Paradise Lost

Aya let the sweat stream down his face as he ignored the pain in his
abdomen and he pushed himself to do just five more sit-ups. He could
hear the pounding of music coming from Omi's room down the hall and he
tried to stop wondering what Omi was doing right then. 

"One hundred ninety-six...," he gasped as his chest touched his knees
again. He had almost completed his exercise for the day, but it seemed
somehow harder that night. He was more out of breath than usual and his
hard stomach muscles screamed in protest with each set he did. /What's
wrong with you, today, Fujimiya?/ he demanded of himself, /Were you
planning on letting yourself go soft just because of one bad experience
last night? You have to stay in fighting shape so you're prepared at all
times for the confrontation which will finally allow you to avenge your
sister.../ 

/199.../ Aya heaved himself forward one last time, his dark violet eyes
shut tight with the effort, /200!/ and then he lay back, his chest
heaving as he panted for breath on the floor of his room. For a second,
the image of Omi lying on his back gasping hungrily for breath flashed
through his mind and Aya say up abruptly. /Damn it! Can't I go five
minutes without thinking of him?!/ 


Aya walked gracefully across the room and grabbed a hand towel to wipe
the sweat from his face and bare chest. He would let himself enjoy a
shower only after he did his pull-ups. The music down the hall abruptly
stopped. Aya slung the towel around the back of his neck and was
reaching for his water bottle when there was a soft knock at the door. 


Aya sighed. It was probably Ken informing him that there would be a
mission that night. Maybe Aya wouldn't have to finish his exercises
after all since the missions were usual more work anyway. He usually
only trained on his off-nights. 


"Aya-kun...?" the timid voice on the other side of the door inquired.
Aya froze, his hand almost on the door. Omi. What did he want? Aya
reached for a clean undershirt and pulled it on before he reluctantly
opened the door. /This is the last thing I need.../ 

Omi looked shy and awkward, but his eyes burned with questions that Aya
knew he didn't want to answer. "What?" was all the redhead said without
moving from the doorway. Omi fidgeted with the string ties of his
sweatshirt anxiously. 

"I just wanted to talk to you... about last night," Omi said. The boy
looked less sure of himself than when he'd first knocked. 

Aya pretended not to care and turned his back to hide the unmanly blush
which was creeping to his cheeks. He moved away from the door, allowing
Omi entry, though hardly inviting him in. "What is there to talk about?"
was all he said. 

" 'What is there...'?" Omi repeated in a soft disbelieving tone, "What
_isn't_ there left unsaid?" A note of desperation seeped into his voice.
"We shared something special in the kitchen last night... You took me
back to your room and undressed me willingly enough but when I told you
how I felt about you, you just--" 


"Don't make me out to be some pervert!" Aya snapped sharply. He turned
to face Omi now that the flush in his cheeks could be mistaken for
anger. "It wasn't like that!" 

"I'm sorry! I know..." Omi hastily added, trying to make his earlier
statement sound like less of an accusation. "I just wanted to know why
after things seemed to be going so well..." Omi trailed off as Aya shot
him an unimpressed look. "I mean..." Omi's eyes couldn't meet Aya's and
his cheeks flushed a deep pink. "Last night meant a lot to me, Aya-kun.
I've never felt that way before and I don't know why things ended the
way they did." 

Aya made no reply, but pulled a shirt off a hanger and started to button
it on. 

"Aya...?" Omi asked quietly, his heart pounding, "Why did you tell me to
leave when I said that I loved you?" Finally! The question was out in
the open and he couldn't take it back now. 


Aya didn't stop what he was doing as he spoke. "What is a person
_supposed_ to say when someone tells him that he loves him, but the
person doesn't feel the same way?" 

Omi was struck silent as he felt his heart breaking. 

"Exactly. There's nothing to say," Aya said emotionlessly, "So what is
there for us to be talking about right now?" Aya heard himself say the
words coldly and hated each syllable that breathed past his lips. He saw
the crestfallen look that swept across Omi's face and hated himself for
it. Omi was the one who could always cheer him when he was the most
down, the one who would never forsake him. Why was it that Aya could
only seem to hurt him in return? But how could he, after years of
suppressing his every feeling but hatred, how could he confess to Omi
that he meant the world to him? How Aya's heart lifted whenever Omi was
in the same room and how he wanted to love him so badly but didn't know
how... How he felt unworthy of the sweet boy's attentions. He didn't
deserve it. It wasn't right for a sinner to love an angel. Didn't Omi
see that? 

"How..." Omi choked out, "How can you say that?" He tried to restrain
the tears which began to brim in his eyes, but couldn't remember ever
being as heartbroken as he was at that moment and knew it was useless to
battle the oncoming torrent of tears. "The way you kissed me last
night... It felt as though you were in love with me, too..." 


"We all make mistakes," Aya replied flatly. 

The remark stuck Omi like a slap in the face and his mouth actually fell
open slightly in surprise. Omi didn't know if the mistake Aya spoke of
meant that he had made a mistake in kissing him, or that Omi had made a
mistake in thinking that there was something behind the kiss. Either
way, Omi knew at last that the one man he could ever love had rejected
him completely. It was all over. A tear slipped free from the corner of
his eye and ran down his cheek. Omi couldn't bite back a short crying
sound of despair as the tear ran down. 

Aya saw the tears in Omi's eyes and wanted to comfort him, hold him, and
tell him everything would be all right, but under duress he didn't know
how to translate his feelings into anything but anger. He made a sound
of disgust and grabbed his car keys from the dresser. "I don't have to
deal with this," he snarled and threw open the door. 

"Aya... Where are you going?" Omi asked, frightened. For a moment he
thought that Aya was suggesting he was quitting Weiß. 

"Out," was all Aya said and for the second night in a row, he left Omi
alone in the dark and walked away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"NOOO!" Nagi screamed. 

He telekinetically threw the front door open and ran out the door faster
than humanly possible, using his powers to hasten his every step. No one
made a move to stop him and he had charged out into the dark city street
in a second. The city lights in every direction were menacing and
all-encompasing. Nagi frantically looked left and right, not knowing
where to search first to find Omi and prevent the tragedy which Clofford
had foreseen. Omi was out there somewhere, but where? 


Nagi ran a few steps in one direction on impulse, then stopped and ran
another direction, following a gut feeling. He stopped and shook his
head in frustration. Guessing was no way to make this work, but he had
no alternative. Nagi's heart pounded with fear and he was near tears
with stress. /OhGodOhGodOhGod!/ Nagi ran a sweating hand through his
hair, and pressed the heel of his palm against the side of his temple.
/Think.. Think.../ Clofford's predictions could be prevented if the
right action was taken, he was sure of it, but he only had one chance to
get it right which would mean the difference between Omi's life and
death... He knew that if Omi died when Nagi had the chance to save him,
Nagi could never forgive himself. He had to do it right, but needed a
place to start looking. 

The park! The park where they'd first met was Nagi's only lead as to
where Omi might be. Nagi made a silent prayer that somewhere, where ever
he was, Omi would be heading to the park instead of any other random
place, and that Nagi would find him in time. Hopefully, he at least
lived near there. 

The youngest Schwarz member gave a quick look around, then floated
himself straight up in the air. He knew how foolish it was to use his
powers and fly in public, but it was an emergency. Hopefully if he
stayed high enough, no one would see him under the cover of night. Nagi
flew to above the building tops and waited a moment to get his bearings.
He could see everything from that height, but it all looked so different
from up in the air. He looked frantically back and forth until he saw
the gap in the tall skyscrapers where the park must be, and soared in
that direction without a second thought. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Aya-kun..." Omi wept. He was left alone. Again. He heard the grinding
sound of a car's ignition, then the purr of the engine as Aya started
his car outside. He heard the sound fade and die as the redhead
disappeared down the street. Omi was struck by the odd feeling that he
had just seen Aya for the last time. /Why...? Why did I have to love you
and why can't you love me, too? ... Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry!
What do I do, now?/ 

Omi stayed curled up on the floor on his knees, his arms wrapped tightly
around himself. His tears suddenly stopped when an idea occurred to him.
Nagi! Nagi seemed to understand a lot of matters from the heart and was
the only one Omi could confide in; he could help him! Omi knew that Nagi
would be an understanding person to talk to about his relationship
problems with. But Omi felt far too restless to stay at home to contact
him, and he had no way of reaching his friend or finding out where he
lived... The park. The park was where they had met and was their only
link that he could think of. Without any other place to go, Omi wiped
his teary eyes and headed out into the dark city in the desperate hope
that somehow Nagi would be there. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aya curled his lip in anger and downshifted roughly as he sped through
the city streets. He had to get away for a while. He couldn't stand
Omi's tears and accusations, couldn't stand himself and he needed to get
out and think. He knew it was bad to drive when angry, but he couldn't
stay at the shop a minute longer, and he'd always heard from Yohji how
therapeutic it was to drive fast and let one's problems get eaten away
with the mileage, so he was trying it out himself. 

There had been a time not long ago when Aya had been afraid to get
behind the wheel of a car and when he finally could, he could never
drive faster than 10 under the speed limit. Ever since his sister had
been put into a coma from a car accident, every pedestrian on the street
corners was someone who could potentially step out suddenly, who he
could hit. He had been terrified. Now, at the brief memory of a time
when Aya wouldn't have dreamed he'd ever be able to drive this fast, he
found himself resent his frightened former self and drove even faster.
He didn't know if Yohji was right about driving recklessly making him
feel better, but he certainly couldn't stand the thought of being slow
and cautious at that moment. 

That was what life was about! Taking a bite out of life and living
dangerously. The worst thing you could lose was your life, and many
people deserved that anyway, Aya found. He was in his right to want to
kiss Omi and be with him, but not to love him! /Aren't I?/ /So who is
that kid to guilt me into apologizing or committing to something I don't
want to?/ /He told me he loved me... Doesn't that mean something?/ /I
don't deserve this treatment!/ /I don't deserve *him*!/ /He's not my
responsibility!/ /He's been nothing but kind to me... And he was willing
to help me; why won't I do the same?/ /Why did he cry like that?/ /Why
are you so cruel??/ 

"SHIT!!!" Aya yelled and slammed his hand against the steering wheel.
His thoughts tore him apart from the inside out, two sides to his
spirit, one resentful and the other laced with regrets. No matter how
hard he tried it was all he could think about. /Why can't you think
about anything else? Why do you care?!/ /Could it be that you feel--/
/NO!/ Aya grit his teeth against the tide of conflicting emotions and
the thought of the beautiful face that haunted his mind wherever he
went. /Omi.../ Aya punched the gas petal with his foot and the engine
roared in response as he tore down the street. 

~~~~~~~~~

Omi jogged at an easy pace along the sidewalk, his heart pounding from
more than just the exercise. /I've really blown it this time. Nagi...
Please be there! I need to talk to you... Everything's gone wrong and I
need you... Please.../ 

It would be a while still before he got to the park but Omi didn't care.
He didn't even really expect to see Nagi once he got there he just
needed to get out and run. The cold night air felt good in his laboring
lungs and soothed his mind. 

/This is just the way it has to be, I guess, Aya-kun... I know this can
only be a problem for us, so I'll have to learn how to stop loving you.
I'll tell you tonight, Aya, that I've been a fool, to forget it, that it
was nothing to me... Maybe if we're lucky we can start getting things
back to the way they were./ he thought to himself sadly. He paused from
jogging at the crosswalk for a moment while he waited for the light to
change. /I'll tell you tonight,/ Omi decided. 

The "walk" sign lit up and Omi jogged quickly into the intersection. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aya grit his teeth. /I can't stop thinking about you, Omi... Why?/ he
thought to himself, /I'm just fooling myself; I can never have you. My
sister comes first, before everything else. It would be wrong to let
myself be happy with you and forget my purpose-- my mission of
vengeance. I won't let that happen!/ He pressed the gas pedal down even
harder, causing branches nearby to rustle and sent dust and leaves
scattering in his wake as he sped past. 

The image of Omi with tears of loss streaming down his face returned
again and haunted the redhead's mind. /... But even if I can't be with
Omi, this isn't right. Omi has shown me more kindness than anyone else
since I lost Aya. He doesn't deserve this! What have I done?/ Aya
grimaced with self-loathing. /Omi... I was wrong!/ Aya drove faster than
ever, back to the flower shop. /I'm going to come back to you and
apologize right now.../ 


As he punched the gas pedal to head back to where he hoped Omi was
waiting, the light far up ahead turned yellow. Aya frowned. He knew that
he would not be able to make it to the light in time before it turned
red, but he would be close. He thought of how Yohji always drove so fast
and would cut through the intersection the instant it first turned red.
Yohji had said that all the cross-traffic with the green light always
linger for a moment anyway, that it was safe. Aya looked at the light
ahead of him and knew that the yellow light would change any moment. He
thought of how sad it would be if he got back to the flower shop and Omi
had just left. Aya didn't want to miss him, and in that moment, he made
his decision. He couldn't see the headlights of any other cars, and knew
that it would be all right. /I'm coming for you, Omi! I'm so sorry.../
The traffic signal illuminated Aya's pale face with hellish red as it
changed and Aya floored his car across the crosswalk. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nagi flew high above the city, continuing his desperate search. He tried
to push the dozens of mental images he could conjure of Omi being
gruesomely killed in a car accident out of his head, the thought of that
angelic face twisted into death-pain, the lithe body being thrown over
the hood of a car... The boy shuddered. Thinking about that would only
make him panic, and right now he just needed a calm mind so he could
focus and find Omi. He might have hours left to go, he might be too late
already. He didn't hear the wail of any ambulance sirens and assumed
that until he did, there was still time. He just couldn't assume there
was _much_ time. 

He was only a few blocks from the park, when his searching eyes found to
his elation, the figure he was desperately searching for below him. The
tiny figure of Omi was jogging along the street towards the park, then
waiting patiently at the crosswalk for the signal to change before he
walked into traffic. So cautious... Unknowing of the tragedy that could
have taken place. 

Nagi's apathetic features turned into a faint smile, and tears of relief
sprang to his eyes. /I made it in time... I probably made it with an
hour to spare, too/ From where he hovered high above the street, Nagi
finally let his panic subside and allowed himself to revel in the sight
of his first love. He'd been hoping to see Omi ever since they'd parted
ways earlier. But somehow, Omi looked strange and Nagi was struck with a
sense of foreboding. A line from Shakespeare that Nagi which always
reading from (and Schuldip teased him about) came to his mind for some
reason... 

[ "Oh, God I have an ill-divining soul! 
Methinks I see thee now, thou art so low, 
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb. 
Either my eyesight fails me or thou lookest pale..." ] 

Nagi shook his head against the feeling and reassured himself from
another line from "Romeo and Juliet". 

[ " All these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our times to
come!" ] 

Nagi smiled and began to float himself gently down behind Omi. He'd
catch up to him on foot and maybe they could go out that night... But
the sound of a speeding, roaring engine made his heart become chill and
his blood ran cold. 

/THE CAR! NOW!/ 


Nagi flung himself downward as fast as he could, trying to catch up and
stop the tragedy before it occurred. Fearing he wouldn't get there in
time as the speeding car raced near like a white metal reaper, Nagi
screamed for Omi to stop, hoping he would hear, hoping the speed of
sound could save his love even if his own powers weren't fast enough. 

"OMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Omi had just begun to run into the intersection and heard the sound of a
speeding car from somewhere close approaching, but stranger than that,
he heard his own name being called out in desperation. 

"OMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" 

/What the...?/ Omi stopped where he was and began to turn around to find
out who had called out to him. He never saw who it was, though, as
something more pressing filled his gaze when he turned to look over his
shoulder. Omi's eyes were blinded with the headlights of a car that was
only a few yards away and bearing towards him impossibly fast. He didn't
have time to be afraid or even gasp. His mind just thought distantly,
/--it's going to hit.../ and then the car was upon him. The second
before impact, the car was so close that he wasn't blinded by the
headlights any more, and Omi could see the driver. Their eyes met and
there was a horrible second of recognition /Aya!/ before the car slammed
into Omi's unprotected body and he was thrown forward into the air. 

Omi's small body was sprawled on his back in a tangle of limp arms and
legs when it hit the concrete road in the middle of the intersection.
His body convulsed once, twice, then lay very still. His body was in
shock from the impact; Omi felt no pain. His mind wondered distantly why
his body wouldn't move no matter what he tried. /My head... I feel so
strange.../ 

Omi's shoulders and head lay in a puddle in the middle of the street,
his soft blonde hair floating lazily in the pool of blood and black
water. The red halo which surrounded his head was spreading. Somewhere,
as if in another world, Omi could hear the sound of his name being
called. One sounded like Nagi, his voice filled with despair and regret.
Then he could hear Aya's voice cut through the night, too, his voice
filled with horror and lamentation. "Omi!" they were screaming, "Omi!"
As the boy on the ground listened to them call his name, he found he
still couldn't move and that it was getting increasingly hard to even
think. He couldn't see the stars in the night sky he was facing any more
as his vision faded to a soft warm white. 

/I'm sorry.../ he thought to no one in particular as he felt himself
slipping away. /I don't blame you, Aya... I just wish... I could love
you... one more time.../ Omi closed his eyes as tears formed in the
corners and he faded into the soft void. 

~~~~~~

"OMI!!!! OMI!!!!!" Nagi screamed as he rushed to Omi's side, and
gathered the motionless body in his arms, finally reunited with his
love. Tears poured down his cheeks in crystal rivers and he gently swept
the damp hair and blood from Omi's smooth brow. "No! No!!! Omi!! Say
something! Open your eyes! Why won't you open your eyes??" he cried
desperately. He cradled the limp body in his arms and rocked Omi back
and forth like an infant, gently shaking him as if to make the closed
eyes awaken from their sleep. "Wake up, Omi!! Don't leave me! Please!
Wake up, Omi!" 

He sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably, holding to the body so tightly it
was as if he was trying to hold onto Omi's life. He had used his powers
at the last second, throwing up a hasty shield to protect Omi, but he'd
been a little too late and the shield only had time to come part-way up.
He had saved his lover from being killed instantly, but couldn't protect
him entirely and now the boy's life hung in a delicate balance between
life and death. "Hang on, Omi! Don't die! Please don't leave me! Why
won't you... open your... eyes...?" Nagi wept so hard his stomach
cramped and he couldn't even draw the breath to speak. 

Behind him, the soft purr of an engine drew near and a black limousine
pulled over on the other side of the street. A familiar American face
appeared as Clofford rolled down the tinted window and regarded the
tragic scene with cold disinterest. FarPhaleo and Schuldip emerged and
began walking towards them. 

"Give him here," Schuldip said calmly, "We'll take him home with us." 

Nagi drew his arms around his prize defensively. "I won't let you hurt
him!" he declared, cradling Omi's head in his arms protectively. 

Schuldip put his hands up in a soothing gesture. //We just want to take
him back with us. You can come along, too, of course. We're going to get
a doctor. It's okay...// Schuldip spoke directly to Nagi's mind, not
concealing his emotions so Nagi knew that he was telling the truth. He
didn't even care why Schwarz decided they wanted to take Omi alive. 

"Is he...?!" Nagi asked desperately. 

//Dead? No, but he's damn close. Let's move.// Schuldip replied. 

Nagi reluctantly stood, and floated the boy's body into Schuldip's arms
with the greatest of care. Then he turned around to face the murderer
who had nearly taken away the only thing in life that mattered to Nagi
any more. There was fire in his eyes. 

~~~~~~

Aya couldn't move, he couldn't think, he couldn't feel. When he'd seen
Omi freeze in front of the car, he'd seen everything that mattered
shatter into a dazzling dark nightmare. An innocent youth, somebody who
was loved, so full of life... hit by a car just like his little sister,
but this time it was him, not Takatori, behind the wheel. He was no
different from that monster he'd sworn vengeance against. Aya saw in his
mind a visage of Omi in a hospital with tubes and wires running
everywhere as he lay in an eternal slumber like his sister. That was if
Omi was not already dead. He was then stuck with the image of himself at
a funeral service alongside Yohji and Ken in black suits, watching the
boy resting peacefully in a chestnut coffin while a minister said one
last prayer... 

Tears streamed down his face unbidden, and he stood numbly just outside
his car, one hand still on the door as he looked on and felt himself
slowly die inside. He didn't understand why the Schwartz boy was crying
over Omi's body like a long-lost lover, but somehow it seemed only
fitting that it was him, not Aya, who got to hold that precious figure
so close and tight... This boy was at least true to his real feelings.
/Omi.../ 

The redhead watched, paralyzed on the spot, as the other Schwartz
members arrived. Only when they started taking Omi away, was the spell
broken. Aya didn't have his sword with him, but charged towards them
anyway, his face contorted with rage. FarPhaleo drew his gun and pointed
it directly at Aya's head. "Ah, ah, ah..." he taunted, shaking his
finger back and forth in a reprimanding gesture, and cocked the gun. 

"He's mine," was all Nagi said, holding up an arm to stop the
gray-haired madman from killing the Weiß assassin. 

"You will know the pain of loss that you have caused me and my love,"
Nagi said darkly, addressing the redhead now, "I will show you what
suffering is, and he will be avenged..." There were flashes and sparks
as if from an electrical charge as Nagi's powers swirled around
everyone. The wind stirred and Nagi's hair stood on end as he charged up
his energy for the death blow, then aimed one purposeful finger at Aya's
chest. 

The redhead could only stand and wait for the blow. He didn't have a God
to repent his sins to. /I'm sorry, Aya-chan... Omi... I have failed you
all./ 

"Nagi, STOP!" Clofford's voice cut in suddenly. 

Nagi couldn't stop the energy released from his finger, but could only
redirect it at the last second. The blinding light of raw power flashed
through the dark night and the misfire flew forward, shearing a parked
car perfectly in half. "Don't interfere!" Nagi hissed angrily at
Clofford without taking his eyes off of the redheaded Weiß assassin,
"I'm going to kill him!" 

"Calm yourself, fool!" Clofford hissed back irately, and put a hand over
Nagi's to keep him from aiming another shot. "I've had another vision
and he's better off to us alive. If you kill him, then I'll kill you.
Don't disobey." 

Nagi's small body trembled with rage as he wanted nothing more than to
make the killer pay for hurting dear Omi, but he held back, forcing
himself to keep under control. He couldn't remember ever feeling such
passionate anger before in his life. His hands balled into fists, his
fingernails digging into his palms until they bled. 

"Hey, Aya!" Schuldip called out, a cruel smile twisting his lips,
"Missing something?" He gave Omi a possessive pat on the rump from where
the boy was slung over his shoulder. With a laugh, he and FarPhaleo got
back into the limo with their new acquisition. 

"Come along, Nagi," Clofford commanded as he turned away from the scene.
"And do something about that one," he added, waving a hand in Aya's
direction. Nagi obligingly whipped out another burst of energy and
slammed Aya's head hard against the side of his car. Aya was almost
relieved when he was knocked unconscious because it was his only escape
from the horror of reality. 

Nagi ran back into the limo and the black car headed back to
headquarters. The boy never let go of Omi's hand the entire way.