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In major stroke of irony, the kind that the universe is now famous for, The Scarrans had discovered earth. And while earth was lucky enough to have one of it's own be the sole possessor of the knowledge that would allow the hopelessly unprepared planet to defeat the fearfully advanced Scarrans, that individual had chosen not to return to earth in order to preserve earth's safety, and in so doing, sealed the fate of his home world. And when that day came, the earth, shrouded in darkness as the mind-numbingly huge Scarran ships blocked the sun, succumbed to a feeling of hopelessness that instantaneously swept over the entire planet. No battle plans were made, no survival contingency plans, no emergency meetings held, no secret weapons were brought to light. Air Force One, sat on it's runway, un-fueled, unattended. It was plainly obvious that the earth stood as much chance of survival as a pygmy with a blow gun would have facing a Howitzer Tank. As earth waited for the horrific blast that would end human existence, a transmission was heard throughout the planet: "This is Saskaretsky Cargn of the Scarran Imperium. We are on a mission to destroy all lower life forms in the galaxy. For all such beings, resistance will be futile. After a chilling silence, one defiant voice answered back: "So why tell us about it? Just go and do it already."
Cargn: " We're about to. We were just wondering if the people of earth would like to hang out with us when we go?"
Human "Uhh, sure."
Cargn: "Cool."
Once again proving that things just never go the way you expect.
For those who will inevitably point out the fact that Cargn died on the Royal Planet, if you insist that I must defend this apparent error in continuity, need I remind you of the futility of dying in the UT, which as you know has the highest immortality rate of any known location in the galaxy.
Besides, Zhaan did a unity thing…. Oh, and Stark reassembled his molecules. |
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Is it an odd coincidence that farm boys grow up to become warriors? Take for example Captain Crais, who was conscripted from a farming colony. We all know that Luke Skywalker started out as a farm boy, but what of our southern boy, Crichton? As it turns out, the Crichton family does have farming in their history, although it is not widely advertised. John's grandfather, Jeremiah Crichton owned a cotton plantation. One year, a terrible blight of boll weevils infested the cotton fields. Grandpa Jeremiah refused to hire a crop duster to spray poison on his beloved soil. Not because he was environmentally concerned, but because he was frugal to the point where he was considered to be tighter than a crabs ass. (A crab's posterior is waterproof.) Rather than fight the boll weevil infestation by chemical means, he chose a different route. When his son Jack saw his dreams of being a wealthy southern gentleman plantation owner go up in smoke, he confronted his father with his folly. Jack told Jeremiah that for his actions, he would be remembered by generations to come of the Crichton family as the man who destroyed the entire plantation and the family along with it. Jeremiah replied, "One weevil at a time, that's the best I can do."
Jack left home and joined the Air Force. It is said that certain behaviors skip a generation. |
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