Movie Quotes


Princess Bride

Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?

Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?
Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. --Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.
Vizzini: What?! Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters... Bride

[Rugen has invited Humperdinck to watch Westley being tortured]
Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped!
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.


Clerks

Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? "Best of Both Worlds"?
Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante Hicks: And you rented this?
Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.

Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy!
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

[repeated line]
Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Customer: Are either one of these any good? [Randal ignores her.] Sir?
Randal Graves: What?
Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal Graves: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves: Nope.
Customer: [Turns around, then shows Randal the same movies] Well, what about these two?
Randal Graves: Oh, they suck.
Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal Graves: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal Graves: And, I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope WHAT feels good?
Randal Graves: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal Graves: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
[leaves]
Randal Graves: [runs to the door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!

Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm...37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?!

Dante Hicks: But you hate people.
Randal Graves: Yes, but I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?
-
Dante Hicks: Embolism in a pool, what an embarrassing way to die.
Randal Graves: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante Hicks: How did he go?
Randal Graves: He broke his neck.
Dante Hicks: You call that embarrassing?
Randal Graves: He broke his neck while trying to suck his own dick!

Jay: Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin Weed, Doin Coke, Drinkin Beers..."

Jay's Lady Friend: Can he speak English?
Jay: Yeah, but he can't not speak it like we do.


Conspiracy Theory

Jerry: I'm only paranoid because they want me dead.

Dr. Jonas: Have you ever been a place where hope was gone? Where all that's left is patience?


Office Space

Peter Gibbons: He's going to ask me to work on Sunday and I'm going to do it, because I'm a pussy, which is why I work at Initech in the first place.
Michael Bolton: Hey, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy.
Samir: Yes, I am also not a pussy.

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Therapist: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Therapist: Wow, that's messed up!

Peter Gibbons: It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.


Pitch Black

Johns: Full clip, safety's off. One shot if you spot him.
Paris: Yes, but what if Mr. Riddick spots us first?
Johns: Then there'll be no shots.

Imam: Where's Johns?
Riddick: Which half?

Jack: Where the hell can I get eyes like that?
Riddick: Gotta kill a few people.
Jack: 'Kay, I can do it.
Riddick: Then you got to get sent to a slam, where they tell you you'll never see daylight again. You dig up a doctor, and you pay him 20 menthol Kools to do a surgical shine job on your eyeballs.
Jack: So you can see who's sneaking up on you in the dark?
Riddick: Exactly.

Imam: I have already prayed with the others. It is painless.
Riddick: It is pointless.

Riddick: You've got me all wrong holy man. I absolutely do believe in God... and I absolutely hate the fucker.

Johns: When a battlefield doctor decides who lives and dies, it's called triage.
Riddick: Kept calling it murder when I did it.


Spaceballs

Barf: It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that death, it just isn't us.

Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What hapened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: I can't.
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Dark Helmet: Knock on my door! Knock next time!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!
Dark Helmet: Did you see anything?
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with you dolls again.
Dark Helmet: Good!

Barf: I know we need the money, but...
Lone Star: Listen! We're not just doing this for money........... We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Barf: Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you - you're always right.

Lonestar: So, Lord Helmet, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time.

Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Colonel Sandurz: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!


Swingers

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just like fucking with me?
Trent: No I'm not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.

Mike: What the fuck are you carrying a gun for? What, in case somebody steps to you, Snoop Dogg?
Sue: Hey man, you're not from here, alright. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A.
Trent: Anaheim.
Sue: Whatever, man. It's different out here. It's not like New York, Mikey.

Mike: How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?

Trent: All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.

Mike: Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.


Young Frankensteine

Igor: It's times like this that I remember what my old dad used to say.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: What was that?
Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom all day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.

Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous Schwannstucker!
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof!
Igor: He's going to be very popular.

Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: You know, I'm a very prominent surgeon. I can do something about your hump.
Igor: What hump?

Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There. There wolf.


Chasing Amy

Holden McNeil: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.