My first ADC was a dream, and an auditory signal. Keep in mind that Michael passed on 9/4/97. I would like to say that this was a VERY awful dream for me to be a part of, but it was the only difficult dream I've had with Michael. It wasn't easy for me to share this, so please be gentle... I feel it was his showing me how he felt when he died, so that somehow someday I'd be able to look back and understand, at least a little, that he was not in a normal state of mind, and that he really thought at the time that it was the only way.
It was set in Prague, but not at my apartment. I was living somewhere larger and spacious, as if in Vinohrady (affluent district in Prague) or something.
Michaels' appearances were brief and excruciating: I heard a tapping at the door , and it was him. I could see him physically and feel his pain, we didn't speak out loud, we spoke through immense feelings and perception. he was clearly distressed, clearly in pain. he seemed to ask of me my help but for whatever reason I couldn't. My body wouldn't move. He then went away, inconsolable and his face fallen.
He appeared again later at my door and this time I could see he was injured. There was blood on his face and neck and I panicked. He just stood there, and this time I wanted to do something very badly, with an urgency, but again I was forbidden this power. Again he went away and I had a terrible, terrible feeling.
He came again for the last time, bloodied terribly and I'm fairly sure near death. At this point I was in horror and extreme panic, but still I couldn't move. I almost think tht even at this point Michael and I were silently communicating. His sadness, our love, my extreme sadness, his depression, our lives together, and his decision to shoot himself.
After this point in the dream I do not remember...
This phenomenon happened many times. And I'm not making this up. I would look up into the night sky, tell Michael I love him, and a star would fall. The very last time this happened (and I think in all, there were about a half-dozen stars for me) was on January 4, 1998. Michael had been "gone" four months to the date. It was late at night, and I was miserable, crying, talking to Michael and I decided to go outside for some fresh air. I looked up into the night sky, kept talking to him. I wasn't trying to "elicit" a response. I just felt like I was closer to him by doing this. And then, after about ten minutes or maybe less, the most brilliant, huge, and close star came falling, cascading, across the sky right in front of me.
I consider these as signals of love from Michael. I don't know how he did it and I can't possibly imagine how, but I don't need to know. I know what I saw, and what I feel.
The first ADC that was something I actually SAW was Michaels' ability to click on the light panel, and I actually heard the panel clicking on, and the light come on in the dark room. This happened twice. I told my brother about this and he explained it as an electrical shortage or shortcircuit. Well, then why had this never happened before? And why was it only that one light that was affected? Furthermore, I am confident in my presence of mind enough to know that I saw and heard something real.
Michael also started making indescribable noises coming from the treadmill, plugged in but turned off, next to my bed. I remember wondering at first where the noise was coming from, and he kept it coming so much that at some points I felt we were having some sort of conversation. It is sort of a metallic bumping, a tweaking noise that is highly audible. In fact, there have been three witnesses to this. Michael still does this every once in a while, and it is truly nothing else but him, because this is a machine that is sitting in front of my bed, turned off, and it's never done anything like it before. Yes, it's beyond explanation, but I have no doubt it's Michael telling me he's with me.
There were also two occasions where the "bumping" was mixed with reddish square lights on the ceiling, flashing and in synch with the noises. When I'd ask Michael if it was him, the noise and flashes would pick up in intensity and speed.
It has been so very long since I wrote about my experiences with Michael, his contacts....and I've NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that he, and all of our loved ones who've died, have indeed only gone to another place, like a room next to us that only a wall separates. It is my belief, after almost six years since Michael left, that most of us as humans must experience these sort of contacts for ourselves in order to come to a new level of understanding our transitory existence here on earth, and how beautiful and non ending love is, as well as our very own unique souls. Still, it is very difficult to live in this world as it is, and there have been times for me when I felt like I was finished here, even with the grace of knowing (and perhaps encouraged by knowing) that we live on.
I wish I could give all of you who haven't "heard" from your loved ones the knowledge and faith, and grace, that I've experienced. Michael paradoxically has given me more in death than he ever could have given me in life, simply by the nature of his dying showing me the expanse of our souls. Let me recollect some of the experiences, and relate how once he had my attention, over the years the contacts are still there but are very subtle...sort of like the way an old radio dial slowly comes close to its mark and the station becomes clear...it took me time to pick up on how spirit, on how Michael, is with me still....
Shooting stars just as I look up, vivid buzzing dreams, lights on the ceiling and knocking noises, lights turning on and off without anyone in the room but me (or so I thought!), constant daily signals of blatant physical nature made me realize that it wasn't a joke....Michael wasn't kidding around. He was desperate to get through to me, and I knew it was him. I wasn't afraid, nor should any of us be....the realm of spirit is similar to the world we live in....just a lot more loving and easier to move around in!
I want to reach out but am not sure how....to help all of you who haven't been "contacted"....please email me with questions or comments on how I can be clearer with my writings about all this....
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