Troy: Welcome folks, to the first of whats sure to be many editions of the EWA's Attitude Update! I'm your host Troy Zodiac. You may know me from such online films as AnimalFarm.mpg, skinsong.mpg, moneyshots.avi...and more recently, as your host on the EWA Goldmine that is....NeoBurn!!

Troy: Now...Unless you live in an underground cave, you've no doubt heard that the EWA's first annual Pay Per View Extravaganza, EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT, has come and gone and it CERTAINLY left its mark on the Wrestling world in a big, big way. In the next few hours, we will delve into that particular event and try to get some feedback regarding the crowning of the EWA's FIRST Heavyweight champion, Predator...and his recent disapearing act, as well as the Debut of a truely Lethal force in the Man they call Weapon-X, and much, much more!

Troy: To start things off...Lets look at a clip of what went down before ELE went off the air...

Troy: MM steps down and sits Kage on the turnbuckle. He climbs up and hits a Suicide DDT off of the top. He's calling for The Meanie Babe who tosses him the can of spray paint and distracts Mr.Wolf for what reason I dont know, the dumb bitch! The Meanies waiting for Kage to get to his feet......Gee...Wolf missed it! He decked Kage in the face with the spray can. The Meanie Babe is showing Wolf her thighs so he's pretty much out of it. Meanie pulls Kage to his feet and goes to spray him in the eyes with the paint but he ducks just as our ref turns around and now Wolf is blinded by the blue paint! HaHaHa! Kage hits his Total Elimination but, of course, Wolf cant see it. Whoa...he DOES see it!? He's actually counting....1...............2...............Meanie kicks out and I think I just lost a year of my precious, precious, life with that count. Kage looks like he's had enough! He's got Mr.Wolf by the throat but The Meanie is up and he's signaling his bimbo to toss him somthing. She goes with the Ringbell! Meanie creeps up from behind with a low blow and grabs the bell....DONG!!! Right across Kages skull! That was the sickest sound Ive ever heard! Meanie covers....




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Troy: The Meanie wins the Heavyweight Belt! We have a champ! And folks...While it might have been Joshua Wolfs foul methods that got him that belt....theres no doubt Wolfs about to eat it...

[-As the spotlights shine down on the new EWA Heavyweight champ, the Meanie babe climbs in the ring and holds her mans arm in the air. Mr.Wolf then makes his way over and deos the same before asking for a mic.-]

Joshua Wolf: So...The EWA has a champ and it couldnt have happened to a more deserving man! Masked Meanie....You are the living definition of supurb wrestling talent!

Meanie: Thank you..Thank you..

Joshua Wolf: Now then....I think you owe me a little somthing?

Meanie: I do? I have no idea what your saying, jackass...Get out of my face and let me celebrate!

Joshua Wolf: *with a confused look on his face* haha....funny...anyways...You have the belt! Now hand that asshole over like you promised!

Meanie: Look, limpdick...I said get away from me!

Joshua Wolf: But you promised me that if I helped you win the Heavyweight Title you'd deliver that asshole Predator to my feet!

Meanie: Actually...I think my exact words were "I'll make sure Predator is at the PPV."

Joshua Wolf: Whatever man..Where is he? That bastard has some hell to pay.

Meanie: You sure you want him?

Joshua Wolf: Yes! For fucks sake! Where is he?

Meanie: Well my man...Here you go....

[-With that, The Meanie rips off his mask and the crowd erupts with the realisation that the Meanie was Predator all along. Wolf just stands in shock as he realises he just helped his arch enemy win his heavyweight belt. The Meanie babe then points at his pants and the cameras focus on a rather large wet spot trailing down his leg. Wolf looks up then drops to his knees and begs. Predator just laughs and grabs the back of his head and jams it towards his mid-section in a very crude gesture. He then pushes Wolf back and draws the Heavyweight belt above his head while the crowd goes nuts. The Meanie babe then kicks Wolf in the gut, and as the cameras begin to fade, Predator drives the belt down across Mr.Wolfs already broken jaw, sending teeth across the ring.-]

Troy: Now as you can see...This was an ending that shocked the world...Not to mention the EWA C.E.O Joshua Wolf! Which brings me to my first guest of the evening....Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm welcome to our founding father...."The Adversary" Joshua Wolf!

*Wolf enters the room dressed in a black and red tux. After taking a bow he has a seat next to Troy and clips on his mic.*

Troy: Welcome, Mr.Wolf...

Wolf: Thanks Troy...Its a pleasure to be here! Now what can I do for you on this fine evening?

Troy: Well first and formost, I would like to congradulate you on the federations success. Your hard work has certainly paid off and its definately appreciated.

Mr.Wolf: Hold on...Buzzards handler is bothering me on ICQ and I cant write.

Troy: huh? ICQ? Handler? What?

Wolf: Nevermind...Now what were you saying?

Troy: Just that we'd like to congradulate you on the feds success. I know its not easy...

Wolf: No..Especially when you've got assholes like Steal sending in applications then skiping town. Thats why before I get started..I would like to officially announce that the EWA is CLOSED to new members.

Troy: Really?

Wolf: Yes..really. Now dont take that the wrong way...I've got alot of talent scouts out there scoping prospects but from this point on, the EWA is Invite only! We're the best Federation around and while I know everyone wants to join, this is NOT the place to start your wrestling career. The competition in the EWA is fierce and theres no room for rookies. I cant afford the insurance.

Troy: Well...That certainly is a bold career move. But then again, you've always been known as a risk taker.

Wolf: Well the way I see it..I've got a damn good roster...We're drawing the money so wheres the risk? Anyways..next question...

Troy: Well...I guess I'd like to touch on the situation with Predator. I know this is a touchy area for you but if you'd sit back and watch this clip, I'd like your thoughts...

Wolf: Christ...Is this what I came here for? Fuck it...shoot, big man...

Troy: Ok...Liz..roll clip 1 if you will....

[-We fade in backstage at the EWA Arena to find Troy Zodiac sitting alongside Heavyweight Champion, Predator, earlier today.-]

Troy:Well Predator, it has been a while since anyone has heard from or spoken to you. There are tons of things to talk to you about...starting off with the recent EWA PPV, Extinction Level Event. You walked out of there with the EWA World Title and a definate upperhand in the heated feud between you and Joshua Wolf. Not to mention the fact with this whole Masked Meanie situation in which many EWA superstars were screwed over and one seriously injured.

Predator:Troy, Troy, Troy...I'm glad that you point everything out so I don't have to waste my time doing it. Look, it's real simple. The EwC and Joshua Wolf made my life pretty horrible when they stole my federation out from under me after I took it to the most successful and entertaining month in e-wrestling history...and that includes the much overrated UEF. I got my revenge by taking the EWA World Title. Sure, I had to step on some people to get there but this isn't tiddlywinks...it's every man for himself. Kris Kage and Buzzard, along with some other guys happened to be in the way and I had to play my part in order to get Wolf to trust me. That idiot just didn't realize that I was the guy under the blue mask...not my fault. He practically handed the World Title to me and I'm more than happy to take it. Fact is that I'm the champ now and I control my own destiny.

Troy:Speaking of your Masked Meanie gig, are you happy that it is over?

Predator:Let me tell you something...I never realized how pathetic that gimmick was until I actually had to live it. Blue this and blue that...it makes me sick. I'm just glad that this title is where it belongs...with the P-Dog Daddy. It's not around the waist of some no-talent, no-name, good for nothing, J-Birdian jackoff. Wolf screwed up...and when you think he can't be any dumber, he brings that loser, XXX, or as he likes to be called, Weapon X, into his camp. I guess that's his new boy now. Oh well...Wolf is short a few teeth now so maybe WX can chew his food for him. Oh yeah, and as far as killing off hardcore goes...I don't think that's gonna happen. See, I have this World Title around my waist and I'm thinking of defending it next week on Neoburn. And in the spirit of Buzzard, I'm gonna make it a barbed wire cage match with...well, with whoever Wolf decides to throw in there with me.

Troy:I think a lot of people would like to know what your little visit to Buzzard was all about...I mean, he has been getting visitors all week. What was your reas...?

Predator:Don't worry about it...as a matter of fact, that's it for this interview.

Troy: Any thoughts?

Wolf: Oh....I've got my thoughts, allright...Unfortunately I cant express them on National TV....Yes I can.....FUCK YOU PREDATOR!! Your nothing to me! Do you understand me, big man? NOTHING! The truth of the matter is..your PWL was like a dead weight holding the eWrestling Council down so they hired me to cut the cord. And look at me now, Predator.....I've taken your baby and done what you could never do and thats called filling the empty seats with real people instead of cardboard supermodel cutouts! Truth is, my man...Your tired...tired as a president..tired as a wrestler...and most of all...your tired as a man! You dont have it anymore, jerk...and you know damn well that you wouldnt be wearing that strap....MY strap..if it wasnt for my help. Sure..you tricked me...big f@#king deal...it's not the first time. But trust me when I say...Joshua Wolf never forgets! And that means you pay...

Troy: WOW! Some very dark words from our C.E.O. Now Mr.Wolf....Is it just me or does Predator seem to be handing you a golden opportunity here? I mean...He's givin you the chance to throw and man on the roster at him. Thats a pretty gutsy move on his part, to say the least.

Wolf: Gutsy, stupid..it's all relative. But since you brought it up I think I might be able to kill two birds with one stone here.

Troy: What do you mean?

Wolf: What do I mean? Well...quite simply...I have TWO thorns in my ass right now and Im gonna let them pull eachother out. Predator...you want a barbed-wire cage match? Your gonna get a barbed wire cage match..and brother...your going in against one of the true Old School Outlaws. You say you want to pay tribute to Buzzard? Well I cant think of anything that would make him, or me, happier then watching his best friend KICK YOUR ASS!!!

Troy: You dont mean...

Wolf: Oh...I DO mean....P-Dog..next week on NeoBurn...Your gonna walk into the EWA Arena with that belt on the line against THE BIG...BAD...WOLF!!

Troy: But why Insomnia? I thought you severed all ties with him at the PPV? Why not Weapon-X?

Wolf: Troy....if theres anyone I hate more then Predator its Wolfie-D. And as much as I hate to say it, these two know what there doing. Unfortunately for them..so do I. See...these guys have a VERY long history. Their about as evenly matched as two men can be....Thats why next week on NeoBurn...I'm going to watch them systematicaly destroy eachother until they have no blood left to shed. And then...When its all over...and neither man can make the pin..I'm gonna come out there, open that cage...and do some REAL damage!

Troy: Well...this certainly doesnt bode well for either man but I know I, for one, am gonna be glued to the monitors. So let me ask you this...Whats the deal with Weapon X...? I've known this guy for a few years now but when he showed up at EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT it was like he went to Hell and decided it wasnt hot enough! In all my years as an announcer I've never seen ANYONE do what he did to Insomnia and Kyle Christian.

Wolf: Damn right.....He's a monster. Thats why I hired him. Insomnia couldnt get the job done and he found out the hard way that Weapon X is exactly that...A Lethal f@#king Weapon. And when I tell him to pull the trigger you can bet your ass that the shot is gonna take you out, point blank!

Troy: Well he proved that, for sure. But my question is how? The X I remember was a Gigalo...He made being a pimp cool...Now he's a walking time bomb....What gives?

Wolf: To be honest Troy...I dont know. X obviously went through some serious shit but thats none of my business. All I care about is his abillity and trust me when I say, he's got all the ability in the world.

Troy: True...But could you have possibly given him a bit too much leeway?

Wolf: What do you mean?

Troy: Well...When he debuted, it wasnt just Insomnia he took out.

Wolf: Oh..You mean "Cold Blooded" Kyle Christian?

Troy: Exactly. Cold-Blood has already hinted at the fact that he's go---

[-At this point, a loud crash is heard backstage. The cameras pan left and we see Mona Lisa headed towards the stage.-]

Wolf: What are you doing here? Get off my show before I bitch-slap you, woman!

Mona Lisa: Look here, baldy....I'll go where I want...when I want...and with who I want...AND ITS MY F@#KING PEROGATIVE!! You think I'm gonna sit back there and let you bad mouth Cold Blood and The Lethal Alliance...? Well guess what, Limpdick....Your sadly mistaken! See...You fucked up BIG TIME letting that pet dwarf of yours get involved in Lethal Alliance business! You think he's bad? Wait, watch and learn, jerkoff....Your dealing with the Baddest Clan this side of anywhere and you know thats true. I hope X realises what you've gotten him into, boss-man..Cause he gonna get bit! Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen...I've got a tanning appointment...

[-With that, she stands up and blows a kiss towards the camera before lighting up a cigar and heading backstage.-]

Troy: Well...that was....Interesting?

Wolf: Interesting? That was flat out DISRESPECT! And nobody disrespects Joshua Wolf. Mona Lisa...consider yourself...and the Lethal Alliance..marked for death.

Troy: Bad news for The Lethal Alliance, indeed. You add Kyle Christian to the already long list of casu---

Wolf: What did you say?

Troy: I said..If you add---

Wolf: Thank you Troy...You just gave me an idea!

Troy: Might I be so bold as to ask, what exactly I said?

Wolf: You said "Add Kyle Christian" and thats exactly what Im going to do. Three Birds with one stone......Predator, Insomnia, and Cold Blooded Kyle Christian...Next week...Barbed Wire Cage Match. Heavyweight Title on the line. And someones gonna get their ass kicked! Now if you'll excuse me, Troy...Ive got some phone calls to make...

Troy: Oh christ..I didnt say that..Kyle..If your listening...I NEVER SAID THAT! Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy..this isnt good..not good at all...definately not good....I'm an excellent driver....384 toothpicks...yah..yah...definately not good......

Announcer: Umm..Troy..we're live.

Troy: What? Oh..sorry...Anyhoo...As you all know...the world of wrestling suffered a crippling blow last week when the Extreme Legend Buzzard botched a high risk move and subsequently ended up in the Hospital where he remains in a coma. At this point in time, we're going to take you live to the Womack Army Hospital in Ft. Bragg, NC for an update on Buzzards condition.

[-The room is dark. The only light present is that thrown by the machines. Insomnia is sleeping in a chair next to Buzzards bed. The camera pans across Buzzards motionless body. Just as the cameraman prepairs to cut the feed, a minor palpitation is seen on the EKG. The heart rate slowly begins to pick up. Brain activity picks up as well. The cameraman zooms in on Buzzards face. A face that has been frozen for the past week. A slight movement is seen. An eyelid flutters. And again. Slowly, painfully slowly, the eyelids begin to rise and the emerald green eyes of Buzzard are open for the first time since E.L.E. The eyes move, taking everything in, surveying and recording. Finally, the tip of his tongue snakes out and wets his lips. The parched lips begin to move.-]

Buzzard:Ins….Insom…Insomnia.

[-Hearing his name, the Big Bad Wolf snaps awake and scans the room. Finally his eyes come to rest on his fallen friend.-]

Insomnia: Yeah bro, Im here. Watcha need?

Buzzard: Where am I?

Insomnia: Womack Army Hospital. You've been here since the PPV. Been in a coma the whole time. I have been in here the whole time, except when EH or someone relived me for an hour or so. We thought….we thought for a while that we might lose ya, brotha. Shit man. Let me go get a fucking nurse to come check you out. I'll get Lai-Lai to. Hang on, allright hoss?

[-Insomnia begins to rise from his chair but is stopped when Buzzard lays his hand on the big mans arm.-]

Buzzard:Hey, I just want you to know how much it means to me that you were beside me the whole time. Its nice to know that there is someone in your corner in and out of the ring. I owe ya big man.

Insomnia:Don’t worry about it man. You would have done the same for me, I don’t doubt that for a minute. Now, let me go get those lazy ass doctors. And hey....just so's ya know...theres someone else here...It might shock you a bit so chill back, brotha...

[-With that, Insomnia leaves to find a doctor to attend to Buzzard. Once he exits the room, Buzzard lays back on the bed and closes his eyes, exhausted by that simple exchange. A shadow then detaches itself from the darker recesses of the room and begins to speak. Buzzard opens one eye but otherwise lays back and listens.-]

Mayhem:So...My Bastard son finally rejoins the living. Its good to see youre still alive, Dirty-Bird. The world is not done with you yet. I'm not done with you yet. No...Not by a long shot. I've been busy these last few years. I've traveled...and I've learned. Oh yes..I've learned. Things that no man should know. But your no ordinary man. You...Insomnia....Your Nightshift. Above all else...you must never forget that. I have such wonderful sights to show you, Buzzard. But not now. Now you must rest. With that, I bid you farewell...but know this, I will return for you soon. And when I do...Your world will be painted BLACK!

[-With that, Mayhem presses a finger to Buzzards forehead then slips out the window as a doctor walks into the room, closely followed by Insomnia and Lai-Lai. Then, as the doctor begins to look the Dirty-Bird over, the camera feed cuts and we return to Troy Zodiac.-]

Troy: Man....Buzzard is AWAKE! This is truely a great moment in wrestling history! I may be feeling a bit sentimental right now but Buzzard is one of if not THE best professional wrestler in the World and if we would have lost him, after we've lost so many these last few years..It may have been an unrecoverable blow to the sport. I will be sure to keep you informed as this drama plays out, folks. But be warned...What we just witnessed may not be as great a cause for celebration as we now feel. For those of you who dont know...That old guy...he's a bad...BAD...man. In 1997 we got our first glimpse of him as he introduced The Notorious Nightshift Incorporated to the IXF. They were indeed, a dark spot on the federation and the sport in general. With their frequent abuse of officials, and what some courts would call the flat out "Attempted Murder" of EWA superstar and former Intercontinental Champion Gambit....The Nightshift ran amock through everything that got in their path. It was only when Insomnia and Buzzard grew tired of Mr.Mayhem's unstable personality that things came to an end. And now...Well now Mayhem is back and it looks like he's back with Cruel Intentions. And thats dire news for the EWA...

Troy: Anyways....This is the point in the show where we were origionally scheduled to interview EWA superstar Gambit but earlier today, I recieved this letter..which I'll now read on his behalf...

Troy,

I regret to inform you that I will not be able to make our scheduled meeting.

You see...You....are an asshole. And Gambit doesnt associate with assholes.

Thank you for your time and continued support.

                                              Love always,
                                                      Gambit

Troy: I...umm...Thanks...? Gambit...

Troy: Well folks...That just about wraps up this edition of EWA Update. I leave you with this....

Troy: It's been a good couple months...We've seen things that other federations are afraid to touch. We've kicked ass. We've taken names. And above all else...We've staked our claim as the TOP wrestling Federation in the world. Goodnight everybody. We Love ya!!