2-20-03
Hey Diary,
Squads Alive was earlier this week and my team lost to Lilly on the first night. I wasn't really into the meet. I had switched with Brooke so many practices that I was not that great on any of my events. We should have just switched again for the meet but we got chicken and didn't. So I really let my team down but I am happy to report that I wasn't in last place! I'm determined to work harder and to really make my squad proud. I want to move up and get into more competitions.

Pracice wasn't that grea today. I tried harder than I ever have because I really wanted to show Sir Dan how much I want to get better and compete more but my skills just weren't going well. Vault is my worst event and today it was even more awful than usual. I just got no power on my vaults and couldn't even do my regular competition vaults. That was really embarrassing. Today was the first time that I actually made myself cry. Dan was being nice (well, for him) and I think he could tell that he didn't need to yell at me because I was already screaming at myself. I have changed, Diary. Sir Dan is turning me into a little fighter, a tiger. And I like that. Never before have I actually been so determined to do well and I think it's probably the best improvement I have ever made. It's scary, but I actually want to thank him for being tough! Remind of that tomorrow when I am just about ready to help my squad lynch him (jk).
Ciao,
Crystal

02-06-03
Hey Diary, Practice was okay today. I finally bribed Brooke into switching places with me. We managed to fool most of the people. Only Ashley and Kayla really seemed to have an idea of what we did. But they didn't say anything so that's good. I had to do Brooke's routines and that was very interesting. I'm not as good on bars as she is so I was really nervous but luckily Coach Nick just accepted that I was having an off day. I don't know what I'd have done if he or Sir Dan had caught on to our switch. I have a feeling that it isn't something they'd allow. But I really needed a break from Sir Dan and his yelling. He makes me cry everyday and I leave practice with a major headache. Tomorrow I'll most likely be back to training with the Tigers, unless I can get Brookie to switch with me again. Wish me luck!
Ciao,
Crystal

02-05-03
Hey Diary
Rankings are a little behind but atleast they were updated. I moved up and out of the twenties! I was so surprised to see my name at number sixteen, and even more surprised to see Brooke had gone from practically last place to number ten! I think this is the first time in a long time that she has actually been ahead of me in the rankings. Oh well, it's good for her. She needs the confidence boost more than I want to be ahead of her. There is a new girl listed on the rankings and I think I may be sharing a room with her. Earlier there was a misuderstanding and the coach thought Brooke and I had left but we cleared that up. Still it has Crystal Star and Laura Kane listed as being in room B8. I just assumed that Coach Lois hadn't gotten around to correcting it (someone else by the name of Crystal Star was going to join and that is why my name was still listed, even though Coach had thought we were leaving) but now I'm worried. I know I said before that I wished I didn't have to share with Brooke but I have completely changed my mind now. I love having my twin in the same room with me. I hardly see her during the day anyway because we are on different squads and it's nice to be able to retreat to my room when I am feeling bad and have my best friend there. And anyway, if I am sharing with Laura then where is Brooke staying? And we just spent all that work on decorating our room! Maybe the room is large enough for three girls?
Ciao,
Crystal

01-24-03
Hiya Diary,
I had a very awesome floor practice today! I love ending practice with good memories. Bars is still kind of weird, I hit everything except my releases, mainly my gienger. Vault is definitely not my event but I work hard at it. I did well on beam, my standing arabian is not going like I want but I am working it out. The gym seems strange with the Lilly squad and the others that are competing this weekend gone. I really want to compete outside of Topo but I am not so sure it's going to happen anytime soon. I'm working hard everyday but it seems like everyone is working just a little bit harder. I know coming late and being a little bit inactive the first several days didn't help any. I'm taking full blame for where I am in the rankings and I'm not complaining. I just am feeling frustrated at the long and difficult climb upwards. But I can do it and I'll be all the better for it. I have no hopes (atleast not at the moment) of breaking in to the top ten, but I am going to work hard and fight like crazy to get as high as I can. I'm 22nd right now. Maybe I can get 19th by the next rankings.

Our room is coming along nicely. We are almost finished painting the walls lavendar. I can't wait for the whole thing to be completed, it'll look so cool.
Ciao,
Crystal

01-20-03
Hey Diary,
Have you ever had the urge to do something, yet something is stopping you? I just feel the need to write in you, but I can't really think of much to say. My life is rather uneventful. I wake up way too early in the morning, train with an incredibly loud coach, and then have school with Brooke and then do homework and go to sleep and start it all over again. I don't really talk much with anyone and I don't hang out with anyone really. I kind of feel awkward here. I think Brooke feels it a little too. Everyone else is bonding and hanging out after practice and I just basically hang with Brooke. I do talk some with the others, but for the most part I keep to myself. It's strange. I want to be friends with the other girls and I don't want to spend all my time with my sister but for some reason it's feeling like an "us against them" thing. That's not the best way to describe it, but I think you can understand what I'm trying to say. I feel like an outcast, I guess. Maybe it's just because everything is new to me and Brooke isn't, you know. It's like I'm scared to venture out and seperate myself a little from what's familiar. Oh sure, Sammie I know from Crystal Lake and Kayla was at Kimball Park and I recognize some of the others but I don't really know them all that well. I know Brooke as well as I know myself, atleast it seems that way a lot of the time. I know she's changing too, and we haven't been sharing everything with each other like we used to but I still know her better than I know anyone else here.

Anyway, I've been told to think about whether I want to remain a junior or turn senior this year. I haven't talked to Sir Dan but I've already made up my mind. The only real reason to turn senior that I can see would be to try for Worlds. I honestly don't think I have a shot at making the team this year. With switching gyms so many times and that time I was hospitalized, I really don't think I could be ready to give it a good chance. I'd love to make the team. But I don't think it would be wise to rush and try this year. I need to train and train and train just to get to a place where I won't feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm really low in the rankings right now and I'm the only one on my squad who has been placed on a non intersquad meet roster. I really am feeling like the weak link on my squad, and I hate that. I really want to do well here. Topo is an amazing place, some say it's the best gym in the country. I don't know if I completely agree with that as I have been to many great gyms and they all had great qualities. My cousins really like Cascade Locks, I did too when I was there.

My mind is starting to wander off and I've lost the writing mood. I think I'll do some conditioning. I suppose I could and should get out and try to make friends but I don't know...
Ciao,
Crystal

01-19-03
Hey Diary!
Not much to say. I've enjoyed the break from Sir Dan and I feel I did well in prctice today. I wish I could be more consistant on my standing arabian on beam though. And my gienger on bars is a little scary. I'm not very good at releases on bars. Well, I guess the release part is easy. It's the recatching that is giving me trouble. Floor is kind of strange. I think I may change a few things but I haven't decided. I had actually planned on getting a new floor routine at Crystal Lake but with a new beam and a new bar routine I just let my floor routine stay. And I couldn't make up my mind as to whether I wanted to change my music or not.

I got a "care package" from my friend Lanna, it had letters from a bunch of my old teammates from Independence and a CD of various songs that I really like. And several posters of Sean Biggerstaff!! I was soooo happy to see those! They really know how to make me feel better. I told them Sir Dan and that's why they sent the package, now I've got to figure out what to send them. Hmm, Lanna loves ballet. I wonder if I could get an autographed picture of Alana for her. I don't have her Boston address, but I could ask Sammie for it.
Ciao,
Crystal

01-12-03
Hey Diary
Squads were announced the other day and I am on the Tiger Squad with the "mean coach"! I think my luck just ran out! Brooke is more equipped emotionally for coaches like Sir Dan, I cry much more easily and I just know I am going to be a major disappointment to him. He talked today about what he expects from us and I really like his expectations and I know he'll be a good coach for me but I can't help but be afraid of him. Actually I am most afraid of messing up in front of him, so I hold back. And that doesn't please him so he yells, and that upsets me so I cry. And that upsets him so he yells more. And I try hard to do better and then practice is over and it repeats itself the next day. I am in a vicious circle. I joked today about getting my sister to switch places with me, afterall what are twins for? But I honestly like him. He's smart and he's going to be a great influence on my gymnastics. If I was offered a trade I think I'd decline. I want him to make me better. I think I could really use toughening up mentally and he's the perfect coach for that. It's going to be hard both physically and mentally but I know when it's over I really will be the better gymnast for it. I know it totally goes against my personality and what people would think I would be like but I actually like strict coaches. In school my favorite teachers were the ones who were strict and I have a feeling I am going to be the same way about coaches. So he may be tough and I may be frightened out of my mind at the mere mention of his name but he does have one good quality that makes pracice a bit easier - he's really cute! The Tiger squad may have the meanest coach but we also have the cutest, so it works pretty well!

Ciao!
Crystal

01-10-03
Dear Diary,
The intersquad went fine, I placed nineteenth. It may seem low but I am not complaining. I'm just using it as a standard, sort of. I am training wih it in mind and hope to place higher at the next intersquad. Squads were announced today and I am pleased to say that I am NOT on the same squad as Brooke! I am a Tiger, how cool is that? I had actually been hoping to be on the Tiger squad, not because it's any better necessarily than the others but I just love the name. It's very inspiring, really. It reminds me to be a tiger, to fight for what I want. Sometimes I can be a bit passive, but I really am working n being more aggressive. I wan the tiger within to come out more. I think my whole squad has igers within and hopefully Coach Daniel Brink will help us learn to let them roar!

Ciao,
Crystal

January 6
Hey Diary!
I can't believe I'm finally a Topo! It's so cool! I'm really excited about training and competing and everything. It's like I've fallen in love with gym all over again! The atmosphere her is so energized that it's really hard not to be excited. Brooke is here too and that's cool but we are roommates. We are always roommates, sometimes I just wish we would end up in different dorms! I love my sis, but sometimes people only see us as twins. I'm not just her sis, I'm my own person. I want people to get to know me. Not as Brooke's twin but as Crystal Star. And I'm sure Brooke feels the same way. We are trying to "branch out" and find things that we don't have in common. But it's hard when the whole world seems intent on grouping you together. No offense to anyone, I'm sure they just don't realize how frustrating it can be for twins. So what have we found out that's ifferent? Well, I'm more of a beam girl and Brooke prefers bars. She has more more and energy while I like a more classic look. So basically we are opposites. I've found that I am also quieter than she is and I tink I tend to consider the results of my actions more than she does. However, I'm not perfect as anyone who witnessed our fights at Crystal Lake would tell you! That food fight was so much fun! Well, I'd better get going. I have homework and then I want to go to bed early.
Ciao,
Crystal