No Sense of Perspective
Authoress: Satori!! <Insert standard “I am a Goddess, kneel before me” rant here>
Co-authoress: My sister, Pretty Magical Girl Sammy-creative genius
Rating: Stuff, crossover between Weiß and Gundam Wing
Pairings: Well, there’s my standard 1X2, and another, but I’m gonna surprise you.
Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING. So do not sue me. <Whines: > Please? <Whimpers and runs into a corner,
hugging her Farfe-bear. > OW!!! <Smacks Farfe. >
Dammit Farfe!! I told you to lose the switchblade!! <Coddles the irritated bear closer>
Teach you to stab your goddess, little ingrate.
Farfe-bear: Must…hurt…God…um…ess…
Satori: Oh, shut up! It’s time to start the fic. I’ll deal with you in the authoress’ notes at the end.
“MARDI GRAS!!!!!!!”
Duo leapt happily in the air, swinging a jubilant fist and nearly socking Heero Yuy in the eye. The Japanese
pilot glared at the American murderously. Duo ignored him and danced around the room happily, looking like an idiot.
“Stupid American…” Heero muttered. Duo stopped and stared at the pilot.
“Huh?” Duo raised an eyebrow at his koi. “What was that, Heero?”
Heero looked innocent, and said, “Umm…nothing.”
Duo gave up. He grabbed a phone and started dialing.
“What are you doing?” Heero said. Duo gave him the ‘Are you dense?’ look and sighed sadly before explaining.
“First, I’m calling the other three guys. Then I’m reserving our flight to and hotel in the Big Easy, baby!”
“Oh…”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Elsewhere ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“We really get the week off for Mardi Gras?” Youji stared disbelievingly at the screen in the basement of Kitty/ the
guy’s house.
“Yes. I think you guys deserve the break, and after all Takatori is out of the country for an indefinite period of time.
Enjoy your vacation.” Youji clicked off the screen and looked around at his friends, Ken, Aya, and Omi.
“WHOOO-HOO!!!!!” Youji leapt up and danced around. “Mardi Gras! Parties! Girls! Alcohol! Girls!” He grabbed
the closest boy, Aya, and swung him around joyfully.
“Did I mention girls?!?!?!”
Aya batted Youji away with an irritated look. He had more important things to think about than Youji and his girls.
Like how soon he could book a flight to New Orleans.
Omi looked around, and then turned to Ken. They’d been left by themselves in the basement. Youji had run off to pack
and Aya had said something about there being only so many flights left on such short notice.
“What’s Mardi Gras, Ken?”
~ ~ ~ ~On the plane- G-boys~ ~ ~ ~
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wu Fei had gotten seats together, a miracle on such short notice. Together they took up
almost a whole row. The little old lady sitting next to them was conveniently a deep sleeper.
“So is this flight gonna be long?” Quatre looked up at the stewardess questioningly. She patted his head and laughed kindly.
“Where are your parents, little boy?” Quatre pouted and looked hurt.
Trowa took up for him. “Ma’am, we’re all almost legal. Please answer my friend’s question.” The stewardess looked at
the five boys. Heero was glaring at the chair in front of him so hard it was smoking. Duo was bouncing around so much that no one
was sure whether he had a seat of his own or if he was sharing a seat with like four different people. Trowa’s bangs were making the
little kid sitting a few seats over cry.
Quatre was…well, he was being normal. And Wu Fei was rubbing wax on his Nataku key chain. The stewardess looked pained.
“A very, very long flight, boys.”
5 hours later
“Do you have any chocolate?”
Lunch was being served and Wu Fei, seeing that there was none of his favorite candy on his plate, was perturbed.
“Sir?” This was a different stewardess. Wu Fei looked at her like she was dense.
“Chocolate. Chocolate milk, anything? Please?” The stewardess was afraid of the intense look in the boy’s eye. She
rummaged around on her cart and managed to pull out a Hershey’s bar.
“Is…this okay?”
“Perfect…” Wu Fei sighed. The look on his face was reminiscent of a smoker lighting up for the first time in…well, for
the day. “Now for…” He eyeballed his milk. “Ah, yes…” The stewardess walked away as fast as safe on a plane. Wu Fei
rummaged around in his pockets, but came up empty of whatever he was looking for.
“Whatcha lookin’ for, Wuffie?” Duo said. It was amazing, after 5 hours, that he could be so chipper.
“A lighter. Any of you got one?” The other five boys shook their heads. Wu Fei looked around, then turned almost
completely around in his seat. He had noticed that the man directly behind him smelled strongly of cheap cologne and tobacco.
He was a obviously a smoker and was bound to have a lighter. The man noticed the boy looking at him. He pulled down his
green sunglasses.
“Yes?” the man said, flipping his blondish ponytail and adjusting his cowboy hat.
“Gotta lighter?” Wu Fei said. The man nodded and produced the desired object from a pocket in his large black coat.
“Thanks. I’ll only need it for a sec.”
“No problem.”
Wu Fei held the chocolate bar over his glass of milk and began melting the bar into it using his borrowed lighter. Duo
turned around to see who Wu Fei had been talking to.
“Excuse me, sir?” he said. “I admire your hat. May I wear it for a brief period of time?” The man behind them shook
his head and smirked.
“I dun’ think so, kid. Screw you, little ‘wordthatDuowillnotrepeatcuzitsnaughty’. Turn your dumb American @$$ around
and sit-down.”
“Of course, sir. I understand. You are fond of your hat and do not wish to part with it.” Duo exclaimed, then sat back
down before turning back around and pointing at the younger blond behind him. “Well, young sir, your goggles are mighty nifty.
May I try them on?” The boy smiled graciously and handed the goggles to Duo.
“Why, that would be fine with me, you extremely attractive American, you.”
“Why, thank you, kind hearted young boy!! Wow, you’re sure keen!!” Duo tried on the goggles, then handed them back
to the boy.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~Flight- Weiß boys. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“This is gonna be a long flight…” Youji sighed as he observed the no-smoking sign glowing red over his seat. Then,
spotting a cute stewardess, he grinned predatorily.
“Maybe…not so long.” She was slowly working her way to where Youji and his three friends were sitting (they’d gotten seats
together through some sweet talking the people who were really supposed to be in the seats).
Youji got ready to turn on his charm. Man, she was spending a while at the row in front of them…she was turning
pale…No, dammit, she was walking back towards the front of the plane…Argh! Curses! Here came the ugly old
backup stewardess! Rats…
“A long, long flight…” Youji sighed. He adjusted his sunglasses and ‘hmphed’ when the stewardess came by. Omi,
of course, was more than nice enough to make up for his less-than-polite friend. Yo-tan pulled his cowboy hat over his eyes
and prepared to nap.
5 hours later
Aya poking him awakened Youji. “What?” he grunted.
“Meal time.” Aya said. Youji perked.
“Ooh, food.” Rats, though…it was that ugly old stewardess again. Well, food was food (with the possible exception
of cafeteria, hospital, and airplane ‘food’) and it didn’t matter who or what served it.
They were each given a tray of disgusting looking pasta and a glass of milk. Ech…oh well, they’d probably had worse
at some point in time, which was not readily coming to mind right now.
A few minutes later, while Youji was still staring down his noodles (which he swore he’d seen move) when he felt
someone staring at him. Youji looked up to see a small Chinese looking down at him from above his own seat. Youji pulled
down his sunglasses to see him better.
“Yes?” Youji flipped his ponytail.
“Gotta lighter?” the boy said. Youji didn’t have to think, grabbing it was a honed reflex. He handed it to the boy, who
thanked him and turned back around. A few moments later, just when Youji was beginning to think he smelled cooking
chocolate, another boy popped his head over the seat in front of Omi, but he was looking at Youji.
“Hey, you gotta cowboy hat!!” the hyperactive kid said. He looked like an American. Dumb Americans. “Can I
wear it? Pleasepleaseplease?!” he asked excitedly, looking like a five-year-old asking for candy. Youji sighed and smiled
kindly at the boy.
“Why, regrettably no, young man. You see, I am very attached to this hat, and would be sad to part with it for even a short
period of time. I hope you understand.”
“Oh, I understand-BITCH. ‘WordthatYoujiwillnotrepeat’ you, man!!” the kid screamed angrily. He then ripped Omi’s
goggles off his head and slapped him. “Gimme those!! I will ‘wordthatYoujiwillnotrepeatcuzitsverynaughty’ you in the @$$!!
In the @$$!!!”
Omi burst into tears and Youji hugged him. “Please don’t cry, my child. That bad man is nothing but talk!!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Landing-G-boys ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Four extremely harried Gundam pilots-and 1 sickeningly cheerful one-stepped off the plane after it landed in New
Orleans. Duo, eternally energetic, took a look around and breathed deeply.
“Smell that good Louisiana air, my friends?” Duo sighed, as they stood in front of the airport, waiting for a taxi. Someone
was required to reply of course, but before they could, the group of boys were scattered by a runaway dolly full of suitcases.
“What the-?” Duo said. He was disrupted again though, by a group of men running after it. Well, three of them were running.
One, a tall redhead, stopped not many feet from where the G-boys were standing. He almost smiled as he looked at Heero.
“Do you ever get the feeling that some people are too stupid for their own good?” the man said. Heero made an unnoticed
sidelong glance at Duo and nodded. “I thought so.” The man then sauntered casually after his companions, muttering something
like, “I told Ken it was physically impossible to kick a soccer ball and push our luggage at the same time…”
“Were those the same guys who sat behind us on the plane?” Quatre wondered aloud. Duo nodded, still trying to figure
out if the redhead had been insulting him.
“That guy doesn’t act anything like the jerk you described, Duo.” Trowa said.
“Well, he was talking about the guy that I borrowed the lighter from.” Wu Fei replied.
“Was that blond with the goggles with them, too?” Duo questioned. Everyone else shrugged. “Well, he was pretty cool,
anyways.”
Suddenly Quatre pointed at the street. “Oh my god!!” he cried. The other four boys followed his arm to see that it
appeared one of the luggage-chasers had been hit by a taxi. Oddly enough, none of the other men with him seemed concerned…
Hmm…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Landing-Weiß~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
At the luggage claim, Ken piled everything on a dolly they had borrowed for the trip to the taxi. Naturally the first thing he
did, though, was to dig through his own bag to pull out his soccer ball.
“What are you gonna do with that, Ken?” Omi asked cautiously. Ken smiled at him reassuringly.
“Test my coordination!” Ken began to push the dolly along, hopping on one foot and dribbling the ball with his other.
“Is that a good idea?” Omi said, with a worried look.
“No.” Aya said. “Ken, I’m pretty sure it’s physically impossible to kick a soccer ball and push the luggage at the same
time, especially considering you’re…”
“I’m not clumsy!” Ken defended, just as his hopping foot slipped, the soccer ball went flying, and the luggage began to
roll away at an alarming speed. “Oh…smeg…”
“Well…” Youji looked around at the assassins like they were idiots.
“Well what?” Ken said. Youji cuffed him lightly and took off running.
“We gotta catch our luggage!!” he called over his shoulder as he jogged after the speeding dolly.
The Weiß boys had almost caught up to their suitcases when the errant luggage flew right through the doors out to the street
beyond.
“Oh, SMEG!” Ken exclaimed loudly, and all ran faster. They slammed trough the doors at full speed in hot pursuit.
“Almost…got ‘em…”
Unfortunately, in chasing the suitcases, the men had noticed little else, and unfortunately their little band ran headlong into
a crowd of familiar looking young boys.
They hardly slowed, except for a shouted apology over their shoulders. Aya, however, who was less concerned about the safety
of the luggage over himself, stopped before he dived headlong into traffic. He turned around to look at the boys they’d run into.
Spotting one who looked intelligent, a stoic-looking Japanese boy, Aya gave him a ‘You understand’ look. The boy raised
an eyebrow.
“Ever get the feeling that some people are just too stupid for their own good?”
Aya asked him. The boy cast a look at a familiar looking braided kid and then nodded at Aya. “I thought so.” He then observed
that his friends had managed to stop traffic by having Ken lie down in front of a car, and sauntered after them, waving at the
spandex-boy as he walked away.
‘Oh yeah…’ It clicked in Aya’s head. ‘Those kids were from the plane.’
~ ~ ~ ~ Gundam-On the town! ~ ~ ~ ~
The sign on the street corner read “Bourbon St.” Four overwhelmed pilots and one giddy one looked around and
marveled at the drunken revelry. Duo was about to explode with excitement.
“But Duo, what will we do here…? We’re all underage…” Quatre pointed out.
Duo looked at him disbelievingly for a moment.
“Good god, Quatre, it’s Mardi Gras! No one cares!! That’s the beauty of America, my friends.” Duo grabbed
Heero around the shoulders and made an all-inclusive gesture. “You can get away with anything.”
~ ~ ~ ~ Weiß-On the town ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The street sign on the corner read, “Bourbon St.” Youji looked around gleefully and inhaled the strong heady scent
of New Orleans at night.
“This is gonna be soooo sweet!!!” he exclaimed, grabbing Omi around his shoulders and waving an arm around towards
the sky. “Yep, the best vacation ever, boys.”
Omi tried to sneak away unnoticed, but Youji caught him.
“Where you going, little buddy?” Youji said, shaking a finger at the boy. Omi colored.
“Err…I’m underage, so I’ll just, uh, go back the hotel…heh.” He stammered.
“I don’t think so, man. See, you’re not underage at all, Omi-chan!” Youji said brightly.
“What do you mean, Youji-kun?” Omi said suspiciously.
“No, Omi! Your I.D. was stolen, you see?”
“Oh…Lord.” Aya sighed sadly.
Why do we keep running into each other?
~ ~ ~ ~ Gundam-You look familiar ~ ~ ~ ~
Our favorite Gundam pilots had been in town for three days now, having a…well, the parts they could remember were
great!! Actually, Quatre had only gotten drunk the first night, and he was still sleeping off the hangover in the hotel. Well, they
assumed he was sleeping. They were beginning to wonder what the hell he was doing in there. …Weird noises came from his
room…and he wasn’t even letting Trowa in. The spiky banged pilot had been sleeping on Wu Fei’s couch since night one.
This was especially traumatic for the Chinese boy, who was absolutely convinced, despite all contrary assurances that Trowa
just couldn’t wait to jump his tender hetero bones.
The boys were enjoying a parade (Duo had earned the most beads, by the way) when they noticed whom they were
standing next to.
Duo poked the tall blond man in the cowboy hat taking a drag off his joint.
“Excuse me, you look awfully familiar, sir, but I cannot place your face. Do you know where we might have met before?”
Duo said politely.
The tall man grimaced down at him and blew a puff of foul-smelling smoke into his face. “No.” he grunted.
“Please, sir, if you could not do that, I would be extremely grateful…” Duo said, blinking tears out of his stinging eyes.
The tall blond man, who was looking more and more familiar, grinned widely and evilly. He took another long drag from his
cigarette and leaned over to pointedly blow the smoke directly into Duo’s face.
“There you go, little ‘naughty word.’ Ya like that?” he sneered. Duo made a faint sobbing noise of shock. Instantly,
Heero swept in. (For some reason, he was now wearing a letter jacket).
“Is this bad man bothering you, Duo-chan?” Heero said in a deep and manly voice. He was holding Duo’s shoulders
to support the faint boy(who had somehow changed clothes to a poodle skirt and pink cardigan).
“Oh, Heero, you don’t need to defend me!” Duo exclaimed faintly, but Heero shushed him and said in his deep, manly
voice, with,
“Now, Duo, I gotta! You’re my best girl, Duo, and I must stick up for you!”
“Wow, Hee-kun, you sure are swell!” Duo giggled, blushing like a little girl. Heero gave his koi a brief peck on the cheek
and a pat on the butt. Duo giggled like a demon possessed schoolgirl.
Suddenly, one of the other cretins stepped forward, a brown haired man who looked a little slow. “What’re you guys doin’,
messing wit’ my friend, ya little ‘beeeeeeeeeep’?”
Duo gasped at his harshness. “Oh, goodness, Hee-kun, what is wrong with that man?” Heero looked very grave.
“Well, Duo, I won’t lie to you. I think that man is under the influence of drugs!”
“Not drugs!” Duo gasped, horrified.
“Yes, drugs!” Heero said, grimly.
“Whatever will we do?” cried Duo. Heero pushed up the sleeves of his jacket.
“The only thing I can do. I’m gonna beat the high out of him!!”
<Sound of record screeching and film burning up. Time stops. Farfe walks on the frozen scene and looks around. >
Farfe: What the hell is going on? The authoress must be crazier than I am!
<Sound of whip cracking, cats yowl. Familiar voice of Satori calls from off scene:>
S-chan: Oh, Farfe-bear, don’t concern yourself with this trivial matter and come back to me!!! I promise I’ll fix it in the end…mostly.
<Farfe pauses as he walks of for one last look around>
Farfe: Some of them are missing…where’re Quatre and…
<Farfe disappears, scene comes back to life. >
Heero threw himself at the apparent dimwit and began to pound the living daylights of him. However, the druggie retaliated
with vicious looking metal claws attached to his gloves.
“Oh my goodness!” Duo cried, seeing his love being overpowered. He collapsed against Trowa, who fanned Duo faintly.
“Don’t worry Miss Duo, sir! There’s no way Heero will lose to that druggie!” Trowa said encouragingly. Wu Fei snorted,
which could be taken as agreement
~ ~ ~ ~Weiß- you look familiar…~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It had been three days, and the boys of Weiß were having a…well, the parts they could remember were great! Actually,
Omi had only gotten wasted Day One, and he was still sleeping it off in his room…well, they were assuming he was sleeping…
They were assuming he was even is his room. The door was locked, and no one was seen coming or going…Weird…
Youji, Ken and Aya were having a great time at the parade…Umm…well, Youji and Ken were, and Aya was being,
well, Aya-ish. Youji had earned an awful lot of beads, which was disturbing his friends. He was about to go for a particularly
long string of silver ones-more appropriate to say their redheaded wearer- when some punk who was next to him elbowed his
side roughly.
“Hey!” said the braided boy in a drunken slur. “You look familiar!! Whur I seen you afore?” Youji grimaced slightly but
remembered the manners his dear old mum had taught him.
“I’m sure I don’t know, sir. I am sorry I could not help you more than that.” Youji tightened the belt of his lounge jacket
and puffed on his pipe of the finest imported tobacco. The boy would not let it go, however. Spotting Youji’s pipe, his eyes narrowed.
“Hey, hey! Put that out! Who ya think ya are, the ‘beepin’ Marlboro man?! Jesus!!” the boy shouted rudely. He then
turned to his friend, a boy in a green tank top that Aya found familiar. “Heero, these punks over here is pissin’ me off!!”
The dangerous looking boy stepped forward. Grabbing the braided boy, he gave Youji a long look. Then, to Youji’s
disgust, he slammed his ‘friend’ up against the wall next to them, and the two began to make out vigorously.
“Please…refrain from that in public, young men! Very improper, you know!! I cannot condone this morally wrong action
that you are taking!”
Ken, always trying to help, stepped forward. “Please, boys!” Ken cried. Finally they pulled apart. The young Japanese
boy had a dangerous glare in his eyes.
“You tryin’ to tell me that I cain’t ‘naughty word’ my ‘naughty word’ if I ‘naughty word’ want to?” he screamed, leaping on
Ken and punching his nose hard.
“Oh my gosh!” Youji exclaimed. Of course he couldn’t watch a snot-nosed little brat beat the aforementioned mucus out
of his buddy, so he jumped in the fray.
~ ~ ~Umm, both sides were incapacitated, so I took over~ ~ ~
And eventually, everyone had leapt in to defend their buddies, and beat the holy crap out of each other, and the fight spread,
and pretty soon it was a full-blown riot in the streets, which left many, many people hospitalized. Among them were Weiß and
Gundam, who had somehow wound up in rooms with each other. The nurses were struggling to keep Duo and Yohji from injuring
the other further. Heero and Aya glared at each other viciously until they both went into spastic fits. After that, they decided they
would make better friends than enemies. Ken politely listened to Wu Fei rant for hours about weakness, women and Justice before
the Chinese boy’s concussion finally caused him to pass out. And Trowa shared a room with that little old lady from the plane, who
had apparently been the one who had clubbed Wu Fei over the head with a PVC pipe…
Quatre and Omi visited their friends everyday…together…holding hands…and singing songs…
~ ~ ~ After Persia called, notifying Weiß of their vacation~ ~ ~
Omi was left standing alone in the basement. Ken hadn’t explained Mardi Gras. He was confused. Suddenly he thought
of something. He had a date this week. He would have to cancel….
~ ~ ~After Duo called: At Trowa and Quatre’s Apartment~ ~ ~
//Click. //
“Dammit.” Quatre said quietly as he hung up the phone, frowning slightly. Trowa looked up from his copy of “Romeo and
Juliet” (in the original English!) at the blond.
“Hmm.” he said with a question in his tone. Quatre looked up and put on a fake wide grin.
“Nothing, koi!” he said brightly. But he thought to himself, ‘Gonna have to cancel that date. Kuso, and that kid was hot…’
~On the plane, to New Orleans, Between the Great Stewardess Scare and Lunch~
~Gundam~
Due to circumstances that are more owing to the fact that Satori has been up till past two A.M. for the last week than what
actually happened, no one noticed Quatre’s frequent trips to the bathroom.
~On the plane, to New Orleans, Between the Lost Chance for some Sweet, Sweet Lovin’ and Lunch- Weiß~
Due to circumstances that are more owing to the fact that Satori has been up till past two A.M. for the last week than what
actually happened, no one noticed Omi’s frequent trips to the bathroom.
~In the Airport, After the Luggage went Rogue and After Weiß so Rudely Bumped into Gundam~
As he rushed past the five G-boys, Omi slipped Quatre a piece of paper with his hotel’s phone number and his room number on it.
~Before he strolled casually into the halted traffic…~
Aya pinched Heero’s tight spandex-lovin’ butt.
~After peeling himself off the toilet…~
Quatre decided he’d rather not hang out with the incredible Hearty-Partying Gundam pilots and dug through his pockets
till he found the number that his date-who had somehow wound up on the same plane to New Orleans. Trowa was getting boring, after all.
~After peeling himself off the toilet…~
Omi heard a knock on the door. Opening it, he smiled widely. It was that guy from Tokyo. He’d been forced to cancel, or
so he thought, but they’d somehow wound up on the same plane to New Orleans. Ken was getting boring, after all.
~What was Yohji smoking, anyways, the pipe or the pot? ~
What is he always smoking? It was a cigarette!! I can’t help it if Maxwell and Kudou have no sense of perspective! Sheesh,
blame the authoress for the delusional charas…
Fin.
Director’s Cut:
Satori: Cut, everybody!
Omi: Thank god. I was getting sick of holding hands with this fruit! <pulls away from Quatre>
Quatre: WAAII!!!! <T.T>
Wu Fei: Hey!! <Pulls katana on Omi> What’d you say to my koibito, Weiß punk!?
Heero: Hey, Omi is very delicate, you snot! <Huggles the blond>
Aya:. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yohji: Why the hell am I surrounded by fruits? At least I’m normal. <grabs Duo> Hey pretty girl…
Duo: ………..:: sweatdrop:: I’m a guy, man.
Yohji:
EEEWWWWW!!! Where did all the girls
go? <T.T>
Relena: <Tackles an unfortunate Yo-tan> YOOOO—TAAAAN!!!! COME AND KILL ME, YO-TAN!!!!
Yohji: Happy to oblige. <Blows her head off>
……. And there was much rejoicing…. Yay….
Yohji: Well, if those are my options…<looks around> I choose you!
Trowa: <is chosen> Meep!
Duo: Has anyone seen Heero and Omi?
~In Another Room~
Omi: Hee hee!
Heero: you’re awfully giggly tonight, koi…
Omi: Hee, Squeezy-Cheez tickles! < ^^ >
~At the Seki Fanfic Archive, A.K.A my computer~
Satori: Whew, being this delusional is exhausting! <sips on her Triple Treat Malt from Purple Cow>
Wu Fei: Mmm, chocolate…
Farafello: That was a good one, Satori! <Licks his favorite knife>
Satori: Oh, thanks, Farfe! <Scratches behind his ear>
Farfe: Ahhhh! <Leg thumps and he drool in pleasure>