Lying is, regrettably, a social necessity. It is a method we use to avoid conflicts, protect ourselves, and allow us to influence others.
Inherently simple, lying can be difficult to pull off because of another social necessity: morality. Morality, and its psychological effect: guilt, cause unconscious changes in human behavior. I'll touch on this also.
The rules:
1. Tell the truth...as much as possible.
Lying is easier if you both have a reputation for honesty and a employ a simple lie.
2. Make it believable.
Ideally, a lie should fit into the audience's view of reality...so much so it they can identify with it.
3. Don't get too detailed.
Too much information implies forethought...consciously thinking it out. Most people don't dwell on things that much. Think it out, of course. Mentally role-play possible questions or problems, just don't volunteer that information.
4. Use humour...
...but laugh WITH them, not at them.
5a. If necessary, point out how your lie would be a hard lie to prove...or disprove.
5b. Never say, "Trust me" or "Would I lie to you?"
You don't want to try to PERSUADE your audience. As far as they're concerned, you're telling them the truth and they can believe it or not.
6. Don't make an easily disproved lie.
Make sure there's doubt if they check...if you've been honest before, you'll probably be given the benefit of the doubt.
7a. Make eye contact.
People look away when lying for two major reasons: guilt and using your imagination. People really pick up on this. See rule 8.
7b. Blink normally
Excessive or a lack of blinking also can be signs of lying.
7c. Don't fidget.
If you're doing something already, like typing, keep doing it or briefly pause. If appropriate, have something in your hands. An ice-cold can of Coke is ideal. It stops any fidgets and masks a sweaty palm if a handshake is necessary. Excessive hand movements and/or grooming betrays self-consciousness...a side effect of your guilt.
8. "Rehearse" your lie.
Rehearsal does 3 or possibly 4 things...it allows you to mentally role-play likely questions or problems, it gives you a chance to pick up on problems like a lack of contractions, it also lets you commit it to memory...(more on that in a minute) Finally, some people can convince themselves their lie's true...
As I stated in Rule #7a: your eyes can give you away. Ask someone their birthday and watch their eyes...they rapidly look UP then tell you the answer. Now ask them to explain how they can drive to the nearest golf course...for several seconds they'll either close their eyes or be looking up, down, left and right.
The first question had a simple, known answer, like your lie should be. It only takes a split second to recall.
The second question required memory, creativity, and logic...unless they golf every day after work, they have to fabricate a route...just like your lie...and it shows.
9a. Use contractions.
It's simple: we use them all the time. Not using 'em brings MORE attention to your lie and the question "Why is he trying so hard?"
9b. Talk as normal as possible.
Rule #10 makes this easier.
10a. "Frame" the lie in a friendly conversation.
If the audience likes you, you'll probably get the benefit of the doubt. Also, when the audience remembers, they might remember it with a positive attitude toward you...if they actually remember what you said.
10b. Don't make a performance of it...
Again, this makes it apparent it the lie has taken a lot of effort and may be false.
10c. ...Or make a BIG performance.
Using anger or outrage and demonstrating YOUR belief in the lie...enough to fight over it...can also be an effective ploy. It also can put your audience on the defensive...
In summary, lying effectively can be done. With a lot of effort and self-observation…now isn’t it easier to tell the truth?