everything I did was timed around the next ‘fix’, how me and my clothes reeked off smoke, the lack of energy and money, and most importantly the lack of self respect I felt. Once I remembered all that afresh it was easy to get a renewed interest in my quit. At 100 days quit, life has now settled down and levelled out. I still think about cigs sometimes and I still get days where I think it just might possibly be nice to …….but then I stop in my tracks - I’m not going there again. Yet again, I can only thank my wonderful quitbuddies for supporting me, listening to me, praising and encouraging me every step of the way on this amazing journey - you know who you are. You gave me the tools to deal with quitting and a blueprint to manage my quit. Yes, I did it, but it’s thanks to you that I’m now an Elder. So as I enter the Lodge I feel incredibly proud and just a little bit nervous. Hope you’ve noticed I got dressed up for the occasion. I’ve got some good friends waiting in here for me, and we can sit in these elegant surroundings planning how to celebrate the next milestone! Me, an Elder …wow, is it really true? I feel like I’ve grown up at last, but isn’t that what it’s all about, learning how to confront and deal with feelings and life’s events, all without a cigarette to hide behind, like I did for over 20 years? 17 June 2001 It`s getting near to my 4 month quit anniversary now, and this quit of mine is getting more and more real. I`m even starting to think about what it might feel like at 6 months quit. It doesn`t seem that long ago that even getting to 6 weeks quit seemed something other ppl could do, but not me. Mostly these days the smell of cigs is pretty unpleasant. If I`ve been in a smoky pub in an evening I don`t like the tight feeling in my chest and the sore throat and eyes the next day. OK, sometimes a whiff of fresh cig smoke is quite nice - I`m no saint - but I remember all the grief that goes with smoking one of those things, and I`m not even remotely tempted. I`m waiting for the day when the smell of ALL cigs leaves me cold - then I`ll know I`m ahead of the game. 24 June 2001 Four whole months quit today - this is feeling great !! I can now be near smokers and not want to smoke at all. I don`t smoke any more, no matter what. I want this to be the case for the rest of my life, I value this freedom so much. 6 July 2001 Someone asked me today when I quit - when I said `back in February` I realised just how long ago it really was. Now that I`m into July and my 5 month quit anniversary is only 18 days away it really is starting to feel really good. Occasionally some trigger will appear and set up a vague sort of smoking urge, but it`s a pretty weak thing, and certainly not a crave any more. It just feels better and better every day - smoking feels like something I did in another lifetime, somehow. I don`t think of myself smoking any more, the whole idea seems bizarre. I really want this to last, so I`m never complacent about it. 22 July 2001 Well, only 2 days away from my 5 month quit anniversary! This last month has gone by so fast. I`m greedy though - I want more - to be 6 months quit!! I still have difficult days, but I want to be smoke free and don`t want cigarettes ruling my life ever again. So - I don`t smoke, no matter what. 24 July 2001 Did it !! 150 days/5 months quit at last!! Now here`s to the 6 month milestone - can`t wait !! 9 August 2001 34 days time and I`ll be 200 days quit, streaking along the beach flying my kite. Last weekend was a glorious, sunny day and we were on the beach at Southport (NW England). It was one of those special days - blue blue sky, sparkling sea, miles of pale golden sand, very few people, and what seemed like hundreds of kites flying in the sky. Every colour and shape you could think of - some of the most beautiful ones painted like stained glass windows. The kites were dancing in the air streams, and I just wanted to run along the sands after them, free as a bird. I will do in 34 days time - I`ll fill my lungs with air, and run and run and run............ 22 August 2001 Another day or so and it`ll be 6 months since I quit!! Me!! I can feel a ramble coming on ........ 24 August 2001 6 months quit - I did it !!!!!! My ramble...... Well - today I see that I HAVEN’T spent £940 on the 4550 cigarettes I haven’t smoked since I quit on February 24th this year! This has helped me to pay for the new clothes I’ve had to buy since I put on some weight, and the time I’ve spent logged on to the Q ! But - it’s paid for a wonderful holiday on a Greek island (Skiathos) in May, and could help finance a holiday to another Greek island (Kos) in October (if I can square it with my conscience). It hasn’t cost me a penny though for the amazing health benefits I’ve gained - I can walk up flights of stairs without having to stop a dozen times or more to try and get my breath, I’ve got a healthy complexion and no longer have that irritating cough. I can go anywhere I want to without having to worry whether I’ll be able to get a ‘fix’. I don’t have to check there aren’t any cigs burning in the ashtrays before I leave the house in the morning, and I don’t have to constantly throw the windows open to try and get rid of the smoky smells. I don’t burn holes in my clothes anymore, nor have to try to find the cigarette I dropped when driving along the motorway (not recommended anyway!). Even better - and more amazing - is not dealing with anger/stress/upset/joy by wanting to light up or chain smoke. I don’t need to. It’s a great feeling when people ask me how long ago I quit, and see their amazed expressions when I say how long ago it was. I can bore for England at the drop of a hat when asked how I did it !! Even better is being able to see a few of my colleagues eat their proverbial hats --the ones who muttered that I’d never do it. This is living, being smoke free at last. It’s been a hard road at times, but the going is getting easier :) UKPam 24 August 2001 Postscript: I was undecided whether to post this, but it`s such a special day I felt it was right. My mum died of cancer in January 1997, and I made a promise to her in her last weeks that one day I would quit. I did it mum, finally. This quit is for both of us, but most especially for you. 1st September 2001 I had one of those smoking dreams last night - it was so vivid I woke up really depressed, convinced I`d ruined a great quit. Huge sigh of relief to discover it really was a dream. This followed a lousy, stressful week - I was never in danger of lighting up, but deep down I must have been thinking about how a cig used to help. Anyhow, I `smoked` three cigs last night, one after the other, and couldn`t taste them and didn`t even like them. And I felt sooo guilty, and sick at the thought of having to start my quit again. I don`t mind smoking dreams because they make me realise I neither need them or like them any more. 22 Sept 2001 Nearly 7 months quit now - unbelievable. It feels so totally normal not to smoke anymore. Smokers look funny to me now. What a strange thing to do, when you think about it, lighting one end of a paper tube stuffed full of chemicals, and sucking on the other end :) Physically I can`t stand the stink of a burning cig, or the stale smell on ppl and clothes. Mentally however it amazes me that I will still very occasionally `reach`, and in times of real stress and upset (like Sep 11th) get assaulted by some sort of `fancy a cig` feeling. Bizarre. But nowadays my non-smoking responses kick in automatically, and the feelings disappear very quickly. 24 September 2001 7 months quit. I can`t believe it`s me I`m talking about !! I`m settled into my no smoking life, and really don`t want to smoke ever again. Next step - tossing the ashtrays, and in 5 months time my Doctorate. These past few months have really flown by - it seems a long time since I was counting the minutes and the days. I can dare to think about the `big picture` now. I won`t pretend it`s been easy - at times it has been very hard, but it has been worth everything. And apart from all the obvious benefits of quitting, a huge bonus has been the wonderful friendships I have made, and the unstinting support I`ve been given. I`ll be staying with the Q and helping/encouraging others as much as time permits me to do. 24 October 2001 Celebrating 8 months without smoking is like this huge present arriving at my door. …….unwrapping the parcel, I find all sorts of great things inside - realisations that I function even better without puffing away on cigs, feelings I’d buried long ago behind the smoke haze, a good portion of pride, and so many new friendships to treasure too. What an amazing journey its been - and there’s more to come I’m sure. 22 November 2001 Two more days and I`ll be celebrating 9 months - a full term quit! The degree of comfort I feel now with this quit is just unbelievably good. I started out just wanting to give up smoking, and have found myself in this wonderful place where I`ve found this relaxed, calmer person who no longer sees a cig as a solution to anything that life throws at me. And like so many others I`ve had plenty thrown at me - job and family issues to name but 2 areas. 24 December 2001 10 months quit today - and my first smoke free Christmas in many yrs. In fact, my first smoke free Christmas as a `grown up` :)) And I feel like a grown up these days, not having to hide behind cigs any more, like children hide behind their mum`s skirts. What a yr it`s been - this quit has been my biggest achievement in yrs. Thankyou thankyou to my wonderful quit buddies for all your support along the way. Here`s to the one year anny now - countdown time !! 24 January 2001 All`s going well - 11 months quit today. And now I can say `next month I`ll be celebrating my one yr quit anny` - this is the biggy I`ve been waiting for. I never believed this could happen to me. So, lets see.....in another 30 days I`ll be celebrating one yr smoke free. I gave up counting the days a long time ago, but somehow it`s become exciting again to do so. Back in 30 days time ! 26 February 2002 Can it really be a year since I quit? 367 days since I lit a tube of dried up leaves and sucked the smoke into my lungs? It’s been a year of ‘first times’ : the first vacation as an exsmoker last May; first Christmas as an exsmoker; family celebrations, meals out - all without smoking. Learning how to live life without needing to light up at all these times - and finding that yes, I could enjoy them just as much without a cigarette. The first weeks and months were hard as I learned how to put new behaviours in place when the urges to smoke hit me - and sometimes they hit hard. I dealt with mood swings, some depression and tears - but they all passed by. I learned how to deal with feelings and emotions as an adult without a cig to ‘make it better’. I learned that giving support to other quitters was fulfilling, helped me understand myself better, and made my own quit stronger. I learned what caring, supportive people the quitting community comprises, and made some great new friends along the way. And I owe my quit in a large part to cognitive quitting and Steve’s support - and his valued friendship.(www.cognitivequitting.com) Quitting is the best thing I did for myself, and has been worth all the hard work. I love life as an exsmoker, and wish I had done this years ago. Here’s to my 2nd yr as an exsmoker, and many more too. Thankyou to many of you here at Q who have cheered me and encouraged me along this path. Pam Doctor of Quitology ! 4 June 2002 It's a long time since I wrote in here: my quitmeter now reads One year, three months, one week, three days, 23 hours, 24 minutes and 56 seconds. 11624 cigarettes not smoked, saving £2,440.90. Life saved: 5 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 40 minutes. Funnily enough, I rarely look at it these days, and if I'm asked how long ago I quit, I have to stop and work it out. I know its over a yr, but more than that I really have little clue. Thats not intended to sound smug etc, it's simply that not smoking is so normal now, I rarely stop to think about it. It just isn't a part of my life anymore. Actually thats not entirely true. Nowadays I enjoy helping other quitters in an email group I belong to, who use the same approach to quitting that I used, and which worked so wonderfully for me - cognitive quitting (www.cognitivequitting.com) I still stop by at the Q, and enjoy seeing how my quitbuddies are getting along, and celebrating the milestones along with them. I'll never lose touch with the Q, I made some good friends here, as i walked along my quitpath. Fellow F Troopers tgk, happycamper and xcameo to name but a few, but many others who still send me congrats at my milestones, and others I've chatted to in chat and on icq. As I've said before, quitting is the single best thing I have ever done for myself. Apart from the obvious health and financial benefits, I've learned so much more about me, and realise I like this non-smoking me much better than the other one. I'll be back to update you later... Pam 31st August 20002 Still here! It's now a year and a half since I quit. I packed up the quitmeter a while back, and its living somewhere on the HD of this puter. At this point - well, for quite a long time now - I no longer count the days. I used to know to the millisecond how long I'd been quit, but now the days are pretty much all the same. Pam as a smoker was.... a Pam I knew a long time ago, but someone I don't remember all that well. Pam the smoker used to envy all the people who could go about their day without panicking when to get the next fix, go on a long nonsmoking journey, enjoy a leisurely meal, etc etc. It is worth all the hard work, believe me. It wasn't easy, but I was incredibly lucky to have a quitcoach who gave so freely of his time to me, and a lot of determination to work my quit. This is doable, believe me. |
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