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The Exterminator
(1980)

Reviewed By Anubis

Genre: 'Nam Land Shell Shocker Turned Mean Streets Vigilante
Director: James "McBain" Glickenhaus
Writer: see "Director"
Featuring: Christopher "Pieces" George
Robert "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" Ginty
Samantha "Demonoid" Eggar

Review______________
No, despite what you may be hoping, this isn't about an Ex-Terminator. I don't think they get laid off anyway...

Despite opening with gunfire and explosions, this thing was horrible. For some unknown reason (other than the fact that I live in a town of inbred morons and single brain-celled crackheads), this thing was found in the Science Fiction section of my local Video King. THERE WAS NOTHING SCI-FI ABOUT IT! This was an action movie, damn it! But, just so my $1.15 didn't go ENTIRELY to waste, I decided to put it on the site as a Sci-Fi movie anyway, so that maybe I could spare someone the agony of seeing it!

Anyway, a couple of guys that were in 'Nam together get jobs at a warehouse. After breaking up a robbery, the gang they stopped hunts down and cripples the black dude. So, in a blinding rage of vengeance, Whitey (the other guy) mows down the little fucks to the tune of Disco Inferno! UGGH! Soon Whitey works his way to the top, grinding a big fat mobster into cat food! This was the only mildly-non-boring part of the damn movie... after that, Whitey just runs around vanquishing child molesters and crap, letting his urban legend grow, and the CIA takes interest in him. Then he and one of those "only decent cop on a force of corruption" get killed in a conspiracy by the mayor or something... Fuck this shit, I'm gonna go play NFL2K (THE greatest sports game ever created!), so YOU can watch this crap and even review it if you can muster the coherency...

What really confused me about this thing was the cover. Once again, the design geniuses of Hollywood give us a cool cover, but a totally lame-ass movie! I mean, the cover depicts the guy in a welding helmet, brandishing a flamethrower. Pretty fuckin cool in a Mad Max kinda way, right? Well, the lazy mofo uses the flamethrower ONCE! And all he uses it for is to make some punk piss himself, not actually to melt his flesh! Fucking Hollywood cheapskate bastards! ARGH! ARGH I SAY!

The Moral of the Story: If you promise me a guy with a fucking flamethrower, you damn well give me a guy with a fucking flamethrower!

H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating:
- Standard issue '80s vigilante movie. There's stuff to make fun of here, it just depends on how good your group deals with this kind of movie.

Sequel: Exterminator 2

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: The Punisher or Death Wish

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All materials found within this review are the intellectual properties and opinions of the original writer. The Tomb of Anubis claims no responsibility for the views expressed in this review, but we do lay a copyright claim on it beeyotch, so don't steal from this shit or we'll have to go all Farmer Vincent on your silly asses. © March 5th 2006 and beyond, not to be reproduced in any way without the express written consent of the reviewer and the Tomb of Anubis or pain of a physical and legal nature will follow. Touch not lest ye be touched.

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