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“Yo, Harvey, where are you hiding? We gotta talk now!” It was bad enough that John had this twisted little Scorpy homunculus stuck in his brain, but why did he have to pop out at such inconvenient times.
“Why John, I didn’t think you cared.”
*Ugh* John thought. “Yeah, well, I didn’t think you cared.”
“What do you mean John?”
“First you wanted to end it all, now you act to keep me alive. Why?”
“Well, John,…..”
“Why do you care?” John was surprised by Harvey’s sudden reluctance to speak.
“You, we, didn’t die. Before the chip was removed, I served a single purpose, to keep you alive. The chip did all the work. I find things have been getting interesting now that the chip is gone.”
John was starting to feel sick. How much did Harvey know? “What do you mean interesting?”
“Do I have to spell it out for you? Your mind works different from what I know. Your human technology is different from ours. Your perspective is different. Your emotions are different, and, well, heh heh heh.”
“F**k you. If you don’t follow the rules, I’m gonna lock you in the dumpster and throw away the key.”
“You can’t do that John. But I will agree to certain rules. You may be surprised, but I do care, and I don’t want to end it. You may have to face Scorpius again.”
“You want to be there to deliver me.” John wasn’t asking, he just assumed this was Harvey’s goal.
“Why no. Scorpius was supposed to free me once he got the chip. He’s condemned me to your existence. I want you to help me get my own existence.”
John could only shake his head and laugh.
“Don’t underestimate me, John. I will not interfere with your personal life again.” Harvey faced John and extended his hand to seal the deal.
Until my host, John Crichton, and I agreed to this arrangement, things were just intolerable. But let me back up to the moment I was on my own. Once the neural implant was removed, I found I was a drift in John’s head, no rudder to steer with, and no star to guide me. Scorpius promised me freedom once my job was done. He broke his promise. And Crichton was worse off than me, having been deprived of speech and losing the love of his life, Aeryn Sun, by his own hand. Well, he blamed himself, but it was really the neural implant forcing him to do things. And I had a large role in that as it was my job to ensure his safety until the implant was removed. I begged him for death, he wanted to die, I wanted to die, but this did not happen. His friends managed to save him. Then he put me in a thing called a dumpster, it was full of foul smelling garbage, quite sickening. Unfortunately, I have John’s olfactory memory. It took me two weekens to voluntarily leave the dumpster. At first, in spite of the awful smells, I sought solace in the Dumpster, but it was so boring. I longed to be summoned. Oh, the look on John’s face when I summoned him; it made me glad to be alive.
And then I couldn’t get enough. I lived vicariously through John. I’m not exactly sure how he found me out, but he did. I didn’t want him to discover a way to keep me in the dumpster. We struck a deal. I don’t have to stay locked away, but I must be discrete, afford him his privacy, and not show myself unless summoned. And he is allowing me small freedoms, during his down times. I am allowed to keep this diary; he’s given up some memory space for that. He wants me to bring the knowledge I have from Scorpius so he can develop a way home, and to help out of any jam he might be in, which, alas, is all too frequent these days.
I long for my own existence. Being in John’s head is having its effect on me. I don’t really understand my feelings now. It was easy with the neural chip, I only had to do my job; I had no feelings. Now, I feel friendship with his friends, anguish when they are hurt, and grief over Zhaan! I differ in one respect; I don’t dislike Jool. I could do without that scream though.
Oh, I have to go; I’m being summoned again.
John’s quest for wormholes nearly led to Moya’s destruction. It ultimately led to Zhaan’s death. If Pilot didn’t tell him about the last wormhole, John thinks Zhaan would be with us today. I’m not so sure, but I don’t know how he deals with the guilt. I don’t understand this emotion.
I wish I had paid more attention to the information the Neural Implant was gathering. How could I know I’d be left behind, but enough with my whining. Scorpius didn’t fully understand John’s ignorance of wormholes. He wasn’t researching wormholes when he accidentally found one. Scorpius was researching wormholes and the best he could do was entirely theoretical. He couldn’t force one, not even an unstable wormhole. John is worried Scorpius will be able to create a stable wormhole now that he has the Ancients’ knowledge. He is worried for Earth; his home is defenseless. I’m quite sure Scorpius is not interested in Earth, not now.
I learned it maybe possible to create a wormhole, based on John’s knowledge acquired while at IASA. We would need a mass of almost solar size to create a wormhole (the IASA research stored in John’s brain references a large planet called Jupiter), and then need material with negative mass to create the structure to make it usable. Scorpius may have access to those types of resources, but we do not. We can only work with predicting where a wormhole might be found. Thanks to Pilot, we do have the capability of detecting wormholes as he can instruct Moya to generate positive electric forces through the wormhole mouth. How Pilot through Moya senses when to do this is beyond our grasp.
As to how John found the first wormhole near Earth, he theorizes that when he was conducting his experiment to use Earth’s gravity to increase his acceleration a wormhole was already present. He accidentally went through it. Because that wormhole is stable, John thinks it is still within Earth’s grasp.
John is calling me now.
Spoilers: Different Destinations
“Yes, John, why did you summon me? I’m still doing research.” Harvey had been finding some papers John had forgotten about. They were on wormholes written by scientists at JPL. *I’m going to have to ask him about JPL* Harvey thought.
“I want to know why you didn’t help me at the monastery. Those nurses didn’t have to die.” Two solar cycles had passed since they brought the disaster on the monastery, but John couldn’t shake his feelings. It was paralyzing him.
“Well, John, anything I might suggest could have proven more disastrous. And you did manage to return to this time with minimal damage. Most lives were saved.”
“I should take my own advice and wait for the wheel. But the wheel is stuck. I don’t think I can get out this time.” John had never felt this despondent.
“Maybe it needs a push.”
“What do you mean, Harvey?”
“Sulking like this isn’t going to get those nurses back, and it isn’t going to help you or your friends. Do something positive.” Harvey didn’t like what he saw in John.
“Everything I do turns to s**t. If I do something it’ll just hurt someone else.”
“Well, help me interpret the research. I found some papers you’ve read from JPL on wormholes. There are some blanks that need to be filled in.”
“I’ll be ready in about an arn. I had forgotten about that research. How big are the holes?” The thought of doing research cheered John up.
*It’s fortunate John doesn’t dwell on negative thoughts* Harvey thought, *I had better stick to technical matters* “Pretty big. However, there is a lot of information left. We should be able to use it”.
Spoilers: Different Destinations
“Hey D” John needed to talk; he needed to get out of this funk. It was better to stay with technical matters with Harvey. Also, the others were aware of Harvey, and knowing he heard a voice that was not his own in his head, and spoke to it, made him suspect. While everyone was kind to him, they no longer trusted his judgment. His batting average wasn’t so good lately, but he did get some things right.
“I’m on the terrace.” D’Argo responded over the com.
“I’d like to talk, are you alone?”
___________________________
“Thanks D. You know how you said you were doing your best, and it wasn’t good enough? That’s how I feel. I really try to get things right, and it all comes out wrong.” John did not make eye contact with D’Argo. They both faced out, looking at the stars.
“John, I understand that, I understand your frelling things up. But what I don’t understand is why you are listening to the voice in your head. I thought you said he was locked up. I don’t think he is.” D’Argo was staring at his boots as he said the last.
“You’re right, I am talking to Harvey. But he doesn’t control me. He doesn’t have the power. The chip did all the dirty work. He was put there to protect me. It’s ironic.”
“He’s frelling got a name! What are you thinking?” D’Argo was now staring at John.
“Hey D, it’s okay, really, I’m okay. I’m just feeling very saddened by Zhaan’s loss, and by what happened to the nurses. I also feel it was my fault. I needed someone to talk to.”
“John, I know, I too am saddened. It wasn’t just you there. Aeryn and I helped. But you should be talking to us, not yourself.” D’Argo was surprised to hear John laugh. “Why are you laughing? I don’t see anything funny.”
“You just reminded my of a joke where people are rated by who they talk to. A really low rating is talking to yourself, worse still is when you argue with yourself. The worst rating is when you lose those arguments. I thing I’m losing the arguments.”
D’Argo was appalled at what John just said. “Should we lock you up again?”
“D’Argo, I was just kidding. Harvey is not a threat. Please believe me. He has no power without the neural implant. I find him useful at times. He has knowledge of Scorpius, and we may have to face him again.”
“Crais said he killed him, blew up his marauder. You believed him at the time. Why do you think he’s still around?”
“Harvey thinks he is, and while I don’t have any concrete evidence to support this, I believe him. Before he was assigned to be my protector, he knew Scorpius, and knows how Scorpius works. He figures Scorpius wasn’t on the marauder when Crais blew it up. He is sure Scorpius has built a new Gammak base, and that he is developing the wormhole technology now.
D’Argo, let me convince you of the need to discover how these wormholes work, and then help me convince the rest that we need to do this. The universe isn’t safe if Scorpius can create wormholes on command.”
“How will your knowledge of wormholes stop Scorpius?” D’Argo was looking at the stars again.
“It won’t, but we might get allies and be able to counteract Scorpius.”
“I’ll think about it. Talk to Aeryn, she’s very worried.”