Saw an article about Dennis's quotes so thought I'd put em up here, pretty funny.

"The umpire's done himself a mischief."

"Scotty Cummings alone in the square, jumping up and down and waving his arms like they're playing My Sharona"

"Ugle playing on Peter Matera, fumbling around for the ball and probably his autograph book..."

"A couple of big touches from Clive Waterhouse, who was battling up until about 5 minutes ago, in danger of becoming Clive Waterboy."

Dermott: And the ball spills free to Kickett...

Commetti: Troy Cook you mean?

Dermott: Yes...well, they do look rather alike.

Cometti: How so Dermott?

Dermott: (realising that sounded rather racist) Umm, well, they are both..er..

Cometti: ..Midfielders, yes Dermott.

(After the McManus/Wirrpunda clash a few derbies back) "Shaun goes back to collect the ball, a free kick, and several teeth."

(From Melbourne vs Collingwood last year)

Healy: Word is this guy is the most reliable kick for goal in the side. They say down at Collingwood if you had to have someone kicking for your life, Tarkyn Lockyer would be the man.

Commetti: I'd prefer my mum

(silence)

Commetti: Not a great footballer, but at least she'd care.

"Ashley McIntosh, like a good hair spray...capable of a subtle hold."

"Barlow to Batemen, the Hawks are attacking alphabetically."

"Simon Cox, he prides himself on his disposal."

(Cox does a 15 metre short pass)

"Well, I could have done that!"

"The Magpies ought to be kicking themselves right now, but with their luck, they'd probably miss."

"Carl Steinfort looking more like Robert Walls than Robery Walls."

"Bell bringing the ball out of the back line...looking for wide runners...passes to Walker...a contradiction in terms, really."

"The goal square's full of Bears, looks like we've got ourselves a convoy."

Cometti: McVeigh, bobbling like a cork in the ocean.

[Cue applause from all in the Nine box, as it was the debut 'cork in the ocean' call for the season]

Cometti: Well, it was cork material...

"The only change to the Eagles side is that Rowan Jones has had a haircut."

"Farmer may have an injury to his calf...hmmm, a farmer with a calf problem."

"Parker to Carr...sounds like a match made in heaven!"

(After Lloyd gives Wakelin a little slap on ANZAC Day)

"Whoa, there will be a duel at 5 o'clock."

Dennis: Dear shoots...wait on the goal umpire...behind. A wry smile there from the goal umpire, certainly a sense of the dramatic.

Don Scott: He's the danger man, Dennis.

Dennis: Who? The goal umpire?

Don Scott: No, Dear. Paul Dear.

Dennis: Brennan kicks out to the other side, straight to Paul Dear - you're uncanny Don.

Dennis: King to Ling.

Dermott: Just forward of the wing.

Dennis: Don't you start!

"It's a goal! A dream start for Hawthorn. Spider had both his legs taken out from under him - leaving only the other six to balance on..."

(Stewart Dew kicks for goal early in the first)

"He was brought here to do exactly that...(pause)...actually 5 more than that, he kicks a behind."

Dennis: Whoaaa CUMMINGS no it was almost a Modra like attempt we can see here in the replay

(Cummings shown in slow-motion)

Dennis: Modra, Modra, Modra

(Cummings gets no-where near the ball looking like a clown)

Dennis: CUMMINGS!

(A former Magpie, Crow and now Cat, Brenton Sanderson)

"He goes much better as a mammal."

(About Corey McKernan's poor form)

"He's like a long-jumper who can't reach the sand."

"I love that name Fixter. Sounds like something from a Batman movie - The Fixter...but I disgress..."

"There's talk of Karl Langdon offering his services to St Kilda, as if it wasn't bad enough being in 15th position."

(Richmond kicks up the middle towards Ray Hall)

"Richmond attack through the corridor in this case the Hall."

"Brown...down to Jones...all we need now is Smith."

(Tony Liberatore had just gone into a pack and emerges with blood gushing from one eye)

"Libba went into the pack optimistically and came out misty optically."

(Ball just sails over the line for a goal)

Dennis: That was absolutely wonderful!

Jason Bennett: What was it Dennis? (obviously after the 'centimeter perfect line')

Dennis: Wonderful!! ......... Oh, I missed my cue.

Dermott: Why do you suppose he went side on to take the mark?

Dennis: He probably was trying to impress the Russian judge.

"Ball in dispute, Lamb, now Yze the meat in the sandwich. Really, Lamb should be in the sandwich."

"If it was a set-play, they copied it from a Portugese bus time-table."

"How do you bear Rehn? Where's Stimpy???"

Commetti: Before this game, I would have bet the mortgage on the Western Bulldogs, but I guess this shows that I may join the ranks of the homeless...

(Lyon and Brereton joke about Dennis living out of a cardboard box)

[Now Kris Barlow having a shot on goal]

Commetti: Well you could bet your house.....ohh"

[Barlow misses]

Lyon: You just lost your cardboard.

"Great stuff by Caracella - moments before McIntosh had treated him like a rent-a-car."

(Gaspar hits the post from 40 metres out)

"Gaspar, the unfriendly post."

"There is no footy god - only a footy accountant!"

(Richmond vs Essendon, the ball is passed to Hille of Essendon, with Rodan trying to spoil)

"He gave it his best, but that is a big hill to climb."