"You Are Who You Eat" Week continues!

Anubis pulls a steaming pile of candied fetus out of the oven with Joe D'Amato's disappointly un-shocking video nasty The Grim Reaper, then pours everybody a nice cold one when he grabs an Archive review for The Silence of the Lambs out of the freezer!

Tomorrow will more than likely be the end of our little party (unless I can dig up some internet service out in the wilds of upstate New York), so check back in tomorrow (or just wait till Thursday to make it all the more special) for more Sapien flavored goodness! Mmmmm Mmmmmmm!

Ragnarok starts off the festivities with the salad portion of our meal, as he digs into Roger Corman's 1960 horror-comedy classic, The Little Shop of Horrors! Meanwhile, Anubis digs up a stale side dish with the recently deceased (and pungent) Welcome To the Jungle and regurgitates a piece of meals past with an archive ressurection of his old review for a personal cannibalism favorite, the '80s dark-comedy Motel Hell!

Be sure to check back in with us tomorrow and Wednesday too, because the festivities continue when we bring you more tasty morsels to send through your bad movie entrails! Feel that pain down below? That's not a kidney stone my friends, it's the Tomb of Anubis.

A quadruple marching of Shortie reviews today boys and girls. Anubis hits the action sci-fi game with Jet Li's The One, takes in the first truly great James Bond movies with Goldfinger, then prepares everybody for next week's The Mist by taking in a double-dose of evil precipitation cinema with The Fog and it's remake, the appropriately titled The Fog.

Sorry for the hold up kids, I made the mistake of buying Guitar Hero III for the Wii today and subsequently lost 4 hours of my life when I got home. Now my fingers are gnarled with arthritis. Anyway, here's the update!

The Tomb welcomes yet another like-minded individual into the ranks of our cinemasochist cadre when one of our biggest fan in recent years becomes part of the solution (or part of the problem, depending on how you take your glasses of water...) and Khaz joins the rank and file of our rank and foul with his review for Rise: Blood Hunter! Ragnarok also spawns forth another review hell-beast from his world ending loins when he checks out Maciste In Hell! Finally, Anubis celebrates the observance of Veterans' Day with the recently released Horrors of War!

As with all of the tentacles our Cthulhu beastie of a website has grown since it's rebirth nearly two years ago, The Tomb would like to welcome Khaz to the flock and we hope that he'll continue to be a contributor for as long as he's willing to suffer through bad movies and express an opinion about them!

The Hump Day update hits again! Today, Ragnarok brings out a pair of Archive reviews with the Peter Jackson zombie gore-fest classic Dead Alive and the Jon Saxon bounty hunter crap-fest The Glove! As for Anubis, he turns out a few Shorties today with the Clive Barker magic show Lord of Illusions and the video game survival horror mindfuck nightmare Silent Hill, before continuing the saga of James Bond with 007's second effort, From Russia With Love.

Another manic Monday and three more tragic reviews for you to take home to mommy! Ragnarok kicks things off with a movie about alien smuggling coffee salesmen in the oozey green egg monsters of Alien Contamination! Meanwhile, Anubis grills down two of the most notable slasher flicks from the last year or two when he checks out the serial killer Ronald Reagan of The Tripper, then follows it up with retarded hillbilly murder and mutilation fun with Hatchet! It tastes good boiled in a pot with some cabbage and maybe a few carrots and a liberal dosage of pepper. Give it a try!

Halloween's gone and the rest of the year is here. Because of our special holiday update, we were left with the choice of either going ahead with "Broke-Ass Friday" or transplanting our Wednesday reviews here for the week. Well, given that American Gangster came out today and I was planning on doing a Virtuosity review anyway, the answer was clear. As such, today we bring to you following trio of Shorties: Dr. No, Killer Klowns From Outer Space and, of course, Virtuosity. Eat up!

Happy Halloween ladels and Germans, boils and ghouls, shilldren of all ages! In honor of the holiday this year, Anubis heads back 20 years into his childhood to dredge up two long lost tidbits from Disney history with Mr. Boogedy and its lackluster sequel Bride of Boogedy. And, as a gift to all of our friends out there in internet land, we give you this greeting:

Two more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Two more days till Halloween... meh, you get the idea.

Got a trio of new stuff for all you lucky lads and ladies out there in internet village today! Ragnarok starts things off with the outer space superhero Starman fighting gangsters and 8-year-olds for the atomic safety of the world in Atomic Rulers, NutJob continues the fun with Joan Crawford and the circus killing big top boredom of Berserk!, while Anubis travels back to the far-out '50s for the "boy & his zombie" tale of Fido! Tons of fun for everyone.

Today's Shorties come from Anubis and consist of Keanu Reeves in Johnny Mnemonic and a bloody good double-feature of 28 Days Later and it's sequel, 28 Weeks Later.

We've also got two more reviews for Ragnarok from the old Brotherhood of Bad Movies site, when we post for you C.H.U.D. and Dagon.

As our regular guests will no doubt notice, I never got around to that review I mentioned on Friday. Hey, shit happens, especially when you're not financially secure enough to put decent money into a half-way decent computer that somebody's kid hasn't already melted orange popsicles on top of at some point...

Anyway, enough about that crap, cuz here come the new reviews! Woohoo! Anubis fires off a load first, when he steps up to the New Zealand born environmental gore flick Black Sheep, followed by Ragnarok who gives us all an updated review for one of his most favoritestest movies ever as a fat old guy kills women and makes them into bag lunches in Microwave Massacre ! Jackie Vernon and mutant sheep. It's like a case of wacky beer just exploded in our pants.

Apparently when you're the God of Death and you take a video camera in to work with you to record all the wacky happenings you experience on the job, the FBI decides that you're making snuff films and confiscates your computer. Great. As such, I had to dig my old crap box out of mothballs to do today's update, hence why it's coming in so late. Anyway, here it is, and you'd better appreciate all the hours I slaved over a hot stove to bring it to you damn it, or so help me...

We exhume a pair of "across the pond" archive reviews for Ragnarok from the old Brotherhood of Bad Movies site and bring you Alien Prey and Beyond Darkness, while Anubis gives birth to a trio of midget reviews for Barbarella, The Condemned and, because we haven't beaten this dead horse into a fine enough pastey substance, the workprint version of Rob Zombie's Halloween. Yeah, it may all be a little late, but it was worth the wait. Si? Si.

We've got a trio of '80s fun for all of our friends today! Ragnarok fights a giant psychic snake in Spasms, Nix put another notch in his belt with the completely pointless horror anthology Chillers, and NutJob makes her triumphant return alongside the always cool Kurt Russell with John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China! So jump into your time machine, strap on some parachute pants and crank the A-Ha till your ears bleed like they've got Wacky Wall Walkers spilling out of them!

Got a double feature of "Quarterback declaring martial law" Shorty reviews for ya tonight kids, both of which coincidentally begin with the letter 'F'! First up, a QB and friends battle giant rodents and insects out in the boonies in The Food of the Gods! Then, a NY Jets quarterback finds himself dragged into outer space to battle the minions of the galaxy's deadliest drag queen in Flash Gordon! Even if you're not into football, these are two movies that any self-respecting bad movie fan should see sooner or later.

Okay kids, here's the deal: because my Evil Dead Bride is currently attending college classes again, I've decided that the update schedule for the site will be changed. Instead of doing Sunday as the big update day, we're going to give everybody something to look forward to on the worst day of the week. Henceforth, Monday will now be the Tomb's official "Big Update" day, so I can spend my precious weekend time with the old lady. Additionally, in properly getting back into the swing of things as they should be around here, this week will mark the return to our old Wednesday and Friday updates too: Wednesday being for "Shortie" and archive reviews, with Friday seeing the return of "Broke-Ass Budget Disc" reviews from yours truly. Fuck knows if I'll actually be able to live up to this, but I'm feeling pretty good and motivated right now, so let's see how far we make it!

As for today's update, we've got two new reviews for you from terror inducing keyboards of two of the Tomb's finest! Ragnarok starts things off with what can only be called "Walking Tall with a monster truck" when Ned Beatty learns the hard way just what Rolling Vengeance means! Dodging Grunge follows up last week's love letter to John Michael McCarthy's Sore Losers with another of the director's way-out sci-fi camp flicks, this time shining the spotlight on the "Mad Max with pin-up girls" party Superstarlet A.D.!

Be sure to come back on Monday for a special "catch 'em up" update as Anubis brings together all the material everyone's been sending him for the past month that's since gone unposted! It's gonna be big, so be sure to do your Kagel exercises over the weekend...

A quick couple of notes first: yes, we are aware that a number of our graphics may not work when people are visiting. We're having bandwidth issues that we're currently trying to work out and we thank you for your patience. If you see something that's not working, try coming back later in the day or early the following day and with any luck it will work. Additionally, anyone who has been sending us feedback via our feedback forms (found at the bottom of each review), there was a mix-up in our system that I just picked up on last week. Apparently for some time now (possibly months even...) all feedback has been getting dumped because our e-mail thought it was spam. As such, I fixed the problem and if you made any feedback comments in the last few months and never got a reply, well, that's why. Please re-submit any and all comments to us as we like to hear from the various people we both entertain and piss off. Anyway...

Man oh man do we have a shitload of new stuff for you lucky boys and girls today! As such, let's just get straight to it: Ragnarok takes his Revenge! Millionaire Waltz piroutes through the halls of Suspiria! Fistula joins the 2001 Maniacs! Nix relives I Was a Teenage Vending Machine before splitting a motel room with The Devil's Rejects! Dodging Grunge exposes himself to a double-dose of Trioxin-5 with Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis and Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave! Finally, Anubis himself drops a pair of Shorties for muy macho man movies Pathfinder and 300!

If that's not enough for you, then, well... go start your own movie review website, jerkhead!

If you're a fan of milestone feats of fantastic fisticuffs, then boy do we have an update for you this week! First, Ragnarok watches in wide-eyes wonder when the Frankenstein Monster goes kaiju and fights an uppity lizard-badger with an attitude in Frankenstein Conquers the World! In round two, Dodging Grunge matches razor knife glove against bloodthirsty machete when the titans of mainstream terror tussle in Freddy Vs. Jason!

Place your bets folks, place your bets! Always remember to hold onto your tickets after the fight as well, because even losing tickets are good for a free small sno-cone at the concession stand!

This update should've happened a few days ago, but I've had a few struggles to dig my way out of and I'm still not done with 'em. But, enough about me, what do you do for a living?

This week's overdue update sees another bevy of bad movie beauty from the boys and girls of the Tomb! Congratulations are in order for our own Fistula, who finally graduated and got his degree in anarchy with a minor in heavy demolitions! The man monster of Machupichu returns to our happy hellhole to bring all of our faithful fans new and old a review for the umpteenth "real life serial killer" flick, The Green River Killer! Last week's latest addition to the talent pool, Dodging Grunge, comes back for seconds this week as he reviews trash priestess Doris Wishman's killer peckersploitation flick, The Amazing Transplant! Millionaire Waltz straps on her gore gore goggles again this week when she reviews the third member of Japan's infamous "Guinea Pig" movie family, Guinea Pig 3: He Never Dies! Nix braves the tribulations of incarceration this week to follow up his Beach Party double feature with a review for "the bad movie made by a bad movie lover" low-budget horror release Forever Evil! Our last (and probably least) entry this week comes from the owner himself, Anubis, as he honors his promise to a certain deceased movie maker with his review for the not-so-bad Italian nunsploitation flick The Other Hell!

That's right boils and ghouls, Ladels and Germans, children of legal age, it's time for the B-Movie Beach Party!

As our part of this unprecedented colaboration of bad movie review websites, your friends at the Tomb of Anubis bring forth the following sacrifices to the bad movie Gods! As a special addition to the celebration, we welcome our latest recruit into the ToA clan when the daring do of Dodging Grunge joins just in time to face down Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster! Tomb veteran Ragnarok matches wits with a shapeshifting zombie death shaman in the canoodling not-so-epic Death Curse of Tartu! Fellow Tomb vet Nix Eclipse does double duty this week when he goes surfing with Snake Plissken and deep sea monster fighting with Robocop in Escape From L.A. and Leviathan! Finally, Anubis himself shoulders a double feature of his own, tackling a man-eating sand monster and horny killer fish mutants in Blood Beach and Humanoids From the Deep!

Now go forth, feed on the fish fry that is our work and, when you're done here, click any one of the banners posted in the reviews to check out the seemingly endless supply of bad movie beach fun from all of the other great sites partaking in the Party!... just don't forget to come back here next week and every week for more material from your b-movie martyrs at the Tomb!

A handful of new stuff for the boys and girls today, so let's jump into it, shall we?

Anubis (with an assist from the lovely Beena) chimes in on last week's short movie/music video production from our own Nix in his review for the man's student film, Forest! Also this week, Waltz returns once again, this time tackling an installment of Japan's infamous pseudo snuff film series with Guinea Pig 2: Flower of Flesh and Blood! Ragnarok pals around with Michael Moriarty in a haunted office building in the skyscraper spook flick Dark Tower! Finally, Nix takes a trek through kiddie movie territory with the Robert Rodriguez superhero fantasy fling The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl!

Next week we have a big update in the wings for all you fine and happy fucks out there in internet land when an assembly of the best and brightest bad movie review sites the web has to offer gather together for the 2007 BAD MOVIE BEACH PARTY! Come on over to our towel this Friday for a special Tomb of Anubis website update to include mad summer beach themed movie fun from your favorite movie reviewing beach bums!

First on the menu for today's update is a review from Nix for his original student film music-video-of-sorts project Forest! Ever want to see a director criticize his own work in a serious fashion? Well, you're about to...

Also this week, The Tomb of Anubis brings to it's...

Hopefully you can now understand why the Wednesday and Friday updates didn't quite make it to the table this week...

Come back Wednesday when Anubis and Millionaire Waltz present a very special double feature for everybody and... well... whatever else happens will happen!

Last (but in no way least), the Tomb opens it's big, cold, stone arms for the latest contributor to our cadre of madmen and madwomen! She's a demented young lady with a taste for Queen music and bad movies who should fit in just fine around here. Kids, say hello to Millionaire Waltz and check out her inaugural review for the Mexican "teens dick around with an evil Ouija Board" flick Don't Panic ! We hope it's only the first of many future articles for our plucky little tornado of teeth and gore we like to call the Tomb of Anubis. Welcome aboard Waltz, it's good to have ya!

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday returns you scruffy nerf herdin' mofos! This installment sees Anubis on vacation in Venice as he helps a reporter-slash-tour guide-slash-vigilante track down a serial killer in scuba gear in The Embalmer !

With a vengeance baby, with a vengeance...

Anyway, as those who sent me the emails on Sunday can see, the site is no longer down. No idea what the problem was, but hopefully the low budget service we use can keep from fucking up whatever it is they fucked up a few days ago. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I've got everything on back-up in case something happens...

Anyway, it's update time! Ragnarok's new crusade to conquer the movies of Italian barbarian hero Ator continue on when the apocalypse heralding serpent reviews The Blade Master! In a completely different vein (or even two completely different veins...), Anubis throws down a few Shorties for the smart action parody Hot Fuzz and the cult classic '70s hot rod car chase flick Vanishing Point!

Now, go forth, enjoy, and get your ass back here on Friday when, I promise, there will be more new material to soak in.

In an effort to make up for the glaring lack of updates recently, I'm offering up a buffet of Archive reviews from the old site to please your pallets today! For those of you big into "Lost" and suffering the withdrawal of no new episodes till January, here are two reviews, uhm, with "Lost" in their titles!... Anyway, check out The Lost Boys and Lost Souls. From the Death God's disturbed childhood, read up on his old time favorites Mad Max and Masters of the Universe. If anime is what you're into, then walk in on a three-way between New Dominion Tank Police, Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge and Ninja Scroll. If an ocean getaway is more your style, man your sub and batten down your hatches for Octopus.

As for me, well, I'm still straightening out a few things here and there, but I can promise you the return of Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays this week, as well as several more reviews! Will they be new? Will they be old? Will they be entertaining and educational?! That's for you to find out kids, same Tomb time, same Tomb channel!

Anyway, I'm back, I've been working on a few things since my short departure, I'm ready to update and tomorrow will mark our big fancy return... and by that, I mean we're just going to do an update like any other. So come back and drink your fill, boils and ghouls!

What was supposed to be last week's Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday review finds Anubis feeling the fool for reviewing the worst Blaxploitation movie of all time when he matches stereotypes and mundane dialogue with the unfortunately well titled Jive Turkey.

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday this week sees Anubis try to solve an old fashioned murder mystery with the surprisingly entertaining broke-ass budget disc of the 1935 flick One Frightened Night !

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday starts the month off right, as Anubis teams with Leslie Nielsen to fight Hong Kong gangsters and top secret government super agents in the broke-ass action "thriller" Project: Kill! Not only is it one of the most AMAZING titles a movie has had around here in a while, but it also marks the Tomb's 300th review! I kinda wanted that to be 300, but I guess that ain't gonna happen...

Thanks to the lads and lassies of Revolver Entertainment for providing the Tomb with advanced copies of their latest horror DVDs for review! If anybody else out there has movies they'd like us to review, well, if you haven't seen the contact information above, there's no helping you and you probably shouldn't be making movies until you graduate from the 4th grade...

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday comes out this week when Anubis goes nose-to-nose with the South Korean animated space crap-opera Protectors of Universe... and no, that's not a spelling error on my part.

Tune in Wednesday when, uhm, something happens... Then come back Friday for this week's "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays" movie! As for next week's update, the only guarantee I can make is that Anubis will have reviews for two all new movies before they hit the DVD shelves on April 30th, so come in and see if they're going to be worth your hard-earned circular metal portraits of Abe Lincoln here first!

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday pulls in (or out, depending on your position) better late than never this week, as Anubis suffers scarring agony at the Crisco dripping talons of the Italian sci-fi nightmare Star Odyssey... it's a fucking nightmare, so reading this review may just save your miserable little life.

Anubis plans to make up for his absence this week with a double dose of cinemasochistic douche baggery next week, as well as a new broke-ass review on Friday. Everybody else? Hey, as the kids and those lacking in mental capacity say these days, pimpin' ain't easy...

Broke-Ass Budget Disc Friday is here again kids! Today Anubis brings you a broke-ass dudget disc vampire jungle cult flick, the 1974 The Thirsty Dead... it sucks.

Ragnarok dredges up three from the old Brotherhood of Bad Movies site when the Tomb Archives welcome in The House That Vanished, The 'Human' Factor and The Invisible Dead to our happy little necktie party here!

Don't forget to come back Friday for our second installment of "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays"! Yay cheap movies!

Today is possibly the biggest motherfucking update we've ever done. Not only do we initiate yet another member into the clan, but EVERY contributor came through with new reviews today! It's a fucking Easter miracle. First, our latest friend Beena (no less than the sister to our own Nix Eclipse!) provides her first piece with the 2006 Korean monster flick The Host! Our other member of the deadliest of the species fires off a new entry to the archives as well, when NutJob returns to pummel the no-budget "reality TV serial killer" crapper, My Little Eye! Fistula's Spring Break Serial Killers series comes to a close with one of the most disturbing serial killer adaptations ever with the life and lusts of Henry Lee Lucas in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer! Nix contributes to the agony this week as well, whipping out some mainstream agony with last (and worst) of the famed killer shark series when he suffers through the movie Michael Caine missed his own Oscar award ceremony to film, Jaws: the Revenge! Ragnarok's Alphabet Project cruises on by the 'T' off-ramp to fight the snooze inducing agony of the 1960s TV movie mess They Saved Hitler's Brain! And last, but certainly not least, the bossman himself, Anubis, runs with the theme of the holiday (the living dead, of course) with the classic Tom Atkins vehicle from the man who brought us The Monster Squad, the 1986 alien zombie parasite horror comedy Night of the Creeps!

I don't know how the Hell I'm supposed to work up the strength, but there's probably going to be some kind of update coming your way Wednesday as well, so put in the five minutes of effort and come back to check it out!

The Tomb adds another line to it's resume this week, as we introduce our new Friday updates section: Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays! That's right, when the end of the week hits and you're in between paychecks, what can you do to feed your swollen bad movie needs? That's where Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays come in! This week, to kick off the festivities, Anubis brings you a personal budget disc favorite of his when he reviews Kung-Fu Kids Break Away!

Anubis also took in an opening day viewing of Grindhouse today too, so check out his Shorties for both Planet Terror and Death Proof and find out if they're worth your money... or at least worth sitting through for three straight hours...

Just a single addition to the Tomb today kiddies, but what an addition it is. Anubis pulls a Shorty for what is by far one of the best films of the past years with Children of Men.

What, one review's not enough for you!? Fine, come back on Friday and we'll show you something new...

Seriously people, for anyone who thinks I'd give all of "this" up for Fangoria and Wes Craven, you obviously haven't been coming to the site enough. So, your first piece of homework is to get your ass in here every Sunday and Wednesday (and Friday, starting this week...) and read every fucking update we post. Your second piece of homework is... uhm... take a dump in a box and mail it to Wes Craven's home address. Come on, it's the internet, it's gotta be around here somewhere. After all, they can't get DNA from feces... right?...

Anyway, today's greatness kicks off the 4th month of 2007 with, well, greatness! Ragnarok and Nix start off with an unintentional double feature as they tackle the subgenre of freakshow film! Ragnarok's Alphabet Project pulls into the 'S' parking lot this week with the classically titled '70s cult snake flick Ssssss! Nix's part in the fun is just that, as he tags along with Alex Winters, Randy Quaid and Mr. T for the '90s cult freakshow funcapade known as Freaked! Finally, Anubis puts in a companion piece for last week's contribution, this time bringing another real life German killer to the light of the Tomb with the 1930s Fritz Lang child killing classic, M... yes, that's the entire title of the movie.

Mid-week update with Anubis today as he throws together a Shorty for the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes, then drops a few Archive inductess fresh outta the '80s for you with Eating Raoul, The Exterminator and Exterminator 2. As for Sunday, we've got yet another batch of brand new shit for you to shovel, so come on back now, ya hear?!

Back from the middle of nowhere and happy to be back up to working at full speed, the Tomb of Anubis returns this week with four more reviews for your non-existent viewing dollar! Fistula continues his Spring Break series on real life killers with the 1974 ode to Ed Gein, Deranged! Anubis pulls an unintended real life killers double feature with Fistula, when he reviews the tale of a true life German cannibal with Rohtenburg, from the director of the newly released The Hills Have Eyes 2! Also, Ragnarok fires back this week with the latest installment of his Alphabet Project series: the nature-gone-wild killer pig movie Razorback, then he returns for a second round with his review for the Indonesian craziness mash-up Jungle Virgin Force! Don't call it a comeback folks, the man never left.

Sweet fucking Virgin ass-rapist Mary do I hate trying to do updates with a laptop on a dial-up connection! Argh! Oh well, at least I'll be back to my good ol' trusty desktop and DSL by Wednesday night, so all will be well again in the world and, more importantly, the Tomb. Anyway, this week we've got a bevy of new material for you, as Fistula returns from the grave long enough to do a full blown review for the recent David Fincher masterpiece Zodiac! NutJob proves her mettle for the third blood-stained week in a row, subjecting her cinemasochistic ass to the likes of Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed of all things! As for the boss, Anubis double dips his furry fists in Canada's cornhole this week when he reviews both Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy and Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace!

Be warned, we've got some big things brewing for the Tomb's next roundtable and there may be, just MAY BE, a THIRD update day getting added to our weekly schedule soon. Don't get your nipples in a twist just yet though, we're still discussing the technical crap with my oft-disagreeable will power...

Mid-week update today kids, only instead of the usual Archives installment, today we bring to you a fresh batch of chocolatey, gooey, scalding hot Shorties! That's right, all new reading material for you today as Nix thros down a few lines on the "mature" animated creep-o-rama A Scanner Darkly and Anubis drops a few thoughts on the two movies he actually left his lair to see this week; Ghost Rider and Zodiac. Come back Sunday when... uhm... I don't know, something gets it's ass reviewed off! Wooo!

March marches on in the Tomb this week when Nix fires out a detailed depth charge of spite and cinemasochistic rage for the bunny wrangling crap-a-palooza called Kottontail! NutJob, having survived her first week with the Tomb, comes back for seconds with a trip to Ireland (i.e. Canada) to hang out with porn stars and inbred cannibals in Evil Breed: the Legend of Samhain! Ragnarok fights through the hardest letter of his trek through the Alphabet Project this week with the New Zealand born end-of-the-world flick The Quiet Earth! And last, and possibly least, Anubis rings in a little later than planned with a zombie stomp through the English countryside with the Spanish/Italian crossbreed called Let Sleeping Corpses Lie! What, you want more!? Then come back on Wednesday night and we'll see what we can dig up for ya...

Mid-week Archive updates from Ragnarok for Microwave Massacre and The Rats while Anubis recalls Dawn of the Dead and Dracula. Not sure what's coming up this weekend as of yet, but there'll be something... trust me.

We bring in March like a drug-addled lion today, as the Manson ToA Family welcomes their newest member in NutJob, the site's first female contributor of cinemasochistic tendencies! And what better way for our new lady love to cut her teeth (pun intended) on her new position with the terrible no-budget bloodsucker flick Project Vampire! Also this week, Ragnarok finds himself in a sorrid affair with the under-the-radar horror love comedy Psychos In Love! Finally, not to be out done on his own website, Anubis rallies in with a review for the TV pilot Tag Team, about two professional wrestlers who lose their jobs and become cops! What a way to kick off Year Two of the Tomb of Anubis: the Next Generation! Happy anniversary kids!... now stack the presents to the left and make a swift exit... NOW!

February crawls out like a leper with the gout today, as the Archives swell just a little bit more thanks to review by Ragnarok for Split Second and Space Mutiny while Anubis donates the old urine stained straight jackets he wore while watching Bruiser and Bless the Child. Not content to just post old material today though, Anubis also squeezes out a little Shorty for the beloved and desperately-in-need-of-a-re-release Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie. How will a Death God provide commentary for a movie whose sole purpose is for a man and his robots to provide commentary for another movie!? Just call it "art" and let's go from there.

For everyone not hypnotized into watching the Oscars tonight, expose yourself to some less than fine cinema tonight here in the Tomb! Ragnarok's Alphabet Project kicks into the big 'O' this week as he goes hand-to-tentacles with Octaman! Anubis pulls his own weight around too, bringing in a completely new review for the '50s disaster movie Warning From Space and a reposting of his review for the South Korean giant monster crap-a-roo Yonggary.

Wednesday. More reviews. Be here!

A handful of Archive review posted today, consisting of two Alien knock-offs courtesy of Ragnarok in the form of Star Crystal and The Terror Within, while Anubis goes through the first three Crow movies, circa The Crow , The Crow: City of Angels and The Crow: Salvation. Now make 'em last kids, cuz there won't be any more reviews for you until dinner... meaning Sunday.

Ladies ladies ladies, the Tomb of Anubis is in the hizzouse!... whatever the fuck that means. This week's update is packed with all the flavors of the rainbow my friends and fiends, so spoil your dinner and diets be damned! Nix kicks off the festivities this week in his triumphant return to the review table, taking on an onslaught of the walking dead when he reviews all four George Romero zombie flicks in a segment he calls, Night of the Dawn of the Day of the Land of the Dead! Next up is Ragnarok, finding an early Easter gift in his bonnet this week as he gets the chance to join forces with Deforest Kelley and Rory Calhoun's eyebrows in the battle against oversized cuteness in Night of the Lepus! And, as usual, Anubis brings up the ass end of this update when he imports some adaptational goodness from the land of the rising sun in his review for the teenage Death God flick called Death Note! Oh yeah, and Brittney Spears is bald! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a few more drunken activities to pressure her into doing, so I've gotta get going. Can everybody say "trying to stop a runaway train with your bare hands"? Yeah, I thought you could...

Crappy Valentine's Day everybody. I hope everybody's enjoying their VD (har har)this year and for those who aren't, always remember that this is a stupid and pointless "Hallmark Holiday" created to sell candy and flowers and get desperate married men one night of action for a few months.

Anyway, what we have for you today are an appropriate-for-the-day Archive review from Anubis for My Bloody Valentine and a shorty for Infernal Affairs, the Hong Kong movie that "inspired" the newly released to DVD film The Departed.

Yeah, a day late and a dollar short thanks to some technical issues (some of which still haven't been completely straightened out...), but here's the update we've all been waiting for! Ragnarok's Alphabet Project marches valiantly back on track this week with his 'M' entry for the lake monster low-budget feature Monster. Fistula's love note to HG Lewis comes to a close this week with the finale to his Gorefather Six-Pack, the stripper murder mystery, The Gore Gore Girls. Finally, Anubis doles out an animated Mike Mignola double-feature when the modern Jack Kirby behind Hellboy sees two of his greatest creations hit DVD this week via Hellboy: Sword of Storms and The Amazing Screw-On Head.

There's a few archive reviews and a Shorty or two coming your way later this week too, so check back on Wednesday or Thursday to see what's cookin' mon amis and we'll see you then!

Once a year the titans of sports entertainment battle it out in a magical clash of the titans. But, Wrestlemania is still a couple months away, so for now I'm watching the Super Bowl. For those of you not up for the showcase of commercials that will set the tone for the advertising year, we've got plenty of stuff to keep you busy while everyone else is trying to drift off into a booze soaked black out haze before halftime! In fact, we've got a very special update for you, because today is...

But that's not all, because after reviewing the 2007 B-Fest with Ragnarok, Fistula comes back with a review for an actual b-movie with week #5 of his HG Lewis six-pack: She-Devils on Wheels! Meanwhile, after his double feature of serpentine madness with Nix, Anubis comes in with the "similar in title, but absolutely nothing to do with them in theme" special Blackadder: Back & Forth, then follows it up with a Shorty for The Descent. I hope you enjoy the effort, because my girlfriend's not talking to me after all the time I spent getting this shit together...

Another rare mid-week update everybody, as a few more reviews from the Tomb's old days are entered into the Archives section. If you've read 'em before, re-introduce yourself. If you haven't read them before, they're new to you! You get the idea. Anyway, today's "old are new again" are An American Werewolf in Paris , the original Planet of the Apes , Shadow of the Vampire , Tales From the Hood and Unbreakable.

Another fresh hot batch of steamy reviewy goodness on it's way to your waiting brains ladels and Germans! Ragnarok's Alphabet Project makes it's way through the letter 'L' when it runs aground of the Hostel-ish Canadian flick Live Feed! Meanwhile, Fistula's HG Lewis six-pack hits bottle #4 with the Gorefather's seminal carnage classic, The Wizard of Gore! Nix chimes in this week with 27 bite-sized mini-reviews of chocolatey goodness when he brings us A Nix "Year In Review" for 2006! Finally, Anubis had some more stuff planned, but a technical glitch made his latest big reviews a no-show. As a result, he asks instead that you check out his new Shorty reviews for The Protector , The Transporter , Transporter 2 and Venom and come back next week when the other stuff's been recovered...

A rare mid-week update for the kids today, as Anubis exhumes a few nuggets from his past reviews to relist in the Archives section. If you've read 'em before, re-introduce yourself. If you haven't read them before, they're new to you! Either way, go shake hands with An American Werewolf in London , The Gift , In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro , Tomb Raider , Valentine and What Lies Beneath.

The update fun continues on this week! First, Ragnarok clashes fists of exploding head doom with Sonny Chiba when the street fighter faces down the Karate Warriors in the latest installment of the Alphabet Project! Meanwhile, Fistula's six week six-pack HG Lewis dedication brings Something Weird into the Tomb's archives! The Fist fires back a second time this week as well when he serves up a Shorty for the fourth installment of the legendary Friday the 13th series with Friday the 13th: the Final Chapter! Also this week, Anubis sticks around hoping to get some overtime pay when he pulls a double shift and pops two all new reviews for The Kung-Fu Rascals and Idiocracy! The former is a martial arts comedy featuring Les Claypool and the latter is the latest effort by "Beavis & Butthead" creator Mike Judge!

Finally, the Tomb of Anubis would like to extend our condolences to the family and friends of former professional wrestler Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow who was found dead in his home on Friday morning. I have fond cliche memories from my childhood of watching that big tattooed biker man doing somersaults and high-flying stunts off the top rope and he's always been one of my personal favorite. Most will remember him for his Wrestlemania XI match with former New York Giants star Lawrence Taylor. I recommend checking out his match at the innagural Survivor Series in 1987 where he outshined guys like Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant in the show's final match. Wrestle in Peace Bam Bam, you'll always have a spot in the Tomb.

If you thought last week's update spit in your mouth and caved your skull in, then you ain't seen shit! Check out what's going on THIS WEEK:

Nix fires off some horror love for the John Carpenter's classic tale/remake of murderous morphing monsters from space in The Thing! Ragnarok's bloody crusade through the alphabet continues on with the Monty Python-ish (nut not officially) medieval horror-comedy Jabberwocky! Fistula's six week six-pack of HG Lewis lovin' slips and slides through the viscera in week 2's installment with the legitimate vampire flick A Taste of Blood! Finally, Anubis whips out his triple threat and slaps down a shorty for the Jason Statham actioner Crank before launching into full review mode with Evil Bong and Rodan! One's a classic about a pair of killer Pteradons and man-eating worms while the other's a piece of Charles Band's shit pressed down into the shape of a DVD. Can you guess which is which?

Fuck yeah kiddies, fuck yeah. Come back on Wednesday too, as Anubis puts down a few more Archive reviews and maybe, just maybe, someone will surprise us with a Shorty or two...

Here we go again, first complete update of the new year and we're off to a running start! For starters, if you missed last week's update, hop down below and check it out cuz you missed some spit-in-your-face fun! As for this week's new material, we reach our first new reviews milestone as the Tomb's not-really-that-new-at-this-point staff breaks into the triple digits with their new material! First, Fistula finally returns from the Crusades in time to start the year off right! For the next six weeks the man will be unleashing an HG Lewis six-pack of whoop ass on our collective heads, starting with the seminal mother-son bonding classic, The Gruesome Twosome! In other news, Ragnarok's war on the bad movie alphabet continues on into week #9 with this week's casualty, the "MST3K" classic The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies! Damn, I pushed my Carpal Tunnel ahead two weeks just by typing that one... As for Anubis, he starts off the year with a double-feature of twisted fun for all ages (over 18) when he breaks out the Peter Jackson trash classic Meet the Feebles and the latest from Japanese nutjob Takashi Miike, the almost family friendly The Great Yokai War!

Damn, that's a spicy meatball!

Ah HA! Didn't think we'd pull it off at the last minute, did you!? Well, you were wrong! HAHAHAHAHA! As promised, our final reviews of 2006 are here! Everyone's favorite dignitary of the apocalypse, Ragnarok, sloshes on through his self-imposed duties of the Alphabet Project, as he represents the letter 'H' with the Golan-Globus produced Lou Ferrigno cheeseball '80s classic, Hercules! As for Anubis, he ends the year with a last minute review for the "Project Greenlight" created blood and gore festival known as Feast!

And finally, as our first review of 2007, Nix Eclipse fights through major rotator cuff pain and a Vicodin haze to bring us his review of yet another horror remake from a year known for horror remakes, the 2006 rendition of the '70s holiday slasher, Black Christmas. Will more blood and gore make up for less thrills and chills? I don't know, just read the review!

Oh man, those holiday hang-overs get worse the more and more I hate the season... which increases ten fold every friggin' year. Blargh.

Anyway, the delayed but worth-the-wait fun comes at you this week in the flavor of Ragnarok's newest entry into his Alphabet Project mission, the criminally overlooked Hammer horror known as The Gorgon! And, as if that wasn't enough to lube your candy cane, Anubis whips out his holiday cheer with an unearthed piece of Mexicana Christmas gold in Santa Claus!

Hmmmm, New Years is this weekend, isn't it? Well, since the wife and myself fancy ourselves to be hopeless, anti-social shut-in types, look for a new update coming into your gullet sometime Sunday morning/afternoon/evening as the Tomb puts together one last entry for 2006! Let's see if we can't squeeze a little more magic out of that busted silk hat sitting in my lap right now, huh?

And the holiday torture marches on. I hate this season. It's nice to sit home and do nothing with your life, but it's hard to enjoy it when you don't have any money... Bah.

Today Ragnarok continues the brave trek through his one-man Alphabet Project with the letter 'F' as he faces off with an Italian Karate Kid knock-off in the form of Fist of Power! Be warned, two sick kids don't do well for a man's patience with inexcusably bad cinema.

As for Anubis, he gets off his ass this week just long enough to put together a Shorty review for the newly released Eragon... or, as it's been known around the Anubis household lately, "Lord of the Rings Lite". There's also some retreaded fun from the Death God today with the reposting of his review for Race With the Devil and an archive review for Dungeons & Dragons. Two Jeremy Irons fantasy movie reviews in one week! The man is strong, like some kind of metal...

No update last week as I've been seeking new means of employment. As fun as it is not to work, it's kinda hard to pay bills and maintain a general existence without any form of income... and my body just doesn't command the kind of cash that it did in my younger years.

Today Ragnarok keeps on truckin' through the Alphabet Project with his entry for 'E' (not just a party drug any more!), the Showtime made-for-pay-tv movie Earth Vs. the Spider! Oh Dan Aykroyd, how far you've fallen... As for Anubis, he continues to not have time to contribute any actual new material to the table, so we pull out two more of his former reviews in the forms of The Devil's Nightmare and House of the Dead.

Well kiddies and cats, your humble narrator has news for everyone: the Tomb will be going back to a twice-a-week update format. Why? Well, I just lost my job, so I can no longer use gainful employment as an excuse not to live up to my webmasterly duties! Yeah, it sucks not to be getting paid for my time any more, but with all the added free time I have now, I'm sure I'll figure out something...

As such, today's update consists of a four-play of archive reviews from Anubis. More specifically, Aliens , Hannibal , Hollow Man and Pitch Black.

Not sure what's gonna happen this weekend as Ragnarok has already voiced doubt that he'll be tackling the letter 'E' just yet, Fistula is still wrapped up in the enigma of existence and Nix may or may not have the time to work something in just yet. Anubis has promised some new original material and there's more of his crap that can be converted to the new format, so come on back Sunday and we'll see what transpires.

Not that I don't like visiting my family or anything, but the last two months of the calender year are always the biggest fist in my ass thanks to all the traveling and visiting and general lack of free time to myself... oh well.

Today's new material is as follows: Nix suffers one of the worst sequels ever skidmarked to celluloid as he goes one-on-one with Troll II! Ragnarok's love of the alphabet marches on with the fourth installment in his "Alphabet Project" series: Drive-In Massacre! Last, Anubis continues to not have time to contribute any actual new material to the table, so we pull out two of his more requested reviews: the holiday appropriate Blood Freak and the always scarring Night Crawlers!

Wow, adding up all four movies scores this week, we get a combined total of THREE stars! Damn, when the number of movies outranks the number of collective ratings points, you know there's trouble a brewin'...

Well, I toldja that Wii would likely affect my update schedule this weekend, didn't I?! For this and other topics of interest to our writers (including a Heavy Metal Rocky Horror post by Ragnarok) check out our subsequent myspace pages, linked in the Profiles section.

But, as we all know, the whole reason everybody's here is the new movie reviews, so in that spirit let us go forth and check out the new material! Ragnarok's alphabetic crusade continues with his 'C' entry of Cat People! Nix comes back with a bucket of mediocrity as he takes John Carl Buechler's hand and travels through the less-than-stunning Troll! Finally, Anubis pulls on his shiny silver mask, tights and cape as he joins Mexican mighty man Santo in a tag team of sub-par proportions via Samson Vs. the Vampire Women!

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Will there be a mid-week update this week, or even a Sunday update for that matter?!", and the answer is: I dunno. There's definite material to be posted. Nix is working on trying to live through Troll II while Ragnarok has already conquered Drive-In Massacre and Anubis is currently kicking around whether to do Halloween: 25 Years of Terror or Zombie Death House for his next victim. As far as Wednesday goes though, I know I'll be traveling ("Go Greyhound"... and shoot yourself) and no one's mentioned anything about doing any Shorties, so it's really up in the air right now. I could pull something for "Project: Archive", but I'm both lazy and extremely pre-occupied right now, so let's not push it, okay?

Hey, what d'ya know, we got us an update! Anubis gets a case of the reviewer runs and releases a few Shorties for The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn and, as if you had to guess, Army of Darkness. Hey, what with last week's review for Evil Dead: the Musical, why not, right?

Not sure yet when the weekend update's going to be, but I can assure you that neither Chevy Chase, Kevin Nealon or Amy Pollard will be involved...

Because there was actual material to post last week, this week's update is a heaping helping of homogenized goodness! First, Nix pitches the proverbial tent for the goofy greatness of super indy slasher comedy Freak Out! Ragnarok chimes in with a double shot this week, kicking off his Alphabet Project (in which he will review a movie for each letter of the alphabet) with the shockingly un-crappy Bill Rebane flick The Alpha Incident and the shockingly booby-free Playboy produced Dana Plato vehicle Beyond the Bermuda Triangle. Anubis dons an oddball double feature today as well, bringing out Jackie Chan's directorial debut with Fearless Hyena and the greatest show to hit an off-Broadway stage since "Master Sardu's White Girl Torture Revue": Evil Dead: the Musical!

As if all of that wasn't enough to feed your tormented brain, here's some more update material for you: the "Staff Profiles" and "Editorials" pages have been completely reworked into a more writer friendly format. In order to give more creative control to each staff writer (and give your humble webmaster a much needed load lightening), the profiles and editorial pages have been replaced with myspace.com pages. What does this mean? Basically, if you'd like to hear our writers' rantings and ravings (and maybe check out a picture or two) or just generally get to know them better, you can check out their myspace pages, which will still be linked from the Tomb. On that note, go make friendly with your bad movie peers and get off of my damn lawn!

Oh yeah, one more thing, there's a really interesting "discussion" about Jesus going on in our message board. Check it out and add your feedback on the topic.

See ya Wednesday!... or Sunday... or even Saturday, as Sunday will be Wii release day and I don't see myself being very productive from then until New Years...

Ah-ha! I told you we'd be back! Nobody believed me when I said it this time, but I was true to my word and the Tomb of Anubis returns! Not just one, not just two, not even just three, but ALL FOUR of our writing staff return with a vengeance to lay the proverbial ass-beating down on the much pitied fools of movieland! On this special Halloween edition/vengeful return to duty, we get an unintentional international incident to start things off right! Behold the power, bask in the glory, gently caress your uvula when...

Fistula cracks down on the Belgians in his review for the "had great potential then suddenly had none" killer 'tard flick Junior! Nix Eclips bathes in the majesty and unbridled awesomeicity of the mighty special edition cut of Dust Devil: the Final Cut, 14 years in the recreating! Finally, Ragnarok and Anubis bump into each other randomly on a red-eye to Japan when Ragnarok reviews the demon-fighting lupine samurai exploits of Kibakichi and Anubis is brutally bored half-to-death by the original specter ex machina, Pulse!

On behalf of all the boils and ghouls of the Tomb, I'd like to welcome back our viewers and say it's sweet kung-fu goodness to once again take our places as the mediocre gangbang of bad movie reviewness!

Oh, and while Anubis was at it, he finally got up those long promised screen captures for Back From Hell and The Giant Spider Invasion, so feel free to head back over and grab a couple more laughs free of charge!

"June Bugs... In July" comes to a close today with a double whammy of bug fun as Ragnarok fends off the advances of the Invasion of the Bee Girls and Anubis shoots up on anti-venom for the Giant Spider Invasion! Yes, we know that spiders are not insects but are in fact arachnids, but if you're the kind of person who was considering sending us an e-mail to that effect, go out and get yourself some ass cuz you're sorely in need.

*Psssst* Hey kid, ya wanna score some free movies? Come on, they're free ya little prick, you know you want 'em! Go to our myspace page for details...

Ragnarok's reviews for Rawhead Rex and Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son-in-Law, Nix's review for School of the Holy Beast, Fistula's Hellraiser quadruple feature and Anubis's reviews for Back From Hell and The Eerie Midnight Horror Show! Six succulent features for the sixth day of the sixth month of the (two-thousand and) sixth year!

And if you thought that was all the fun we had in store for you, our faithful, then look on in shock and wonder when Fistula , Nix Eclipse and Ragnarok hit you with brand new editorial musings for your curious minds! Hooray!

The Sunday review may or may not happen this week. There are evil plans and plots and ploys in the works for next Tuesday, so maybe if we get those taken care of we'll see some new material for Sunday. Otherwise, if you don't hear anything, come back Tuesday for a free lube job from your favorite Satanic mechanics!

Intended for last week, the Archives open their legs to let in Ragnarok reviews for The Eternal and Female Plasma Suckers! Anubis snaps up too with Oblivion. Meanwhile, the new reviews consist of an Anubis point-of-view for Attack of the Super Monsters, a fresh new death god review for Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children and finally a Ragnaroking good time with a painful plague called DeepSpace !

Like the Looney Toons, we are back in action!... only without the dead weight of Brendan Fraser.

Not to be outshadowed though, we also have reviews for you damn it! First, Nix brings you a Shorty for his favorite bastard Jaws offspring, Deep Blue Sea! As for the rest of us, we bring to you the following delights: Fistula's archives come to a conclusion with a doozy in Devil's Rain, his final transfer from the original Brotherhood of Bad Movies site. Speaking of the Brotherhood, Ragnarok reviews Cthulhu Mansion! As for Anubis, he hits up an AniMAYtion Infestation three-way in Final Fantasy: the Spirits Within and Volumes One and Two of the Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystal anime.

As for the AniMAYtion Infestation, festivities are trucking on with Ragnarok's review for Attack of the Supermonsters and an Anubis review for Ichi the Killer: Episode 0 !

Anyway, fix your peepers on the following! Barn of the Blood Llama , Demonicus , Graveyard Shift , The Mummy , Plan 9 From Outer Space , Spider Baby , Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Epic Begins , Towers Open Fire & The Cut Ups Double Feature

I managed to get the updates done (thank techno-zombie Lucifer for the invention of the fucking laptop, sperm killer or not!) from my hotel suite and thus bring forth upon your worthy heads the following! Nix tempts his sanity by peeking in on The Last Slumber Party! Ragnarok looks for man-eating sheep but instead finds creepy incestual environmentalist bullshit with Corn! Fistula pulls double duty, doing the ol' "contrast and compare" with two of the cinema's most infamous video nasties when he pits I Spit on Your Grave in a white-knuckled, steel cage throwdown against Wes Craven's ghoulish debut Last House on the Left! Last, Anubis celebrates the AniMAYtion Infestation by ressurecting his reviews for Vampire Hunter D and it's appropriately titled sequel Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust.

Look for our links page to be coming soon as I'm going to bust a ball or two in the following days while stranded here in the home of the Vermont Teddy Bears... uggh.

As for today's AniMAYtion review, Anubis brings you an archive review for X, cuz it's not just the 24th letter of the alphabet anymore!

New reviews! Ragnarok inflicts Cigarette Burns , Nix watches history in the making with Within the Woods , Anubis tastes the revenge of Neighbor No. 13 and then gets an itching-burning sensation from Cabin Fever! Fistula also whips out "Back 2 Da Hood": another unprecendented double feature of unadulterated mayhem with The Town That Dreaded Sundown and a shorty review for Friday the 13th Part 2!

And lastly, to celebrate May, the Tomb brings out a last minute, month long, pun driven theme called "ANIMAYTION INFESTATION", throwing a spotlight on the animated side of the cinematic life. Don't ask, it just came to me one night and I thought I'd go ahead and do it... 2 months old and already I'm resorting to a theme month?! Crap... Anyway, to start this shit off, check out Anubis and his Shorty review for Akira. A little predictable I know, but what are you gonna do?

Today's plethora of material comes in the form of a plethora of double shots! It's a fucking dp festival around here! First, in the Shorties plaza we have Nix's glorious return as he gives his quickie thoughts on a double helping of brutality from 2005 in Hostel and Wolf Creek! Also up in the Shorties' grill, Anubis double dips the dirty french onion holding head of Wes Craven with nooners of A Nightmare On Elm Street and Scream!

As if that wasn't enough (and fuck knows with you kids today there's never such as a thing as "enough"), the archives play host to more Doublemint™ deviltry! The brothers from different birthing tubes, Ragnarok and Fistula, pound out two tasty H.G. Lewis gore shots with The Gore Gore Girls and Two Thousand Maniacs! To wrap it all up, Anubis squeezes off another round from the double barrel right into the beady eyes of The Blair Witch Project and it's subsequent sequel Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2!

Okay, I think that's WAY more than enough on the whole "doubles" thing for a while kids. Come back Sunday when we'll have... well... I'm not entirely sure yet. Just come back and find out, okay?

Shit that's a lot of new content!

Oh yeah, and for anyone who hasn't stopped by here since Thursday night, take the time to check out The First Bi-Annual Tomb of Anubis Double Double Feature! And for anyone who already has seen it, go check it out again... because I said so... what do you mean "no"?! Fine, be a dick.

Oh yeah, and we've got archive reviews for ya too, in the form of Werewolf , Legend of the Chupacabra , King Cobra and, uggh, Little Nicky. Meet 'em. Eat 'em. Love 'em. Leave 'em.

Additionally, big birthday ups to the Tomb's first ever groupie LivingDeadGirl1976! This lusty, busty lady from the grave has been with us for almost 5 years now and we're glad to have her!

That's not all though boils and ghouls, because this week also marks the debut of our "capsule" review section, dubbed The Shorties and features minute rice reviews for Slither and another double feature for Halloween and Halloween 2! Oye vay that's a lotta review!

As if all of that wasn't enough, get your asses back here the day after Easter Sunday (I won't have internet access this weekend) when the Tomb debuts it's first Double Feature Double Feature! Who will review what? What will the dueling themes be? Will Jenny find all of the little Easter eggs mommy and daddy hid in the yard before she's eaten by the escaped Python?! Tune in and find out my little sugar dumplings, slightly later Tomb time, same Tomb channel!

As for all of you Nix fans out there who are wondering where the Tomb's resident moon barker has been the last couple weeks, he had an unfortunate run in with a clepto who decided to "relieve" the poor man of his DVD player, so he's gotten a little behind. Though the crime goes unpunished for the time being, the man's got a new player and will be back up to reviewing form before you can say "WHAT'S THAT ON MY LEG?!". Look for further possible updates on Wednesday.

More new reviews due on Sunday, as well as new additions and a new setup for the H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Vault... or you could just go take a peek at it now and get an idea of what we're up to. Also, keep an eye out for the opening of a new section to the Tomb: "...What the Fuck?!", inspired by Fistula with an eye toward more interaction between our humble staff of lunatics and cannibals and our humble viewership of... well... just look at yourself in the mirror! You know what you are! ACCEPT IT! We're here for you.

Anyway, our reviews this Sunday are:
Ragnarok Vs. The Cellar!
Anubis Meets the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Wild Zero!

Wednesday will be more Archive reviews as always, as well as the debut of a new addition to our little freak show called... well... you'll see on Wednesday. Kiss my grits!

Still not sure what we're doing for Sunday, but I do know what I'll be doing non-site related: going to the Big Apple Comic Con. Here, I will be meeting George Romero and Ken Foree while buying many a bootleg and discount comic book. If you have any requests for rare or imported movies that you'd like to see in the H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Vault, now's the time to get off your lazy ass and let me know (tombofanubis@yahoo.com), cuz Big Apple shows are a bootlegger's paradise...

Also, until Wednesday only, I'm giving the following deal on DVDs: Buy 2 and get the third FREE! Just check out the "H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Vault" link above (to the right of our logo) and enter "3 for 2" in the "question and comments" field and you'll get your third DVD free! As a super special bonus (because you've all been good little urchins by coming here), I'm waving all shipping charges until the Wednesday update too! Don't ask me why, cuz the IRS doesn't need to know...

Also, as always (or at least the last couple weeks), set your sick little sights on our sick little site come Sunday when we'll have more new material for you to gawk at, some new additions to the H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S DVD Vault and maybe... a contest? Tune in and find out mofos!

The Wednesday Update will premiere this week (for real this time) and include the new Editorials section, new additions to "Project: Archive" (trust me, go to the Movie Review Index to find out about this one) and, I don't know, let's just wait and see, shall we?

So get your fingers and eyes back here on Sunday cuz it's gonna be one beefy little pile of bologna right here if you know what I mean (and I think you do). Hopefully the future Wednesday updates work out better than this one did... as in "not at all"...

Also, two big announcements for this week. First, the H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Vault is back up and in production! If you're looking for DVDs of hard-to-find and out-of-print bad movies of all shapes and flavors, just click that shiny link to the right of our banner up above and remember to take your shoes off at the door. Second, check back with us on Wednesdays now for an extra day of updates! Not only will Wednesday now be the day for posting editorial pages by our staff members and any other new non-review sections, but we'll also be installing "Project: Archive", where we'll be adding "classic" reviews done by all of our members to a new consolidated section. How can we have "classic" reviews if we just started a week ago? Each member of our staff has had reviews posted on other websites and blogs over the years, so this is our little attempt to put all of our eggs in the same basket, so readers like yourself have more shit to read and keep you from losing interest in the otherwise seven day stretch between regular updates. Trust me, it'll work... I think... I hope? Eh, just come back on Wednesday and find out!