I was reading an article while following one of my friends who has became quite famous since she started her solo career in singing and they asked her about since she left the group she was in what had been the disadvantages and advantages? She responded that the money was better but it was more lonely. This struck a cord in me since I knew I could relate to her at various times in my life and it inspired me to write this article.

A little bit more about me: I never set out to make Heaven and Earth a dominate or no1 or the best crew, I also never really wanted to be no1 Gangster I thought it would take too much of my time but the competitive side in me set alight after taking several bets from members (They lost) in the time it would take me to get to no1. At the time I started people thought I could never take over MightyFourTwenty never mind Countessa.

I know a lot of players would like to be better in a game and a lot of players think oh wouldn�t it be cool to run a dominating crew however I just wanted to show a different perspective to all of this.

I like to inspire people and see people perform to the best of their ability. For me my main enjoyment was watching everyone grow who started from nothing or virtually nothing. For me the fun was building the whole crew again from nothing. The leaders, the org, the players and their personalities etc�

So why the article well I let you continue to read it so you can work out the reason. In a lot of things I write I like to give a bit of advice out to help others and it is warming to get messages sometimes from players who have said thank you to me for everything I have done or the things I have wrote in terms of guides etc on Outwar tips.

A partial reason is I wanted to give a perspective to everyone on what it is like to be a leader of a dominating crew and the disadvantages and advantages.

My friend who I believe is also very wise she mentions the words �I rather accomplish and gain little steps and be happy than be a Cinderella and have everything except happiness�

How this relates is that if you want everything and you want to be no1 and be the best and stay the best then you have to make sacrifices and this usually comes in the form of friends, love or other commitments. It�s a lonely road which is hard to sustain if you want to balance out other commitments.

The hardest truth about being good at something is that it is lonely. Take the Keanu Reeves, the top professional players and other people you have seen excel at what they do. They are at the top of their game because it is a lonely profession�. No one makes true friends at the top (I am not dissing the people I know btw) this is something I am already aware of and maybe some leaders can relate to it also.

The sad truth is you have a further filtering process in that you can warrant yourself a lot of unwanted attention in the form of hate mail, people who flock to you because they believe you can give them something they need and genuine people. The latter are the people I like to know but as you can see you spend a lot more time setting up defenses and acting more coldly and unreceptive until you can truly work out peoples true intentions and even after you known people for months or years it can still turn especially if the friends are in the same competitive field as you.

Also you may think well its great to get tonnes of mail or messages each day. Is it really? The first day or week maybe you be enthusiastic about it and reply to each and every one but then it starts growing, people ask the same questions again, the crew disputes come in, the crew problems start arising and you find its increasingly harder to actually make friends or talk with people since you start getting swamped into your role.

So as you can see not only do you need to put up with the BS, the backstabbing, the unwanted attention you also have to stay at the top also. Which means investing time and energy into researching your competition and/or developing new tactics and roles. Add this on top of the administrative and leadership duties you can see that you can kiss all the things you want to do personally goodbye. Your life is not yours anymore, you cannot do the things which are fun but are restricted to content since there are only so many hours in a day.

Not to mention you had to work out the power play games within your crew members and argue over if things are done fairly or address favouritism. All of these things will be addressed to you by members at certain points and you will need to be prepared since anything you do your actions will be judged and scrutinised.

I would advise all players who look at the top players or want to get there to know even though you may not have got there as fast or you are moving at your own pace you may still have more happiness and fun since you have the time to do other things and things you like to do.

When I first started HaE I had the most fun since I could talk to people on an equal foothold and I had all the small goals ahead of me. Each goal felt like an accomplishment and the game was fun.

Now the game is no fun anymore. There is not anymore goals or accomplishments to achieve and I have done everything I ever wanted to achieve in the game. I have explored the depths of the game and it has no more interesting content to offer me. I mean why play a game if its not fun? Exactly.

The meaning of this is that it is time for me to move on. I have met some great people on here and have had a lot of fun. When the fun stopped I knew this is the time to say �Arigato�

I am not a fan of making big goodbyes and that�s why my leaving this time is gradual since I didn�t want to shock the crew. I have gradually being playing less and less the last few months and last month I haven�t been on at all apart from to chat to a few people.

As you can see the crew is still functioning fine without me and I have accomplished one of my goals of creating leaders who can still sustain things after my departure.

If I come back or post again I have no idea, all I know is I�m off to find my next challenge and next inspiration. Maybe I live in a different world but I have too many dreams and goals to be locked down to the same ones. Sometimes I feel like a muse, someone who lives to inspire others but can never experience true happiness.

The final thing:

No matter what you do, the people you are with or attempts to enjoy yourself, you will smile and laugh and will temporarily forget all your worries and problems but each time you will find this is to run away from the emptiness inside.

The reason being is this.

It is because it is a trait of yours.

Winners are Loners. (However when you feel like this just remember you are not alone there are many others who also feel like this e.g. me)

Arigato