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| Kevin's Mystical Fairy Land |
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| Kronny: "let's have an orgy." Kevin:"I'll invite my mom!" "I just sang 'Jingle Bells' with my eyebrows." Kevin: "OMG! Kristen! What's your middle name?" Kristen: "Diana...." Kevin: "Are you sure it's not 'Miana?'" Kevin: "What's your dad's middle name?" Kristen: "He doesn't have one." Kevin: "It can be 'man non.'" "I like her bra." "My Mom is in love with Jason. If he was older and my Dad, she would marry him. But then he'd be my father!" Clara: "You're breaking my brittle, brittle bones!" Kevin: "You have humantitus?" "Those hooters know how to be successful." "I wonder what it would be like to have Thanksgiving in a motor home. You could be driving and be thankful at the same time." "It's not so much a restaurant as it is a life experience. It's life rolled up into a quesadilla." [In reference to Baja Norte] "It's in the good part of my pants" "That would be so scary if a plate-sized platter jumped on you." "Maybe I'll just eat a sandwich tonight. Because I'll already be eating the turkey, mayonnaise, and rolls anyway...maybe not the mayonnaise. But that's what the kids do in India." [in reference to Thanksgiving] "Chris is so hot, when it rains, he starts to steam and people say 'what the heck?'" "If I was a Cajun McChicken sandwch and someone tried to eat me, I'd spit mayonaise at them and run away" "I'm too hot! I need to cut off all my hair and be a forest woman." "You can't quote me on quotes!" "I'm not hot ... wait, I'm too hot!" "That's like saying a garage door knows how to take blood!" [In response to why he didn't want to give blood at the Red Cross] "Clara, is that all you think about -- my sexuality?" "I bet I could pee longer than them" "The variables are so sexy, you don't even know!" "Ms. Wolfe-Rocca said I was a 'hoot.' I think that means 'hooter.' " "I have sex with dinosaurs?" "We're staying the 28th, 29th, 30th, 31th, 32nd ... wait, is there 32 days in a month? ""If I was a woman, I'd marry myself" Kevin: "You burst it!" Chris: "what, you're pregnancy?" Kevin: "YEAH!" [in a sing-song voice] "300 pounds, 300 pounds." "Not even countries that have chicken no nuggets ... wait, let me rephrase that..." "If I was a turtle, Clara would run me over in her suburban ... but then I would come back as a suburban" "Clara, Matt kills Russians [A fact later confirmed (sort of) by Matt himself]" "He invented a kind of spicy coleslaw" "(*****) -- you're like the pie from American Pie!" "My sandwich is so sexy." "They gave me an abudence of napkins. They know me like a rock." "You get off at noon:30." "I don't make scenes! I don't!" "Clara, eat your chippies." "Clara's a hottie. That's a new quote." "Clara, let me teach you something about love: Chickens don't have blue goutees" "L-I-M-E, baby!" "I'm gonna put on my naked woman suit [aka swimsuit]" "I didn't mean it sexually! It's like a squirrel!" "Clara, look! It's me [In reference to a lime]." "Clara, don't lick the wall, you might get diabetes like Johnny did!" "I go home and get depressed because Batman's on TV." "Clara -- I'll be damned if I end up like Dave [a person no one in the room had ever heard of]." "If everyone could just shut up, we could have some fun." "I'm a Chinese whore. Would anyone like me to be their whore?" "You're hypering me freakin' up!" "They call me 'Cacq' [After either Megan or Jenny explained that Kevin couldn't wear size 20 shoes as they only make things like that for Shaq]" "If you [Clara] had bug wings, you'd be your mom" "OMG, I was born over there![Points to a corner of Clara's house]" "Oh no! There's an ant AND a bee so now I can't move or fly away!" "I can see Clara coming down here at one in the morning going 'hmm.'" "It's the food groups! Meat, cheese, and lipstick!" "My little friends! [in reference to apartment guide books]" "(*****), you and I are going to travel up the butt!" "Chris, you have to teach me to tie my shoes later. I'm serious." "Your socks say 'footjoy.'" "I saw Matt & JT dancing naked around a fire." "My Mom's name is Wendy, that's all I have to say." "CLARA! We should play this at our wedding!" [In reference to an N'Sync song] "I'll just say I'm his sister." "What a great i - freakin' - dea." "I made Chris a spirit stick." "A PROSTITUTE!" [in a little kiddie restaurant] "Clar-uh!" "I wish my name was Kevis." |
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