Lapis

I am walking behind him through the meadow grass, every once in a while he looks back at me and smiles. I am certain he is leading me to a quiet and secluded place. Is this man worth my families' displeasure?

He is very handsome with black curly hair, and eyes very much like my own. His skin is dark and warm to the touch. His hands are large and callused from all the work he does taking care of the horses.

The touch of his hands is heaven! When he takes me in his arms I feel more alive and very happy.

Why does my mother always stress being aloof? She is the embodiment of dignity and grace. I have never seen her play, or even smile. I want to enjoy life, what's wrong with that?

We are walking into a copse of trees, into the cool shade. He sits down on a log beside the brook and gently takes me into his arms. His hands roam freely over my body and I can feel his lips on top of my head. He is whispering my name into my ear.

Lapis...never sounded so beautiful before. I press myself into him, urging his hands to a more complete exploration. I bury my head between his neck and shoulder and inhale the incredibly sensual smell of him. My tongue darts out and I get my first real taste of him, he is laughing now. This feels so good, so right.

Effortlessly he puts me on my back and his fingers walk up and down my belly. I can contain my pleasure no longer; it bursts out of me in vocal form. I am telling him in the only language I know how much I love him, and of how much pleasure his hands give me. I gaze up at him. He is still murmuring words I can't quite understand. His eyes are looking into mine with such longing I want to cry.

Suddenly, I know. Yes! He is worth anything. I will love him with all my soul. I will leave my mother and sisters to be with this man forever.

The arrival of another is announced by the swish of skirts. The one who collects eggs is here! My man stands up, confident that I will land on my feet, and holds out his hands to her. She comes to him and sits on the log beside him. I gather myself to spring into his lap again but he pushes me away! His hands...he is touching her now.

My heart's breaking. Mother was right, he could never love me. I demeaned myself in front of him. I begged for his caress. No more. I shall be as regal as my mother. I shall disdain him...and all like him.

Lapis, a beautiful white cat with deep blue eyes, is stalking through the meadow grass with her head held high, her adolescence at an end.

- Tammy Randall circa 1990