The Church of Everton

Have you ever noticed the simliarities between Christianity and Evertonianism? This page looks at our beloved team from a more religious point of view **(I do this with no disrespect for any religion.)

In the beginning, there was the word and the word was a word that not many people said, but they eventually cottoned on and now lots of people say the word.... and the word is EVERTON!

The Lord's prayer Our Moyesey, Who art in Bellefield, and sometimes Goodison, Ginger be thine hair, Thy team play, and thrash the red bastards, At home as we do away. Give us this week, Our weekly 3 points, And slate all the referee's decisions, As we slate every single player in the world who does not play for us, And lead us not, Into relegation, But take us back into Europe. For thine is the Premiership, The FA Cup and League Cup, and Champions' league and UEFA Cup, The power and the glory, For Ever at Everton. Amen

The Cast: God = Dixie Dean The Messiah= Davey Moyes (AKA, the Moyesiah) The Holy Trinity = Harvey, Kendall and Ball The Prophets = , Alex Young, Big Nev, Graeme Sharp, Kevin Ratcliffe, I could go on for a while..... The disciples = Whoever this week's starting 11 are Judas = Francis Jeffers The Prodigal son who we welcomed back and even loved for a while = Francis Jeffers Judas x 2= Take a guess... Francis Jeffers!!!!! The Prodigal son who did become Judas, then returned again, then left after an argument, then apologiused and came back, then left again after encouraging one of our better players to leave... = Franny Jeffers! The not-so-jug-eared-Juads= Wayne Rooney The crazy one = Gazza Heaven/ The Kingdom of God= Goodison Hell= Anfield Purgatory= Highbury

And on Good Friday, Judas did betray. And he betrayed in the worst way possible. Judas did disrespect God and disagreed with one of His decisions. God did forgive Judas and offer him a chance to take back his disresepct, but Judas returned the next day only to say the same things again. God did cast Judas from His Kingdom and Judas shall return to Purgatory on June 1st. However, even Satan wishes that Judas might leave Hell immediately as he is not worthy of Purgatory. Judas may even receive the second greatest punishment EVER for his sins. (The first being going to Hell/ Anfield.) He may be condemned to...... THE SPL!!!!!!!!! 15.4.2004 And not so long after, Judas did change his mind and did grovel very much and God did forgive him yet again. Oh Judas, do stop it with all this confusement! To air is human, to forgive, devine. (OK, so that's Shakepeare, not the Bible...) And Moyes certainly is devine. 15.5.2004 And having forgiven Judas, God did decide to let him go, but He does not condemn him. Perhaps Judas will one day return to the Kingdom of God. August 2004 And after leaving without the same hatred that we formerly had for him, Judas did open his ugly trap yet again and suggest that a good player shouldleave the club... just to wind us up... and the hatred returned. And to make things worse, the good player did leave... and he became the new Judas.