-"I fell off the beaver"Seth
-"I just grabbed it and pulled on it and that’s when he became afraid of me"me
-"Love is as hard to find a blue beaked seagull, fish…”-Mindy
-"Just clone one and tape the extra leg on it to make it really fast"me
-"Is there no money in this sock"Seth
-"Why am I asking this"me
-"What does f*ching"mean"me
-"Go! and take your sandwich with you!"me
-"Pretend that I have Abby’s ear"Seth
-"The Void has money" Seth
-"You are going down once I regain my sanity!"Seth
-"Yes, yes he’ll fit…”-me
-"Seth, that's not a bloodsicle!"Me
-"Are you an object"Rebecca
-"You know you have 1 and 1\2"Rebecca
-"When the toilet stop humming you can get in"me
-"Oh, I didn't have time to, the whole day we were doing stuff"me
- "Now seating party of 1, Mr Jack Ass"Restaurant Table Announcer (over loudspeaker)
-"These water guns feature Real Photon Light!"Squirt Gun Package
-"Shine the flashlight in his eyes, then he'll be able to see, uhhhh"the flashlight that is" -me
-"Geoff you just got accepted into college!"Geoff's parents
-"Yawn*, (Drowsily) is this act 1 or act 2"Geoff
-"I'm gonna hang you up like a phone!"me
-"It's pretty hard to do something that's impossible"me
-I'd prefer the dumpster, thanks"me
-"Hey look, that Diablo 2 monster just dropped a superior bill! -Geoff
-"Did he drop a Super Tom with it"Geoff
-"Face ye own wrath of medicine!"me
-"Of a piece of cake hit you in the head yoou’d probably know it existed, right"me
-"Are you sure about this"Seth
-"No, but it can knock you off your pogo stick!"me
-"How can you be sure I really exist"Video Game Character
-"Pretend that this happened"Seth
-"Hey Abby, get your unmattering self over here!"me
-"Hold on I got captain dust in my eye"me
-"I wonder what souls taste like"-me
-"Die evil flower!"me
-"Out of context quotes #32"me
-(To the tune of This land is your land") This land is my land, and only my land I've got a shotgun, and you don't got one I'll blast your head off, If you don't ge-e-e-e-et off, This land was made for only me!-Morde
-"Yes Seth, you killed me marker-wise!"me
-(With English Accent) "That bloody man and his bloody wound"!-me
-I''m not dead, I'm just trying to cure my hiccups! -me
-"Hold on, I have to go "degoo" my hands"me
-"Don't worry Abby doesn't matter"me(Trying to say, Abby doesn't care"
-"Might as well not exist"Geoff
-"If you moo one more time, I'll send you too the Principal's office, and he'll give you a detention for mooing!"-Random Teacher
-"20 points if you eat the big ones, 10 points if your eat the little ones"-Random kid in the hallway
-"What kind of dog do you have" 6th grade teacher
-"Part pointer, part something" Me
-"Ooh, ooh, I want to see the pointy dog!"- Random kid
-"When he was done sniffing it he ate it" Random kid
-"It's saltwater! It's water with salt! It's saltwater! It's water with salt!..."Passover argument
-"It's the tears of Jesus!"Other person -"Are you getting high of air?"Random person
-"I'd rather go to Taco Hell or Dead Lobster!"Gayle
-"I opened it with, the mustard!"me
-"There is no more room in my pocket because it's full of poncho and corned beef"-me
-HIV AIDS is a STD which means it's transmmitted through sex. There's a theory it originated in monkeys."Health Teacher
-"No no, we get it because we ate the monkeys"-Health Teacher
-Alright fine, I'll poke it!"random kid
-"Life is retarded"David's motto
-"When you keep rubbing your bones together, they'll crack but wear down and hurt"-Science Teacher
-"So, if you keep rubbing your nose it’ll disappear"-John
-"You always lose like…”-Random Kid
-"Booky stuff!"Other Random Kid
-"Did you say you always lose your legs"Other other random kid
-"Once I put a fork in the microwave"Classsroom comment
-"I want to be wrong!"Random kid
-"No, me!"Other kid
-"Your cat sounds like the ninjas from a game I have"me
-"Hey is that a wad of gum"Random kid
-No, it's that evil duplex shirt"Other kiid
-"Warning: Dart cannot be inhaled!"Air Dart shooter label
-"Hey I think I know this guy, his name is Chris McCall, Oh no wait a minute he just flicked me off-"Geoff
-"Don't touch me Jew!"Joey
-"You are a Jew!"me
-"Oh Yeah..."-Joey
-"Jews, Unite!"me
-"Hey David, if you ever get angry at John,, wedge him between two tables It's fun!"me
-"Does the sun smoke"Question in music class
- "Does Painesville bring you pain"Random kid
-"I'll just sit here and mope in the atrociity of your move"me, Watch a chess game
-"We're celebrating because we spanked a moonkey at 203 mph"me
-"I was born to be a monkey spanker"me
-"Let me show you how a true champ spanks a monkey"me
-"You can hear the "ssssss" sound of the monkey flying away"Seth
-"That's the monkey whizzing"me
-"My mother taught me religion, you’d better pray that comes out of the carpet!"random person -"Alright, Who used my twelve"me
-"Oh boy, what he eat now"me
-"Once upon a sock there was a wall named Eggbert"Seth
-Life is short, so Eat Cheetos and all thaat other junk!"Freddy's motto
-"Hey, didn't those used to be my pillows, You stole my couch!"Mindy
-"Don't waste cheese"-random announcement -"Ladies, if you're wearing a skirt, you may sit up on the stage. Gentlemen, if you're wearing a skirt, go see the guidance counselor"Gym teacher
-"Do re, mi, fa, what's the next note"teacher
-"Fa"random kid
-"No, but thank you for being wrong"teacher
-"Stalin,you're not Axis; you said that so you could hide in this closet with us!"Mindy
-"Once upon a twelve, there was something very heavy and the twelve collasped"-me
-"Down to the nearest hotdog?"-Jeremy
-"That smells like a bad quote"-Seth
-"Every put your hand behind your head and move it forward really fast"-teacher
-"(scoff) You'd need one to climb your front lawn!"-me
-"Seth's stupid because he can hit nonexistant nuts with a fireball"-me
-"No! My good rock!"-Seth
-"Where? Green people?"-Seth
-"Now give him the rock!"-me
-"No, Michael, you have to do it through the nose!"-Mark
-"Get off the toad and move on"-teacher
-"We have countless uses for corn today, people"-teacher
-"...think of Napolean, or a cucmber..."-quote from a philosophy book
-"Did you take the ice cream out of the microwave?"-me
-"What's the most important tool in life?"-Seth
-"Uhhh... a hammer?"-me
-"There nothing a hammer can't do"-me
-"Not with bananas!"-me
-"Ride the monkey!"-me
-"Shoot more bananas!"-me
-"They stole the bananas!'-me
-"Why are you destroying the city, I thoughht you were the good guy"-me
-"I like to destroy the city!"-Seth
-"Oh, okay"-me
-"Citizens, you have killed one of your ownn"-teacher, Mafia game orginizer -"YAY!!!"-citizens
-"Seth, find the car and step on it!"-me -"There it is, (smash) YAY!"-me
-"Me animate, you get pie!"-Mindy
-"This thing is so hard to squeeze!"-Jeremy
-"I think I broke my potato"-me
-"Anyone who comes to that door when your nnot there will get a piece of Idaho justice!"-me, refering to my potato gun while trying to convince my mom to let me stay home alone
-"Could we hurry this up, I'm leaving in negative 3 minutes"-Spencer
-"Ouch, how could I?"-Seth
-"Seth, stop acting like a hamster!"-me
-"She had that look, that, that, that, 'take some muffins' look!"-Ricky
-"When you ride in a taxi, it's customary to pay the driver what you owe him"-me
-"(sniff sniff) Ah, windows just smell so nnice!'-me
-"Evan, please tell this kid I'm not a nazi!"-Lana
-"She's not a nazi, she just likes Hitler!""-me
-"I think i could accept those shoes, but I'd have to see you with pants on to see how much is covered up"-teacher (the kid was wearing shorts)
-"Your dead, live with it!"-me
-"Nice and disorderly!"-me
-"They can't fantasize fantasy!"-me
-"Stupid edible shampoo!"-me
-"(to the tune of "Secret Agent Man")Seasick Asian Man, Seasick Asian man..."-random kid
-"That sound weird, and high in cholestoral"-me
-"I'm sitting on it for safety reasons"-me
-"How does this thing work?"-Seth
-"You just put the crab in and squeeze!"-me
-"What would we do without Max?"-Martin
-"End world hunger!"-Kevin
-"What would we do without Kevin?"-me
-"End world hung- Hey!"-Kevin
-"What would you like to order?"-waitress
-"Grilled Atlantic Salmon"-me
-"And how would you like that prepared?"-waitress
-"Grilled"-me
-"I'm sick of Health!"-random kid
-"Yes, you're not!"-random kid
Complaints from Navy Pilots and response sheet from the Flight engineers
-"Front left wheel almost needs to be replaced"-Pilot
-"Almost replacing front left wheel"-Engineer
-"Front right engine not found"-Pilot
-"Front right engine found on right wing after brief search"-Engineer
-"IFF computer inoperable"-Pilot
-"IFF computer always inoperable when in O-F-F mode"-Engineer
-"Targeting computer making loud humming noises"-Pilot
-"Switching 'humming' to 'lyrics'"-Engineer
-"Plane making loud noise like midget banging on plane with hammer"-Pilot
-"Taking hammer away from midget"-Engineer
-"Mouse found in cockpit"-Pilot
-"Installing cat"-Engineer
(END PILOTS)
-"My pockets are full of ginger ale"-me
-"Kevins so dumb, he locked himself in a gas station and didn't set himself on fire"-Cody
-"...You move here, you move down, you movee here, you two switch..."-teacher
-"Its so weird being in this formation"-me
-"What did you just call me!?!"-random kid
-"I know some of you might want to stick a firecracker in a Twinkie for your science project, and that's okay, but keep your mind open to new suggestions"-teacher
-"Two fire crackers!"-Jeremy
-"Josh did it, no wait, i am Josh, Ari did it!"-Josh
-"Dont dump that in the sink, you kill milllions of innocents, most of which will be fish"-me
-"Don't laugh at my jokes, they're not funnny"-Derek
-"That's why I like terrorism alot more than war"-Tim, while watch "Black Hawk Down"
-"Oh my god, WE HAVE A HOAGIE!"-random guy on TV
-"Quick, lock the door! Wait, the lock is on the other side of the door, and it doesn't work"-me
-"This is over in a minute and a half, justt a second"-me
-"Excuse me, I seem to have toxic chemicals all over my hand, can you tell me where the nearest bathroom is?"-me
-"Hang on a minute a second"-Mindy
-"Does that say Gestapo? ..No.. wait. that says bear..." -Cat
-"Would you rather be thirsty and rich or poor and not thirsty?"-T
-"Cyanide: The alterative to Prozac"-me
-"Chunky Cheeses: Where old fat men try to feel young again"-me
-"Evan, don't talk about Mr Smith that way!"-Charlie, ina loud voice, about 12 inches from Mr Smith
-"Hey, there was no need to put my name in that, he wasn't talkng about me have I ever been mean to you-"-Mr Smith
-"Charlie, you're fly is open"-random kid
-"He's trolling for chicks. There, we're even now"-Mr Smith
-"I'm gonna go attack Bobby with forks!"-Mark
(Mark runs up to Bobby with forks, attacks Bobby, Bobby starts chasing him with his cast)
(Bobby begins non-chalatantly eating Mark's fries while he's running away)
-"Hey, where'd my fries go!?!"-Mark
-"They've got nothing better to do on the farm"-Mr Smith's "speculations" on why Amish people have so many children
-"Anyway, back to units of measurement- SOMEONE SMELL LIKE FEET OVER HERE!"-Mr Smith
-"SAM!!!"-everyone sitting next to Sam
-"I'd like to be near his feet as little as possible!"-Mr Smith
-"Mr Smith, please something about Sam's feet"-random kid
-"Darn I left all my air fresheners in the locker room!"-Mr Smith (Mr Smith sprays Sam's feet with lysol)
-"It still smells bad!"-random kid
-"Open a window!"-Mr Smith
-"It smells better outside"-random kid
-"It'd smell better next to a dung pile!"-Mr Smith
(a couple days later
-"Mr Smith, Sam's feet smell again!"-random kid
-"Get the Airwick spray!"-other random kid
-"Sam, I'm calling you're parents, because you feet are BAD. Get a new pair of shoes"-Mr Smith (he really did call his parents, you know)
-"Ow, my pants!"-random kid
-"I have to be at a meeting yesterday"-random teacher
-"Ah, I spelled 'Evan' wrong, I spelled it 'Even'"-Jeremy
-"Why does everyone always spell my name wrong!?! Why does everyone do that, spell it 'Even'"!?!-"-me
-"Shoot I spelled 'was' wrong"-Jeremy
-"Evan, E-A-V-N"-Jeremy
-"...I will provide you with the flaming shrubbery..."-random teacher describing a project
-"Apples have a lot of juice in them, there's enough juice in one apple to make a whole glass of orange juice"-T
-"It takes some skill to be that stupid!"-me
-"Please disregard this announcement"-random announcement
-"If you cannot read this label, don't use this product"-random label
-"To install battery, remove this label and insert battery"-random label I found inside the battery compartment of a walkie-talkie
-"I'm sure it tastes good, it just looks like worms"-me
-"No pun intended, I just meant to be funny"-Jeremy
-"Shoot, I had a point, what was it..."-random teacher
-"What country did Roman Numerals come from?"-random teacher
-"Rome?"-random kid
-"Jereman"-Jeremy's attempt at spelling his own name
-"...when these gasses break through the Earth, we call this a Volcano, or a Volcanic Russian..."-video mispronouncing the word "eruption"
-"Is anyone saving their money to buy something special?"-teacher
-"College!"-random kid 1
-"A car!"-random kid 2
-"Socks!"-random kid 3
-"I kept trying to tell my friends how we resurrected Hitler and put im in my friend's body, but they all looked at me like I was weird!"-me
-"A 'B' in French!?! How could you get a 'B' in French!?! How could you- wait, I got a 'B' in French"-T
-"I have an infinity percent in Science class"-me
-"That's not bad"-teacher
-"College? Pshaw, it's just a $2.5 million party!"-Jeremy
-"I would like to drink a lot of motor oil or beer with you, Twelvybot 3000."-random robot
-"Do I eat children, me? Maybe..."-same robot
-"...no that's deciliiion, oh wait, you're right..."-me
-"See, I'm not as dumb as I look!"-Renae
-"Yeah, only partially"-me
-"Yeah, only partially- HEY!"-Renae
-"Why is the air conditioning on? We don't even have air conditioning in this building!"-teacher
-"Are you okay?"-teacher
-"It hurts when I poke it!"-random kid
-"Then don't poke it!"-random teacher
-"So this gizka is hopping along then it steps on a mine and blows itself up"-me
-"Poor little mine...I mean gizka"-Bobby
-"Be sure to look in the index of the book, if you think a book on the Revolutionary War won't have the Battle of Gettysburg then you're wrong"-random teacher
-"Wanna know a way to kill someone? Its technically illegal..."-John
-"Dang, I forgot my cookies!"-random kid
-"I love liver"-Jeremy, attempting to say "I love winter" in French
-"Oh my gosh, I'm sick of sitting on this crack!"-kid, referring to crack in table
-"Ewww! I smell like a guy!"-random girl
-"I'm not trying to hurt him, he's trying to hurt himself!"-kid
-"...my brother comes in and says 'can we eat pie in here', and my dad is like 'what the-', and then we ate pie..."-kid
-"7th graders are 2 things: Forgetful and Beaverlike"-Kevin
-"Don't contradict him"-kid
-"I'm not contradictiong him, I'm making fun of him!"-kid
-"Oh, okay"-kid
-"What? Underwear is a very important requirement!"-kid
-"Hey, did I spell my name right?"-kid
-"In colder heat, they bounce less!"-Jeremy
-"...and they're homemade dried apples, well not 'dried' more like 'dehydrated'..."-T
-"Which state has more active volcanoes, Colarado or Washington?"-question
-"Colarodo, no Africa! no, I don't know..."-kid
-"Which continent has the 2nd highest population?"-question
-"The US?"-kid
-"That's disgusting, I mean, if you're hungry don't eat your bookbag, eat some food!"-kid
-"You want some foam?"-T
-"Cheesecake and gingerale can cure anything"-kid
-"I only have 3 hands, dummy"-kid
-"Jereman Shilnum"-Jeremy's spelling of his own name
-"Awww... What cute little druggies!"-kid
-"Ladies, that was so wrong! And I'm so glad that you sang it wrong confidentally!"-teacher
-"Does anyone know how your refernce page must be alphabetized?"-teacher
-"A, B, C, D, E,..."-class in unison
-"There's a red spot on Jupiter?"-kid
-"I'm not mean, I'm just mean to you!"-kid
-"...the mosquitoes are in the oven!"-kid
-"I have trouble seeing out my right ear"-teacher
-"How many of you are taking algebra?"-speaker to my algebra class
-"Lee smells good"-kid
-"You put on lipgloss?"-kid
-"No, I ate it because it smells good"-kid
-"Can I have some chips, fat ass?'-kid
-"...some of you don't probably don't realize that you're not breathing..."-teacher
-"This is my last working pencil, and it doesn't work"-me
-"You guys, what would a party be without FORKS AND SPOONS!?!"-kid, holding up a silverware bag
-"Alison, what's you're name?"-kid
-"Just because I hate the Jews doesn't mean I'm against them!"-kid
-"Okay, now that our raccoon has become one with pavemen and eaten by buzzards, we have to move on"-teacher
-"What happened to the worksheets!?!The fun, stupid little worksheets!?!"-kid
-"Can a state drop out of the union, Clint?"-teacher
-"No"-Clint
-"When was the last time that happened? It starts with a 'C' and has an 'I-V-I-L-W-A-R' in the middle"-teacher
-"Huh?"-me
-"When I call you're name, please answer 'here', otherwise don't answer at all"-teacher
-"...those people in Iraq and Afghanistan are getting paid about as much as a postal worker and they're wearing body armor..."-teacher
-"Wait, are we talking about the army here?"-kid
-"Omar, get out of the recycling!"-teacher
-"Tyler, put that back in your pants, uh, I was talking about his pencil, NOT THAT PENCIL!"-kid
-"You're gonna break yourself!"-teacher
-"Don't stick barimas where they don't belong"-teacher
-"Well, he's not rich, he's just got a lot of money"-Mark
-"Skin is a good thing to have"-cantor
-"I don't like fingers, they break too much"-Bobby
-"Beanbags don't fart"-Bobby -"Number of no good bums who didn't do their homework ZER0!"-teacher
-"David's brither swallowed a dime once"-me
-"I swallowed a sandwich"-Jeremy
-"You are the gopher of my lawn"-me
-"I'm 200% Scottish!"-T
-"That's an example of fine, high-quality troll"-teacher
-"How many inches are in an inch?"-random random kid
-"Ha ha, mayonaise head!"-random random kid
-"You, smell my pants!"-random random kid
-"I hate fingers, they break too much"-Bobby
-"GO AWAY (go learn something)"-sign on math teacher's door
-"Oh Yeah, well my pancake can beat up your pancake!"-random random kid
-"Revenge tastes like mustard"-me
-"He's gonna get killed to death"-Mark
-"Why the hell is Chief Wahoo on fire?"-Max
-"I don't want to hear about your mucus, I've already told you that today"-teacher
-"It's one of those dreams I had when I was sleeping"-Brian
-"It's one of those candlesticks that goes from the floor to the ground"-Geoff [N]
-"It's only illegal if you play by the rules"-Bobby
-"They notebook the cat"-random random kid's sentence, translated from Spanish
-"You eat a crab's legs, and you eat a lobster's ass, what the hell?"-Max
-"I was bored, I stabbed myself, so what?"-Kevin
-"Since when does chocolate have eyebrows?"-Kevin
-"Where are you going?"-me
-"To a dark place to flash myself"-Bobby
-"My desk"-announced by sub teacher while taking attendance
-"I'm try to insult you, just nod and go with it"-Bobby
-"There's two things for the two episodes for the two teeth"-Geoff [N]
-"That's an evil giggle, that's like the way Satan would giggle"-me
-"Sweet! My hair's being smart today!"-random random kid
-"You're just mad I have more trees in my backyard than you!"-random random kid
-"Brandon, your feet are bigger than your head"-random random kid
-"If I hadn't have slowed down, I would've gone faster"-random random kid/ -"I hate the way my hair smells right now"-random random kid
-"You're arm stabbed my pen"-random random kid
-"Here's the problem with people liking me; I feel sorry for them"-T
-"If light were pointy, we'd all be dead"-me
-"War is pants"-random random kid
-"Doom tastes like chicken"-random random kid
-"She's late because she doesn't know how to wear a toga"-random random kid
-"One, two, three, WE'VE GOT THE ASAIN!"-opposing kickball team's 'battle cry'
-"Pie tastes like shoes"-random random kid
-"Would you like to sign my pants?"-random random kid
-"Wouldn't it be sweet if glasses had pockets?"-random random kid
-"...so I had this free SUV in my pond..."-random random kid
-"I did better than I expected, I got an F!"-random random kid
-"Can someone loan me five cents in the form of a quarter?"-Bobby
-"Britni, go sit back there. It's the weenie row"-teacher
-"No, its tastes good, it just look like boogers!"-me
-"Some people's logic has no logic"-Michael
-"Generally, cannabalism is notof one's self"-Michael
-"Do you take aspirin?"-me
-"I take Motrin"-Seth
-"Do you chew it or swallow it?"-me
-"Both"-Seth
-"I wish there were two lifts like there actually are"-Seth
-"Drop the tomato and no one gets hurt"-random kid
-"Did you want somethng Margo?"-teacher
-"I was gonna share a story, but I don't have one"-random kid
-"I'm not Jason!"-random kid
-"Hey Jason?"-me
-"What?"-same random kid
-"Put some more green on my papaer, it looks bare"-Jeremy, referring to his lack of mistakes on a paper
-"Remember the kittens!"-teacher
-"Can you die of thirst? Like, not drinking watr for a long time?"-random kid
(Various battle tips)
-"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend"
-"It is generally unadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed"
-"Try not to draw fire, it annoys those around you"
-"Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo"
-"The slipping gear on your grenade launcher may make you unpopular amongst what remains of your squad"
(end battle advice)
-"Jeremy is the new Hitler of North Korea!"-Charlie
-"Wouldn't it be cool to get a Valentine's Day cow?"-random kid
-"DiFranco, you only get one dumb question per day!"-teacher
-"And you've already used up tomarrows!"-other teacher
-"Well, I get an extra one for lunch!"-random kid
-"Well, I don't want to hear it"-teacher
-"He can have my dumb question"-other random kid
-"Aw, that's mean! They're using cats for math?"-random kid
-"Well, he's not rich, he's just got alot of money"-Mark
-"Guys don't want me, unfortuneatly"-T
-"Don't eat my eraser!"-random kid
-"You're stupid!"-me
-"No, I'm gay"-T
-"I'm smart most of the time"-T
-"Are there any questions about your descriptive essays?"-teacher
-"Are they really nessecary?"-Jeremy
-"You think you're being funny, but you're actually correct"-teacher
-"Musicals have music in them"-random kid
-"Sopranos, you're doing a great job breathing"-teacher
-"I have more problems than you"-T
-"Hydrolic Acid is not a good thing to fight zombies with"-The Zombie Survival Guide
-"From now on, it is the job of all fat asses to get people chips"-me
-"I'm not getting you chips!"-Mark
-"I'll have a garden omlette with extra cheese"-Mom, ordering at a resteraunt
-"Would you like real eggs?"-server
-"Dang! I forgot my cookies!"-random kid
-"What? Underwear is a very important nessecity!"-random kid
-"Hey, did I spell my name right?"-random kid
-"...and they're homemade dried apples, well they're not 'dried', they'mre more like 'dehydrated'..."-T
-"That's disgusting, I mean, if you're hungry don't eat your bookbag, eat some food!"-random kid
-"You want some foam?"-T
-"Cheesecake and gingerale can cure anything"-random kid
-"If you have any questions you can come see me, I won't help you, but..."-teacher
-"I only have 3 hands, dummy"-random kid
-"There's a red spot on Jupiter?"-random kid
-"How many of you are taking algebra?"-speaker talking to my algebra class
-"Lee smells good"-random kid
-"Some of you don't realize that your probably noy breathing"-teacher
-"This is my last working pencil, and its not really working"-me
-"You guys, what would a fiesta being with FORKS AND SPOONS!?!"-random kid
-"Alison, what's your name?"-random kid
-"...anyone caught gloating about Pittsburg's won will be prosecuted to the full extent of these rules..."-random announcement
-"Okay, now that our raccoon has become one with the pavement and has been eaten by buzzards, we have to move on"-teacher
-"Yes! A fun class today! (looks at board) No! That's not fun!"-random kid
-"What happened to the worksheets!?! The fun, stupid little worksheets!?!"-random kid
-"When I call your name, please answer 'here', otherwise do not answer at all"-sub, taking attendence
-"Ground water good"-me
-"I'm gonna go look for wieners out here"-hockey coach
-"It was exactly 4:00 30 seconds ago. It's 4:02 now"-Bobby
-"Zero depth, no diving"-sign at pool
-"That's the sound I was looking for"-me
-"Someone lick my leg and tell me how good it tastes"-Julie
"Egg, on my paper, aaaaah!"-kid
"Good news, the grim reaper's coming!"-Seth
"What would you do if I opened this trunk, and a big, hairy man popped out?"-David
"Hey Tim, in basketball, do you know what goaltending is?"-me
"They're not called 'goals', they're called 'baskets', stupid"-Tim
"Studies show that women who fight back are more likely to escape an attacker"-commercial
"Pizza has dairy products?"-Brandon
"Everybody likes food, execpt the people who don't like food"-John
"Everybody has been invaded by 6th graders, but we've been very invaded"-me
"The key for me is to keep expectations low"-George W Bush
"I wanted to be Nacho, but she said if I cou;n't spell it, I couldn't be it"-random kid, on his Spanish name
"They have fullbacks right?"-Bobby, on basketball
[several seconds later]
"But they have safeties, right?"-Bobby, again on basketball
' [several more seconds later]
"Fullbacks are defense, god damn it"-Bobby
"Evan you made me die, I;m not dead yet!"-Mark