Troy Zodiac: Welcome, fans, to the first televised event in whats sure to be a long and bloody history in the E.W.A...NEOBURN! THE TORMENT OF TUESDAY NIGHT! Tonight we come to you LIVE from the EWA's own eXtreme Arena in Houston Texas and as you can see, we're filled to capacity! At my side tonight you'll find the lovely Mona Lisa Webster, my co-commentator. Welcome Mona! Is this not everything you expected it to be?

Mona Lisa: It sure is, Troy-Boy! Look at this crowd! I havent seen this many people ready to burn since the Holocoust!

Troy Zodiac: I dont think we're supposed to say that...

Mona Lisa: I dont think I care. It's not like it really happened....Now...To get things rolling tonight, we've got some very interesting developments from the EWC and more importantly we have a clip of this afternoons meeting between EWC Director Jack Lords and EWA C.E.O Joshua Wolf....Roll it, Liz...

Troy Zodiac: Who's Liz?

Joshua Wolf: I just dont see what the problem is, Jack...

Jack Lords: I'll tell you what the problem is, Wolf....It's YOU! You took everything I gave you and twisted it around into this piece of trash you call a wrestling organisation! I trused you, Wolf....You F[BLEEEP]ED ME OVER! Do you have any idea who I am? I could end your little game with a snap of my god damned fingers!

Joshua Wolf: Then why dont you?

Jack Lords: Because I have alot of money invested in the EWA and I'm not about to take a blow to the eWrestling Councils pockets like that! I'm giving you one more chance, Wolf...You set things right! I dont want to see any more of these head cases blowing eachother up and tearing eachother open..THIS IS NATIONAL TV, MAN.... FOR CHRISTS SAKE! You do what you have to...But be warned...Your being watched.

Troy Zodiac: Well that certainly doesnt bode well for the EWA as we now know it. I just ho---

Mona Lisa: Hang on, Troy! I'm getting word from the back...yes...uh-huh...yes..ok...THAT BIG?...Oh jesus...not Kyle!...A BMW, huh? Is he hot?

Troy Zodiac: ahem...!

Mona Lisa: Really? Is he wearing a ring?

Troy Zodiac: Umm...Mona...?

Mona Lisa: Wow..that IS big!

Troy Zodiac: MONA!!

Mona Lisa: WHAT THE F@#K DO YOU WANT???

Troy Zodiac: We're live...you mind sharing?

Mona Lisa: Oh s[BLEEEP]t...Well Troy, hold onto your seat, cause this one's big. It seems that a certain silver BMW has just pulled up to the entrance ramp and you wont believe who's inside...

Troy Zodiac: Do tell, girlfriend!

Mona Lisa: ......It's eWrestling legend and former e~TT mainstay, "Cold Blooded" Kyle Christian!!

Troy Zodiac: Oh..F[BLEEEP]K me! This isnt good...Fans for those of you who dont know, Kyle Christian is the most censored man in the business. He's also the man responsible for breaking the EWA Enforcer, Insomnia's leg in three places while touring Japan.

Mona Lisa: Ya, well you know the history between these two. Kyle feels that Insomnia screwed him over when he ditched the e~TT as Shane Webster and he may have signed his death warrent in japan. Something tells me theres more to this then whats being let on...

Troy Zodiac: Could Kyle be here to stop Joshua Wolf from toning down the EWA Content?

Mona Lisa: I dont know Troy, but he better steer clear of me unless he wants a six inch high heel in the eye...Thats all I can say! But enough about that...It's time for some action!

Troy Zodiac: Yes indeed! Our first match-up pits Gideon vs. "The Highland Enforcer" Daniel Johnston! Now lets get this show rolling...

[-Gideon's music hits the Arena but the entranceway remains empty. After a few moments a commotion is heard from the back and a chair flys out through the curtains. The cameraman quickly responds by running backstage where Gideon and Daniel Johnston are throwing down in a major way.-]

Troy Zodiac: Well folks, I dont know what to say. We've been on the air exactly 17 minutes and all Hell's broken loose within the time it takes most feds to cut their intro! This just go's to show you that the EWA is where it's at....We're Tight like that, G...

Mona Lisa: Word, Homie! So are we getting a ref back there or what?

Troy Zodiac: I'm not sure WHAT we should do at this point. Just call the match. I'll see if I can figure somthing out.

Mona Lisa: Ok chief....I'm not sure how much of this brawl we've already missed but both men look worse for the wear. Gideon just took a shovel to the stomach and Daniel Johnstones set him up for a Pedigree. NO! Gideon with a back body drop, sending Johnstone to the cement. Now he's setting the High Plains Drifter up on our buffett table and climbing up to the next level. Here he go's now....HANGMAN'S LEGDROP!!! That asshole just sent coleslaw all over the floor...That was for the after party! Oh look...Troy's wearing a ref shirt...how quaint...Gideon going for the pin now...





1.....





2.....





KICKOUT!!!





Mona Lisa: No luck for the G-Man! The Highland Enforcer is on his feet now. Oh gross...He's eating coleslaw off his sleeve. This is too much! Johnstones got Gideon by the hair now...He's setting him up behind his shoulders...OUCH! Crusifix Powerbomb right onto the broken table. Gideon's hurting now and Johnstones taking him outside....HEY WAIT!! I CANT SEE!!! Troy what the hell's going on?

Troy Zodiac: *over the microphone* I'm not sure, Mona...I think I lost them...Wait...their across the street in the WalMart parking lot!

Mona Lisa: Well follow them!

Troy Zodiac: Are you crazy? That streets buzy as hell! Just call the next match. I'll see if I can send some cameras over there. Hang on..I'll be right down..*click*

Mona Lisa: Well then...I guess we'll hve to continue with that one later in the show. Up next we have...*ring, ring*.....Umm...Hello?

Troy Zodiac: Mona! Dont go to the next match yet. This is big!

Mona Lisa: Where are you? I cant do this alone, jerkass...

Troy Zodiac: I'm back by the offices...I have to be quiet. I dont want them to hear me.

Mona Lisa: You dont want who to hear you?

Troy Zodiac: The Masked Meanie and Joshua Wolf. They just went into Wolf's office...I'm gonna get a little closer and see if I can hear anything...Hold on.

Mona Lisa: .......*singing*.....Kids incorperated.....K..I..D..S...YA! Kids Incorperated..K..I..D..S YA! Looks like we made it, we're Kids IN-COR-PER-AAAAAAEETED!! YA!

Troy Zodiac: Ok..I'm there...I'm gonna hold the mic against the door...Keep your yap shut...

Joshua Wolf: Meanie, I hear your looking for a more prominant position within the EWA.

Masked Meanie: I'm always ready to climb the corporate ladder.

Joshua Wolf: Good...Then I've got a little job for you. Your aware of my meeting with Jack Lords, correct?

Masked Meanie: Yep...

Joshua Wolf: Well since Mr.Lords has this crazy idea in his head that the EWA doesnt promote strong family values, your gonna be my sherriff. I want you to take out as many of these so-called "Hardcore" wrestlers as you possibly can in the next few weeks. It starts with Zepher...Tonight.

Masked Meanie: HeHeHe...No problemo, Por Favor!

Joshua Wolf: Good...and Meanie....I want you to take these men out using whatever means neccessary....Do you understand?....Whatever....Means....Neccessary!

Masked Meanie: But wouldnt that be goi---

Joshua Wolf: Yes...It would...But thats gonna be our little secret, ok Meanie?

Masked Meanie: No sweat...

Joshua Wolf: And when your done, I want you to find that bastard Predator and give me his head on a silver platter.

Masked Meanie: Predator?

Joshua Wolf: Predator...

Troy Zodiac: You get that, Mona? I have to jet..Their coming....I'll be there in a minute.

Mona Lisa: Wow...What a turn of events for the EWA...Well I guess thats the name of the game. Anyways, up next we hav---

[-A loud explosion of red and black pyro erupts from the entrance way, interupting Mona's commentary. The cameras quickly zoom to the source of the commotion and as LINK"Fuck tha' Police"LINK by Dope blasts over the arena loudspeakers, out walks the tall redhead, Becky Russell dressed in leather pants and a red bikini top along with her cousin, the most censored man in the world of wrestling.."Cold Blooded" Kyle Christian, dressed in a pair of Calvin Klien jeans and a black Adidas t-shirt with a white towel drapped over his head. As they make their way down to the ring, chants of "LETHAL ALLIANCE" and "H.C.W" fill the venue. Once he makes his way up, Kyle holds the roes for Becky who playfully shakes her ass as she ducks underneath. Kyle then leaps onto the turnbuckle and moonsaults his way into the ring with a smirk across his face and a rocket in his pocket...no.wait...thats a microphone...-]

Kyle Christian: E.W.A! Welcome to the House that Kyle Built! If you dont know me...I'm the guy who makes S[BLEEEP]T happen! Now with that being said, you didnt honestly expect me to sit back and let an opportunity like this pass me by, did ya?

Becky Russell: What opportunity is that, Cold-Blood?

Kyle Christian: That would be the opportunity to not only beat the living F[BLEEEP]K out of that bitch, Insomnia again...but to tear one of Joshua Wolfs federations down, brick by brick by tiny little brick.

Becky Russell: Oh? Your not a fan of "The Adversary"...?

Kyle Christian: You mean you didnt know? Joshua Wolf's my father, tootsie...

Becky Russell: Umm...Eh heh..No..He's not! *smiles* But I think I see where your going..

Kyle Christian: Good..stay with me, little cuz......See Mr.Wolf...While you may not be my daddy, there was a time in my life when you had your boys beat me like a redheaded stepchild! I was wearing your H.C.W. Heavyweight belt and you decided you didnt want it around my waist anymore. I think your exact words were.."If I have to look at that jackoff point at his crotch and screw his woman on stage one more time I'm gonna blow my head off!"...Now you could have taken the easy way out and pumped a slug in that fat face of yours..But no..Not Josh Wolf...You had to play the Big Bad Bitch and try to end my career. Well as Insomnia found out two years ago..Thats not a task thats easily accomplished..And spea--

[-At this point The stage erupts in pyro yet again and out walks the High Class Outlaw, Insomnia to "Sick of it" by Slipknot. Seeing the face of the EWA's adopted legend, they scream in praise with shouts of "YOU THE MAN!" and "KICK HIS ASS!"...After a moment of gloating, Insomnia stops at the top of the walkway and pulls a mic from his back pocket. He then lifts his mask up over his nose and begins to speak.-]

Insomnia: Whoa, whoa, whoa....Stop right there, hoss....Did I hear you take The Big Bad Wolf's name in vain?

*crowd pops*

Insomnia: I think I did...and the fans seem to agree. Now lets get one thing straight, motherf[BLEEEEP]ker....I did what I had to do cause my job was on the line...We both know that. And Im pretty sure that we both know this shit aint about the HCW in the first place. Nope...This here's about me ditching your punk ass along with the e~TT and my Shane Webster gig! Tell me I'm wrong...

Kyle Christian: Oh...your not wrong...your absoFU[BLEEEP]INGloutely right...But either way...It all ended the same..With me breaking your spooky ass in three seperate pieces!

Insomnia: See..thats where your wrong, chump...This shit aint over..Not by a long shot! I'll tell you what...Since your so High and friggin' mighty..How about me and you do a little dance at EXTINCTION LEVEL EVENT...? I'm talkin' serious blood-loss, bitch! You bring your guns, I bring mine...

Kyle Christian: Tshh..I'm down for whatever, man...You want blood-loss...you got it!

Insomnia: Done...and theres just one more thing, punk..We're doin' this shit Twisted style! Twisted Metal all day all night! You dont know what Im talking about, check out tonights main event...and bring yer' sorry ass some tissue cause your gonna need it!

Kyle Christian: I prefer a sock but whatever, f[BLEEEP]khead!

Insomnia: Ya..whatever..I'm out...for now....

[-With that, Insomnia tosses the mic into the crowd and makes his way to the back. Meanwhile, in the ring, Kyle looks at Becky then shrugs his shoulders with a grin across his lips. He then looks to the cage hanging above the ring for the nights mainevent, gives it a few quick crotch chops, and follows Insomnias lead to the back.-]

Mona Lisa: Well that sure was interesting! All this excitement and now Troy finally comes back...Drop the kids off at the pool, did ya?

Troy Zodiac: If you must know, I was getting Gideon and Johnstone cleaned up so they can have an actual match, tonight. Is that ok with you?

Mona Lisa: Whatever floats your boat...So is that next on the list?

Troy Zodiac: As a matter of fact it is...Lets go to the ring...

[-The eriee sound of Metallicas "Harvester of Sorrow" slowly fills the arena. Then, as his heavy hitting red and blue pyro flares over the entranceway, Gideon comes out from the back in his usual attire with his hands folded in front of him. He makes his way down to the ring not taking his eyes of Daniel Johnstone. He then steps in, continuing to eye down Johnstone as he takes off his vest and tosses it to the cement outside. The bell rings and the match is under way.-]

Troy Zodiac: Gideon runs at Daniel with a close line, but the Highland Enforcer catches him for a release Northern Lights suplex. He then springs to his feet and follows up with a big leg drop.

Mona Lisa: He goes for the cover. 1...2 Gideon gets his shoulder up. Daniel picks up Gideon and whips him into the ropes. Gideon tries for a drop kick, but Johnstone catches him and executes a massive powerslam.

Troy Zodiac: Johnstone with the pin again. 1...2... another kickout. Johnstones getting frustrated now and he's stomping away on Gideon's small body. He picks up Gideon once again and goes for a body press. Gideon slips out of it and drop kicks Daniel into the ropes. Daniel bounces back and then Gideon nails a big spinning heel kick to his face! Gideon goes for the cover. 1...2...Daniel just tosses Gideon off him and springs to his feet. The two lock up and Daniel goes for a vertical suplex, but Gideon once again slips away from the oncoming onslaut and flips over Johnstone. And OOOH!! He catches Daniel on the way down with a diving reverse DDT!

Mona Lisa: Can I talk?

Troy Zodiac: Gideon drags Johnstone towards the ropes and then climbs to the top. Here he goes now with a 450 SPLASH! Gideon goes for the pin again.

Mona Lisa: I wanna talk!

Troy Zodiac: 1...2...thr Daniel lifts his shoulder again. He now does the slit of the throat then picks Daniel up and heads for the turnbuckle once more. And THERE IT IS!!! Tornado DDT!!

Mona Lisa: Ca---

Troy Zodiac: Gideon gets up quickly and does a little posing for the crowd. There's one moonsault, there's the second, and to complete Annihilation here comes the third...

Mona Lisa: BLAMMO!!! This one's over. 1...2...3! And Gideon gets his first W in the EWA!

[-"Harvester of Sorrow" by Metalica blairs over the speakers while red and blue fireworks are blasting everywhere as the undamaged Gideon walks out of the ring in victory.-]

Troy Zodiac: You interupted me, bitch...

Mona Lisa: Jew...OK up next we've got whats sure to be a bad scene with Zepher vs. The Newly Aquired EWA Sherrif, The Masked Meanie...

Troy Zodiac: And who knows what to expect from the Meanie? I sure as s[BLEEEP]t dont!

Mona Lisa: Watch the potty mouth, Troy-Boy...We wouldnt want Chanuka Harry to pass you by next year.

Troy Zodiac: I'm Irish, you ignorant slut!

[-The lights fade and a blue spotlight shines on the entrance as "For Those About to Rock" by AC/DC then hits the arena loudspeakers. The Masked Meanie appears, followed closely by the lovely Meanie Babe. The two climb into the ring and The Meanie starts talking to the ref as the music dies down. The lights darken...for a moment there is silence and then the chorus of "Let's Get This Party Started" blares over the sound system. The fans cheer for the song almost as much as they cheer for the man who comes out onto the stage. Zephyr makes his way to the ring quickly, not even hearing the roar of the crowd. He focuses on the Meanie in the ring as he rolls under the rope and the bell rings.-]

Troy Zodiac: This match could be very brutal as both men begin to go at it. Meanie immediatly grabs Zeph by the throat with both hands and flings him back into the turnbuckle. He's kicking Zeph in the stomach quickly, bringing Zeph down to the mat. He picks him back up and whips him into the other turnbuckle fiercely, Zeph bouncing off and walking into a powerslam from Meanie.

Mona: Zephyr is a piece of shi-

Troy Zodiac: The Meanie stands up and seems to be celebrating already as if he knows it's going to be an easy win, but Zeph just sat up, and he's up to his feet already. Meanie turns back aro- BLAM-O!!! Zeph just planted him with an implant DDT!! Meanie is in pain now, still dazed from the quick hit. Zeph picks him up by the head, and now he's taking it to Meanie all over the ring. Meanie is getting the crap kicked out of him.

Mona: I can tell you right now that this Meanie and Meanie Babe are not the originals. This Meanie just doesn't have as much talent...

Troy Zodiac: Zeph attempts a whip into the ropes, but Meanie counters, sending Zeph into the ropes, Zeph just took the bad end of a clothesline from Meanie. Meanie isn't celebrating anymore, he's stumbling around as he doesn't have all his pieces back together yet. Meanie off the ropes and drops an elbow onto Zeph, but Zeph rolls out of the way. He jumps to his feet, shortarm clothesline from Zeph, just about took off Meanie's head! Zeph is stomping the hell out of Meanie now.

Mona: Get up you prick!

Troy Zodiac: Zeph jumps up to the turnbuckle, and launches himself off quickly, with a big elbow to The Meanie. Zephyr could cover now, but he's deciding against it...it looks like he isn't finished. Zeph's going out of the ring, and pushes a table into the ring. The ref is yelling at Zephyr, but he's making no inclinations of even hearing him. The table is set up. Zephyr picks up Meanie, rolls him onto the table, and Zephyr's getting onto the table too!! Whatis he gonna do here??

Mona: You got me limpdick.

Troy Zodiac: Looks like Zeph's setting up for The Communion...but Meanie flips him off the table, and legdrops him from the top of the table. Zeph rolls away, and Meanie lands hard on his ass. Zeph takes the table back down, and whips Meanie into the ropes. Zeph pulls the table up and plants himself behind it like a wall. Meanie slams into the table hard and The Meanie is down again. Zephyr sets the table back up, but he sets it up over Meanie...what's he gonna do? Zeph is up on the turnbuckle...elbow drop through the table and onto Meanie! What the hell was that supposed to prove? I think Zephyr beat himself up more than he did Meanie!

Mona: You're a genius Troy...

Troy Zodiac: Zeph is rolling on the ground laughing as Meanie slowly makes it to his feet. He looks menicingly at the ref, who has a "just-as-confused" look on his face. Meanie shakes his head and turns around to the right fist of Zephyr. Zeph now grabs a metal leg from the table, and wrenches it off. Zeph goes for Meanie, but misses a few times with the table leg. He turns around and Meanie with a DDT through the broken table!! He grabs the table leg and begins to bash Zephyr's head with it. Now he is slamming it against his knee and the ref pulls it away and tosses it down, scolding The Meanie. Zephyr pulls himself to his feet and grabs the leg...he goes after The meanie again!! The ref is now behind Zeph trying to get the club from him. Zeph goes for a big hit, but as he's swinging it backward, he catches the ref in the head! Uh-oh, the ref's out now. And Zeph is pummelling Meanie with the club. Meanie is busted open...I hope he doesn't drown from the blood inside that mask!

Mona: How does this retard ever expect to win with the referee out cold? Why can't wrestlers have brains?

Troy Zodiac: The Meanie Babe has crawled into the ring behind Zephyr...and a low blow from behind!! She grabs the club from Zephyr but he is back to his feet and rips it out of her hands. She is terrified! Don't you hit her...Meanie is up from behind...neckbreaker. The Babe exits and now The Meanie drives an elbow into the groin of Zephyr. The ref is still out...Meanie with The Blue Buster...it's over!!

Mona: The ref is still out you moron!

Troy Zodiac: The Meanie is trying to wake up the ref and Zephyr is to his feet again...he turns The Meanie around...The Communion!!! The Meanie is out and the ref is finally coming back to, what... he's calling for the bell.. who won? The ref stumbles over, and raises Meanie's hand. Meanie is still on the ground unconcious! I guess the ref finally decided to disqualify Zephyr... about time!

Mona Lisa: Look at the cans on the Meanie Babe...

Troy Zodiac: What's that?

Mona Lisa: I said I'm sure C.E.O Wolf will be very happy with that outcome. Whats next, Troy?

Troy Zodiac: Well it looks like it's time for an interview with everyones favorite A-Hole...Gambit! Lets go to the ring...

[-Suddenly the lights in the arena fade out as the crowd waits silently. 'If You Could Only See' by Tonic bursts over the arena loudspeakers and a green spotlight hits the curtain. The crowd rises to their feet and cheers. Gambit walks out, holding a microphone and he makes his way to the ring then enters.-]

Gambit: Cut it. *The music stops. He listens to the crowd chant his name repeatedily.* Thank you, thank you. I just wanted to let everyone on the roster to know that I'm back! Especially, and I mean especially....BUZZARD! I'm coming gunning for you!

[-Suddenly, Insomnia's music hits the speakers as he walks out and stands on the stage.-]

Insomnia: Gambit...DO YOU EVER SHUT THE F@#K UP? (The crowd cheers.) Why don't you go back to the gutter or wherever it is you came from! We dont want or need your punk ass around!

Gambit: I don't think so, Wolfman! If you want to start...

Insomnia: Wait wait wait! I dont think you should start running your mouth like that just yet...especially as long as I'm around. This is my joint, my place. I say what goes and how it's done!

Gambit: That was before. Now that I'm here, I'm gonna adhear to those duties.

Insomnia: I hate to break your heart and I don't know who'd want to hand you those duties, but that just ain't gonna happen.

Gambit: Let me tell you something Insomnia, I'm wise to your schict. I don't buy thise whole Buzzard/Insomnia feud. If you want a fight, then you can do the same as the rest of the jerk-off superstars in this fed... ASK!

[-Suddenly, out of nowhere Buzzard jumps out of the crowd and slips into the ring, grasping a crowbar! He then slams the crowbar into the back of Gambit's neck. Gambit drops like a ton of bricks. And Buzzard continues to hit him in the legs, bruising him! All Insomnia does is watch the beating and he then throws the microphone into the crowd and walks away. Refs flood the ring, trying to stop the beating. Finally they pull Buzzard away from Gambit.-]

Mona Lisa: KICK HIM IN THE F@#KING MOUTH, BUZZ!! CAVE THAT ASSHOLES FACE IN!!!

Troy Zodiac: Wow..Look for that clip in "When good interviews go bad!"...Only on FOX 17!

Mona Lisa: I seriously hope someone takes that jerk out permanently. His manager better tell him to hire a lawyer..I here the Masked Meanie's got a good case against him for Gimmic Infringment...Whats next?

Troy Zodiac: Well..Next we've got Extremely Hardcore vs. Blizzard in..get this, Mona...A STANDARD WRESTLING MATCH!

Mona Lisa: Standard wrestling match? I never would have thought I'd hear those words and the name Extremely Hardcore in the same sentence...Oh well...Lets check this out. It should be interesting to say the least!

Troy Zodiac: To quote Cypress Hill...It's Time for some Action! This features the "Ultimate Chaos" Blizzard going up against the master of the extreme himself, Extremely Hardcore!

[-Camera shows the ring, where Blizzard is awaiting Extremely Hardcore's entrance. "Where Ever I May Roam" by Metalica plays throughout the Arena as huge explosions happen in the enteranceway and Extremely Hardcore and Sexxy Shawny come walkin through the curtain. The two stand there and look across the crowd and down to the ring. They make their way to the ring slowly, stopping to mock the fans. He gets in the ring and the opening bell rings-]

Troy Zodiac: This match is underway! Its been a while since either of these guys have stepped into a ring, I think, lets see if they still got it.

Mona Lisa: Of course they do, thats why they're stars!

Troy Zodiac: Your right on there. EH with a perfect takedown on Blizzard; looks like he's starting this match off with basic holds rather than going all-out like we're used to seeing him do. That may be an advantage for Blizzard; after all EH isn't know for his techincal skills, he's known for how extreme he can get! EH with another takedown on Blizzard, and he goes for the cover...

1......

2....

KICKOUT!

Mona Lisa: EH should have known better than that..he may be more "extreme" than Blizzard, but he's not gonna win like that.

Troy Zodiac: You're right, Mona. But right now EH isn't showing any signs of being "Extreme". He's playing this by the book! EH with an Irish whip...no! Blizzard reverses it and nails him with a short-arm clothesline. Blizzard has the advantage now, snap mare on EH! And another! Blizzard now with an armbar...the referee checking if EH submits...

Mona Lisa: Of course he doesn't! EH powers out of it, and a Japanese arm drag on Blizzard! This match looks more like a college wrestling match than something you'd see in the pros, Troy.

Troy Zodiac: But the fans love it! EH now climbing the turnbuckle, and a beautiful missle dropkick into Blizzard! He must have knocked him clear across the ring! EH going for the cover again...

1......

2......

Mona Lisa: Blizzard reverses it into a small package!

1......

2.....

3..

Troy Zodiac: EH just BARELY kicked out of that! That was a close call there, he almost lost this match. EH now locking horns with Blizzard, side suplex! Beautiful move, if I do say so myself, right Mona?

Mona Lisa: I guess. EH now following that up with another series of takedowns on Blizzard, looks to me like he wants to keep him grounded.

Troy Zodiac: Thats a good strategy. Blizzard now back on his feet, right hands to the face of Extremely Hardcore...or maybe that should be Extremely Technical? No matter, Blizzard now into the ropes, shoulder tackle! Now..what the? Blizzard is climbing the turnbuckle...he's going for an elbow drop...

Mona Lisa: And EH gets a foot up in the air! Blizzard has GOT to be hurting now! EH back on his feet...bodyslam to Blizzard! Now EH going for an Irish whip...Blizzard kicks him in the gut, grabs his head and...

Troy Zodiac: EH gives him a belly-to-back suplex! Blizzard was going for the Deep Freeze there, EH is lucky he saw that coming! What's he doing now?

Mona Lisa: EH rolls outside the ring..he's got a chair! Be careful, you don't want to get DQed!

Troy Zodiac: EH throws the chair into the ring..he climbs the top rope, and another missle dropkick onto Blizzard! EH now grabs the chair..he goes back to the turnbuckle...and...TRIPLE JUMP MOONSAULT!! He nailed it, with the chair too for Christ's sake! EH now with the cover on Blizzard...

1......

2......

3!!!

Mona Lisa: EH wins! EH wins!

Troy Zodiac: Beautiful match by these two athletes, but in the end EH came out on top; and whats more he did it with technical wrestling. Obviously the years of being hardcore hasn't stopped his pure technical skill! Hmm..whats going on now? EH is still in the ring...and Blizzard's back on his feet.

Mona Lisa: Looks like they're gonna...shake hands?? What gives with this?

Troy Zodiac: Don't bet on it, Mona! EH with a clothesline onto Blizzard, knocking him flat, and now..a rolling leg drop! What the hell is going on here??

Mona Lisa: We're not done yet, look! Shawny is bringing a table into the ring! She sets it up..and EH just gave Blizzard a T-Bone ExtremePlex through the table!

Extremely Hardcore:"How dare you retarded people out there actually think I'd go one single night without showing my ExTrEmE side... Blizzard, I beat your ass again...No help... Hell I even did it in a technical match where I couldn't get ExTrEmE on your ass... Wrestling is like riding a bike... You never forget how... Well you might forget how to ride a bike after I ExTrEmEplexed your ass through that table... The EWA will soon never be what everybody would expect it would be... It's the year of Y2EH!!!"

[-"Where Ever I May Roam" by Metalica plays as EH and Sexxy Shawny walk to the locker room for the remaining of the evening...-]

Troy Zodiac: Well I said I didnt believe it and EH just proved it...When you bleed for a living you dont forget your roots very easily!

Mona Lisa: Thats very true, Troy..and Folks...It's now time for the MAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNN EVENT!!

Troy Zodiac: And oh what a main event it will be! Buzzard vs. The EWA's very own, Insomnia. The history between these two men go's unsurpassed in the record books. Togeather they make up the lethal tag team TwIsTeD...apart they make one brutal, bloody mess!

Mona Lisa: Tonight these two legends will be facing eachother in the first ever Twisted Metal match. Talking to my man Insomnia a bit earlier I managed to squeeze a little inside info out of him...among other things....

Troy Zodiac: Do tell...

Mona Lisa: Well..It's set up like this...The ring is surrounded by a barbed wire wrapped cage and filled with ladders. The oponents can use those ladders in any way they see fit to take their adversary out. Theres a no DQ stip on the match and it doesnt end until one man stays down for a ten count....Now lets get this party rolling TwIsTeD style!!!

[- The fans are rocking in their seats in anticipation for the EWA’s first ever main event pitting two of e-wrestling's best wrestlers ever.

announcer 1:These two former tag team partners know each other so well that they know what the other is going to do almost before they do it. The very factor that made them the most formidable tag team ever also makes their in ring encounters wild, bloody, and memorable.

Announcer 2: The last time these two clashed was in a “regular” match with the UEF title on the line, that was one for the history books. Tonight, these two grizzled warriors battle it out inside of a barb wire cage with assorted ladders inside.

announcer 1:The object is not to escape, simply to make sure that your opponents shoulders are pinned to the mat for the three count. In this setting pride is on the line, nothing more, nothing less, and for these two pride is worth more then gold.

The lights in the arena cut off as a green spotlight comes onto the entrance ramp. “Show me Love” hits the speakers and out walks the lovely Lai-Lai wearing a pair of leather pants that look to have been painted on her, and a sports bra. The male fans in the arena gladly oblige by cheering their hearts out. Lai-Lai gets halfway to the ring before stopping and pointing to the entrance way. “Body Rott” hits the speakers as a sea of flames erupts from the Zippo carrying fans in the arena. A blood red spotlight comes on the entranceway and red strobes start flashing through the arena. The Dirty Bird walks out, stops halfway to Lai-Lai and tosses his dreads back out of his eyes. Buzzard then walks up to Lai-Lai and the two proceed to the barb wire cage, which Buzzard enters alone. Buzzard then slowly turns around the ring acknowledging all the fans in attendance, they in turn show their appreciation for his years of self-sacrifice for their entertainment.

"Sick of it" by Slipknot then hits the soundstage and out walks the Big Bad Wolf to a roaring ovation from the fans. He's wearing his usual attire consisting of his black snakeskin boots, a pair of dusty jeans, black fingerless gloves, and the now famous Black mask spiraled with bloodred. He's holding the XFW Tag team belts over his shoulder and as he makes his way to the end of the ramp, he lifts them into the air and an eruption of black and red pyro blasts from the ring corners. The crowd is eating this sentimental shit up like it was a holiday and only when he enters the ring and grabs the mic do they grow silent.

Insomnia: Buzzard! Brother...It's been a long hard drive to get where we're at today! I never thought I'd be facing you again after the UEF but things happen and I cant think of a better way to kick off the baddest friggin' fed this side of anywhere besides me and you doint shit classic 'Shift style!! We've been kicking ass and cracking heads for damn near half our lives! But all that means right now is that these fans are gonna get their moneys worth and some lucky bootleggers out there just made their bread for the new Millennium! Before we start...I brought ya a little present...As you can see we got some friends out in the audience...

[-At this point Insomnia points to the front row where the spotlight shines down on "The Total Elimination" Kris Kage and his long time girlfriend Tiffany. As the two partners in crime take a bow, the crowd explodes in applause and we go back to Insomnia in the ring.-]

Insomnia: See..I called Kris up the other day and asked him to do me a favor. I told him that me and you were gonna do the deed and I needed him at ringside to keep us straight. HeHe..You know how shit go's when the bloodlust kicks in..All violent and shit...Needless to say "The Total Elimination" accepted my offer and when he showed up he wa carrying these hunks of tin as a little momento for us before we kill eachother. Your the baddest man I've ever met, and thats a f@#kin' shoot, right there! We are and always will be..Two...TwIsTeD...Motherf@#kers!!!!

[-With that, he tosses Buzzard his half of the abandoned XFW Tag titles and they slap hands before retiring to their corners much to the praise of the crowd.-]

Troy Zodiac: I...I cant ...WAAAAAHHHH!!

Mona Lisa: Ok...Troys crying now so I'm gonna have to call the match. This is gonna be good! Their eyeing eachother down now...Insomnia walks to the center of the ring where he is met by Buzzard. The two stand toe-to-toe and nose-to-nose. Their jawing back and forth about somthing. Neither man seems to be getting a rise out of the other but it looks like I see a smirk on Insomnias lips. He's saying somthing kind of unflattering now while turning to point at Lai-Lai. Whatever it was it seems to have done the trick because Buzzard is on him like white on rice with a flurry of brutal punches that sends Insomnia reeling backwards. As he nears the side of the barb wire cage Buzzard picks Insomnia up in a vertical suplex, and in an amazing show of strength, holds Insomnia in the air then turns around and drops him so that his backside hits the side of the cage cutting it up. Both men are back to their feet and Buzzard thinks Insomnia is still stunned and charges at him and goes airborne with a cross body block. Insomnia ducks out of the way and Buzzard hits the cage wall. Insomnia then charges at Buzzard who back body drops him but keeps a hold of his tights so after Insomnia hits the side of the cage Buzzard drops him down in a face buster. Insomnia hits the ground hard and Buzzard goes running toward the corner, goes from the second turnbuckle, to the top rope, off the side of the cage, and nails a moonsault on top of Insomnia.

Troy Zodiac: Ok..I think Im allright now...That was just..just so...WHAAAAAA!!

Mona Lisa: I told you not to watch the Horse Whisperer last night! Anyways, if you can dry your eyes for a few minutes youd see some serious offense at the hands of my husband, the Big Bad Wolf, Insomnia! That moonsault took a bit out of him but as Buzzard was getting to his feet, Insomnia tripped him up. He's got a ladder now...whats this?

Troy Zodiac: Oh..I think we've seen this one before...He pulled this on Kyle Christian at the HCW's Hell Hath No Fury 97'....!! Watch and learn....

Mona Lisa: He's setting Buzzard down on the canvas in center ring....Now he's got the ladder and he's going up the side of the cage wall all the way to the top. What the hell? I've never seen anything like this...He's holding the ladder up in a suplex position....OH MY GOD!!!! OH FUCK ME!!! Insomnia just exacuted the most horific move I've ever bared witness!

Troy Zodiac: He calls that one the Edgecrusher...For those of you at home who may have missed it, heres a replay....

[-We go to the monitor where we see Insomnia holding the ladder up above his head on top of the 15 foot cage wall. He signals to the crowd then yanks the ladder in front of him and leaps into the air while twisting the ladder into the position he would place an opponent for a Tiger Driver, then, on impact, he forces his weight onto the ladder crushing it into Buzzards chest.-]

Mona Lisa: Thats the most devistating thing Ive ever seen. I think Their dead?

Troy Zodiac: Well your not alone...Kris Kage has left ringside and he's outside the cage now hollering to his friends looking for any form of response. This isnt good...

Mona Lisa: My Wolfie! What the hell did he do?

Troy Zodiac: WAIT!!...Theres some life left in them yet! Insomnias dragging himself to his feet...The ref is going for the ten count....

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Buzzards stirring


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Buzzards up on one knee now but Insomnia doesnt have the strength to mount any offense at this point even though he knows whats gtoing on.




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NO!! Buzzard is up! Buzzard is up! Buzzard is UP!!! Good GAWD THESE MEN KNOW NO LIMITS!!!

Mona Lisa: Thats why their two of the best! Their good senses have gotten the best of them though and the mutual respect thing is paying off cause their giving eachother a rest.

Troy Zodiac: Well it's good to see such sportsmanship between these two legends....It looks like break times over now though and Buzzards charging with a full head of steam. Insomnia with an Irish whip now, sending Buzz against the ropes. They cross paths again and Buzzard lets fly with a Backsplash off the second rope on the rebound, sending Insomnia to the mat. He's got him by the hair now and it looks like he's going for a Double Arm DDT....NO! Insomnia reverses into a swinging neckbreaker! Insomnia's signaling to Kris Kage to toss in another ladder now to replace the seriously damaged hunk of aluminum that was previously driven into Buzzards torso via the Edgecrusher. Kage is playing ball and that son of a bitch is loving every second of this. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!!! That must be a 20 foot ladder he's tossing in the ring. It's taller then the cage for crying out loud!

Mona Lisa: I'll be damned! Insomnia sends Buzzard back to the mat with a Swerve Driver and he's setting up the ladder.

Troy Zodiac: Insomnia going all the way up now....He cant do this! He wont survive!

Insomnia: Are you new!?!? Of Course he'll survive! Here he go's.....SENTON BOMB!!! That HAD to hurt! He's going to the door now...whats he doing? He's leaving the cage? What the f@#K?

Troy Zodiac: Oh..He's not leaving...He's getting some plunder...

Mona Lisa: Plunder? Looks like a table wrapped in that ever present barbed wire to me. He's back in now and he's got Buzzard to his feet...

Troy Zodiac: Buzzards still out cold from that Senton Bomb, and he's laying the dirty bird out atop the table. He's headed back to the ladder now and begins to climb. Insomnia's almost to the top, but wait, Buzzard is on his feet, and he's going up the ladder as well. Both men make it to the top and a slug fest breaks out. The two men are going at it for a breathless few seconds but Buzzard is getting the upper hand, and from the very top step of the ladder, they are 20 ft up off the mat, Buzzard hits a gutwrench DDT all the way from the top down through the table below. Both men are out. The ref climbs into the ring and begins the ten count, at 9 Buzzard, with help from the ropes, pulls himself to his feet. He then goes to the door of the cage where Lai-Lai hands him another barb wire wrapped table. Buzzard sets it up in the ring and places the unconscious Insomnia on top of it. Buzzard slowly begins climbing to the top of the ladder. He is at the top and Insomnia is still out cold. Buzzard off the top of the ladder with a Bloody Flight!!! Both men are out cold. The ref starts the ten count again. But wait, from the back, that’s Gambit, what is he doing down here? He gets in the ring and starts to stomp away at the two unconscious men. The ref is getting ready to call for the no contest finish. But now Joshua Wolf is at ringside arguing with the ref. It looks like he wants a clean finish. Gambit is still working on the two unconscious men. From the back, here comes Zephyr. Zephyr is fighting it out with Gambit. The two men slug it out for a minute before Gambit hits Zephyr with a foreign object knocking him out cold, Gambit then turns around to finish off Buzzard and Insomnia but as he turns around his smile melts away to a look of horror as he see’s Buzzard and Insomnia both waiting on him. And the two men waste no time going to town on Gambit.

Mona Lisa: That asshole is trying to run but it's not gonna happen. He fucked with the wrong people tonight! Buzzards got him by the neck and he's dragging him over to the corner while Insomnia lays the ladder out across the floor and covers it with the busted table and anything else he can find...This is gonna be good...

Troy Zodiac: Insomnia's meeting Buzz in the corner and he's setting Gambit up for a powerbomb as the Dirty Bird climbs up top. Insomnia lifts Gambit into the air now and as he sends him down for that powerbomb, Buzzard lets fly catching Gambits neck in a reverse Bulldog driving him into the broken pile of wood, wire and aluminum! Thats called "Critical Mass" Gambit...I hope you liked it as much as we did but I seriously doubt it!

Mona Lisa: Gambit is an unconscious bloody mess. And the Twisted Two are looking down at him and laughing. And it looks like they have forgotten about the match, but no Insomnia takes advantage of Buzzards distraction and small packages him, but Buzzard rolls through it and has Insomnia pinned in the center of the ring. 1-2-3! And this one is over! Buzzard stands up and reaches a hand down, for a breathtaking few seconds nothing happens, then Insomnia grabs his hand and Buzzard hauls him to his feet. The crowd erupts as the two men raise each others hands in victory. The two then exit the ring and Buzzard stoops down and grabs the still unconscious Zephyr. Each man then grabs one of Zephyrs arms and they drag him to the back as the scene fades out with Gambit laying unconscious in a pool of his own blood.

[-As the screen go's black, "Boom" by the Bloodhound Gang fills the arena and the first ever E.W.A NeoBurn comes to a close...