Title : These Dreams (A journel entry)>sonfic<

Author : Reesepbc

Rating : PG

Email : reesepbc@gmail.com

Authors Message :(below)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon >scratches head< DUH!!!! Do they think that we are that gulliable that we do not understand copy right and all of that.

Dear Journel, Nov. 15th

I Serena Tskino/ Sailor Moon/ Princess Serenity/ Neo Queen Serenity remember it all so clear as if it were yesterday, the day I found out who Tuxedo Mask really was. Well first let me begin at the begining, um I think it was, yeah it was that terrible afternoon when I had bumped into Darien on my way home.

*FLASHBACK*

"Man I can not belive I had detention again that is the third time this week, Rei is really going to get on me for this." I said to myself as I headed to the Crown to meet the girls. I walked into the arcade and noticed that they were not there yet so I decided to take a seat at the counter and chat with Andrew to pass the time away before the girls arrived. " Hey Andrew how are you today? " I asked cheerfully hoping that maybe Andrew would look up at me and realize that he was madly in love with me and then sweep me in his arms and, whoa Serena calm down. I laugh at myself and then look down as I began to blush. " Hey Serena I'm doing really good, especially since Rita is coming into see me tonight. " He said happily, my heart broke, yet it didn't hurt as much as I expected it to. " Really that is great Andrew I am really happy for you." Funny thing is I was really happy for Andrew, * hmmm I wonder if that means I never really loved him, ohwell as long as he's happy, it never would have worked anyways we are to close. * I was begining to wonder where the girls were, when my communicator began to go off. "Yeah Serena here...hehe"

I say with a small laugh. " Cut it out Meatball head I am in no mood, I don't feel good today so the meeting has been cancelled and will be held tomorrow. So please be at the temple at three pm, no later ok." Reis face then vanished from the communicator. " Whew well at least now I can relax and take the rest of the day to spend with myself." Just then I heard the door open and in walked Darien. "Oh no not *him* " I turned around and threw down my money and tried to get up to leave, but before I could get up I felt a hand on my shoulder holding me down. "Hey Meatball Head, where you off too?" He said looking at me with a sly smile on his face. I prepared myself for his next blow, but then decided to beat him to it. "It's none of your buisness Darien, and the name is Serena, do you need me to spell it out for you?" I looked at Darien with sparks flying out of my eyes. "Woah Mea..I mean Serena, calm down. I was just wondering what you are doing this afternoon, that is all." I looked at him and began to wonder what he was up to, so I quickly retaliated, "Listen Darien, I am probably gonna just go shopping and then go home, but not before falling down a few times, and then klutzing out and causing mass anarchy to spread through the streets." Gosh darien you are so cruel. I mean if you want to humilliate me at least wait till we are away from everyone else instead of here in front of people." I then got up and ran out and headed towards home. I heard Darien call my name and try to catch up to me as I get myself lost in a crowd of people walking down the street. When I finally reached home I was so happy to see that nobody was there so I went upstairs and fell onto my bed crying. "Why do I let him get to me so much? I mean he is just a jerk who doesn't care about anyone except himself." I say outload to noone in particular. "Ohwell I am tired I guess I will just take a nice nap until mamma calls me for dinner." With that I fell asleep, and dreamed.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I fell to sleep and dreamed about things that I had no clue about, but I was to quickly find out later on. They were very strange dreams, they seemed so familliar to me, but I couldn't figure out how I knew any of the things I saw in my dreams, it was so foreign. Well I am still waiting for him to come home so, I'll tell you about it.

*FLASHBACK*

The Dream

I woke up in my dream from a nap, yet it felt like I was really waking up, except it was not my room, nor was it my world. I got out of this luxorious bed and had on a white floor length gown with gold accents, and I had my hair done up as normal, yet when I looked around at the room I noticed that it was done in a rich and lavishly way. There was a huge armaroire next to the window and then on the other side of the window was a small table with a mirror on it with a stool underneath. I looked at my bed and saw that it was a *huge* bed, andit had beautiful silk sheets on it, and twon night stands on each side. I was so taken aback by the beauty of the room, yet I was not scared I almost felt as if I *belonged* in this place. I slowly walk out onto the balcony and look around outside, that is when I notice that I was not only in a differnt room, but a totally different town. I look around and notice how high up I am and I see a small little garden with a gazebo in the middle. I look back and I realize that I am in a castle. So I quickly walk of the balcony and into the room, and then I decided to leave and explore my surrondings. I pass many happy people who all address me, yet I can never hear them say my name. I say hello to all that I pass, but I am to interested in my destination to make small talk. I leave the palace doors and walk quickly to the gardens, I realize how dark it is outside and then almost panicked when I realized I hadn't brought a light.

~Spare a little candle

save some light for me.~

I stop dead in my tracks when I see someone moving in in the trees up ahead, and I quickly began to feel a panick attack coming on.

~ Figures up ahead

moving in the trees.~

I break out into a fast run as I make my way to the gazebo, I couldn't figure out why I didn't just run back into the castle almost as if something or someone was calling me, almost pulling me to them. I feel my hair and dress flowing behind me as I run hurridly to my destination. As I run farther out into the open I notice the illumination coming from the moon and I feel a lot better at being able to see again.

~ White skin in linen

perfume on my wrist.

And the full moon that hangs over

these dreams in the mist.~

I reach my destination to find nothing there I began to feel stupid for leaving the safety of the walls, and contemplate going back to the castle when I realize that it is getting dark and I see flashes of light in the distance. I began to feel the fear creep back up into me again as I realize a storm is brewing. I look down at my wrist and realize that my watch has been replaced with a bracelet and I feel scared for I have no idea what is going on. I quickly start to panic and cry softly as I realize that I'm not home and I don't even know if i'm dreaming or not.

~ Darkness on the edge

shadows where I stand.

I search for the time

On a watch with no hands. ~

I hear something approach me and I began to cower back into the darkest part of the gazebo that I could find. Then I look up and see *him*, a man dressed just like Tuxedo Mask, and I begin to feel weak in the knees, if only he would come into the gazebo so I could see if it was really *him*. Almost as if he could read my thoughts he walks up into the gazebo and looks me in the eyes, he quickly grabs my hand and pulls me to him as a loud clasp of thunder sounds in the distance. I fear nothing being in his arms, it almost seems as if I was made to be in his arms.

~ I want to see you clearly

come closer than this. ~

He began to lead me back to the castle when all of a sudden I hear a loud clasp of thunder and then the sky lit up with lighting, I fell to the ground and began to cry as *he* shook me lightly. I closed my eyes so I could try to block out the storm, and when I opened my eyes I saw my mother shaking me lightly. I jumped up out of my bed and looked around the room and realized that all of the events that had happened was all just a dream.

~ But all I remember

are these dreams in the mist. ~

After that I continued to have these dreams and they made no sense to me, when ever I fell asleep the dreams would pick up right where the other ones left off. I began to get worried as to if the dreams were a fore shadowing of my future. The dreams were so realistic to me, it was like as soon as I went to sleep I was entering a new life, that was written just for me.

~ These dreams go on when I close my eyes.

Every second of the night I live another

life. These dreams that sleep when it's

cold outside. ~

I got to the point where I didn't even want to get out of bed for fear of leaving this mystery man whom I met every night, yet I never saw his face. I went on with my life day in and day out, yet the nights got shorter and shorter. And then it felt like I was having a hard time doing anything, without thinking of him. The most hardest thing in my life at that time was the battles that the scouts and I faced at least once a week, yet they soon became something I looked forward to. Why you ask, simple I got to see Tuxedo Mask and that actually made me happy.

~ Is it cloak and dagger

could it be spring or fall? ~

It was weird I felt like I was almost invinceable against the things in life that seemed to normally hurt me. I guess my friends noticed for one day I walked into the crown and saw them having a meeting in the corner boothe in the back. It was a very strange day, and the dreams that came that after noon didn't help any.

*FLASHBACK*

I walked through the doors and smiled at Andrew who was at the counter talking to Darien. It was strange it had almost been 3 weeks since our falling out in the arcade, and I still refused to listen to him when he tried to explain. Yet when I saw him sitting there he didn't seem like the same old Darien. He looked up at me and then quickly looked down, he didn't even smile he just had a hurt look on his face. I shrugged it off thinking that maybe he was upset at a bad grade, or just having a bad day, so I felt it was best to leave him be. I noticed the girls in the back, but when I approached them I noticed that they were in a heated discussion, and when Rei noticed me she quickly hushed them up. Seeing that they did not feel comfortable telling me I quickly walked out of the arcade and didn't look back.

I didn't know what was wrong with them, any of them. "What could be bothering Darien that he had such a sad look on his face, and then the girls what is going on with them." I kept on talking to myself for the rest of the way home. When I finally got home I went inside and layed down and then I was fast asleep.

~ I walk without a cut through

stained glass wall.

Weaker in my eyesight

the candle in my grip

And words that have no form

are falling from my lips. ~

*The Dream*

I was running through the palace with someone fast on my heels and I was laughing. I felt a deep love that I knew I had never felt before. It burned the very essence of my body and soul. Our little game of cat and mouse went on for well over an hour and it seemed like there was no sign of quitting. Finally when it did we found ourselves out in the gazebo, and his arms were wrapped around me tightly. He leaned in to kiss me and at first I was a little taken back, cause I had never seen his face, his mask that he wore hid his face as that of Tuxedo Masks. I was nervous I felt it boiling in the pit of my stomach and I was even anticipating it. The feel of his lips against mine and the passion and love I heard in his voice warmed me. I was so lost in the moment that it was unreal. He leaned down to kiss me, but before our lips met he whispered in my ear words that made no sense to me, but they would in time. "Not yet my princess, and not here. When I can show you who I am, and know that you can love me beyond a shadow of a doubt, as I love you then the time will come. I am sorry, but here and now is not the right time. Please forgive me." He gently kissed my hand and then was gone. He left me standing there in the gazebo and I cried. The only thing I had to comfort me was his name, Endymion, but that did little to help me and my fear that I may never see him again. I slumped down to the floor of the gazebo and cried when I heard his voice floating through the air, the message that came with it was something that I never expected to hear. " Serena we will meet again, and when we meet again I will reveal myself to you, and if you still love me then we will be together and then I will finally be able to hold you and never have to let you go, but until then our nightly meetings will come to an end. " All was quiet and I shut my eyes and when I opened them I was in my room.

~ These dreams go on when I close my eyes. Every second of the night I live

another life.

These dreams that sleep when it's cold

outside ~

I got up from my bed and walked over to my window and sat down. It was 8 pm and I knew that something was wrong, call it a hunch but I knew that something was going to happen tonight. I was in a daze as I ate my dinner, but I stayed alert. I went back into my room and sat in silence I left all the lights off, and the only sound that could be heard was from the alarm clock on my nightstand. I looked out over the city and admired the beauty of the lights.

~ There's something out there I can't

resist.

I need to hide away from the pain -

There's something out there I can't resist.

The sweetest song is silence that

I've ever heard.

Funny how your feet in dreams never

touch the earth. ~

I was about to doze off again when the beeping from my communicator caused me to jerk up and jump to my feet. I was already on my way out of the door when I finally answered the communicator. "Serena, meet us at the park, we have a monster there that is demanding our attention." Ami said. "On my ways Ames, be there in a sec." When I arrived, I saw a very scary sight. Tuxedo Mask was fighting the monster by himself, when I ran up beside him he smiled at me and thanked me, in a silent glance. I was so lost in his smile that I didn't see the monster come towards me. I heard the rest of the scouts shout out my name trying to warn me, and Tuxedo Mask tackled me to keep me out of harms way. I looked up at him and gasped when a realization came over me, and I uttered one word, that caught us both off guard, "Endymion". He looked down at me, and he smiled. He nodded his head and pulled me up. Then we went back to fighting, and when the monster was drained by the attacks of the scouts I dusted him with my sceptor. I was about to leave when someones hand on my shoulder caused me to turn around. I came face to face with Sailor Mars. I didn't mean to sound so hateful when I spoke, but it just came out that way. "What do you need Mars?" I felt bad when I saw the hurt flash in her eyes. "Listen Sailor Moon we are all worried about you. You haven't been around that much lately and when ever we call you are always sleeping." I looked at my friend and had tears in my eyes. " I'm ok Mars I promise, in fact I will come by tomorrow and maybe we can go to the mall." Mars looked at her me and then did something I never expected, she hugged me. " Ok Sailor Moon but you better be there and not asleep." With that the girls left to go home. I turned around and walked over to the bench in the park and when I saw that nobody was around, I detransformed. I sat down on the bench and looked out over the water. I wonder where Tuxedo Mask went. I was so lost in thought that I never saw the figure approach me. "Serena can we talk?" I jumped at the sound of my name, but was put to ease when I saw Tuxedo Mask looking down at me. "Sure have a seat." I said as I moved over to give him room to sit. " What do you need?" He looked at me and took my hand,"Listen I know that you are Sailor Moon, and I also sent you those dreams." He stopped and then looked away, "I didn't know any other way to show you what you mean to me." I sat there looking at his fingers intertwined with mine and then the tears started to come. "Why won't you tell me who you are? It's not fair, I mean you know who I am so why can't I know who you are?" He looked away from me and closed his eyes. " I don't think you would love me if you knew who I am. "

~ In a wood full of princes freedom is a

kiss

But the prince hides his face from dreams

in the mist. ~

I looked up at him and began to cry. "So you just lie to me and promise me that I will find out who you are. I want you to leave,nevermind; if you think that I am that heartless then I don't want to be anywhere around you, I'll leave."

I got up and yanked my hand away from him and walked off. I was so mad, actually mad was not the word to describe my feelings. I was more hurt and depressed than anything. I ended up running a full sprint towards home and I hoped that I never had to see him again. I was happy when the dreams finally stopped, I started to feel like I had been set free, but the question was free from what? Love? Happiness? I didn't know, but I did miss my nightly encounters with Endymion, whoever he really was.

~ Every moment I'm awake

the further I'm away. ~

Well I guess that was not to be cause two days later I walked into the Crown and met up with the girls for a soda and then who knows what after that. I walked up to the counter to talk to Andrew and I heard the doors open, I turned around to see Darien walk in, and he looked bad, really bad. I decided that today I would ask him what was going on. " Hey Darien what's wrong?" I asked him as I took a seat beside him. I waited for him to say something horrible and mean, but he never did. Instead he looked at me and then looked back to his cup of coffee. I placed my hand on his and looked at him and queitly whispered to him where noone else to could hear. "Darien if you need someone to talk to then you can always talk to me, You know that I'll always be here for you." With that Darien turned and laughed in my face. He then turned bright red, and began to yell at me. " Just leave me alone, you have already done enough, don't you think? I never want to see you again." With that he jerked his hand from me and stood up to leave," I'll see you later Andrew." Then he turned to leave, but not before I got in my piece, I grabbed his arm and yanked him around and made him look at me. When I looked deep inside his eyes I thought that I was going to die. A single word escaped my mouth and it startled both of us. "Endymion" Darien looked at me, and then his stature failed. He grabbed my hand and I was so surprised that I just ran. I had to get away to think about everything that had happened I could not believe that Darien/ Tuxedo Mask/ and Endymion were all the same person. I ran for what seemed like miles, but in all reality was just about two blocks. I sat down on the bench that I had sat at when I had talked to Tuxedo Mask. I sat there and tried to figure everything out, and when I was finally done the only conclusion I could come up with was that Darien had known about me being Sailor Moon for sometime and didn't want me to know who he was so he managed to send me those dreams as a way to tell me that he loved me, without having to reveal himself until he was completely sure of my feelings for him. He never got the chance cause I left him there all alone and he felt that everything I said to him in my dreams was a lie. I didn't know what else to do, but I knew I had to find him and fast. I went back to the arcade but Rei told me that he left shortly after me, and so I asked Andrew if he knew where Darien could have gone. Andrew gave me Dariens address and the directions on how to get there, so my next destination was Dariens. The thought of going there frightened me, but I quickly got over it as I exited the elevator and looked for his apartment. Once I found it I knocked softly on the door, there was no answer."Damn...Maybe he isn't home" I cursed in a hushed voice to myself. I turned around and began to walk away when the door opened and there stood Darien wearing nothing but a towell, and I might add he looked really good. I couldn't help but notice how nice of a body he had, I felt my face get warmer from the blush that I am sure was creeping onto my face. "Serena what do you want?" Darien asked hatefully "Listen Darien I need to talk to you, there is som..." But I was cut off by Darien, " Listen I think you said enough, and I know how you feel about me. What more is there?" He stood there looking at me, but I couldn't read his expression. "I..I'm sorry Darien,I never knew how you felt, I will be leaving now." I turned and started to walk down the hall and when I looked back I noticed him standing there partially in the hall watching me leave. *Well it's now or never, just tell him Serena, what can you lose?* I gave into my inner voice and turned around, " Darien Shields, I love you...maybe I have always loved you, maybe I haven't. Maybe I will always love you then again, maybe not i'm not sure. I am however sure that I love you now, and I don't care if you are Endymion, Or Tuxedo Mask or if you are Darien. The point is I love you, and I just came over to tell you that. So now I will leave you to your shower. Goodbye Darien." I turned around and started towards the elevator, but his voice made me stop, when I turned around I was swept up into his arms and caught in the most passionate kiss ever. We stood their kissing until we noticed that we had an audience as the people in the elevator waited to know if we were getting in. I blushed and Darien laughed as he walked me down to his apartment. We spent the rest of the afternoon in their and in each others arms.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

So there you have it, Darien is Tuxedo Mask. Now here it is 5 yrs later and I'm a twenty year old happily married woman. I must admit that Darien and I have had our shares of ups and downs, but one thing for sure is that we are happy. In fact I am waiting for him to get home so I can give him the good news that he is a father to be. Now this is going to be interesting, don't you think? But that is another story. Oh well I better be going I hear his keys in the door now, so I will add more later.

*~*~*~*Serena*~*~*~*

@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@

So what did you think? Was it that bad...? Do you think I should write a conclusion about Rins birth and all if so let me know. Take care ;o) Hmmmm well email me at

reesepbc@gmail.com.

Remember keep reaching for the stars ****