Thoughts: On living in heaven.



I just competed today and got whooped by a super-nice 17 year-old mutant freak. He flashed the hardest problem at the comp, no one else could really hang the first holds. It was only V10ish. I've been climbing hard and trying very hard for a long time now, at least as long as this uberkid, Ben. I have done my hard routes, had my happy gravity-free days and always wanted to be stronger, better, more free (from gravity, etc.) Watching Ben climb today I realized, not for the first time, that the feul of idealism during my earlier years is running out. Time slowly burns away remaining hope of realizing my dreams. Granted, I dream of flying! ...Aim for the stars, hit the moon, they say (who are they anyway?) Well, I don't really have any beliefs or non-beliefs. Anything I think could be wrong at any moment. I don't see any good evidence for God or an after-life. This life is my one chance. My heaven. My dreams lived out in a very real, very conscious and very sadly limited way. We are all bound by the parameters of our limits.

A touch of sadness sweeps through me when I see people free in ways that I am not. I try so hard, with all my soul in fact, and will keep trying until I die. Who knows anyway? Maybe I'll accelerate in my progress for whatever reason at some point. Either way, I'll have low-G days, and I'll feel that purest of joys which is "impossible" realized. I love life, I don't get frustrated really anymore with my climbing or with other things easily. There are always moments, there must be for everyone; without the smell of rotting flesh the fragrance of a honey-suckle might not be quite as magical. (yeah, I'm a hippy.) So now it's Sunday, the comp is over. Ben took first with double my score. I'm at work in the hospital and the dream of yesterday has already merged with the momentum of the past. Today I'll deliver another baby, bring another life into the world. Today someone else will be born into heaven.


       

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Take a look at the new woody in Akron, Ohio. (click on Siemay and Noah's home wall.)

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