4 am, not sleepin, just borin' , suicide thoughts are fortunatelly not vissiting me,actually they are not welcomed, ........ I used to do that, often, too often,spending my nights alone, no one else can borrow u, no one. recently I rented an appartments, just for been alone, cookin' for my self, reading Glean Cook , Koran, Ericsson, doing nothing, ruminating about my .................. Ya woobshe posuti sova , ne lyublyu spat po nocham, mnogo raz ya nabludal voshod, daje slishkom mnogo raz, eto uje davno doljno bilo bi perestat bit dlya menya romantichnim, i trepechushe dushu, no net ..kajdiy raz po raznomu, ono vstayet kak to velichestvenno, medleno,ne spesha, , kak budto znayet, chto bez nego vse poteryayet svoy smisl, derevya, , s virezannimi na stvole bukovkami i serdechkami, mejdunarodnimi problemami, i grandioznimi lichnimi tragediyami..... Medlenno raspredelyayet svoyu lyubov, svet, lasku , gordo, neprinujdenno. Golova nemnogo potreskivayet, hochetsya utknutsya v podushku , zabit pro vse , skazat mne na vse naplevat, ya slishkom ne vajnaya vesh chtobi izza moyego otsutstviya chto nibud sluchilos, no na urovne podsoznaniya, zastavlyayesh sebya ne lech, obeshayesh yasnost spustya neskolko chasov, holodniy dush kajetsya huje intervencii chujakov na rodinu.... no vragi berut stranu, ya zalaju pod dush.. brrrrrrrrr......... brrrr.......... brr....... br... uhhhhhhhhhh...... dalshe kak obichno, ustalaya pohodka, v razvalku, znakomiy voditel avtobusa, daje ne pozdorovalsya, ne svejiye misli o ...... Po doroge v universitet zastavlyayu sebya ulibatsya znakomim, vstretil Cheloveka, mojet odnogo iz ne mnogih , iz teh s kem mojno , ...., obshatsya, kivnul, ponyatno, poshel dalshe.] podnimayus na 7- etaj otdishka, meshayet, horosho , chto poka pet ne meshayet- dumayu, beru sigaretu, oprotiveli, no eto vozduh........ posle ijdivenec idet prosajivat krovniye v internete, speshit proverit pochtu, net li ot nee..... net..... reshil , shas, napishu, no., net, nepishu, vot vecher prohodit obichno bar, pivo, boltavnya,kosiye vzglyadi, nafuferennih devic, bezrazlichiye moya privelegiya, net sheychas takih.. ne delayut uje..... mojet bit,,..... kogda nibud.......