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They lay together in their bed, spoon-fashion, in the dark, Aeryn curved comfortably around John's body from behind. She'd been restless all day, and he knew she had something on her mind, but she didn't seem unhappy, and he'd decided to let her come out with it in her own time. He was drifting off to sleep when she finally took a breath and spoke.
"I've been thinking," she said softly, into the back of his head. "We should have a child."
If he'd been more awake, he might have handled it better. As it was, he said the first thing that came to mind. "We already have a child, Aeryn. I just spent the better part of an arn getting him to sleep." The boy was three cycles old now, and bedtime was John's quiet time with him, time to read, time to talk, just the two of them.
"I know that, but...." She groped for words. "Don't you want a child of your own?"
He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He couldn't even make his body move to face her. "Are you saying you don't consider TJ my son?" he said to the room at large.
She stiffened, and snapped, "Of course not! TJ is our child. But—" She broke off abruptly and rolled onto her back, still close enough that their bodies were touching, but no longer cuddling.
John heard the frustration in her voice, felt it in the tension in her body. He realized he wasn't understanding what she was trying to say, and he needed to see her eyes. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and said softly, "Lights. Low."
When the lights came up, he rolled over and faced her, propping his head up with his hand. "I'm sorry, Baby," he said. "I guess I'm a lot more touchy about, about Him, than I thought I was."
Aeryn reached out and touched his cheek, taking comfort from him, and then smiled sadly. "I'm sorry. But I can't change the past."
"I know, I know. And we wouldn't have TJ...." He abandoned the subject. "Now, tell me what you were trying to say."
The direct approach hadn't worked very well, but she fell back on it anyway. "I want us to create a child together."
He knew he should be thrilled, he very much wanted that too, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was saying he wasn't "really" TJ's father.
She must have seen it in his face, because she smiled at him and patted his cheek. "This isn't about TJ. This is about us. Now. I want us to have a baby, another child in our family. I thought you wanted that too. Haven't you been hinting about a brother or sister for TJ for at least a cycle?" *What's wrong with you?* her tone said.
And then he laughed. She was right. He'd been driving her crazy about it. What was he thinking? "All right, I'm an idiot. Yes, yes, yes," he said, rolling over on top of her and kissing her. Between kisses he elaborated, "Let's make a baby."
Kissing him back, she laughed, "We can't yet, silly. My implant's still functioning."
"Oh," he said in mock sorrow. "My mistake. I guess we'll just have to consider this practice," he smirked.
"Mmmmm," she whispered, running her hands up his back. "Practice makes perfect, isn't that what you always say?"
