Hellfire
by
inkling
For Rose, who, with patience and persistence, discovered that
even dedicated Stoker Babes have their price.
© 2001 by inkling.
Standard "they don't belong to me they just come out to play now
and then" disclaimers apply. "Emergency!" and its characters ©
Mark VII Productions, Inc. and Universal Studios. All rights reserved. No
infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be
inferred. The settings and characters
are fictitious, even if a real name may be used. Any similarity to actual persons, living or deceased, or to
actual events is purely coincidental and is not intended to suggest that the
events described actually occurred.
Gratuitous authorial commentary: Gratias ago to:
Marykatesensei, MJ, and Rose, and to JoAnn, and Linda. More thanks to Rose for answering
innumerable questions about Lakhota language and culture; to Cece for cheerleading,
certain evil details; to CJ for the final dip, fluff, and comb, and for this
little adventure's first home online; and to the old E!fic list in general for
patience and help with piddly details and nuisance questions. Last but not least, thanks to Todd for
taking in the orphan.
Special thanks to Cheryl M., momoftoad, MaryMorris, Doc
Sharon, and Pat E. for the medical and technical details.
Caveat Lector! Reader,
beware! You have entered inkling's
UnE!verse, and all bets are off concerning the guys, their lives, their careers,
and their favorite flavor of Jell-O. In
my UnE!verse Marco Lopez was injured in a fire previous to this story and is no
longer a member of 51's A shift.
Dutch Masters is the creation and property of MJ Hajost and
appears here with her gracious consent (and the author's signed waiver stating
no barns in any shape, form, or flames appear in this story.)
Hellfire
by:
inkling
Simply stated, the most effective manner in which to fight
fires is to prevent them from starting.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
~*
1968 *~
Johnny
Gage was in hell. Sister Tercella would be proud of herself: Johnny's manifest destiny--the manifest
result of his multitude of sins--had been the nun's favorite prophecy
throughout his time under her iron-fisted rule. And now all those years of delinquency stood him in good
stead. A terrified seven-year-old,
facing Sister Tercella in her sweltering office, understood entirely how it
felt to be drowning in a cauldron of black swirling heat, stinking sweat, and
the bitter copper taste of his own fear.
Sliding
his gloved hand along the rigid canvas hose, Johnny pushed thoughts of both
boarding school and the afterlife away.
He forced himself to breathe slowly--like a fireman, not a probie who
panicked and used his air up too fast.
Just because he was a probationary fireman and this was a bigger
fire than most of the seasoned men he was supposed to be learning from had ever
worked...
Setting
his jaw, Johnny crawled on, forward, through the roaring furnace of heat and smoke
and blind terror. He forced himself to
remember his training, not his childhood.
Do not let go of the hose.
Breathe slowly. Do not
panic. Do not let go of the hose...
Each
exhaled breath whooshed loudly in his blistered ears. He pushed away the stinging pain, focused instead on the lukewarm
water he crawled through. His left hand
grasped the hose--his lifeline--firmly; the fingers of his right hand were
twisted in the collar of Captain Fuller's turnout coat. The other two-and-a-half-inch hose vibrated
and wiggled and slithered side to side on the floor inches his captain's inert
form. Johnny ignored it. He'd just seen what that much uncontrolled
force could do to an experienced firefighter.
He wasn't touching it, no matter what the fire surrounding them
did.
And
just as he'd forced Sister Tercella from his mind each June, refused every
thought of school and black-gowned dictators and the long winter months far
from home, now Johnny forced away thoughts of the fire behind him. He ignored
the screaming in the back of his mind that there weren't any fire stops built
into the walls around him. Refused to
acknowledge the dire insistence hammering through his veins that flames were
climbing through those walls, into the second story of the old, rebuilt and
over-built building. Hell wasn't going
to drop down, wasn't going to consume them from above, just like it wasn't
going to rise up to devour them from below.
It
just wasn't.
Caressing
the hose, his hand slid forward. Johnny
crawled two paces further. Dragged
Fuller up beside him. His hand slid
forward...
Of
course, the one thing Sister Tercella hadn't counted on was the fact that while
Johnny was in hell, he was also in church.
Sister Tercella's face bobbed in his memory, one long eyebrow lifted in
an elegant curl. Her full lips pursed,
further crinkling the wrinkled paper passing for skin on her sunken
cheeks. Obviously this was the wrong
sort of church, she would have said, rolling her r's just a bit and enunciating
every upper class vowel clearly. Those
Protestants, they didn't really understand the Sacraments anyway. They couldn't really expect to get into
heaven, could they? It didn't matter
how many nights each fall they packed their Army-issue meeting tent with Holy
Rollers and Hellfire and Damnation preachers; they were not members of the true
faith, and therefore they were doomed.
Johnny
shivered and refused to admit he and his crewmates were doomed today. They just weren't. Station 31 had been part of the first alarm response. Last he'd heard, before Fuller handed him
the nozzle--as was proper, to give the probie experience--the Battalion chief
had called in three more alarm assignments, more men and equipment to battle
the fires of hell consuming the Holy United Pentecostal Church of Jesus Christ
and All His Saints. More sirens had
wailed in the distance, but like the good firefighter he aspired to be, Johnny
had ignored them and headed into the blaze, crouching low and cradling the
nozzle in his arms. Fuller's hand on
his shoulder had directed him, helped him lift the still unexpected weight of
the charged hose, and they'd followed Trujillo and Palmer's line into the
burning house of worship.
It
wasn't the first time Johnny'd been in a Holy Roller church. He and Clayton Green Shirt had sneaked out
to watch the doings down at the Pentecostals' tent one night, just after his
tenth birthday. They had actually seen
Lawanda Dull Knife rolling on the rough wooden floor, jerking and shrieking
nonsense and spitting--not quite frothing at the mouth, but close enough to
send Johnny and Clayton into paroxysms of silent laughter before they ducked
out of the tent and ran back to their dorm.
Johnny had thought he'd known what hell was that night, crawling up the
spreading rose trellis and in through the transom only to find Sister Tercella
waiting for them, a dark, winged fury rising up from the gleaming oak floor.
He'd
thought wrong.
Barely
visible, Trujillo's air pack bobbed in front of him. The broken arm Johnny had tucked into the rookie's turnout coat
left the other man only three limbs with which to scramble to safety. Around them the air boiled and bubbled;
behind them the flames roared. Johnny
shifted his hand, taking a firmer grip on Fuller's turnout, and moved both his
burden and himself two feet further into the darkness, away from the glowing,
grasping tentacles of orange and red behind them. Where were the other crews?
Where was their help? Their
relief? Surely they'd figured things
out by now; surely Palmer had made it to safety and told them a rookie, a
probie, and an injured officer were still back there, in the belly of the
beast?
Another
breath, and Johnny slid his hand up the hose.
He pulled Fuller's limp body through the inches deep water on the sanctuary
floor. And again. And again.
The two-and-a-half-inch hose was such a tiny link to salvation. Would it turn to ashes beneath his
grip? Was he going to roast to death in
his turnouts or drown in his own sweat?
Trujillo
was making better progress now, up and duckwalking instead of crawling, five
feet or more ahead of Johnny and his burden.
Johnny blinked sweat away, raised his eyes for a second. The black roiling ceiling of smoke had
lifted a bit. Someone must finally have
had the balls to order breaking out the lurid stained glass windows for
ventilation. A muffled shout, and
Johnny looked forward. Trujillo,
squatting by the hose, pointed off to the side, yelling something.
Johnny
couldn't understand his crewmate's words, but he got up off his knees and
duckwalked through the grey smoke to where Trujillo waited, Fuller's body
creating a small wake in the shallow sea as he was dragged along.
"Shit!" That was clear enough. Trujillo leaned forward, yelling,
"That...never...out!"
Johnny's
gaze followed Trujillo's pointing arm.
A ragged ghost just feet away, Eddie Palmer retched and coughed. Down on his hands and knees, his helmet gone
and his SCBA tangled around his neck, the older firefighter crawled two
steps--away from the hose and its link to safety, heading further into the
darkness and heat, not out. No wonder
their relief hadn't come: the one who'd supposedly gone for help had never made
it out.
They
were going to have to rescue themselves.
Trujillo
was still yelling, though it sounded like Spanish now. Probably expletive-laced Spanish. He'd better slow down or he was going to run
out of air. Johnny took a tighter grip
on Fuller's turnout coat and slid the captain past his own booted feet and
deposited him at Trujillo's. Trujillo
nodded and sat, reaching out with his good hand to prop Fuller's head up out of
the water. Refusing to meet his gaze, ignoring what sounded suspiciously like
"Vaya con Dios" from the other fireman, Johnny turned and left the
safety of the hoses.
All
the Lakhota swear words Clayton had ever taught him rolling peji cigarettes out
behind the convent's tumble-down barn, made a silent litany as he crawled
swiftly through hell and low water over to where Palmer had lost his way. Grabbing for his boot, Johnny found himself
dodging a flying kick.
"Hey!"
His cry was muffled by the SCBA, but Palmer heard him, swiveled around, his
eyes streaming and his face blackened by smoke. He blinked at Johnny, his curly red hair plastered black to his
head with sweat.
"C'mon,
Palmer, the exit's this way."
Johnny waved back towards the hoses and their crewmates with the arm
he'd lifted to block the kick. Gasping,
Palmer stared. He blinked, then coughed
and crawled toward Johnny. When he got
close enough, Johnny reached for the SCBA dangling around his neck.
"Here,
put this back on; it's pretty noxious in here."
"NO!"
Palmer shouted in the instant before he shoved Johnny away. Johnny landed hard on his shoulder against
the warped wood, creating a mini-tsunami across the floor, his helmet pushed
awry and the strap almost strangling him.
Damn, now he had water in his ear.
Fighting the temptation to just lie there anyway and let the lukewarm
water cool his stinging flesh, Johnny sat up and pulled his helmet back on top
of his head. A muffled shout came from
Trujillo's direction; Johnny waved one arm in reply. On his hands and knees, Eddie hadn't made it far. His face was almost on the floor in a
paroxysm of coughing, deep and rasping.
But he was still trying to crawl off on a diagonal, away from the hoses
and Trujillo, waiting patiently with Fuller.
Anger rose, more choking than the fear for an instant, and
Johnny entertained the thought that he could just leave the man. Trujillo sure as hell wouldn't object. Fuller was unconscious and would never
know. The two injured firefighters were
counting on Johnny to get them out; surely that was enough responsibility? Let Palmer, especially, fend for
himself. But even as he allowed the
thought to surface, Johnny knew he couldn't.
New as he was to this brotherhood, unwelcome as he might feel in
the fraternity of L. A. County
firefighters, Johnny understood tribal values very well. He couldn't leave a brother behind.
"Hey, come on, that's the way out!" When the other man ignored him, Johnny
lunged forward and grabbed a foot again.
Palmer rolled over and kicked at him, but Johnny dodged once more. Hands up in the air, he waited for a second
while the other man stared up at him, his mouth open and round. Finally, something seemed register in the
man's bloodshot eyes.
"Gage?" he said, or at least that was the word
Johnny thought his lips formed. There
was no way to be sure in this inferno of noise and heat.
"Yeah." He
crawled up to where Palmer lay, and keeping his hands away from the SCBA gear,
grabbed his fellow firefighter by the shoulders. Pulling him up to his knees, Johnny waved a hand at Trujillo,
barely visible through the hovering smoke as he stood guard over their lifeline
out of this mess. "Take it easy;
just take it easy," he said, hardly understanding himself through his
airmask. "We're gonna get you out
of here, okay? THAT way," he
emphasized, giving him a small shove in the right direction. This time the other fireman didn't object,
just crawled forward, coughing, toward Trujillo and Fuller. Johnny followed him, through the black heat
and swirling smoke, hoping their bread crumb line to safety wasn't ashes, that
it still led out of the inferno and into the welcome light of day.
Sister Tercella would be dumbfounded. Not only was Johnny Gage going to escape
hell, he was bringing three other lost souls out with him.
~* E! *~
Fire is actually a by-product of a larger process called
combustion. Fire and combustion are two
words used interchangeably by most people; however, firefighters should
understand the difference.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
~* 1978 *~
Johnny whistled cheerily as he rounded the engine; the slap he
gave the bright red vehicle echoed through the bay. The normal station odor of combined diesel, grease, and smoke
didn't quite override the faintly burnt aroma of coffee and eggs emanating from
the day room, and Johnny's stomach growled.
The remains of B-Shift's breakfast definitely smelled better than the
options he'd had at home: dry
cornflakes or cornflakes with sour milk. Hopefully the tones would have pity on
a starving man and give him time to eat the leftovers.
Rotating his left shoulder as he passed the squad, Johnny
winced. He shouldn't have hauled that
plant of Rayna's all by himself. But
the admiring gaze of Jenny Caraveganelly--or whatever her last name was--had
been the only thing on his mind Tuesday.
Watching over the fence as he lugged the leafy shrub and its earthenware
pot from Mike's truck, across the yard and up onto Mike's porch, the
dark-haired lovely had appreciated the show he put on. So what if Johnny's shoulders were still
complaining two days later? Aspirin and
a liberal amount of Icy-Hot would take care of his aches and pains; that little
display of strength, combined with his trademark grin directed freely
throughout the afternoon at both Jenny and her grandmother, should net him at
least two dates--provided he could get Jenny's phone number from Mike.
"...I'm telling you, Mike, make sure Rayna gets rid of
that dish drainer. That is, if you plan
on--"
"Good morning, gentlemen." Johnny interrupted Chet as he entered the day room. "Oh, and good morning to you too,
Chet."
Chet scowled at Johnny, but didn't move from where he lounged
against the counter, coffee in one hand, the other hand deep in a pocket. Roy, seated at the table in front of the
refrigerator, mumbled something into his morning dose of caffeine and kept
staring into thin air. Across the table
from Roy, Mike looked up from the daily edition of the LA Times.
"Hey, Johnny," he said, and went back to drinking
his coffee and ignoring Chet.
At the stove, Johnny paused for a moment, then decided: Coffee
first, food second.
"Hey, Gage," Kelly said. "Is that Ben-Gay I
smell?"
The cabinet door Johnny opened just missed the other man's
head. Pulling a plate out and dropping
it on the counter, he grinned. Chet
scowled back.
"Just 'cause you were too busy chatting up Miss
Cara-carra--Mike's neighbor to do any real work, Chet." He reached back
into the cupboard.
"Hey, like I told ya Tuesday, she's just trying to make
Mike jealous, that's al--"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just said that because she paid more attention to me--and to
Marco--than she did to you. Besides,
what does it matter if she had her eye on Mike?" Johnny pulled a coffee cup out and waved it in Chet’s
direction. "Whether he's married
or not, Mike's off the market, and the poor girl's going to need
consoling, isn't she?" Ignoring
Mike's snort of disbelief, he straightened up and grinned at Chet, placing his
free hand on his chest. "And what
better man for the job than Johnny Gage, Los Angeles County's best paramedic,
and all around extraordinary guy?"
Someone choked at the table, but Johnny ignored the noise,
preferring instead to enjoy the sight of Chet, stammering for an answer for
once. Movement out of the corner of his
eye caught his attention. Mike still
leaned his elbows on the table, but now he held a small slip of pink paper out
between two fingers.
"The lady's name is Caraveggio," Mike said. "She lives in Pasadena. Her grandmother gave me her phone number,
wanted me to make sure I gave it to 'that nice, dark-haired fireman'."
"Caraveggio," Johnny repeated, smirking at
Chet. It wasn't hard to shove the
shorter man aside and grab the slip of paper Mike held out. All three men stared at the phone number
written in a loopy, feminine hand for a second, then Johnny shook it in Chet's
face. Mike grinned and went back to his
newspaper.
"What makes you think that's for you, Gage? I've got dark hair and I'm definitely nicer
than you." Chet grabbed for the
pink paper, but Johnny yanked it away.
"Uh uh uh," he gloated, then leaned forward and got
right in Chet's face. "Looks like this--"
Johnny pointed at his own chest, "nice, dark-haired fireman has her phone
number, and you--" he jabbed his finger at Chet, "don't."
Chet scowled, turning his glare on Roy and Mike when they both
laughed out loud. Johnny tucked the
slip of paper into his shirt pocket and smirked some more. A sulking Chet first thing in the morning
made the eggs congealing in the frying pan look positively edible, and Johnny
helped himself to the rest. Nabbing
three pieces of the toast languishing on the counter, he carried his plate to
the table and sat down next to Roy. Two
bites of eggs and most of one piece of toast later, Johnny realized he didn't
have his coffee, just as Roy got up.
"Roy, would you mind--"
"Yeah," Roy said simply, and Johnny grinned.
"Thanks, partner."
Chet headed for the coffeepot, but Roy beat him to it, smiling
slightly as he filled his own cup and the empty one Johnny had left on the
counter. The dribbles from the pot
netted Chet less than half a cup, and he glared at Roy. Mike snickered while Johnny tried not to
choke on the second piece of toast.
"Gee, Chet, it just doesn't seem to be your day. No coffee, no phone number...Maybe you
should have stayed home in bed."
He reached for the cup Roy set in front of him, smiling his thanks to
his partner.
"No, he shouldn't have," Captain Stanley's voice
preceded him into the day room. He
waved aside the chorus of "Good mornings" that accompanied his
entrance, proceeding directly to the coffee pot. Finding it empty, he glared at Chet. "Kelly, didn't your mother ever teach you that if you take
the last of something, you make some more for everyone else?"
Putting on a sincerely martyred look, Chet opened his mouth,
but Stanley shoved the pot at him before he could defend himself.
"Make some more coffee, ya twit!"
Chet deflated and set the pot down. He shot a dirty look over his shoulder at Roy before reaching for
the coffee canister sitting out on the counter. Stanley stepped over to the table, his hands in his pockets.
"Cutler's out for two weeks; he wrenched his knee subbing
at 110's yesterday."
Johnny laughed.
"After the way he let Mike clean him out at the last poker night,
he should use the time off to go to Vegas and practice his five card
draw." He waved his last piece of
toast at 51's engineer.
Mike glared at Johnny, who grinned, unrepentant, before half
the slice of toast disappeared into his mouth.
"Maybe you should just enjoy the respite from losing for
a while," Roy said, reaching for the sports section Mike had just shoved
at him. "That's gotta be the first
time you're not the one whining about losing all your date money in the game."
Shoveling a mouthful of eggs in over his toast, Johnny could
only frown at his partner.
"Bobby called me yesterday at home," Mike said,
shooting an unforgiving look at Johnny.
He reached for the paper and unfolded the Opinion section, leaning over
it with both elbows on the table.
"Swore he'd be back in a couple of weeks, and told me not to spend
any of the money I won. Said he was
going to win it all back, and then some."
"If we could get past the poker game and onto the
business the County pays us for," Stanley said, "what it boils down
to is that we're a man short."
Still chewing, Johnny grinned.
"With Chet around you're always a 'man short', Cap. Or is
that a short man? Chet, are you sure
you didn't borrow your sister's platform shoes to pass the height
requirement?"
Cap's stern look cut off Chet's rejoinder and he sullenly went
back to filling the coffee pot with cold water. The look Stanley turned on
Johnny after that mutated into a disgusted glare, and Johnny belatedly
remembered his mouthful of eggs and toast.
He closed his mouth and swallowed, but Cap was looking at Mike now. "Dispatch will have someone here within
the hour; meanwhile the engine's stood down.
You and Kelly there can make good use of the time and start inspecting
those ropes that C-shift used last night.
After Chester finishes making the coffee."
Mike nodded and returned to the Times; coffee perking behind
him, Chet pulled a chair out and sat at the table, still scowling. Stanley sniffed loudly and stared at him.
"Chet, is that Ben-Gay I smell?"
~* E! *~
Heat--the form of energy that raises temperature.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Johnny tossed his notepad into the jockey box and pushed it
shut. This had been their fourth run
since being toned out at 8:25 this morning, and they had yet to get back to the
station. He slipped his pen into his
shirt pocket and settled into the seat, arm out across the back as Roy started
the engine and the squad pulled away from Rampart hospital.
"You know, Roy, I bet that little Suzanne's mom doesn't
wear a bra."
Roy nearly drove into a pylon at that, and Johnny grinned.
"Watch where you're driving, Roy. I know I don't--and I'm sure you don't--wanna
have to explain to Cap why Brice had to come rescue us in Rampart's parking
lot."
The glare he got from Roy was murderous. Johnny just grinned and kept his thoughts to
himself. After they were safely out from under the hospital's massive bulk and
into traffic on Sepulveda, Roy broke the silence.
"Okay, I’ll bite.
What makes you say that?"
"Say what?"
"That her mom doesn't...that she doesn't wear a...you
know..." Roy let go of the
steering wheel long enough to make an encouraging wave with one hand, giving
him a sidelong look. Johnny grinned,
and Roy's ears turned red.
"That she doesn't wear a bra? Roy, for a married man you sure are shy about some
things."
That netted him another disgusted glare, and Johnny grinned
again.
"What makes you say Suzanne's mom doesn't wear a
bra?" Roy asked, enunciating everything very clearly and staring over at
Johnny. He looked back at the road just
in time to slam on the brakes and bring the squad to a stop, inches from the
rear bumper of a dump truck. Johnny
caught himself against the dash.
"Geez, Roy, watch where you're going, will ya? Or I just might have to drive for the rest
of the shift."
The look Roy shot him spoke volumes about his chances of
driving anytime in the next ten years.
Johnny shrugged and turned away to the window. The first thing they'd seen as they rolled up to this last rescue
was 10-year-old Suzanne, in pigtails and dirt-smeared jeans, perched on the
hilltop above the sullen boys circled around their fallen compatriot. It hadn't taken long for the paramedics to
splint the kid's arm; but given the seriousness of the break they'd transported
him to Rampart as a precaution. And the
entire time they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive, little Suzanne had
stood up there, going on and on about the fact that anything boys could do,
girls could do too and probably do better.
Johnny grinned, staring at the passing fields and pastures. He turned back to his partner.
"Just think about it, Roy. Now would Cindy--would your daughter go out to where Chris and
his friends were riding their bikes, and tell them exactly how to do the jumps,
and then get in there and make a jump that showed them all up? I mean, none of Chris’s friends have ever
broken an arm trying to keep up with Cindy, have they?"
"Cindy can’t ride a bike without training wheels."
"What’s that got to do with anything?"
Roy sighed and stared straight ahead. Johnny waited a second, but when his partner
obviously didn’t have anything else to say, he shrugged and went ahead with his
train of thought.
“Okay, so let’s take Joanne for instance--"
“No," said Roy.
Johnny ignored him.
“See, Joanne, she’s pretty traditional--like you, right? You and Joanne, you’re both pretty traditional. I bet she’s never been into all this women's
lib stuff, has she? And she--"
"This had better not go anywhere near Joanne's bra,"
Roy cut in. The squad stopped for a red
light, and he took advantage of the moment to glare at Johnny.
"Uh... well, no, that's not where I was going, Roy. Sheesh.
What kind of a thing is that to say to your partner? Would I do that?"
“Let’s not find out," said Roy, shooting him another
glare before moving out with traffic.
Stung, Johnny stared out the window.
After a moment’s silence, Roy spoke again.
"You were making a point?"
"I was trying to, until you interrupted me." Johnny shifted around to face Roy.
"Well, by all means, don't let me stop you when you're on
a roll."
"I was trying to say--look, Joanne, she's home
with your kids; she's teaching Cindy how to be a woman and not a man. But Suzanne, all that stuff she was saying
about boys and girls and girls being as good as boys? Don't ya think her mom would have burned her bra back when they
did that? Now don't get me
wrong." Johnny put a hand on his
chest. "It is nearly 1980, and I'm
all for women not wearing bras--especially the pretty ones." He grinned, but it was wasted on Roy, who
was staring straight ahead. Johnny
waved at a little boy in the paneled station wagon next to them before
finishing up his train of thought. “But
I’m betting, I’m just betting, that her mom was out there with them, burning
her bra."
Roy didn’t say anything, merely concentrated on turning onto
223rd street. Johnny rested his arm on
the open window. He thought for a
moment longer, then snorted.
“Course, she is setting her daughter up to have a hard time
getting a date."
No comment from the driver’s seat.
“I mean, what boy is going to want to date a girl who can
out-ride him at the dirt bike track?"
"Johnny, those kids were ten years old. I hardly think--"
"That doesn't matter, Roy. Either way, her mom is setting that poor girl up for a fall. Well, yeah, sure, women are as smart as
men." Johnny conceded the point
with a wave. "And admittedly women
can do nearly everything a guy can. But
most guys don’t want a woman who can do everything they can; most guys want a
woman who's a woman, who can do, well, you know, womanly things, and she can
feel good about being a woman and the guy can feel good about being a guy, he
can feel--"
"Superior," Roy cut in.
"I didn't say that.
Superior is pretty harsh, don't
ya think? But still, most guys like a
woman who can do the woman stuff and they can do the man stuff and that's kind
of the way this world goes round, ya know?
See, it's the symbolism of the thing.
The symbolism." He waved
his hand again, trying to be sure he had Roy's attention--except for what he
needed for driving.
“No, it’s not about symbolism. It’s about you obsessing over whether or not a little girl’s mom
wears a bra."
“What’s that got to do with anything?" Johnny asked. Waiting for a purple Datsun to pass before
he backed into the station, Roy looked like he wanted to cry. The blonde paramedic scrambled out of the
cab a minute later as if he were making an escape, rather than just getting out
of the squad.
"You coming?" Roy had the grace to stop and ask as
he shut his door. Nodding, Johnny took
the time to pull the various slips documenting their morning's runs from the
jockey box before he followed his partner.
In the day room Mike stood at the counter, elbows deep in suds
and dirty dishes. The remains of lunch
were scattered on the table, some sort of casserole. Hopefully it had been edible, but since it wasn't spaghetti or
fried chicken, chances were it hadn't been.
So far having a live-in girlfriend didn't seem to have had any effect on
Mike's culinary skills. Johnny leaned
over to snag the one thing he knew would be edible, a small, dark pickle. He had the entire thing stuffed into his
mouth before he realized it was a dill and not one of those little sweet ones
he liked. Grabbing a napkin, he quickly
spat it out into the paper, and headed for the sink and the garbage can.
"You didn't even try lunch," Mike accused as Johnny
dumped the wadded up napkin in the garbage.
The engineer looked decidedly put out.
"It's Rayna's mom's recipe for chicken rice casserole. You should at least try it before you decide
you don't like it."
"Hey, I will, I will," Johnny protested, raising his
hands in innocence. "Just give me
a chance."
Mike gave him a skeptical look and went back to the
dishes. Johnny, relieved to escape so
easily from the pitfalls of discussing cooking with Mike, focused instead on
the laughter at the other end of the room.
Standing beside the leather couch with his back to Johnny, Chet was just
finishing some sort of introduction, and Roy, standing next to him, was
reaching out to shake the hand of another firefighter seated there. Cutler's replacement had obviously
arrived.
Transferring the slips of paper to his left hand, Johnny
crossed the room. Approaching the other
men, he held his right hand out and opened his mouth, ready to butt in over
whatever snide and derogatory introduction Kelly would offer for him. But his friendly greeting died in his throat
and his hand fell to his side when he saw the man sitting there, chuckling at
Chet's comments about Roy being the only half of 51's paramedic team that
mattered.
His hair had thinned and greyed in the ten years since Johnny
had seen him, and more of his beer was going to his belly now, but Eddie
Palmer's resemblance to John Denver with his "country fresh" looks
was still readily apparent. The
similarities between the two had been too easy a target to pass up ten years
ago. Johnny couldn't count the times
song lyrics had been rudely altered and pictures doctored by crewmates heckling
the other firefighter. Not that they'd
treated anyone else any differently in his short tenure there; Station 31 had
been an equal opportunity harassment club.
John Denver was still around, more annoying with each passing year;
Johnny had thought--hoped--that Palmer was long gone.
Roy stepped aside to make room for Johnny, whether he wanted
to be there or not. Chet was still
talking, and Johnny tried to focus through a sudden overwhelming memory of
smoke and fire and harsh, angry voices.
"...and this is John Gage, the other, non-essential half
of our paramedic team," Chet finished with a flourish. Despite the sinking feeling in his stomach,
Johnny found a grin somewhere. It was
less than convincing judging by the look Roy gave him, but it didn't seem to
faze Chet or the man sitting there, grinning at him.
"Hey, Eddie. Been
a while."
"Hello, Tonto," Palmer said, and even the sound of
Mike clanking plates in the drainer died.
Johnny knew his mouth was open, knew everyone in the room was staring at
him, waiting for his reaction to the nickname.
He'd worked hard to forget both this man and that stupid nickname in the
last few years; he wasn't ready to deal with Palmer again, not on such short
notice. Chet cleared his throat, but
before he could break the uncomfortable silence Palmer grinned his good ol' boy
grin and went on, "Or should I say 'Piranha Boy'?"
Johnny shut his mouth and glared fiercely at Palmer. Too late, though; the cat--or the fish--was
out of the bag. Chet and Roy were both
staring openly at him now, and by the hairs standing up on the back of his
neck, Mike was too. The few seconds of
silence this time were a reprieve, and broken not by his nemesis, Chet, but by
his partner.
"I thought that was just another tall tale," Roy
said quietly. Johnny transferred his
glare to his partner for this betrayal.
"Nope," Palmer said. He took a sip of his coffee and grinned at Johnny.
"Piranha boy?" Chet gloated. "Piranha boy? I should have known, Gage, I should have
known. It had to be you--"
"Gage, DeSoto, I see you've met Cutler's
replacement." Cap's voice cut
through Kelly's as he joined the small group, but the firefighter wasn't to be
put off that easily.
"Cap, did you hear that?
Johnny here is 'Piranha Boy!'"
Chet poked a finger at Johnny, but he jerked back before he could make
contact. Cap stopped next to Johnny
and, arms akimbo, stared at him.
"I always thought that story was just another tall tale
for the probies."
Roy grinned, and Chet and Cutler both laughed out loud at
that. Something distinctly like a
snicker came from the other side of the room.
Johnny managed to glare at them all.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, and felt the heat
rising in his face. "You, you,
you--there were extenuating circumstances," he said, pointing the hand
that held the run slips at Chet in particular and everyone in general. "Besides, how was I to know she kept
piranhas in that tank? Who in the world
keeps piranhas in a tank on their porch?"
"Obviously some people in California do," Chet said,
grinning. Roy and Cap both had bemused
stares on their faces. Mike had laughed
too. And Palmer...that damn smirk on
his face was the same one he wore constantly ten years ago, even after,
after--Damn. Johnny never had been good
at comebacks to Palmer's sly teasing, and right now he needed time and he
needed space, and he needed to be somewhere besides the center of attention to
try to figure out how to deal with the man after all these years.
Johnny turned his back on all of them, Cap, Roy and Chet and
headed back across the room, aiming for the coffee pot on the stove. He ignored Mike, cleaning up the suds he'd
dripped on the floor. Setting the run
slips by the stove, Johnny reached for the cupboard door. At least Mike could be trusted to make a
decent cup of coffee.
"So, Palmer," Chet was saying in the background as
Johnny accepted the clean cup Mike handed him with a faint grin. "Tell all, man. No detail is too insignificant." The leather couch squeaked as at least one
person sat down on it, and Johnny couldn't help the sigh that escaped him. He set the coffee pot down rather harder
than he intended to, and managed another sick grin when he caught Mike looking
at him sympathetically. Hopefully he
could throw Mike off the track. It
wasn't like Johnny wasn't used to taking his share of the teasing and more
around the station.
His cup full, Johnny turned around and couldn’t help his scowl
at the sight of his captain and crewmates gathered around Palmer, ready and
willing to hear his tale, Palmer obviously relishing the spotlight.
"Never saw a probie so willing to risk his life for
fish. Though let me tell ya, the gal
screaming about her imported fishies was one gorgeous broad, and being she was
more than half nekkid, well, we could all understand why Ton---the probie went
a bit nuts." Palmer looked over
and smiled at Johnny, but as Johnny stared steadily at him the older
firefighter looked away and coughed, clearing his throat. "He tore into the house, came running
out with his arms full of fish and tossed them into this big fish tank by the
front door. Did it twice, then started
trying to drag this huge, fifty-gallon thing off the porch. Of course, by that
time, the water in the tank was all red and frothing and the lady of the house
was really screaming. Stinson
and Murphy were all for dunking the probie in the piranha pool to cool him
off--"
Cezacikala, Johnny thought, and made a face at the group, but
found no comfort in either the action or the obscenity. Thankfully no one seemed to notice his
grimace. Abandoning his cup of coffee,
Johnny collected the run slips and beat a hasty retreat out the door, ignoring
the laughter he left behind him. At
least in Cap's office he would have some peace and quiet--and time to collect
himself and maybe figure out what to do about this particular specter from his
past.
~* E! *~
Combustion is defined as the process of rapid oxidation
(resulting in fire). But oxidation is
not always rapid.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
"Rampart, this is Squad 51, how do you read?" The green pen only left scratches on the
pad. Crouched by the biophone, Johnny
scowled at it for a moment before clicking the ball point down and trying
again. This time it left a satisfying
squiggle of blue ink on the paper.
"51, this is Rampart, go ahead." Joe Early's voice, made tinny by the tiny
speaker, floated out of the biophone.
Johnny cradled the receiver between his ear and shoulder, writing down
the respirations and pulse he'd taken.
To his left, Roy bent solicitously over their moaning victim. The obvious damage was cuts and scrapes
littering the man's shoulders and arms, still oozing blood. The not-so-obvious damage was another matter
entirely. Ever the professional,
somehow Roy had managed to get the blood pressure cuff around one muscled arm
without pulling the guy out of his knot of misery. Johnny's scalp prickled in sympathy, and he shifted just enough
that he didn't have to actually look at the man.
"Rampart, we have a victim, male, approximate age thirty-five--"
"Thirty-two," cut in a voice, and Johnny spared a
glance for the woman who'd called them.
Short blonde hair framed a pixie-like face, and large blue eyes
couldn't--or wouldn't bother--to hide her amusement at the victim's
predicament. Her arms crossed tightly
across her narrow chest, she showed her teeth more than smiled at Johnny, and
he found himself thinking of piranhas.
Very small piranhas, but piranhas none the less. Pushing away the unflattering comparison, he
refocused on the job at hand.
"Uh...Rampart, patient is thirty-two." There was an acknowledgment from the
biophone, and Johnny quickly recited the rest of the vitals, including the B/P
that Roy called out to him before he went back to coaxing their patient to
uncurl himself enough so he could actually check his injuries--injury. Johnny didn't blame the poor fellow for not
wanting to let them look.
"Rampart, the victim fell approximately fo-"
"Paul didn't even fall two inches," the Mia Farrow
look alike cut in as their patient let out another agonized groan through
tightly clenched teeth.
"Uh...Rampart, hold just a moment." Ignoring Early's response, Johnny lowered
the biophone and stared at her. In his
peripheral vision, Roy pulled the man--Paul's--long pony tail away from where
it was in danger of being inhaled, then rested a hand encouragingly on one bare
shoulder.
"That truss slipped, he caught himself, and then fell
when the rest of the gazebo collapsed under his weight." She raised her voice to be heard over the man's
moans. "At that point it wasn't
even two inches. And I told him
that thing wouldn't support his weight, I told him." Short blonde hair didn't move as she shook
her head, lips pursed in disgust, entirely missing the communal shudder that
Johnny, Roy, and a late arriving Vince shared.
The paramedics didn't have to explain anything about this one to the
deputy sheriff. Sunlight glinted off
the huge diamond on Tinkerbell's left hand as she waved at the jumbled heap of
lattice and posts and greenery behind them.
"Just because I got my Bachelors in structural engineering while
Paul was studying flowers."
The man writhing on the ground gasped something, and Roy
leaned over, keeping his hand on the man's shoulder. But Roy's interpretation wasn't needed; their victim lifted his
head enough to make himself understood.
"Hort-ture," he rasped, his legs extending just a
bit and then drawing back up close to his body again. "Horh-cuh-ture."
His hands never left their protective positioning between his
thighs. Johnny caught himself dropping
one hand to mimic that pose and quickly moved to scribble on the notepad
instead. Good, his pen still
worked.
"Sir, just be st--" Roy started, his own hand out to
keep the guy from curling into an even tighter ball, but Tinkerbell cut in.
"Yeah, right.
Just maybe next time you'll listen when I tell you something can't bear
the weight you're going to put on it.
Even if I am a woman and women aren't supposed to know anything about
load bearing beams and trusses and weight ratios or anything, are they? Oh, no--"
She took another breath, but Vince took her arm and politely
requested she step back and let the paramedics do their job. Shaking her head, Tinkerbell allowed him to
lead her off to the side. Johnny
couldn't decide if Vince was really trying to help, or just couldn't bear
facing the victim and his injury any longer.
He took a deep breath and lifted the biophone receiver, picking up his
report where he'd left off.
"Rampart, the victim fell approximately four inches. He was climbing on a structure that
collapsed under him. He fell with the
structure, then slipped further and landed straddling a beam." Johnny kept a wary eye on the quiescent woman
whose head didn't come to Vince's shoulder.
If the victim was as tall as he appeared to be, even curled in a ball,
she probably had better luck kissing his belly button than his mouth. Johnny forced himself to focus on the task
at hand. "There are numerous
scrapes and bruises on his arms and shoulders, and patient is complaining of
extreme pain in the genital area. There
are no other apparent injuries."
There was a moment of silence before Dr. Early responded. Respect, Johnny thought, for the dearly
departed, shuddering as his legs suddenly wanted to close over his own
vulnerability. Down on his knees, Roy
was having no luck getting the victim to uncurl himself long enough for them to
check for any real damage. Ideally they
should get the man laid out and pack some ice around his injured area, but
Johnny didn't think Mr. Green Thumb was going to go for that, at all.
"51, can you check for injuries to the genitals?"
His face pale, Roy shook his head. His hands twitched as he sat back on his heels. Looked like protecting the family jewels
should be added to the list of autonomic nervous responses. Or maybe there needed to be a new category:
Sympathetic Nervous Responses. Did
women react the same way when one injured her breasts? Johnny shoved that thought aside before it
brought about an entirely different physical reaction and clicked the receiver
on again.
"Rampart, we are unable to get the victim's cooperation
to do so."
More silence. Early
was probably fighting his own sympathetic responses.
"51, how long ago did the victim fall?"
He turned to ask, but Tinkerbell called out, "He fell
about fifteen minutes ago, and I called you right away. Paul couldn't even get up off the
ground." She was finally starting
to look concerned as the ambulance screeched to a stop ten feet away.
Johnny didn't even bother to repress his shudder as he relayed
that information to Rampart. The
ambulance attendants hung back, as if they were afraid of injury by
association. Roy waved them forward,
and the three men very carefully and very gently lifted their victim to the
gurney. They strapped him in on his
side, leaving him curled in his ball of misery.
"Ten-four, 51.
Transport as soon as possible."
"Ten-four, Rampart.
Transporting now."
Half an hour later, the sun had slipped beneath the western
horizon, the city of Carson gentled in twilight's careless embrace. Gold chased rose chased lavender across the
sky, then swept east into the deep purple haze over the Santa Anas. Few headlights glittered in the fading
light; in between rush hour and the going out hour the roads were quiet and
relatively free of traffic. At the
entrance to Rampart's parking lot, the squad idled, waiting for the few cars to
pass on Sepulveda so they could pull out onto the road.
"Baseballs?" Johnny asked quietly, for the fourth or
fifth time, and Roy nodded, for the fourth or fifth time since he'd exited the
treatment room Johnny hadn't had the guts to enter. Biting back a grin, Johnny slouched further into the seat, his
knees spread wide. Not that it would
help Paul and his swollen parts, but Johnny's own anatomy appreciated the
breathing room. He caught the sideways
glance from Roy and the smile the other paramedic couldn't quite stifle, and
both men looked away. Too late, though,
the squad was filled with their laughter for the next minute or so. Still chuckling, Johnny tapped his fingers
on the door, thinking of the rest of their crew's response to this particular
rescue. This run should even get
everyone's minds off Eddie and the piranhas.
The traffic cleared and the squad accelerated, but Johnny felt
like an astronaut suddenly hurtling into the frozen void. His heart slowed and he was surely pounds
heavier than he had been seconds ago.
He opened his mouth, but closed it before he embarrassed himself by
audibly gasping for breath. Damn. Of all the substitutes Battalion could have
sent, why did they have to send Palmer?
Shouldn't the man be pensioned off by now? Johnny hadn't heard his name in years. Last he knew, Palmer had been transferred out to a brush station
in Division Nine. Johnny'd been
grateful to have the entire county between them.
The silence in the squad had lost its relaxed, rosy feel, and
Johnny stared blankly out into the dusk as Roy made yet another turn.
"You okay?" Roy asked, silent moments later. Schooling his features against betrayal,
Johnny turned from the window.
"Sure. Why
wouldn't I be?" Trying for his
usual bravado, he chanced a grin. It
was wasted. His eyes on the road, Roy
shrugged, looking distinctly uncomfortable.
Johnny returned to watching the passing factories and low-rent bars and
strip joints.
"Palmer," Roy said, and then didn't say
anything. The squad stopped for a red
light, and Johnny turned his back on the dancing olive in a cocktail sign. Roy was gazing steadily at him. "That Ton...that 'Tonto'
thing." He grimaced as he stumbled
over the name, and Johnny smiled slightly.
"I've been called worse," he said quietly, over the
replay of voices in his head, far more voices than just Palmer's: Geronimo. Pocahontas. Prairie
Nigger... The slight shudder that
shook him at the familiar taste of bile in his throat--mixed of equal parts
anger and shame--was unnoticeable, he hoped.
"Yeah."
Roy's acknowledgment was almost lost in the soft rushing of tires
on asphalt. They were near the station
now. Hopefully supper would be edible,
if Johnny could find any appetite.
Roy's soft voice wasn't helping.
"So have I," the other man said. "But it still stings."
Frowning, Johnny swung round to stare at Roy. The whites of Roy's eyes glimmered his only
acknowledgment. Roy signaled and then
swung out into the opposite lane. The
bay door began to rise automatically as he backed the squad up the driveway,
parking in their familiar spot next to the engine. The door rumbled down; the seat squeaked as Roy bent forward to
kill the ignition. Hunched over the
steering wheel, his face was painted stark white and black in the shadows cast
into the cab by the harsh lighting of the bay.
"Viet Nam. We
were never sure from one day to the next whether or not the people hated us or
loved us. Most days it seemed...it
seemed as if it was both at once. And
then I came home and it was the same, people loved us or they hated us--or
both. There was never any way to be
sure which it would be." Roy
paused and laughter filled the space between them, spilling with the golden
light from the day room. Johnny sighed
and covered his eyes with his hand, his elbow propped on the door handle. Too bad he couldn't wipe Palmer away as
easily as the sweat on his forehead.
Keys chinked in Roy's hand as he pulled them from the ignition. "Nam's where I learned that sticks and
stones and AK-47s and frags and bouncing bettys will break your bones. But words...words will break your
spirit. They'll break you."
Roy glanced over at him then, but Johnny turned away before he
could meet whatever lurked--sympathy or pity or comradeship--in those blue
eyes. He stared at the engine, gleaming
red and chrome in the severe lighting of the bay. His fingers beat a nervous, staccato rhythm on the door, an Omaha
beat, Johnny realized, the voices of the singers rising from his memory with
the tapping of flesh on metal. Other
memories came unbidden: dancers stomping and whirling late into the night,
mothers, fathers, teens and toddlers.
Crowds of laughing, smiling, intent--and some angry--faces. Layered through the throngs of people were
the smells: fry bread and roasting
meat, sweet grass and sage, sweat and leather.
And woven through them all, the everpresent tang of woodsmoke.
Images from his childhood were dominated by flames: campfires in front of tipis and tents at
powwows, cooking fires for every giveaway, wake or naming on the reservation,
flames heating rocks in the sweat lodge and leaping for the low ceiling. The roaring fireplace in his grandfather's
cabin, five skinny kids elbowing for warmth around his father's jerry-rigged
wood stove, flames flickering from the open barrel as they consumed his brother
Jeffrey's toys and clothing. The terrifying crackle of grassfires racing the
wind across the swells and dips of the prairie, the myriad candles in the
church, the orange glow behind the grate of the rotund, potbellied stove that
looked like Father Dengler in his black robes but, unlike the gentle priest,
never generated enough heat to warm all the way over to Johnny and Clayton's
sleeping corner.
Fire had accompanied him into the bewildering world he'd found
himself in when his father moved the family away from Pine Ridge and his
mother's people. New memories layered
over his childish ones: early winter mornings in high school spent feeding wood
into his mother's store-bought wood stove, his father and brother welcoming the
warmth of his fire in hunting camp, bonfires at football games and the
occasional kegger deep in the wooded hills.
Summers on the reservation with his grandfather, uncles and cousins,
throats and eyes burning as they roped and branded bawling calves. Owl dances his grandmother sent them to,
where Johnny and his brother and sisters weren't novelties, just more laughing,
smiling faces in the flickering light, participating in the universal
adolescent rite of boy finding girl finding boy. The myriad smokey fires that had paid for his letterman's jacket
even as they consumed the leaves and detritus from the oaks and maples and
sweet gums dominating their Napa Valley neighborhood of big, fancy houses and
big, fancy yards; his family's own, more modest bungalow tolerated with a few
others on the very edge of the neighborhood.
He'd probably set more fires in high school than he'd put out in his
first four years as a fireman; but then, fire had fascinated Johnny from his
earliest memory. Like his mother's
voice, it had been a constant throughout his life.
He chanced a glance back at Roy, still hunched forward, as if
he was half-afraid of whatever it was he was waiting for. Interesting; neither one of them had
offered specifics on what, exactly, they'd been called. Johnny shrugged, and pushed the memories
from him, ignored the sick fluttering in his stomach.
"I've been called worse," he repeated, and tried a
half grin this time. Roy stared at him,
then gave him a tiny smile in return.
"Piranha Boy," he said.
Johnny's fingers stopped drumming, and he opened his mouth and
pointed at Roy.
"Now, look. I
said there were extenuating circumstances!
How the heck was I supposed to know she kept piranhas in that tank? She was screaming about her 'imported koi'
so I just ran in there and grabbed them off the floor. There wasn't anywhere else to put
them!"
Roy shook his head and reached for his door handle.
"You should be grateful that Cap hates fish so much; that
will probably limit the Phantom's jokes on the subject."
The image of an avalanche of dead fish from his open locker
washed the memories away, and Johnny sighed.
Roy slammed his door shut, but hesitated, one hand resting in the open
window..
"Cap won't let him get away with it."
It was half apology, half promise, and Johnny wasn't sure what
to do with either one.
"Yeah," he said, and stared down at his hands,
swallowing the temptation to point out that no one could tell Roy was a Viet
Nam veteran just by looking at him. And
then he shut his lips tight to keep himself from blurting out the fact that it
wasn't only Tonto and the piranhas that lay between him and Palmer.
~* E! *~
Very slow oxidation is more commonly known as rusting.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
So in love with them it had demanded their presence all day,
the Fire Department gave them the cold shoulder that evening. Johnny's choices for entertainment ranged
from watching Three's Company with Cap and Roy to helping Mike with dishes or
listening to Chet attempt to pry more embarrassing probie stories out of
Palmer. Instead, he opted for the
basketball and the hoop beneath the buzzing streetlight out back. He half-heartedly played a game of Horse
against himself, and knew the day was bad when he kept losing on both sides.
This time the ball rebounded off the netless hoop, bounced off
Chet's van and into the back of Mike's Chevy truck. Johnny clambered up in the bed and retrieved the basketball from
the empty milk crate Mike kept back there for whatever reason, and then, in a
fit of pique, launched the ball at the basket.
This time he didn't chase it when it ricocheted off the backboard and
bounced into the station wall. He
watched listlessly as it rolled under the hose tower, the metal ends of the hoses
clanking gently against each other in its wake. It took Johnny a minute to tease out the memory that said he'd
heard that noise before. Sister
Tercella, striding through the hall, her beads and rosary clacking with each
step.
She'd always said his sins would find him out.
With a sigh Johnny plopped down on the wheelwell. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he rested
his head between his hands and stared blankly at the back of the station. Visions of Mike and Marco's
"fire-blowing" apparatus flaming, spouting ash and sparks all over
the concrete left him smiling. It had
taken the two men a couple of years and some other station's idiots to live
that one down. Johnny'd had to move
across Los Angeles county and into a different Division to live down the
piranha incident--or at least separate himself from it. Now he'd been tied to it again. No telling what other tales Eddie had come
up with for Chet; not that there were that many. Johnny had been a conscientious probie, if nothing else.
Or had he been? There
had only been the one incident when he was a probie, but he'd lied with the
rest of them. Could he still be held
accountable for split second decisions forced upon him in the midst of flames
and terror? The sudden breeze was his
father's voice, whispering that those were the decisions that told what sort of
man he truly was.
So did that make him a coward, or a hero?
Johnny climbed out of Mike's truck and headed over to reclaim
the ball from under the dangling hose.
He listlessly shot a few more baskets, blaming each miss on the
deepening night, not the memories twisting his gut. He'd done his best that day; so had Trujillo. Fuller couldn't remember anything but the
headache he'd had when he finally came to; no one could blame him for his decision. And all Johnny had wanted was to survive and
keep fighting fires.
Staring at his feet, he decided it was Palmer's country boy
face he saw in the shadowed concrete, and grinned as he dribbled the ball on
the shadow. He swept the ball up,
jumped and let the shot go. Perfect,
didn't even need the backboard. Score
two for the skinny Indian kid from South Dakota.
He retrieved the ball from between Chet's VW and Roy's
battered Porsche, and thought maybe, just maybe, the fact that Palmer was here
now was a sign that things really were okay, that he didn't have to worry all
over again. Johnny bounced the ball off
Chet's van twice before he stepped out from between the cars. Surely, if he'd been wrong before, something
would have been done before now?
Something would have come to light in the last ten years, wouldn't it?
Another basket would have swished if there'd been a net to
pass through. Picking up the ball,
Johnny fingered the lines between the rough leather, remembering the feel of
charged canvas beneath his fingers, the choking terror that the canvas lifeline
would be charred, reduced to ashes before it led them to safety. He lofted that memory through the night with
the basketball, and missed the hoop entirely.
Figured.
It took him a few minutes to locate the ball in the darkened
lot, but he finally found it in the corner between the station and its
surrounding brick wall. He grabbed the
ball and the old but familiar rationalization that he hadn't had any other
choices back then. Maybe he had chosen
wrong, but ten years was a lot of water under the bridge--a lot of fires to be
fought. Why dig up old ghosts? Sister Tercella's elegant eyebrow lifted,
but Johnny brushed the memory of her skepticism aside. This wasn't the boarding school or the
reservation. Johnny wasn't a
terrified, homesick boy; he wasn't even an insecure probie any more. He was a paramedic, a firefighter, one of
the best. Member of an elite corps
chosen from an exceptional group of men, and he damn sure wasn't going to spend
any more time second guessing ancient history--his own or anybody else's.
The ball hit the pavement hard, and Johnny caught it and slung
it under his arm, heading for the back door and the kitchen. He was through hiding; and he refused to
worry until something was in front of him to worry about--not behind him.
As for Eddie Palmer, he could go to hell with the rest of the
ghosts.
~* E *~
...flames may cease to exist if the area of confinement is
sufficiently airtight.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Metal clanked dully on concrete as Johnny set the airbottle
down. He pulled the bay door open, hung
his turnout coat on the hook and then lifted the SCBA gear in. A muted thud reverberated as the
bottle met the back of the compartment. Johnny made sure his turnouts weren't tangled in the black straps
of the bottle, then closed the door and
latched it. Roy's voice contacting
Rampart for a calibration check said the shift was officially started.
After four days off, it actually felt good to be back at
work. Besides, Johnny had another date
with Jenny Carraveggio to look forward to tomorrow night. They'd done the French restaurant and
several girly movie dates already. He
had high hopes for this next outing, a romantic picnic and evening stroll on
the beach. After that hopefully they
could adjourn to his apartment--or hers--for the night.
"Mike, I keep tellin' ya, you gotta make sure she gets
rid of that dish drainer." Chet's
voice cut through the soft morning air.
The man was as relentless as the cicadas buzzing in the trees and the
July heat. Johnny was thankful Captain
Stanley's aversion to fish had forced the Phantom to look for prey other than
"Piranha Boy." Mike and his
recently acquired housemate had been the latest unfortunates to wind up in
Chet's sights. Johnny grinned. If anyone was jealous of anyone around here,
it had to be Chet who was jealous of Mike and his well-endowed girlfriend.
"Look, my Aunt Addie and my Uncle George?" Chet said
to Mike's back, jogging to keep up with the engineer as Mike came around the
squad, gear in hand. "They'd get
together and then they'd split up.
They'd get together and split up.
No rhyme or reason, just we'd get another hysterical phone call from
Granny O'Rourke and George would have moved out again. You wanna know what they finally figured out
it was kept him doing that?"
"No," Mike said rather hopelessly, setting his SCBA
gear down and lining his turnout coat along the running board beneath the
driver's door with careful precision.
Johnny stifled a laugh. He
stepped over and reached into the open equipment compartment, pulling out the
drug box as Roy replaced the biophone.
"Actually, I'd like to know, if just to get Chet to shut
up about the darn thing," Roy whispered.
Johnny's snicker was louder than he intended it to be, and he avoided
the indignant look Mike shot at him by squatting down to open the drug
box. Roy squatted next to Johnny and
they quietly inventoried their supplies as an oblivious Chet continued pestering
Mike.
"See, they tried everything, the priest, the
exterminator, the fortune-teller--they even had the house exorcized, to get rid
of whatever demons might be making George leave. And it wasn't liquor, 'cause my Aunt Addie didn't care if George
drank, as long as she held all the purse strings. So they finally got my Great-Grandma Fahey--"
"The one with the Sight," Roy said, sotto voce. There was a pause that said even Chet heard
Johnny choking on the laugh he couldn't completely stifle.
"We need more morphine," Roy said, and both
paramedics avoided looking at each other or their fellow firefighters. Ignoring them, Chet stayed on Mike's heels
as, his SCBA gear stowed, the engineer stalked to the back of the engine and
jumped up on the bumper to check the lay of the hoses in their bed.
"And see, it was Great-Grandma who figured it out. After George and Addie made up for the fifth
time, and he'd moved back in, Great-Grandma went in the house and she said she
sensed it, in the garage. They found a
box marked "George's stuff" there.
You know what was in it?"
"A spangled bustier, " Mike said, stepping down off
the engine. "Black, with red
garters. Fishnet nylons. And a Dolly Parton wig."
Johnny and Roy both laughed out loud. Chet glared at them both before turning back
to Mike.
"You can laugh if you want to, Mike, but this is serious
stuff. I'm just trying to lend a
helping hand here. I mean, I know you
really like Rayna, and since she won't marry you I'm just trying to make sure
you keep her around as long as possible."
Arms akimbo, Mike stared down at the shorter man. "Like I need your help to keep her,
Chet."
"Hey, you never know, Mike, you never know when this
information will come in handy."
Chet's grin was impish, and Mike shook his head, frowning. Chet ignored the engineer, stroking his
mustache. "Now, where was
I?"
"George's box," Roy prompted, and shrugged when Mike
glared at him.
"Oh yeah. Well,
in George's box they found..."
Chet paused dramatically, checking to see that he had everyone's
attention before leaning towards Mike and prodding him with a finger. "A dish drainer." There was a moment of complete silence.
"A dish drainer?" Mike asked. He looked over at Roy and Johnny. "I think the spangled bustier with fishnet
nylons would have been more fun. Chet
could have modeled for us next shift.
Chet'd be a natural as a blonde, don't you think?"
Roy looked like the image of Chet's hairy body wrapped in
spangles and fishnet was making him ill; Johnny couldn't help the laugh that
boiled out of him. Chet frowned at the
paramedics, but kept his focus on Mike.
"Obviously you're not taking me seriously, here,
Mike. And this is serious stuff. Aunt Addie and Granny O'Rourke burned that
dish drainer, and you know what happened after that?"
Mike crossed his arms and stared at Chet. "You sat up in bed with your head
twirling round on your neck. No, wait,
that was the false alarm last shift we
worked. I have no idea, Chet, but I'm
sure you're going to tell me."
"Har har har," Chet said, giving Mike what he
probably hoped was an Evil Eye. Mike
just stared back at him, refusing either to disappear in a puff of smoke or
keel over dead. Chet sighed. "Nothing," he said, then looked
offended when they all stared blankly at him.
"What? Nothing is a good
thing! George never moved out again,
and he and Addie stayed married. Had
seven kids after that."
"I think I'd rather deal with the dish drainer than seven
kids," Mike said. Wide-eyed, Roy
nodded dazedly in agreement. The
blond-haired paramedic looked greener at the thought of seven kids than he had
at the thought of Chet in drag.
Chet ignored them both.
"So see, Mike, you gotta make sure Rayna doesn't have a dish
drainer stashed somewhere, if you want to be sure she'll stay."
Chet shifted uncomfortably as Mike continued to stare at him.
"What if I'm the one with the dish drainer stashed in the
garage?" Mike finally asked.
Chet sputtered, and Johnny and Roy shared a grin. Obviously this was something Chet had not
considered.
"Well--well, in that case... in that case I'd say that's
keeping your options open, and you're a smart man." Chet smirked and winked, hitting Mike on the
arm with his fist.
"Chet, you're unbelievable." Mike rolled his eyes in disgust and shoved
past the man. He stalked around the big
Ward/LaFrance, Chet at his heels, their further conversation lost as the locker
room door swung shut behind them.
"I think I need a large cup of coffee after
that," Roy said. "You want
some?"
Johnny buttoned up the drug box and grinned. "Yeah, just let me finish putting this
stuff away, here."
Roy nodded, and headed around the squad. Johnny whistled tunelessly as he stood and
slid the drug box into place. From
beyond the squad, he heard Palmer greet Roy.
Whatever his partner said in reply was lost as, for a second, the old
worry tightened his gut. Then Johnny
remembered that he'd decided not to worry about anything--and so far there'd
been nothing to worry about. He didn't
think it was too obvious that he was avoiding Palmer when he could, and
ignoring him when he couldn't. If it
was, no one had said anything. All in
all, the last two weeks had gone better than he expected.
Palmer walked into view, heading towards the engine with his
SCBA gear and turnout coat in hand.
"Hey, Fishie."
Then again...Johnny took a deep breath. He reached out and touched the latch he'd
just shut.
"You know, Palmer," he said quietly, "my name
is Gage. John Gage. Just in case you inhaled a little too much
smoke and forgot." He looked over
as Palmer paused. Dropping his air
bottle down to the floor, the older firefighter hitched at his pants and
grinned his John Denver grin.
"Well, now, I didn't realize this was a nursery for
little baby firefighters with tender feelings.
You gonna go cry to Captain Stanley so I can't call you Fishie,
either?"
Johnny's hand froze on the latch. Butterflies rioting in his gut, he gazed calmly at the man.
"Did you make sure your air tank was full, Palmer?" he
asked quietly. "Face mask
okay? Your regulator's not gummed up or
anything like that?"
Butterflies were warrior medicine, after all.
His cheeks suddenly grey in the bright morning sun, Palmer's
grin sagged and nearly died before widening into one of those good ol' boy
smiles. Johnny hoped the sweat beading
on his forehead wouldn't drip down into his eyes and show his bravery for the
sham it was.
"Why they're fine, Tonto, just like always," Palmer
said. "Panty-waisted Fishies ought
to know that." Without waiting for an answer, he hefted his gear, swung
around and stalked off behind the engine.
Bracing both hands against the squad, Johnny stared after
Palmer for a moment, waiting for the butterflies to go away. Warrior medicine? Idiot medicine, more like.
What the hell was he thinking?
Small sounds drifted over the engine as Palmer stowed his equipment in
what used to be Marco's seat behind Cap.
Johnny angrily pushed off from the metal he'd been leaning against. Damn Palmer anyway. And damn Johnny, for letting the man get to
him like that today. They only had this
last shift together and Palmer would be gone, out of his life again--along with
their shared history.
A clank and thud on the other side of the engine, and then the
locker room door opened and shut behind Palmer's footsteps. Taking a deep breath, Johnny willed his
pounding heart to slow. He wiped the
sweat off his forehead with the back of one hand. Enough of Palmer and the past for one day. Just concentrate on doing his job and let it
all go. Johnny shook his head and took
another deep breath. And concentrating
on his job meant it was time for more coffee and finding out what the hot topic
was on Donahue this morning. The cup
Roy had promised to pour for him ought to be just about drinkable by now.
Mike's irritated voice drifted out of the locker room as
Johnny rounded the squad and headed for the day room.
"You know, Chet, I did Jenny a big favor by giving her
phone number to Gage instead of you."
~* E! *~
Pope Gregory (A.D. 590-604) gives us a description of an early
in-water contact rescue. A monk,
Placidus, fell into the water, whereupon another monk, Maurus, walked out on
the water and grabbed Placidus by his hair, pulling him to shore. While this system has much to recommend it
in terms of speed and simplicity, it is not a practical option for most of us.
~~Slim
Ray, Swiftwater Rescue
"Take it easy.
Don't shake him up any more than you have to."
Useless admonition, really, but Johnny said it anyway, more
for the victim than himself or anyone else.
Crouched in the open door of the half-submerged van, one hand braced on
the twisted frame beside him, he kept a careful grip on the stokes until he was
sure Roy had it. Bracing himself
against the chill current, the older paramedic carefully maneuvered the victim
through the rushing water, making sure the stokes didn't bang into the crumpled
steel more than was absolutely unpreventable.
Releasing the victim to his partner, Johnny watched, arms braced on his
knees, keeping his hands out of the flow.
The cool water racing past them should have been refreshing in the
summer's heat, but there wasn't much to feel good about when they were in the
middle of a flood channel, full and rushing last night's Santa Ana
thunderstorms safely through Los Angeles and out into the ocean.
Safely, that is, as long as you stayed on the road and out of
the water. Ricky and his sister and
girlfriend hadn't gotten that part right.
Ricky's van had somehow managed to take a flying leap off the bridge and
into the flood channel. Speeding, the
sheriff's deputy trying to pull them over had said. And that moment of careless irresponsibility would be paid for
with the rest of their lives.
At the front of the van, Mike, extra ropes coiled loosely over
one shoulder, grabbed the stokes before it got into the current. Roy waded past him in the waist-deep water
and the engineer gave the stokes to the paramedic. He made sure the line securing the litter from the other side of
the bank went up and over the half-submerged VW, and that neither Roy nor the
litter tangled in any other ropes.
Forty feet away on the bank, Stanley shouted and waved. Across from him 16's engine crew began
letting out rope, and Chet and Eddie, on the bank beside Cap, took a tighter
grip on theirs. Roy, keeping a
white-knuckled grip on the end of the yellow litter, followed. Along with the small flotsam and jetsam that
made it past the low debris dams scattered up and down the flood channel, Roy
and the stokes gave themselves to the current, allowed themselves to be swept
away into the long arc that would bring them over to the shore where Brice and
Dutch waited to lift the victim out of the water.
Johnny swiveled back to the two shivering girls still in the
van. Wet through by the van's tumble
into the aqueduct, the young women were wrapped in yellow emergency
blankets. After the initial assessment,
they'd been left to Mike's rudimentary first aid skills. He'd tended them where they huddled in their
seats while Johnny and Roy focused on the critically injured driver. Beneath her blanket in the faux-leopard
skinned seat across from him, a wide-eyed brunette cradled her splinted arm
against a chest that would win, hands down, any wet t-shirt contest Johnny had
the privilege to judge. In the front
passenger seat behind Pamela, Amy's platinum blonde hair straggled across her
face and Johnny didn't like how vacant her large blue eyes were. But they'd been lucky; other than Pamela's
broken arm, all either girl had suffered in the wreck was a few cuts and
bruises. If they'd been older, or in a
different situation, Johnny would have been pouring on the charm, hoping to
score a date with one of the girls--both if he was lucky.
But not today. Not
when Pamela and her friend had spent the last half hour or more listening to
Ricky screaming and moaning. What they
probably needed right now was a hefty dose of Valium and a sturdy shoulder or
two to cry on.
Water sloshed up over his shirt as Mike moved in to help with
the two girls. Johnny took a deep
breath, firmly pushing from his mind the immobility of the boy they'd just sent
to the waiting ambulance. Mike's face
was drawn and grim in the bright afternoon sun; Johnny knew his own expression
mirrored the bleak look in the other man's eyes. At this moment he was grateful for Mike's reticent nature. Johnny didn't have much to say either. The words would come later; the flood
streaming from him as he attempted to make sense of yet another senseless
tragedy. Sister Tercella's catechisms
about a loving God didn't really compute in the midst of dead children and
overwhelming sorrow. Over the years
Johnny had found he preferred not to believe in a supposedly all-powerful,
all-knowing Deity who was above preventing such tragedies.
Nodding at Mike, he let the cries of "I can't feel my
legs!" bleed away into the water washing around them and focused once more
on the task at hand. This should be the
easy part.
"Okay, you saw what we did with Ricky." Johnny held one hand out to Pamela. Her lips were turning distinctly blue; time
to get the girls out, before hypothermia set in. "We're going to do basically the same thing to get you out
of here. We'll each take one of you,
and all you have to do is hold onto us.
Mike and I will stay on the downstream side, holding on to you and the
rope." Johnny was proud of the
fact he managed to sound like he had no personal doubts about this new style of
water rescue. The trainer in their
class last month had sworn by it.
Johnny wasn't so sure. He'd
definitely have some feedback for the guy after today--and more reason to start
agitating for the Department to authorize purchase of the new, quick-release
harnesses so he and his fellow firefighters weren't stuck with hanging on to
the ropes as best they could.
Focusing again on the task at hand, Johnny said, "Once
we're beyond the van, we'll let the current and the ropes belay us over to the
shore. Quick and easy; everything's
secured to the bank so we'll automatically swing in before you get too far
down. Once you're at the shore,
there'll be a fireman there to get you out of the water." He paused, looking to see if Amy was paying
attention. No such luck. He'd better let Mike take Pamela, and he'd
take Amy. Besides, given Mike's recent
choice of a what looked like a permanent girlfriend, he had a latent
fascination with large-busted women.
"Mike will take you, Pamela, and Amy, you'll go with me. Okay?"
Pamela stared at him, then her eyes flickered over Johnny's
shoulder to Mike. No response from the
platinum blonde in the front seat. Her
black bikini stark against her pale skin, Amy didn't have quite the same
wet-t-shirt assets as her friend, but she'd have been in the running, for
sure. From the shore came cries of
"Got him!" and more sounds of rescue, but the wet hush within the van
was palpable. Cold water rushed and
gurgled through the crinkled steel, and the vehicle shifted on the bottom of
the flood channel, straining against the ropes anchoring it to the bridge
abutment on one side, Engine 51 on the other.
Unwrapping her arms from her legs, Pamela frowned, first at Mike, and
then at him. Johnny gave her what he
hoped was a reassuring grin in return.
He refused to let the knowledge of what she'd done show in his
eyes. She'd held her brother's head
above the water; she'd saved his life.
But she'd probably severed his spinal cord in the process.
"Unshike; cunke cante makasica ksto," he heard his
mother saying, and looked down at the water to hide the emotion in his
eyes. It was pitiful, enough to make
anyone's heart sick, Pamela's unwitting sin against her brother.
Johnny stepped down out of the van into the current, then
turned, the water pushing him against the vehicle. He waved, urging Pamela forward.
They'd done all they could for Ricky.
Now it was up to the doctors and specialists and therapists, the host of
other medical professionals of whom the paramedics were simply the
vanguard. The men of Station 51 would
be lucky if they ever heard more about this case than today's initial report
from the Emergency Room. He's all
right, he'll live. But what would
his life be like? Would he regain any
movement in his legs? Would he be able
to drive, play basketball, dance with Amy?
Johnny would probably never know.
Just as hopefully Ricky's sister would never know what she'd
likely done. Johnny and Roy, and maybe
Mike, were the only ones who knew and they'd never tell. They'd add it to the secrets they carried
for the rest of the county they were sworn to protect, the nightmares they
lived with to keep the people about them sleeping peacefully. He closed his eyes for just a second; the
voices of women praying wove through the gurgling water, the groaning metal and
the distant traffic. Both women prayed
for another, much smaller boy, his little brother Jeffrey. Sister Tercella's calm and measured voice
asked her God and his Virgin mother for Jeffrey's life. Johnny's mother's voice rose in the ancient,
wailing rhythms of the wanagi yuha, the keeping ceremony, the heart of a
bereaved mother crying for the spirit of her youngest child to remain with
her. Jeffrey's death was the first
tragedy Johnny'd knowingly held against the Catholic God. Wakan Skan, the Great Spirit of his
mother's people, was a sleepy god who made less grandiose claims than
omnipotence and unconditional love.
"So, Pamela, let's get out you out of this
water." Johnny opened his eyes and
found his smile still in place. Two
faces peered back at him, Pamela's fearful and tear-stained, Amy blinking as
though she was just waking up.
"Can--can't you tie us to the rope instead of just
hanging on to you?" Pamela asked
again. "I--I'd feel a lot safer if you could tie it around me."
"Now we can't do that," Johnny said, pretending he
hadn't just explained this to her minutes before, as they packaged Ricky for
his trip out. "If we were to run
into any trouble, the rope would pull us under and hold us there. We have to be free to let go of it. Don't worry," he said, flashing a
cheerful grin at the girl's dubious expression. "Mike's the strongest swimmer we've got, and I'm not so bad
myself. And we've already got teams set
up down the channel to catch you if somehow Mike did have to let go of the
rope. But that's not going to
happen. You're safe, and we're going to
get you out. Just take it easy, and let
us big, strong firemen do all the work, okay?"
Holding his gaze for just a moment, Pamela took a deep breath
and nodded. She put her feet timidly
into the cold, swirling water, held a hand towards him. Johnny reached out to pull her from the
watery womb that had changed her life forever.
Two live births for one still birth.
Those weren't odds he was comfortable with, even if he had to live with
them.
Then Amy finally woke up.
"Oh my god!
OUT! I--I have to get
out--out!" The van rocked and
groaned beneath them as Amy shot out of her blanket and clawed her way over the
seat, knocking Pamela down into the swirling water. Pamela came up sputtering, minus her blanket but still safely
within the vehicle. Johnny caught Amy
just as she got to the door. He tried
to grab her in places that were polite, but, hard pressed to keep her from just
barreling out into the flood, he found himself taking any handhold that
presented itself. Mike's sturdy
presence against his shoulder steadied him as her momentum rocked him back on
his heels; the current pushing him upright.
It took both men, but they managed to keep Amy in the van. Johnny supported her while she found her
feet on the car floor. Mike reached
around her to help Pamela up and out of the water.
"Now, take it easy.
We're going to get you out, okay?"
Johnny put a hand up, trying to get Amy's full attention. "You're gonna be fine; we'll get you
out. But you gotta take it easy and
give us a little time to do this right."
For a second huge blue eyes stared blankly at him, and then the pretty,
pouty face wrinkled up.
"NO! I want out,
now! I want out!" Mike had stepped back to answer a shouted
question from the bank, and this time Amy's frantic lunge took Johnny
completely down into the water. Her
scream was cut off when his head went under, and he let go the frail grip he
had before it pulled her bikini off.
Her weight disappeared, and he flailed his way to the surface almost
immediately, banging a hand on the body of the van before getting enough of a
grip to pull himself up. The screaming
was now in stereo. Pamela stood in the
doorway of the van, hands against her face and her mouth open. And Amy, still screaming, was clawing her
way over Mike Stoker as he went down into the water beneath her.
Johnny grabbed for Amy but he was too late. Mike disappeared in a tangle of rope and
pale flesh under the muddy water just in front of the van. Amy's screams became staccato and then
stopped altogether as the current pulled her under after Mike. Pamela's screams and the shouts of other
firefighters on the bank accompanied Johnny's lunge into the rapidly unfurling
ropes the engineer had dropped. If he
or Amy became tangled in that mess they'd be in even more danger. Six feet in front of him, Mike
surfaced. Johnny managed to grab the
front of the van as his friend shook the water out of his eyes, and moved his
arms, somehow getting his feet under him despite the current.
"Do you see her?" Mike shouted, in between coughs.
"No!"
At that moment platinum blonde hair surfaced just beyond the
engineer, and both men lunged. Johnny
tripped over something being swept out to sea with the floods and, losing his
footing, went under again in the midst of Mike's ropes. Coming up, it was his turn to shake the
water out of his eyes, to try to keep breathing air instead of water. He shook a coil of rope off his arm and
struck out into the current, looking for Mike, spotting him ten feet
beyond. Mike had Amy in a reverse hold,
but the firefighter was having a hard time keeping both himself and the wildly
struggling girl above the water. A
throw-sack and its rope landed just beyond them, but they were swept past and
around the bend before Mike could do more than start to reach for it.
Then the frantic yelling from the banks of the channel
ratcheted unbelievably up in volume and intensity, and as he was swept around
the bend, Johnny realized what they were yelling about.
Twenty feet beyond the bend, in the middle of the channel, was
a dam. The flood water rose before it,
the flow deepening and quickening before spilling smoothly over the
barrier. There wasn't a dam here
normally; this had to have been one of the portable ones the city crews used
for god-knew-what. Rescue crews had
dubbed the dams, permanent or not, "drowning machines."
"Shit!
Mike!" Johnny yelled, and took in a mouthful of water for his
pains. He coughed, choked, spat it out. "The dam!" Mike had to see it, but the engineer's hands
were full with Amy's thrashing body.
Johnny kicked harder, trying to reach the engineer with his wildcat
burden, but before he could get close enough both Mike and Amy disappeared over
the rim of the dam. His heart sinking,
it was Johnny's turn for the throw-sack and rope, landing just beyond him. But like Mike, even as he reached for rescue
the current swept him past it.
Then it was his turn to go over the dam.
Johnny had the wild thought that this was what his laundry
felt like in the front-loading washers at the laundromat. There was no up and no down, just water and
strange, rough surfaces and dizziness and the pain in his chest as he fought
not to breathe liquid. Something yanked
on his leg and Johnny stopped, slamming against a hard and unyielding
surface. Suspended, he breathed air out
and water in, then refused to breathe any more. He would have liked to lay there, dazed and confused, and let his
environment sort itself out around him.
But, angry at his refusal to move along with it, the current refused to
leave him alone. It rushed around his
stationary position, picking him up and dropping him again and again, slapping
him from side to side like a fish on a keeper.
His leg burned where the tentacle wrapped around it, and he suddenly
worried that his sins had found him after all.
Maybe God had decided to intervene in this particular tragedy,
reaching down to hold a sinful, unrepentant, sporadically spirit-worshiping
John Gage under the water.
If he could have remembered them in the rush of the moment, he
would have repeated one of his mother's prayers. Of course there was no guarantee the Wakinyan, the
Thunders, could be bothered to save one wayward paramedic, caught like a bug in
their never-ending battle with the Unktehi. The Water Spirits themselves would most likely think it a
suitable ending for Johnny, drowning in the backwash of a dam.
Forever later, there was a final thump and slap, and then he
was free, moving with the current again.
Tumbled in the water, his lungs burning from the desperate effort to
keep water out and what little air he had left in, Johnny floundered wildly,
unsure where to find "up" or "down". It dawned on him a second later to open his
eyes. Pale light fragmented to his
left, and he surfaced in the welcome heat of the sun, just past the boil line
and in the outwash of the dam's flow.
Trapped in the swifter current mid-channel, Johnny fought to
keep his head above the flood. Fluid burbled in his ears, and he blew water and
snot out of his nose and tried to figure out how far downstream he'd gone,
where Mike and Amy were. Turning, he
managed to take a couple of strokes towards the bank, then he looked downstream
and saw a welcome sight. Someone in a
fire department uniform, several someones, stood on the edge of the channel,
yelling and waving at him. Arcing out
across the channel in front of him was what looked like a long white worm. Johnny angled toward the bank, swam three or
four strokes with the current, then reached out and grabbed the inflated
firehose. He told himself it wasn't a
deathgrip as he wrapped his frozen body around the hose for the dizzying sweep
over towards the steep bank. Someone
managed to catch him before he slammed into the concrete wall. Man, he sure hoped Jenny did not want to go
swimming tomorrow.
"It's okay, take it easy." Hands grabbed him and pulled him up, out of the water and onto
dry land. Heart-pounding terror faded;
heart-pounding relief took its place.
Johnny shook the water from his ears and nose and savored the ability to
breathe air. Sprawled across the grass
and dirt, he took a deep breath and stared wild-eyed at Dutch.
"Mike?" he asked and was rewarded with a smile.
"Plucked him and the wangfish out while you were playing
in the water."
Johnny blew out a deep sigh of relief, then took another deep
breath for the fun of it. Looked like
his mother's Thunders had won this round.
Either that or he really was off the hook for spitting at the Crucifix,
all those years and a lifetime or two ago.
He grinned up at Dutch.
"Man, I sure am glad that was a self-flushing
toilet."
~* E! *~
Water is used in a cooling or quenching effect to reduce the
temperature of the burning material below its ignition temperature.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Someone,
somewhere, had found coffee. Johnny
gratefully accepted the steaming styrofoam cup from Dutch.
"That's
some hairdo you've got there," Dutch said, turning Johnny and giving him a
small shove in the general direction of Squad 16 and the other rescue vehicles.
Johnny
grinned but forbore an answer in favor of more coffee, savoring the warmth
slipping down his gullet, enjoying the warm, dry air surrounding him. Amazing what a little river water and being
chilled to the bone could do to his appreciation for what he'd usually call
oppressive summer heat.
He
managed to down half the cup as he limped over to the cluster of emergency
vehicles; the group being enlarged now by yet another ambulance arriving with
flashing lights. The thinning wail of a
siren announced the departure of another, Roy accompanying Ricky into the
hospital. A third ambulance just beyond
the squad had its doors already open; Pamela, wrapped in a bright yellow
blanket, was being helped into it.
Someone must have retrieved her after he and Mike were swept away with
Amy. Speaking of the "wangfish"
herself, it looked like her swim in the river had calmed her nerves. Sniffling loudly, Amy lay on a stretcher,
waiting to be loaded into the ambulance after Pamela. Brice, laden with biophone and drug box, waited beside her. Dutch steered Johnny past them towards the
most recent arrival, coasting to a stop behind its fellow.
"Miss,
there is no reason for further tears," Brice said primly as they walked
by. "You have been safely
extricated from both the water and the wrecked vehicle. Your injuries appear to be minor. The transport to the hospital is mostly a
precautionary measure and you will quite likely be released shortly after you
get there."
Amy
turned her head away and continued to sniffle as she was lifted into the
ambulance.
Dutch
and Johnny rounded that vehicle and headed for their own ride, where the
Swanson, one of 16's hose jockeys, and an attendant were already helping Mike
into the back.
"Hope
Brice wasn't planning on that day job as a motivational speaker," Dutch
said, as soon as they heard the slamming ambulance doors behind them. Johnny snorted coffee and choked more than
laughed.
"Trying
to drown him again?" Mike asked, then coughed deeply. His hair stuck out in all directions and he
had the beginnings of a livid bruise on one cheek. After the coughing spasm passed, the shivering engineer hunched his
shoulders under his yellow blanket and collapsed onto a bench inside the
vehicle. He accepted the cup of coffee
Swanson held out to him, fine purple lines standing out on his pale face as he
nodded his thanks.
"Gage
always was a slow learner," Dutch retorted. Johnny grimaced at his friend, but concentrated on getting into
the ambulance without spilling his own coffee.
Dropping down beside Mike on the bench, he pulled the blanket closer
about him, leaned back against the metal wall and closed his eyes for a moment.
The
attendant's voice floated in the open door.
"B/P's 110 over 70, respirations 24 and pulse is 82. He's banged up and swallowed some water, but
there are no obvious signs of trauma or broken bones."
Johnny
let the words roll over him. He wasn't
the lead rescuer any more; he wasn't responsible for anything but warming
himself up and finishing off this cup of wonderful, warm coffee. His paramedic self automatically interpreted
the numbers to mean that, other than a touch of hypothermia and some bruises,
it sounded like Mike had survived both Amy and the flood just fine. He shifted his leg and flinched as wet
material scraped over raw skin. Looked
like he had a little more to worry about injury-wise than Mike did.
The
ambulance dipped and squeaked as Dutch climbed in, and then what had to be
equipment thudded on the floor. Dutch
thanked his helpers, but the only reply Johnny heard was the squeak and crunch
of gravel beneath shoes heading off to finish the job Johnny and Mike had
gotten out of with their inadvertent dunking.
Then the ambulance doors closed, shutting out the myriad noises of the
accident scene.
Dutch's
voice broke the silence. "You guys
don't get too comfortable; first thing we're gonna do here is get you out of
those wet clothes."
"No
offense, Masters, but I don't know you that well," Johnny said around
another swallow of coffee. "I
don't want to know you that well."
"What's
the matter, Gage? I didn't think you'd
be shy about getting naked; usually you're bragging about it."
"Yeah? Well," Johnny said, opening one eye and
glaring at Dutch. "That's cause
usually I'm getting naked with a beautiful woman. Not with two ugly firefighters." Next to him, Mike snorted. Neither man made a move to get up.
Squatting
by the door, Dutch dug in the trauma box and flashed a grin at Johnny.
"Well,
I wouldn't worry about impressing beautiful ladies right now. After that swim you just took you're not
going to have anything worth mentioning for a while."
It
was Mike's turn to choke on his coffee.
Johnny resisted the urge to check inside his blanket. Instead, he pointed at the engineer while he
gave Dutch a mock glare.
"Geez,
Masters, what kind of paramedic are you?
You've already almost drowned both your patients and you've only been in
charge for a minute or two."
"Can
I help it if you two are easily amused?
And don't think this is going to distract me about the clothes. Off.
Now."
Catching
his breath, Mike gave them both a sour look.
He tipped his head back to drain his coffee, then shook the last few
drops out and stared glumly at the empty thermos cup.
"Mike's
out of coffee," Johnny said, "and you can't ask a man to undress on
an empty cup of coffee."
Rolling
his eyes, Dutch reached for something on the floor beside the door and came up
with a silver thermos. Johnny more than
willingly held out his own cup for a refill.
"That's
Brice's private reserve you're drinking," Dutch said, ignoring Johnny
and filling Mike's cup first. "You
should feel privileged. He doesn't haul
that out for just anybody."
"He'll
probably send us a bill," Mike muttered, downing half the coffee in one
gulp.
"Nah,
he knows Johnny here never has any money, and you have a girlfriend now, so you
don't either." Dutch poured the
last of the coffee into Johnny's cup, then capped the thermos and set it on the
floor. "He'll go for the
jugular. He'll bill the
Department."
"For
two dollars and three cents," Johnny said, savoring a slow sip of coffee.
"More
than you spent on your last date," Dutch replied. Before Johnny could come up with an
appropriate retort, Dutch put his hands on his hips and glared at both
men. "Now, we can do this the easy
way, or the hard way. Easy way is you
undress yourselves. Hard way is I open
that door and ask for volunteers."
"You
wouldn't."
"Hey,
I'm all for volunteers," Dutch said, reaching for the door latch.
And
knowing the crews they worked with, there'd be no lack of volunteers. Beside Johnny, Mike sighed and carefully placed
his cup on the floor. The engineer
didn't say anything, just leaned over and started to unlace his boots. Dutch relaxed and settled back on his heels. Johnny, keeping a wary eye on his friend and
the door latch, finished his coffee first.
Then, sitting forward, he let the blanket fall to the bench and started
unbuttoning his shirt, glaring at Dutch all the while.
Surprisingly
enough in the cramped space of the ambulance, Johnny managed to get out of his
sopping and clingy uniform without falling over on his butt and adding insult
to injury. Crouched over at the front
of the patient compartment, Mike got out of his clothing without ever entirely
letting his blanket go. The engineer
stared at the wet uniform in his hand, then dropped it on the floor beside his
feet. He reached for the blanket Dutch
handed him and wrapped it about his legs and feet, then pulled his other
blanket firmly about his torso before flopping back on the bench.
Dutch
turned to Johnny with another blanket in hand.
"Whoa,
wait a minute, Gage."
Johnny
scowled, but let Dutch push him back to sit on the bench. Dropping his blanket on the stretcher, the
blonde paramedic carefully peeled Johnny's wet sock off. All three men stared at the pink, glistening
rope burn tracing its way around Johnny's lower leg. So that's what had happened; no angry or vengeful or lazy gods,
just lots of water and a rope. His
mother might blame Iktomi, the trickster, but Johnny had his father's
disdain for giving even the powerful spider Spirit credit for chance and
happenstance. He'd been so worried
about Mike and Amy getting tangled in the ropes he hadn't stopped to consider
that it might happen to him. Johnny
pulled the blanket up over his shoulders and tried not to wince as Dutch turned
his leg this way and that.
"Doesn't
look too deep," Dutch muttered, letting go of Johnny's leg. "If you had hair on your legs like a
real man we wouldn't even be able to see it."
"Yeah,
like you know anything about being a real man, Masters."
Dutch
just grinned, and gestured for Johnny to finish undressing. "Speaking of impressing the
ladies," he said as he shook out his blood pressure cuff, "How are things going with Jenny?"
Mike
looked at Johnny expectantly from behind his coffee cup. Johnny pulled the last sock off, and then
shimmied out of his underwear. He
refused to give Masters the satisfaction, so he didn't bother to check the size
of things before he kicked the sodden mess aside and accepted the blanket Dutch
grabbed off the stretcher. Wrapping
himself securely in both blankets, Johnny smiled at his audience as he settled
on the bench beside Mike.
"Things
with Jenny, they're going, well they're going okay," he said. "But they, ah, they could go better, if
you know what I mean."
Dutch
shook his head and made tut-tutting noises. Mike bent over and reclaimed his coffee cup from the floor of the
ambulance.
"You
need bruises," he said.
Both
Johnny and Dutch stared at him. The
engineer shrugged and tossed off the last of his coffee.
"Sympathy. It works every time," he said. His grin was decidedly wolfish.
After
a beat, Dutch grinned at Mike, then Johnny.
"I knew that. You," he
said, pointing at Johnny, "should have known that."
"I
knew that, I knew that," Johnny protested. "It's just--it's just--bruises aren't always easy to come
by, ya know, not even on this job."
Sharing
a "yeah, right" look with Mike, Dutch leaned forward and pulled at
Johnny's blanket.
"Okay,
Gage, lets see what the piranhas have left you with."
"Hey!"
A
few minutes later, Dutch was finished with his examinations and had
instructions to transport both men to Rampart.
Mike had grimaced when Brice relayed Early's orders through the handy
talky, but Johnny had expected nothing less.
What was one more trip to Rampart in his Workman's Comp file? The only question was were they going to
have to walk into the Emergency Room naked, barely covered in blankets, or
not? While Johnny could see where that
might have potential, chances were he'd get stuck with Dixie or some other old
nurse for his examination. If he could
guarantee that he'd get a young, cute nurse, it would definitely be worth it to
go for the au natural entrance.
Maybe Dutch could be recruited to help orchestrate things in Johnny's
favor.
He
opened his mouth, but someone knocked on the back of the ambulance and Dutch
left off packing up his equipment and leaned forward to open the door. Seeing who was outside, he swung the door
all the way out.
"How's
it going over here?" Captain Stanley peered in, his dark eyes assessing
first Mike, and then Johnny.
"Stoker, Gage, are you two all right?" Though he asked both of them, it was Johnny
he looked at while Mike nodded and said, "Yeah."
"I'm
fine, Cap," Johnny said, grinning at Cap.
Cap didn't return the grin, just stared at him. They all were staring at Johnny now, and he
was hard-pressed to keep his own smile in place. It wasn't like he'd planned to get caught in the ropes and freak
everyone, including himself, out.
Cap
took a deep breath. He shook his head
and offered Johnny a faint smile.
"Man, you're just lucky Palmer noticed that rope was caught on the
bumper of the VW. Mike and the girl had
come up all right, and the rest of us just kept waiting for you to show up too.
Palmer's the one who figured it out,
and he got out there and cut the rope holding you. Brought the other girl to shore after that."
It
was Johnny's turn to stare blankly at Cap.
Palmer had saved his life?
Sunshine Boy? The man who hid a
killer whale personality behind that fresh country boy face? A sudden rush of nausea left him wishing he
hadn't sucked down quite so much coffee.
"...they're
fine. Rampart wants to look them both
over, but it's mostly a precaution," Dutch was saying. Johnny hadn't heard Cap ask Dutch for a
report; he didn't know if his friend was intentionally covering for him or
not. But he took advantage of the fact
that everyone's attention had shifted from him to other concerns. He looked down at the grey metal floor and
fiddled with the blankets, willing Brice's coffee to stay in his stomach. In his peripheral vision he could see Chet,
stepping up beside Cap to hand Dutch their turnouts. Mike had leaned forward and was shaking his uniform out, folding
it and dropping it into a neat pile on the floor by his feet. Johnny surreptitiously looked out the back
of the ambulance, trying to spot Palmer.
The man was no where in sight.
Leaning
back against the wall, Johnny stared at the cabinets opposite, trying to decide
how he felt about Palmer saving his life.
He should be grateful--he was grateful to still be alive. But he wasn't grateful it was Eddie Palmer
who had saved him. And no matter what
Palmer might say, this damn sure didn't erase the past or make them even. Maybe Johnny'd thank him later, for
appearance's sake, but he wasn't going to consider himself beholden to the man,
not on any account.
Then
again, maybe he had made a mistake, ten years ago. Maybe the reason Palmer had come into his life again was to give
Johnny a chance to see the truth, after all these years.
"Well,
you two be careful, and don't linger at the hospital, no matter how many
sympathetic nurses you get."
"Sure
thing, Cap," Johnny heard himself say, over Mike's "No problem,
Cap." He opened his eyes and
glanced over in time to see Cap smile and nod.
Then he and Chet were closing the doors of the ambulance and one of
them, Cap probably, given that the point of impact was three feet above Chet's
head, pounded on the door twice in the universal signal that it was okay to
pull out.
"Here." Dutch held his turnouts out, and Johnny
grinned a feeble thanks as he took the bundle from his friend. Doors slammed in the front of the ambulance,
and the engine started with a roar.
Johnny shut his eyes again to get away from Dutch's concerned curiosity,
and shook his head slightly. He needed
time and he needed distance to figure out what to think about this turn of
events.
If he could figure them out.
~*
E *~
...it is obvious that heat can travel where matter does not
exist.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Jenny
was in his arms, finally; warm and willing, finally. She smelled faintly of sand and sun--and his laundry
detergent. Johnny filed that strange detail
away for a later date and concentrated on holding Jenny tightly to him. His body let them both know just how happy
it was, pressed against her soft flesh, and Johnny murmured her name. He brushed the side of her neck with his
lips, then her bare shoulder.
Emboldened when she didn't pull away, he took hold with his lips and
exerted gentle pressure with both teeth and tongue, intent on leaving her a
visual reminder of their pleasure.
Johnny
awoke with a mouth full of Tide-flavored pillowcase. He rubbed visions of Jenny in her bikini away with the grit in
his eyes, and tried to disentangle himself from sheets and pillows. What a hell of a dream. Hell of a penance, if Father Dengler had
ever caught him like this, committing indecent acts with his pillows.
The
springs squeaked as he gave up on freedom and flopped back on the bed. Closing his eyes, he tried to recapture the
fragments of his dream. But Jenny was
gone, as completely gone as she had been when her apartment door slammed firmly
behind her earlier tonight. It had been
a week since his dunking, and Mike had lied about both the bruises and the
sympathy effect. Johnny had never met a
woman so oblivious to his ... charms.
Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much trouble
getting a girl into his bed--or him into hers.
He'd even shaved his monthly check to Ina as much as he dared to
finance his romancing Jenny. But he
couldn't keep shorting his mother that way; he'd promised he'd help pay for leg
braces for her cousin Miriam's daughter.
Johnny
went cold and still for a moment. So,
maybe there was a reason he'd wound up wet inside and out last week.
He
kicked free of the entangling sheets, then pushed them aside. Sitting with his legs drawn up and arms
braced on his knees, he stared into the darkened room. A late, late movie droned through the sheet
rock from the next apartment, and the faucet in his kitchen dripped. With the breeze through the open window
drifted a woman's voice, arguing softly, persuasively, and Johnny was suddenly
back in the Napa valley, in the California home his father had bought so
proudly for his wife. It was his
mother's voice now, drifting up the stairs as she argued with his father over
the money she sent monthly to the reservation.
Dad gave her the money to spend on the house and herself; he'd been
irate when he found out she'd been sending most of it back to Potato
Creek. The argument had gone nowhere,
his mother insisting it was her obligation to take care of her kin as she
prospered, his dad grouching that Pine Ridge was a black hole down which
hard-earned money disappeared to no discernable gain.
But
Johnny had noticed afterwards that Ina still mailed her money orders
each month. And, instead of waiting for
his wife to buy things for herself, Melvin Gage started buying things for her.
Night
air puffed through the open window and chased goosebumps up and down Johnny's
back. The woman's voice faded. He shivered and shook his head, reaching up
to rub his face.
"Okay,
okay, so next month I'll make up what I left out this month," he promised
the air, hoping the Spirits were listening.
And maybe he could send a little more; there was always the money he was
saving for a down payment on a house.
Hopefully that would get any vengeful Spirits off his back. Besides, by next month he fully planned to
be past the "going out" stuff with Jenny and well into the
"staying in" part of the relationship. Then it wouldn't matter that he didn't have as much money to
spend.
Smiling,
he laid back on the bed, his feet pushing the sheet off onto the floor. Left arm over his head, he stared at the
ceiling and pictured Jenny again. She'd
looked incredible this afternoon, her little pink bikini leaving just enough to
the imagination. Johnny'd been the envy
of half the people on the beach--the male half. And there was time yet to find out just what that two or three
ounces of material hid. As he was
dozing off, visions of Jenny dancing in his head, the phone shrilled.
He
reached for the receiver about the time he realized that its ringing had been
what woke him in the first place. His
hand hovered for a second, while Johnny tried to decide if he should answer, or
just pick up and hang up on whoever had pulled him from the illicit liaison
with his bedding. That thought was
shoved aside when he looked at his clock.
Rank fear gripped his stomach and crawled coldly up his spine. The only reasons he could think of for
someone calling at 3:28 a.m. were all bad.
Willing the hair on his arms and neck to lay down, Johnny grabbed the
receiver.
"Hello?"
"Gage,
what the hell took you so long to answer the damn phone?" Kelly's irritated voice cut through the
night. "I've been calling you for
damn near ten minutes!"
"Wha--? Look, Chet, it's three-thirty in the
morning, and you're interrupting...well, you're interrupting things. And if you need a ride home, you can forget
it. Took me two weeks to get the smell
out of my car last time."
There
was silence on the line, and Johnny's stomach crawled back towards his
spine. He found himself hoping that all
the other man needed was a ride home.
"It's
Mike, Johnny. He got called in to
finish Trujillo's shift over at Station 165."
"Mike? What do you mean, it's Mike?" The goosebumps were back and Johnny felt
sick. Catching the phone between his
shoulder and his ear, he sat up, feeling for his jeans on the floor. "What happened?" he demanded,
finding them and shaking the remaining sand out. He got his feet into the right openings, stood and pulled them
on, shivering as clammy denim swept over his bare legs.
Chet
sighed and his voice was small and cold.
"I don't exactly know.
Neither did Cap. Dispatch called
him, said there was some kind of a collapse or something at a fire and Mike got
caught in it. I think there were a
couple of other guys hurt too, but Mike was the worst."
What
kind of odds would let a man could escape both fire and flood in less than a
week? Unwilling to contemplate the long
shots that were surely involved, Johnny sat abruptly on the bed. For a moment there was silence, then a siren
wailed down his street. Johnny
shuddered. Police siren, he realized a
second later, and he sighed as the shriek faded.
"Johnny?"
"Yeah,
Chet." Johnny shook his head,
grabbing the phone and switching it to his other ear. He pulled open the dresser drawer and rummaged for a clean
shirt. "Do you know where they
took him?"
"Rampart. Cap's gone to pick Rayna up, and Roy and
Marco are already on their way. Only reason
I'm not gone is you wouldn't answer your phone."
"Okay,
I'll be there as soon as I can."
Johnny dropped the phone back into its cradle without waiting for the
other man's farewell. He hit the light
switch. It only took him a moment to
get into the shirt he'd retrieved and scrounge his socks and tennis shoes from
the floor where he'd tossed them.
Shoving his wallet into his pocket, Johnny stopped and stared at the
clock. What was it that Chet had
said? Mike was called in to finish out
Trujillo's shift? Cesar Trujillo? Curtains flapped in the breeze, and with the
air came more memories, fire and flame and desperation. For a moment he stood there, as transfixed
as he had originally been that day ten years ago.
Then
his frozen brain churned out the thought that his friends at the hospital would
be wondering where he was.
Shuddering,
hoping for Mike and Rayna's sakes that Mike was going to be okay, hoping for
all their sakes that the tall, quiet engineer wasn't badly injured, Johnny
slammed the window shut and headed out the door.
~*
E! *~
As soon as the needed oxygen rushes in, the stalled combustion
resumes.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Word
hadn't spread far yet; the only firefighters in the Emergency Department waiting
room when Johnny arrived at Rampart were his own shiftmates--including Marco,
still considered part of A-shift though they all knew he wasn't coming back to
firefighting. Chet huddled against the
wall with Marco and his girlfriend, Rosita. Johnny acknowledged their greetings
with a nod, but he headed for the orange vinyl chairs a few feet in front of
them where Captain Stanley and his wife, Andrea, were long, dark brackets on
either side of Mike's live-in girlfriend.
Elbows
on her knees, dark red hair tangled about her shoulders, Rayna slumped forward
in her chair between the Stanleys, staring at nothing. A sleeveless, army-green dress gave a gaping
view of her considerable decolletage, and a string of light brown wooden beads
wound tightly about her clenched hands before dangling down to the floor. A rosary, Johnny thought, then remembered
the heavy, Oriental shrine he'd helped move out of Rayna's apartment and into
Mike's house. Nope, not a rosary, but
some other sort of prayer beads. Andrea
Stanley put one hand on Rayna's shoulder as Johnny walked up and stopped in
front of them.
"Cap,"
he said. "Rayna, Mrs.
Stanley." He resisted the urge to
check his shoes. Cap's slender, elegant
wife always left him feeling like he needed to make sure he hadn't tracked in
any cat doo-doo or something else awful.
Even called out in the middle of the night, her hair was perfectly
styled and her slacks and blouse looked freshly pressed, not "tossed on
the floor" rumpled, as did her husband's--and Johnny's own--jeans and knit
shirt. Rubbing small circles on Rayna's
back, Andrea Stanley smiled at him, increasing her resemblance to Audrey
Hepburn. His hands on his knees, Cap
glanced at the oblivious Rayna beside him, then looked up at Johnny and shook
his head.
"We
don't know anything yet. Roy's gone to
see if he can find something out. Evans
and Banks brought Mike and at least one other guy in, but they were called out
on another run before we got here."
Johnny
nodded, then squatted down in front of the motionless woman. Rayna had yet to acknowledge his presence
and there was no response as he stared directly into her face. Johnny frowned at Cap, but Cap just
shrugged. Mike's girlfriend was a
relatively new addition to their "permanent" crew; no one knew what
to expect from her in this situation.
"Rayna?"
It
took a few seconds, but she came back from wherever she was. Blinking sudden tears away, the smile she
tendered him flickered and fled. Beads
clicking softly as her fingers worried them, she looked beyond Johnny, then
over at Cap.
"Roy?"
she asked in a strained voice, and Cap shook his head. His reply was gentle.
"He
hasn't come back yet."
"Sometimes
it takes a while," Johnny said, reaching out to rub her knee. "No news can definitely be good news in
a case like this." He met her
sober gaze with a reassuring smile, and this time her answering smile, while
still watery, had a bit more strength to it.
"Thanks,
Johnny." Beads clicked as she
brushed his hand with her own, then Rayna closed her eyes, took a deep breath
and was gone again. Cap frowned and
gave her a wall-eyed look; he was more used to dealing with hysteria than this
quiet ritual. But Johnny recognized the
distant look on Rayna's face; he'd seen the same expression on many faces,
those of medicine men and women before their ceremonies, of priests and nuns
before Mass, and his own mother when she and his father finally made it through
the snow and wind, arriving at the boarding school hours after Jeffrey's death. It was a combination of resignation and
faith, a going deep within or far beyond, seeking strength from whatever
sources a person drew upon in times like these. Rayna wasn't ignoring anyone or trying to escape Mike's fate. She was gathering herself, praying to whatever
deities she worshiped, preparing to deal with whatever life--or death--threw at
her tonight.
Hair
on the back of his neck prickled and Johnny shoved the thought of death
away. No sense tempting any malevolent
Powers to meddle in this affair. Cap sighed
and leaned back in his chair, stretched his arms and legs, then sat forward and
braced his elbows on his knees. Sharing
a small smile with Andrea at her husband's unconscious imitation of Rayna's
pose, Johnny stood, braced his hands on his hips and looked around him.
Chill
and uncomfortable despite the presence of plants and light wooden paneling,
Rampart's waiting room made no pretensions of being anything other than what it
was: a stewing area for the fears of those waiting for word on their various
private disasters. This early morning
in the middle of the work-week didn't have many here to fear; hopefully there
were fewer disasters in process. An
elderly women dozed in one corner, her yarn tangled and her needles dangling
from unresponsive fingers. A few feet
away from her, a sullen teenager with an Afro larger than the chair itself slouched so far down in his seat he was
practically laying in it. The neatly
groomed, middle-aged man next to him was oblivious, muttering to himself and
staring fixedly at a small book in his hand.
Two disheveled young men, faces pale amidst their long, ratty beards and
hair, sat on the far side of the room, twitching various parts of their body in
obvious efforts to remain controlled and collected.
And
then there was Johnny's group. Despite
his apparent calm, Cap fairly vibrated with tension. If Chet pulled one more leaf off that plant Dixie would have his
head--or at least dun him for the replacement cost. Marco's grip on his crutches was white-knuckled and Rosita's
nervous expression clearly indicated there were many places she'd rather
be. No wonder; it had only been a
matter of months since 51's last vigil here, Marco hovering near death as
doctors debated interminably whether or not to amputate his leg. None of them had wanted or expected to be
back this soon.
Johnny
took a deep breath and shook his head.
That vigil had ended at least somewhat happily; there was no use
expecting less this time around. He
shifted, surveyed his friends once more, and came to a conclusion: What this group needed was coffee.
And
maybe a doughnut or two, though what could be had at this hour of the morning
was probably only yesterday's leftovers.
No matter; hot coffee and stale doughnuts had sustained the fire department
through more than one crisis. All
Johnny had to do was figure out where the drinkable stuff would be, and get
there and back before Roy returned with whatever news he'd dug up about Mike.
Johnny's
stomach growled, netting him another slight smile from Mrs. Stanley, but her
concentration never wavered, her hand continuing to rub Rayna's back in small
circles, supporting her, waiting beside her with that quiet patience women
had. It must have been bred into them
over generations of being left to wait, watch, and pray. Behind the Stanleys, Rosita hovered silently
while Marco and Chet competed with quiet stories about their nieces and
nephews. Johnny lived too far from the
rest of his family to have much to contribute to that discussion. Instead he turned around, hands in his
pockets, and came to a decision. He'd
draft Chet to go with him and they'd get everyone some coffee from the
cafeteria, where they would hopefully find doughnuts too.
But
even as he opened his mouth, Dr. Early materialized in the corridor leading to
the exam rooms, Roy close behind him.
Coffee was definitely going to have to wait. Johnny's stomach growled once in protest, then hunger was squeezed
out by nervous fear. His partner's face
wasn't exactly grim as the two men came towards the waiting room, but he didn't
look happy, either. When he caught
Johnny's gaze, Roy's lips thinned and he shook his head and looked away.
The
conversation behind Johnny came to an abrupt halt, mid-story, and there was a
communal instant of held breath as Roy and Dr. Early entered the waiting
room. Johnny could have sworn he saw
the leaves of plants shiver in the general exhalation as they headed for the
small group of firefighters. Those who
were left waiting went back to their holding patterns. Knitting needles clicked, paper shuffled and
vinyl squeaked in the small space of silence while Marco and Chet moved their
huddle over directly behind the group in the chairs. Obviously bracing for the worst, Stanley gathered himself as if
to stand, then sat back and hunched his shoulders, staring up at Early. Andrea's hand faltered and stopped, but
stayed on Rayna's back.
Dr.
Early's poker face was much better than Roy's; the slight smile held steady and
his eyes gave nothing away as he stopped in front of the group. Johnny stepped back and, taking his cue like
a professional, Dr. Early pulled a chair over and sat in front of Rayna.
"Miss
Matthews?"
It
was faster this time; Rayna blinked and focused on the grey-haloed face before
her. Hope and fear warred in her
countenance before it stilled into a calm, slightly afraid, slightly
hopeful mask. That, too, must be genetic by now. Johnny crossed his arms and set his feet, preparing himself for
whatever the news would be.
Including
them all with a glance, Dr. Early's face crinkled into a reassuring smile.
"The
good news is Mike doesn't have any broken bones or internal injuries. He's got quite a few bruises, a bit of a
concussion, and a nasty gash on his right bicep. We'll be stitching that up for him, and he'll need a tetanus
booster. He's got some burns on his
wrists and his face--mostly first degree and a few mild second degree
burns," the doctor hastened to add as Rayna tensed and her eyes went round
in horror. "A lot like a very bad
sunburn." Again, his glance
included the entire group as he shared that information, and Johnny wondered
that Early wasn't blown over by the group's combined sigh of relief. Every firefighter knew full well what burns
did to a body; they'd all be grateful not to add Mike to the nightmare images
seared into their memories.
Hands
on his knees, Dr. Early gave them time to absorb those facts. Grinning, Chet elbowed Marco, knocking him
off balance. Only Rosita's quick hand
saved him from a tumble to the ground, and they both glared at the oblivious
Chet. Andrea smiled slightly and patted
Rayna on the back. Cap relaxed
fractionally but didn't smile. Johnny
followed Stanley's gaze to Roy, leaning on one shoulder against the wall behind
Dr. Early. His hands buried in his
pockets, clearly trying not to frown, the paramedic was definitely
worried. There was bad news yet to
come, then.
"So,
he's all right?
What...Why...?" Rayna's
eyes pleaded for the information she couldn't bring herself to ask for. Dr. Early sighed and put one hand on her
arm.
"Mike
inhaled a lot of smoke, Rayna. His
oxygen saturation levels are lower than we'd like." Roy's face said a lot lower, but
Early was the one dishing out the details right now and Rayna was focused on
him, not Johnny's partner. Early
wouldn't lie, but he might soft-peddle things just a bit. "Right now we've got Mike on oxygen,
trying to increase the amount in his bloodstream. But...there are some noises in his lungs, what we call
'crackling', and he's having some difficulty breathing. If he doesn't improve soon, we'll have to
intubate him."
Behind
the doctor Roy's dour expression said that wasn't an "if," it was a
"when." Rayna's face went white,
and she didn't seem to notice the supporting arm Andrea put around her
shoulders. Certain they must be cutting
off circulation by now, Johnny resisted the urge to reach out and take the
beads she clenched so tightly from her.
Someone, Chet or Marco, muttered a heartfelt "Shit." Again, Dr. Early gave them time to absorb
the information, before he went on dispensing his bad news.
Johnny
tuned out Dr. Early's explanation of the ventilation process and the reasons
for it. He'd heard it before, one too
many times. He closed his eyes against
it all, Rayna's fear, Cap's worry, Marco and his undeniable testimony to the
possibilities of crippling injury. But
in the darkness lurked another image at odds with Dr. Early's soft voice: Johnny's little brother, shrunken and pale
beneath the oxygen tent, his black hair stark against the harsh white linen of
the reservation hospital. Refusing the
memory, Johnny opened his eyes and insisted his stomach settle in its normal
spot in his belly and quit twisting around his spine in fear. This wasn't an Indian Health Services
hospital, twenty years or more behind modern technology and with doctors who
either didn't know or didn't care. This
was Rampart, a state-of-the-art facility with zealous staff and the best of
modern equipment and knowledge. Johnny
pushed the old bitterness aside. Mike
would have the best of care. He would
be okay.
"...be
in ICU for a couple of days, at least."
Dr. Early actually managed to make this sound encouraging. "What everything depends on now is if
and how long he has to be on the respirator, and whether or not he develops
what we call Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome."
Johnny
carefully kept his dismay at that news from his face. Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome, with its 60% mortality
rate? No wonder Roy looked
rattled. His partner kept his focus
resolutely on the back of Early's head and wouldn't meet Johnny's gaze. Damn.
How bad was it? Johnny took a
deep breath and stared over the heads of their little group at the wall. Okay, even if Mike did develop ARDS, the
good news was survivors were usually able to return to their normal lives with
little problem or long-term affects to their lungs.
All
Mike had to do was be one of those survivors.
Fortunately,
Rayna didn't seem inclined to pursue this avenue of discussion. "Can I see him?"
Dr.
Early hesitated, studying Rayna closely.
Roy started to shake his head but caught himself. Johnny understood, and opened his mouth to
suggest coffee instead. Seeing a loved
one lying there, face faintly blue, gasping for breath, was hard on the
steadiest of nerves. He should
know. But again, before he could voice
his idea, someone else had a better one.
"Sure,"
the doctor said, smiling. "But only for a moment." Dr. Early looked up at the group. "I know you'd all like to see him, but
for now I'm going to ask that only one of you go in with her. Things get a bit crowded otherwise."
Yeah,
with germs and bacteria and a whole bunch of other stuff Mike didn't need right
now, including Chet's incredibly bad morning breath. Everyone looked at Cap, and he in turn looked at his wife. Andrea smiled bleakly and reached under her
chair to pull out her purse.
There
was a chorus of nods and acknowledgments.
Dr. Early got to his feet, and offered a hand to Rayna. Draping her prayer beads around her neck,
she stood, her macrame purse falling from her lap as she did so. Coins and Tarot cards and more beads and
some sort of herbal debris scattered all over the grungy carpet of the waiting
room. Glad of the diversion, however
slight, Johnny, Roy and Chet jumped to help her gather it up, the herbs
releasing a faint smell of sage and cedar beneath their feet. Johnny caught Chet surreptitiously sniffing
at some of the plant material; glaring at the man only netted him a wide-eye,
"What?" look from the other firefighter. As if Mike would shack up--live with someone who was smoking or
burning anything illegal.
Rayna
rapidly shoved everything they haded her back into her purse, and with a nod
and a faint smile she allowed Dr. Early to take her elbow and lead her down the
hall. Andrea Stanley trailed behind
them as he explained what Rayna would find in the exam room.
As
soon as the small group turned the corner, the other men clustered around Roy.
"How
bad is he really, Roy?" Marco was the first to ask.
The
paramedic stood up straight and shook his head. He stared at the floor for a minute, before looking back up at
them. "He's deteriorated since
they brought him in. Carol said Banks
told her it was one of those new video rental places. Pretty toxic, all that burning plastic." Roy gave them a weak smile and shrugged. "Like Dr. Early said, it all
depends."
"Damn,"
Chet said, forcefully.
Yeah. Damn.
Johnny didn't like things to "depend", he liked things to be
done, taken care of. Go in, put the
fire out, and get it over with. Rescue
the people, get them to the hospital where the doctors would make them
better. All this sitting around and
waiting while things "depended" was for the birds.
He
needed some coffee to deal with this.
Not to mention the fact that three of the four men standing here were
due at the station in less than four hours.
Much as they'd like to stay, L.A. County could hardly call in
replacements so they could sit around the hospital and worry. If Mike died the County would give them a
week or two off to grieve--again Johnny pushed the thought away. He focused instead on the fact his wallet
couldn't exactly handle a missed shift right now. No, better to go to work and leave the actual waiting and
worrying to Rayna and Cap's wife, and probably Joanne DeSoto. As the news spread there'd be plenty of off-duty
firefighters who'd show up and keep vigil with the women. Johnny would be better off at work with
something to do instead of sitting around and waiting while all the
"depends on" stuff worked itself out.
He
opened his mouth to suggest one more time they all see about getting some
coffee, but the doors to the Emergency Department burst open and two dirty,
turn-out clad firefighters trooped in, heading for the nurse's desk. Spying the cluster of men from Station 51,
they made an abrupt change in direction and headed straight for Johnny and his
friends.
"Hank,"
the leader said, holding out a grimy hand.
A short, barrel-chested man with a thick mustache, Jack Bronson had been
captain at 165's for longer than Johnny had been at 51's. After a second, Johnny matched the
smoke-blackened face behind Bronson to a name, Weathers. Another engineer and an old friend of
Stoker's, if he remembered correctly.
"Damn,
Jack, when I loan you one of my men I expect you to return him in working
order." Stanley grasped the
proffered hand and smiled slightly.
Bronson grimaced.
He glanced down the hall behind them.
"Hank,
I'm sorry about that. Damn thing nearly
got away from us. Have you heard
anything?"
"Mostly
bruises and one bad gash on his arm."
Bronson nodded as Stanley outlined Mike's injuries, as if matching
things to some internal inventory, frowning when Hank mentioned the
respirator. Finished with his
explanation, Stanley put his hands his hips.
He probably meant to sound cranky, but the question came out more as a
plea. "Jack, what the hell
happened out there?"
Bronson
shook his head.
"All
we know is that Donaldson and Geoffreys from 12's went in the back and found
him half-buried under some debris. His
face-mask was off and he was barely breathing when they got him out."
"Who
was with him on the hose?" Stanley demanded, and Bronson hesitated before
he jerked a thumb down the hall towards the exam rooms. Beneath the soot and sweat on his face,
Weathers looked murderous.
"Palmer
was, but his regulator was messed up so he had to come out. By the time he got to the engine he'd gotten
a lungful. He was coughing and hacking
so bad he couldn't go back in. I sent
Evans in right away, but all he found was the hose, nozzle off." Bronson's tone as he said the last was soft,
apologetic.
There
was a beat of silence before the storm of protests started. Johnny heard it all as if from the bottom of
a well. Staring at the grimy faces in
front him, he locked his knees so they wouldn't collapse beneath him. He stood there, trying to pull concrete air
into frozen lungs and listened to the voices, the insistence from both Weathers
and his own crew that Stoker wouldn't--couldn't--have shut off his hose
off and abandoned his post in the middle of a fire. But tonight's storm of protests was overlaid with other, older
protests, protests that rang in his ears as loudly as they'd rung ten years
ago. Johnny blinked and shook his head,
but the voices remained, and the angry faces around him wavered beneath visions
of other faces, just as angry.
Palmer...
Eddie Palmer had gone into that fire with Mike. Palmer had come out, but Mike nearly hadn't.
Johnny'd
gone into a fire once with Palmer. So
had Trujillo, and Fuller. And they'd
been lucky any of them made it out.
Suddenly,
coffee didn't sound so appetizing after all.
~*
E! *~
Incomplete combustion, of course, also leaves behind some
unburned or charred fuel.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
The
elevator dipped and settled, but it didn't affect Johnny's stomach. One could only be so nauseous, and his
stomach had been an acid bath of bile and coffee long before he entered the
elevator for the slow trip up to ICU.
The jelly doughnut he'd managed to down for breakfast was the inert mass
around which his gut had knotted itself.
Forced by the clock to abandon Rampart for their duty at the station,
all A-shift had had to take with them was bad news. Four and a half hours later, it was nearly noon on a cloudless,
glorious summer day. Their first run
that had actually brought the paramedics all the way in to Rampart, this time
they could verify the bad news in person.
"Johnny?"
Roy asked softly. He'd been like that
all day, soft-spoken and quietly concerned; hovering, but keeping his
distance. Even when Johnny had handed
him too large a bore of catheter on this last run, his only reaction had been
to reach for the correct gauge.
Ignoring
both Roy and Roy's concern, Johnny stared at the elevator wall, some sort of
fake paneling from some tree that wasn't native to southern California any more
than most of the rest of its inhabitants, flora or fauna or human. Like Johnny himself, Mike was a transplant
to the sunny skies of Los Angeles. His
family lived up north somewhere; Washington or Oregon, Johnny wasn't sure
which. Cap had called them from the
station this morning after Rayna had extracted the number from her rope and
bead purse.
They
were harsh facts that Cap had to report to Mike's step-dad, with little
encouragement. Mike's excellent
physical condition, a requirement of his job, would help his chances of
survival, but it was going to be an uphill battle. The doctors could only treat symptoms, not the problem
itself. They'd focus on keeping his
other major organ systems going, freeing Mike's body for the fight to keep
breathing with lungs that were slowly solidifying. Ultimately, whether or not Mike survived would depend on Mike
himself and whatever will he had to live.
His mother was off in London or somewhere thereabouts with Mike's little
sister, some sort of church choir tour, Cap had said. By the time she could get back it would likely be all over, one
way or the other. Johnny's own mother's
son had died before she could rush to his side; would that be Mrs. Stoker's
fate as well?
The
elevator doors slid open with a muted clank, but Johnny didn't move from his
corner, caught in the unbidden voices of his kinswomen, eternally mourning
Jeffrey's death. Arms braced on the
hand rails, shoulders hunched, he stared at the empty hallway before them as
the memory wailed on. Beside him, Roy
hesitated, then hefted the handy-talky and stepped out of the elevator. Reaching back, he caught the doors as they
started to close.
The
elevator doors backed up and tried to close again, Roy's arm frustrating their
attempts while Johnny tried to push both memories and fear away. Mike would survive; he had to. Johnny had more than enough on his
conscience already when it came to Eddie Palmer.
His
partner's arm had stopped the doors a third time before Johnny pushed himself
out from the corner and followed him into the hall. Roy didn't say anything, just released the doors and turned to
lead the way through the crowd milling about them. No one seemed to want to stand too close to the double doors with
the red sign starkly lettered in white: Intensive Care Unit. No Visitors. Most of the concerned faces turning toward them in the stark
fluorescent light were men Johnny recognized, men he fought fire with, bowled
and played baseball with, men he drank with at the occasional wedding or
funeral--his thoughts skittered away from that idea. This wasn't a wake, not yet.
Roy
acknowledged the greetings and friendly back slaps that came their way; nodding
along behind him, Johnny kept his eyes on his partner's back and his emotions
to himself. Besides, he wasn't sure he
had the right to draw strength from this crowd, not sure he was really part of
this family, not any more. Not if what
he was afraid of was what had happened.
"Dammit,
I know Mike well enough to know Palmer's full of shit! I don't care what he says. Mike wouldn't leave his hose in a fire, not
without a damned good reason!"
Todd Weathers' angry voice cut through the crowded hallway. There was a chorus of angry mutters, and
then Chief McConnike's bellow cut through the noise.
"All
right, that's enough!"
Johnny
nearly ran into Roy when his partner stopped dead, just a few feet from the
waiting room entrance. In full uniform,
McConnike blocked the doorway, white hat dangling from one hand. "I don't want to hear any more from
anyone about this."
Weathers,
flanked by an unimpressive, overly tanned and overly made-up brunette, glared
down at another firefighter. Chin
thrust out belligerently, his buzz cut so raw more scalp than hair shone on his
head, the shorter man glared right back.
Next to Weather's trim shape, his faded blue LA County Fire Department
t-shirt strained to encompass a distended beer belly. With a start, Johnny placed the large, hooked Roman nose and the
clenched jaw: Murphy, Palmer's drinking
buddy from the old days, back at Station 31.
Johnny sidled over just a bit, putting Roy's blue uniform between him
and the older firefighter. No sense
asking for any more trouble than he was already unable to handle.
Weathers
flushed, and turned to McConnike, his face a mix of anger and
helplessness. "But Palmer's
spreading this shi--"
"I
am fully aware of what Palmer is saying.
He made his report to me first thing this morning, before he was
discharged from the hospital."
"It's
a damn lie," Weathers said, his voice rising.
"Weathers,
do I have to suspend you to get you to listen to me?" The Fire Chief included Murphy in the threat
with a glance. After a beat of sullen
silence, McConnike went on.
"Palmer's made his report, and when Stoker's able to give his I'll
hear what he has to say. At that time
I'll decide if-- IF--" he raised his voice to emphasize the point,"
there are any grounds for any kind of investigation. Before that I am not making any judgements on what might,"
he pointed directly at Weathers with his cap, "have happened. In the meantime, I shouldn't have to remind
any of you that this isn't the time or the place for this sort of
discussion."
His
gaze locked with Weathers' for several long seconds, and finally the engineer
scowled and nodded. Murphy, too, nodded
reluctantly when the Chief's gazed raked over him. There was a low growl from more than one throat, but no one
challenged McConnike's statement to his face.
The rest of the firefighters clustered around the other two men, separating
them neatly and shuffling them to opposite sides of the hall.
McConnike
waved the two paramedics forward as the crowd parted. Johnny swallowed hard and stayed at his partner's heels.
"You're
not going to stop them talking about it," Roy said quietly as they paused
by the fire chief.
"No,
but I can keep them from lynching Palmer or starting a riot before I have a
chance to hear Stoker's side of the story," McConnike said with a slight
smile. "Whatever possessed the man
to start spreading that kind of a tale, I'll never know."
The
jelly doughnut rioted, intent on escape.
Johnny half-turned, thinking to head for the bathroom before he puked on
McConnike's shoes. But McConnike had
stepped aside with a rueful smile, allowing them access to the waiting room
behind him. Johnny swallowed bile and
half-regurgitated doughnut and followed Roy, leaving the Chief to his crowd
control efforts in the hall outside.
The
last thing anyone from 51's A-shift had said to Rayna had been Roy's quiet suggestion
that she tell the nurses and doctors in ICU that she was Mike's fiancé, not
just his live-in girlfriend. Rayna had
blinked and frowned uncertainly, but then Dixie had voiced her support for the
idea and Rayna had reluctantly nodded.
She, Marco, and Mrs. Stanley had seemed a small, bereft group, standing
with Dixie in front of the elevators as the rest of the guys had trooped out of
the hospital.
Now
Rayna was anything but bereft of support.
She might have wished for less than she had at this point, Johnny
thought sourly as he and Roy stepped into the overcrowded room. Crammed with off-duty firefighters and their
various wives and girlfriends, the overwhelming odor was of old coffee and fear
and sweat and too many competing aftershaves and perfumes. Nothing like a show of departmental
solidarity to stink up a place.
Nodding
blankly at familiar faces, trying not to flinch beneath more supportive
back-slapping, the two paramedics made their way through the knots of
supporters and well-wishers. The
thickest crowd, Johnny noticed sardonically, was around the table with the
coffee pot and the cookies and doughnuts.
His stomach roiled and once again he swallowed bile.
He
found Roy's uniform through the knots of people and dodged hastily after him. Across the room, beneath the window
magnifying the summer sun to heat the mix of odors, Rayna sat between Marco and
Joanne DeSoto. Some of the composure
she'd fought so hard for this morning had raveled away. Her face pale, her nose swollen and red, she'd
added a well-used wad of tissue to the beads clenched in her hands. Staring at nothing again, she rocked
slightly in her seat.
Joanne,
dark-haired, slender and more pixie-like than ever beside Rayna's earth-goddess
figure, patted her on the knee before rising and coming across the room toward
them. Roy and Johnny stopped and waited
for her.
"There's
no change," she said, shaking her head.
Roy's arm went automatically about her shoulders, and Joanne embraced
him, her voice muffled in his shirt. "He's still going downhill. The doctors haven't said he's not going to
make it, but...but they're not encouraging anyone either."
Roy's
eyes closed and his face was drawn and tight above his wife's head, still
buried against his chest. They stood
unmoving, wrapped in each other's arms and the obvious knowledge that it could
be Roy the next time. Johnny looked
down at the floor, his stomach knotting impossibly tighter. Movement caught his eye; shifting his right
leg awkwardly, Marco leaned over to say something to Rayna. She nodded silently, through the ceaseless
back and forth, back and forth motion of her prayers. Mute grief radiated from her, gathered Marco's distress and then
flowed over to meld with Roy and Joanne's fears. It flowed through the room, pulling anxiety and foreboding and
anger to itself, swelling and rising
and surrounding him with a physical pressure, threatening to swallow him. Johnny did the only thing he could, he
fled.
Mumbling
an excuse, he pushed his way back through the room and stumbled out into the
hallway. His name came from several
throats, but he waved them all off, heading blindly down the hall until he hit
upon a sanctuary labeled "Men."
Gratefully, Johnny fell through the doorway and leaned back against the
cool tile to begin the desperate struggle to convince his stomach to keep its
contents to itself.
Five
minutes later he'd won the battle, but not the war. The bathroom door opened, and Johnny looked over, digging up a
pale grin for his partner. It wasn't
Roy, though, who slipped through the door and focused on the floor. Johnny stood up straight and stared at Cesar
Trujillo.
Nearly
as tall as Johnny, his tight, blue, Fire Department t-shirt molded to a slender
frame that belied the strength of the long, lean muscles. Curly black hair still adorned the head, and
from Johnny's brief glimpse before Trujillo ducked his head, the lean, hatchet
face was still accented by a "Zorro" mustache. Raised on a ranch down the coast, Cesar
sported the same laced leather belt hanging out from a rodeo prize belt buckle
and the tight-legged Levis that the crew at 31's had teased him about ten years
ago.
"Gage...I..."
He swallowed, but continued to stare at the floor. "I didn't find out what...about...I didn't hear about Mike
until this morning. For what it's
worth, I'm sorry." Trujillo gave
up on the scuffed tips of his boots and met Johnny's gaze. The blue eyes were startling in his tanned
face, and from years ago Johnny heard Trujillo saying haughtily, "My
family's Spanish, not Mexican."
But everyone on the crew at 31's had called him "Beaner" and
"Wetback" just the same, Palmer leading the way.
Johnny
braced his hands on his hips, opened his mouth and closed it. He opened it again, but spoken language
seemed to have deserted him. He closed
his mouth and just stared at Trujillo.
"I'm
sorry," Trujillo repeated, swallowing hard. "I wouldn't have wished this on him, not on anyone. But especially Mike. He's as good as they come." Trujillo, his face miserable, shrugged and
looked back down at the floor. The
unspoken "but..." was loud in the silence. Johnny waited for the other man to finish.
"I...it
took me years to live down that fire, Johnny.
Years." Just like Johnny
remembered, Trujillo's accent intensified with stress. He looked up at Johnny, then stared over at
the urinals on the far wall. "I
applied for jobs in Los Angeles and Pasadena, with all the city departments. But none came through, and I was afraid
that...that reputation was following me, no matter how hard I worked to prove
myself again. After a while I managed
to transfer away, to another Division, and finally, finally I was able to show
them that I was a good firefighter, the kind I always was, in spite of their
lies."
Johnny
flinched as Cesar's voice trailed off.
Lies. Lies Johnny himself had
agreed to, however unwillingly, lies that Cesar himself had been forced to
accept. His stomach once more wound in
a knot too tight to allow for food; Johnny closed his eyes and refused to let
it to expel anything. When he opened
them again Cesar was looking at him.
"When
Palmer showed up at our station, I...I couldn't do it. I wasn't going into any fire with him, not
after what happened that last time.
I've got Ignacia and the kids now to think of, and I couldn't take the
risk. I...I wanted to tell Captain
Bronson, but he knew Palmer from a long time ago and I was afraid he wouldn't
believe me. I got into the first aid
kit and swallowed some ipecac. He was
just supposed to be there for one shift, and I thought...I thought if I just
didn't have to work with him he'd go away."
"He
spent two weeks with us," Johnny's voice was harsh, and Cesar
flinched. Johnny put his fist out,
knocked it lightly against the other man's shoulder. "I let Chet Kelly go into a fire with him, but I nearly made
myself sick every shift thinking about it."
Trujillo's
smile was weak, but he relaxed. Johnny
leaned back against the wall.
"I
thought he'd have been pensioned off by now.
Or retired."
"Or
dead," Cesar said, and again they shared a grim smile. The silence between them was companionable,
the way it had been all those years ago, when they were the only two
"people of color" at Station 31.
Johnny briefly wondered if Marco had
had any friends at his first station, or if he'd had to endure the
hazing and hatred alone, without the support Johnny and Cesar had provided,
however briefly, for each other. And
Johnny had continued to be lucky; after he left 31's he'd been stationed with
Stoney. The black firefighter was still
one of his closest friends. Johnny
shifted his feet and looked over at Cesar.
"I
think he's a permanent substitute in this Division now. If he subbed for Cutler at 51's and got sent
to cover at your station..."
"Yeah." More silence. Then, Trujillo took a breath.
"Gage, you know, Mike...Stoker, he's not the only one."
Frowning,
Johnny stared over at Trujillo. Only
one what, he wanted to ask, but his throat was closed too tightly to allow the
words to pass. Trujillo looked a bit
green around the gills, but he nodded.
"Remember
Nelson?"
Johnny
cast about and came up with a vague memory of a bulky black man in a wheelchair
at the last Departmental softball tournament.
He nodded, and Trujillo's gaze went flat.
"He
went into a fire with Palmer."
Johnny
stared at his friend, his mouth open in shock.
"Are
you sure?"
Trujillo
nodded bleakly.
"And
that big fire over at the shipyard?
About four years back?" He
didn't wait for Johnny's acknowledgment to continue. "MacAdams and Hoffman were injured. MacAdams never did get back into shape for
firefighting after that. Then there was
that refinery fire eight years ago, that big one over near the dock?"
"The
one where Sullivan got killed?"
Johnny asked, and Trujillo just stared at him. Johnny's stomach contracted even further. He knew what his friend was going to say
before he opened his mouth.
"Palmer
was the last one working the hoses with all of them."
~*
E! *~
When the fire is confined in a building or a room, the
situation requires carefully thought-out and executed ventilation procedures if
further damage is to be prevented and danger reduced.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
The
fragile scent of burning tobacco disappeared almost immediately into the heat-baked
afternoon. Johnny sucked carefully on
the cigarette. The end glowed red; he
held it out once more and watched the faint, grey smoke curl upward,
disappearing into the pearl-colored smog that passed for both air and sky in
LA's summer. His shirt was already
sticking to his back from the heat, and even the cicadas in the cottonwoods had
given up singing for an afternoon siesta.
Beyond the wall separating the station from the freeway, cars and trucks
roared; in the vehicle bay behind him Cutler and Chet argued half-heartedly
about something. But for now, the
parking lot in back was a small oasis where Johnny could be alone to gather his
thoughts and maybe--maybe--figure out what to do.
The
embers faded; Johnny put the cigarette to his lips. It had been a long time since he'd lit up. Father Dengler's quiet disappointment had
put an end to the peji cigarettes shared behind the barn with
Clayton. Later, smoking hadn't exactly
been compatible with his high school career as a track star. After graduation from the fire academy he'd
been too busy to take up smoking anything.
But the cigarette still felt comfortable, familiar between his
fingers. Johnny had forgotten how
calming that first inhalation could be, how nice it was to have something to
keep his hands busy. Experimentally, he
drew the smoke in and held it, then coughed it out. Nope, he thought, wiping an arm across his mouth, no sense paying
for privilege of smoke inhalation. And
especially not when LA County would pay him to breathe the stuff.
Besides,
it probably wouldn't do to offer the gods previously inhaled smoke.
Roy
hadn't said a word when Johnny had dropped the pack of Marlboros on the counter
next to the soda and sandwiches they'd stopped for at the Seven-Eleven. He had wanted loose tobacco, but he couldn't
see forking out for an entire can of Prince Albert, his dad's favored brand,
when he just needed a little bit. For
what, he wasn't sure, except that in both the religious traditions he'd been
raised in, pleas for help were generally accompanied by smoke of some sort.
Johnny
took another drag, careful this time not to breathe the smoke in. Thin tendrils of gaseous tobacco swirled as
he quickly washed the smoke over his face and hands and then gestured with the
cigarette to the four directions. He
should, he supposed, pray. But it had
been so long, and like Palmer and events of both long ago and the past few
hours, prayers to the Lakhota Powers and petitions to the Catholic God were all
jumbled up in his mind. What would the
Thunder Spirits care about Mike anyway, since he wasn't Lakhota? And would Jesus take time from hanging on
his cross, bearing all his devoted followers' sorrows, to listen to Johnny's
tale of woe? After his prayers for
Jeffrey's life went unheeded all Johnny had offered the Son of God was his
spittle and his contempt. Why would
that same God turn and listen now?
No,
Johnny thought, as more grey smoke ascended into the smog, there wasn't much he
could expect from God here. And
probably not from the Thunders, either.
They were capricious at best, helpful when it suited them. This decision was up to Johnny.
He
let the cigarette burn, his mind filling with hazy memories from years
ago. The names Cesar had rattled off danced
amidst the smoke he drew from the cigarette, as did the image of Mike's face,
pale and waxen beneath ventilator and feeding tubes. Woven through it all was the fear, fear that left Mike's
"family" here at the station short-tempered and sullen, left his
lover ragged and old before her time, left all his brother firefighters unable
to ignore the sibilant subconscious whispers about next time: next time it
could be them lying there, dying by inches, slain by the dancing beast they
spent themselves every shift to fight.
And Johnny's mother and father's grief over Jeffrey wailed on, a muted
keening behind all the weary sorrow which stalked him today.
Sighing,
Johnny closed his eyes, but that didn't shut out the anguish he'd seen in the
years since Jeffrey's death. Oh,
there'd been a few lovely years after they moved to California, when both his
little brother and the raw ache of his absence became a faded memory. But then Johnny had taken this job, become a
firefighter. Now he waded daily in the
wreckage of people's lives. In self
preservation he'd learned to let it slide off, not to take it as his own--most
of the time. Sometimes there was
nothing he could do, and the terrified faces and shattered realities threatened
to overwhelm him. But the cure was a
night out with the guys, beer chasers routing the horrific images from the
screen. Or he'd find himself a pretty
girl, wrap his arms around her, lose himself in her soft flesh. She'd be oh so impressed--and
willing--because he was a firefighter, one of the good guys, a hero. And that, too, would chase the horror away
for yet another night. Those were the
good times; and most of the time they'd been enough to keep the demons on the
run.
And
for times like this, with memories old and new haunting him and the future in
doubt? The evidence to this point was
that Jenny wouldn't be willing to give anything to help him forget; getting
drunk wasn't going to help Mike. Ten
years ago Johnny had saved Palmer's life.
One week ago Palmer had saved his; but what of the other lives that the
man had ruined in the meantime? Johnny
had to take some responsibility for those lives as well. What could he tell Mike, Mike's girlfriend,
his family? How could he explain to his
friends that he was the reason Palmer had been alive to screw up their lives?
The
cigarette had burned almost to the filter.
Johnny sucked the embers to life, and this time inhaled the fragrant
fumes as the tobacco burned away. He
closed his eyes,. held the smoke in, and came to his decision. Exhaling, he bent over and carefully ground
out the butt on the concrete.
~*
E! *~
In some cases, a fire is effectively extinguished by removing
the fuel source.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Still
arguing half-heartedly, Chet and Cutler came out of the vehicle bay, headed for
the hose tower. They'd finish hanging
the hose C-shift had used when it was called in to help extinguish the fire
that might yet extinguish Mike. His
hand curled protectively around both the cigarette butt and the pack of
cigarettes, Johnny tossed a vague wave in their direction and left them to
their task. He headed into the station,
detouring to stash the cigarettes in his locker and toss the butt into the
garbage before heading over to the day room.
The
day room was cool and air conditioned, smelling faintly of oven cleaner and
diesel. Reynolds loomed over the
kitchen sink, washing dishes and carrying on a desultory conversation with Roy. The log book was open on the table before
the paramedic, but the small pile of run slips still lay where they had ten
minutes ago, before Johnny had headed out for his impromptu prayer
meeting. Nodding at Dave, Johnny
stopped beside Roy.
"Roy? You got a minute?"
The
chair squeaked; Roy pushing it back even as he said "Yeah." Johnny led the way back out through the
vehicle bay into Cap's office.
Captain
Stanley's way of dealing with worry was to pretend to work. They found their leader just as they'd left
him an hour ago: hunched over his desk, staring blankly at the same two piles
of paper, each at least two inches thick.
Johnny was pretty sure the same report was still on the top of the
"in" pile. Cap blinked as
Johnny and Roy's presence registered, then leaned back in his chair, tapping
his pencil against his other hand.
"Guys,"
he acknowledged, then looking from one to the other asked, "What's
up?"
Johnny
felt Roy's shrug as he slowed to close the door. When he turned around, Roy had pulled up a chair from the corner,
leaving the chair next to Cap's desk for Johnny. Cap's eyebrows went up, but no one said anything as Johnny dropped into the seat. He reached out to play with the stapler,
then put it back and grinned sheepishly when he realized both men were staring
at him. Frowning, he shifted, thought
he'd found an opening, but closed his mouth and discarded it. Then he braced his elbows on the chair's
arms and leaned toward Cap, including Roy with a glance.
"You
know I worked with Palmer ten years ago, at Station 31?" Both men nodded. "Well, he was pretty much the same then as he is now; a lot
of mouth and tall tales, but a good firefighter."
"If
you're here to tell us that the piranha story is a tall tale you can forget
it," Cap said, smiling slightly. "I've had it from at least two other sources now that it was
you that day."
His
mouth open, Johnny stared at Cap for a moment.
Then he flushed and shook his head.
"I wish that was the only beef I had with Palmer," he said,
the words bitter in his mouth as the taste of stale cigarette smoke. Silence held the room as Johnny brushed his
fingers along the stapler again. After
a long moment, he looked up and again found both men watching him. He sighed, and dropped his hands to his
lap. Staring at the floor wasn't going
to work, not for this. Johnny took a
deep breath and met Cap's steady gaze.
"You
know, I think it must have been the first fire I ever went on after the
Academy, I watched Palmer save a couple of kids from a burning house. The mother was outside screaming about her
babies, her babies, when we pulled up.
Palmer was down and in the building before anyone else was even off the
engine. Cap's yelling at him and at us,
and we're all moving as fast as we can, hooking hoses up and getting them
charged so we can go after him.
Damndest thing, next we know, here comes Palmer strolling out the door,
a kid under each arm." Johnny
grinned, and Cap and Roy gave him tepid returns. A rescue that ended well was always a good story.
"They're
all of them black with soot and coughing up a lung or two between them, but
heck, they were alive; they were all alive.
That mother, she was practically on her knees to Palmer. And me," Johnny put a hand on his chest
and nodded, "Me, I thought, man, that's a real firefighter. That's what a firefighter does, that's what
we do: we save lives; we save
families." Johnny licked his lips,
dropped his hand and clenched it with the other one. He shifted in his seat, and tried to keep his knee from
jiggling. After a second he shrugged
and let it bounce. He slumped back in
his seat.
"Captain
Fuller, he reamed Palmer out over the whole thing, said he endangered the kids
and himself by going in without his SCBA.
But Palmer and the other old guys, they all felt like breathing smoke
was part of the job. Called us new guys
panty waists 'cause we always put air masks on before going into a fire."
Rolling
his pencil between his fingers, Cap nodded.
Roy's affirmation was an echo at Johnny's elbow.
"I've
known more than a few old twits like that in my years in the department,"
Cap said. "Can't tell them
anything."
Johnny
waited a second, then nodded.
"Yeah. But that was ten
years ago, and the Department was starting to come down on everyone really hard
about the SCBA gear. They'd give the
captains and battalion chiefs hell if they caught anyone at a fire without
it." Cap and Roy were nodding
again, and Johnny felt the first beginnings of butterflies. Okay, he'd need the warrior medicine if he
was going to get through the rest of this.
"Fuller was all over us about it.
He wanted to be Chief someday.
If he caught anyone at a fire without their gear, he made the entire
company do drill after drill after drill.
So eventually everyone gave in.
They'd all wear airmasks at the fires." Johnny hesitated, more butterflies filling his stomach. "A few times, though... I caught Palmer coming out of a fire without his
mask. He...well, he'd look more than
winded, he'd look...upset. His eyes
would be funny, like a spooked horse or something. But he'd just wink and slap me on the back like we were buddies,
sharing a joke. Me, I was too young and
green to feel like it was my place to say anything, and maybe he was a jerk
sometimes, but he was a hero, too. Who
was I to tell him how to fight fires? I
was there to learn from him, not the other way around."
Silence,
this time. Both men were listening,
waiting for Johnny's tale to continue.
He swallowed, then jumped up and paced over to the wall. Hands on his hips, he stared at the notices
on the bulletin board without seeing any of them. He spoke to the wall.
"I'd
been there about three months when we got called out to my first really big
fire. The First United Church of the
Holy Pentecostal Gospel, or something like that."
"I
remember that one," Cap said, his chair squeaking as he shifted to lean
further back in it. He dropped his
pencil on the desk as Johnny looked back over his shoulder. "Four alarmer going on five before
someone finally had the balls to order breaking out the stained glass
windows. Place was gutted. The church tried to make the department pay
for the windows."
Johnny
nodded, then shook his head; he'd never heard that part of the story. Slipping one hand in a back pocket, he turned
and strode across the room and dropped back into the chair. He clasped his hands in front of him, and
his knee started jiggling once more.
Maybe he should take up smoking again.
Captain Stanley and Roy were quiet, waiting patiently for Johnny to find
his thoughts.
"We
were part of the second alarm assignment.
They sent us around back.
Cesar--Trujillo," he added, at Cap's blank look and was rewarded
with a look of recognition.
"Trujillo, he and Palmer took the first hose in. Cap'n Fuller, once he let the Incident
Commander know what was up in the back, he and I took the second hose. I was on the nozzle." Johnny breathed deeply, and willed his leg
to be still. "We followed the
other hose, and found the fire. It was
basic firefighting, crawling in under the smoke, putting the wet stuff on the
red stuff--even if it was hotter than I'd ever been, and it was bigger than any
of us had seen before. But we were
getting the job done, and then..."
Johnny
paused, licked his lips. He was leaning
forward, hands clenched together, elbows braced on his knees without even being
aware of having moved. Cap's hands
had found his pencil again; he twirled it between his fingers while he and Roy
stared at Johnny, waiting for him to finish his tale. Trouble was, the rest of it didn't make Johnny look too good,
either, and once the fateful decision had been made it hadn't mattered what
he'd seen. He swallowed, gave Cap and
Roy a half grin, and waited for the butterflies to do their work.
"I...I
wasn't sure what I saw, but it looked...to me it looked like the other
nozzleman was letting the nozzle droop.
Like maybe he was having some trouble holding it up. And...and he kept messing with his face
mask. The guy behind him, the second
guy, he reached up and tapped him on the back, like he was trying to get his
attention, but the nozzleman, he just dropped the hose then and there. The second guy was caught by surprise, and
the hose threw him into the wall, and then he fell, almost in the fire and
under that damn loose hose. The nozzleman didn't even pay any attention, he
just pulled his SCBA mask off and headed out.
Fuller tried to stop him, but Palmer--it was Palmer," Johnny
clarified needlessly. "He damn
near knocked Captain Fuller down and blew right past us. Fuller left me with the hose, and I kept the
water on Trujillo while he got in there to get him out. But then the loose hose, it flipped around
and knocked Fuller in the head, knocked him flat."
There
was a moment of silence, and Johnny studied his knuckles. He didn't like the rest of the story, but it
had to be told.
"I
shut my hose off, and managed to pull Fuller out, and then Trujillo--he was
okay except for his arm was broken. All
I could do was tuck it inside his turnout coat. Fuller was out cold, and bleeding from a head wound. Fuller and Palmer had the radios, and
Fuller's was under the fire somewhere.
Palmer...we could only hope he'd gotten out and someone else would find
him and get us some help. But we didn't
know. So we started crawling, following
the hose, and pulling Fuller with us.
We were most of the way out when we found Palmer. He was disoriented and coughing up a storm. We brought him out with us."
"You
mean you brought him out," Roy said, and Cap, his eyes narrowed as
he stared at Johnny, nodded. Johnny
flushed, and shrugged. Well, okay,
maybe he did. But that wasn't the point
of the story.
"Yeah,"
he said flatly. The story wasn't over
yet. "But...later...Cesar, he said
that Palmer freaked, lost control and went nuts. Palmer insisted that his regulator was gummed up and he was out
of air. He said Cesar didn't listen
when he said he needed to get out of the fire.
He said that Cesar was the one who'd lost control of the hose and was
trying to blame it on him. They nearly
got into a fistfight at the fire over it.
Fuller...he never could remember anything about that fire. Me...Me, I was just a dumb probie in my
first really big fire. I...I wasn't
sure enough about what I saw then to confirm either story."
"Were
you ever sure enough?" Cap asked.
Johnny's grin twisted. Damn, but
the man had good instincts.
"Later...later,
I was certain that Cesar was right and Palmer was the one who lost control in
there."
"And
blamed it on a gummed up regulator."
Cap's voice was cold and flat, and the pencil broke in his hand. He tossed the pieces on his desk with rather
more force than was necessary.
"Why were you certain?"
"For
one, because I've learned to trust my instincts in a fire, and that I have good
instincts when it comes to fire. My gut
never sat well with the fact that Cesar got blamed for that accident. What I did remember seemed to line up more
with his story. But...the kicker was
that I helped Murphy refill the air tanks that night, after the fire. And...I checked. There wasn't anything wrong that I could see with any of the
regulators, and the tanks were all at least half full. I didn't want to believe it then. I spent a lot of time the next few days
trying to tell myself I didn't see what I knew I had."
"So
what happened?"Cap asked when Johnny paused.
"A
week or so later, I...I went to Fuller and told him that I thought Palmer had
freaked out in that fire. I told him
that I didn't think it was Cesar's fault, and that I'd seen Palmer in a other
fires without his SCBA gear, and he looked just like he'd looked after the
church fire: upset, and flustered and like he wasn't quite there. I told him about the SCBA gear. Fuller, he listened, but he said that Palmer
was an experienced firefighter, and he didn't feel it was right to take the
word of a probie and a rookie over his."
Johnny's voice was bitter.
"He made it pretty clear that if I pushed this, if I tried to help
Trujillo, that I wouldn't get far, either with clearing Cesar's name or in the
Department itself."
"Why
didn't you go to someone higher up?" Roy's voice was high and tight,
incredulous, no doubt, that Johnny had just let such an egregious sin
slide. Johnny sighed, and turned to face
his partner, spreading one hand against his chest to emphasize his next
point. Cap's face was still, his entire
body motionless, waiting. Johnny had
the feeling that Stanley, at least, knew what was coming next.
"Roy,
do you know how many guys there were that wanted my job--and Cesar's? White guys?" He was angry, suddenly, and the frustration and fury he'd held in
for ten years suddenly rose in his voice.
He pointed sharply at his partner.
"Do you know how many of those white eyes wanted what I had, how
many of them knew that I didn't deserve what I'd worked so hard
for? Not just me, it was Marco, and
Stoney, and Cesar, anyone of us who got in back then."
No
response, from either man. Johnny
swallowed hard to keep from spitting his disgust on the floor. "Damn near all of them," he said,
his words like knives through the quiet room.
"Every one who didn't make it, all the guys that had connections in
the department, uncles, fathers and brothers, but who hadn't gotten in because
me and a handful of other minorities did, they could all blame it on some
unqualified colored man being coddled and let in without
qualifications."
Roy's
righteous indignation faltered and slipped, accusation dying in his eyes as he
stared into the face of Johnny's anger.
Cap didn't move, but his mouth twisted just a bit. He'd been around the department long
enough; he knew, all right. His hand dropping to his lap, Johnny focused
on Roy. The blond paramedic was
frowning, now, understanding flickering but not yet settled on his face. Johnny took a deep breath and breathed the
anger out, away from him. He gave the
only defense he had.
"Roy,
there wasn't any way I was going to rock the boat and chance losing the only
job I'd ever really wanted. It was my
word, and Cesar's, against Palmer's, and he had both seniority and color
on us. I wasn't going to take that
chance."
There
was silence in the office. Cap took a
deep breath and nodded.
"There
were a lot of old guard firefighters who weren't in favor of integrating the
Department," he said softly, his eyes on his senior paramedic. "Not to mention that a probie and
rookie have no rank next to an established firefighter."
Johnny
wasn't sure who, exactly, Cap was absolving, his paramedic or the courageous, loyal,
and more than occasionally hidebound brotherhood of firefighters, but he nodded
just the same. Roy was staring at his
knuckles, the silence in the room as they awaited his reaction stifling. After a moment, Cap shrugged slightly and
made a small, encouraging motion with one hand. Wanting Johnny to continue, finish the story, finish damning
himself in his partner's eyes.
Staring
at Roy's bowed head, Johnny knew Cap
was right. There was no way to force
the other man to understand the rock and the hard place between which Johnny
had found himself. He could only hope
that eight years of partnership would count for something as Roy grappled with
a decision made years ago. Johnny might
as well finish his tale.
"After
that I rotated out, and never went back.
A few months later, Palmer, I heard he went to a brush station, out in
the East County." Johnny waved
vaguely in that direction, before sitting back in his chair, his hands dangling
limply, his defeat sounding in his voice.
"I figured chances of him winding up in same situation were slim or
none, and...I guess I just figured it would come to light somewhere, before
anyone else got hurt. That someone else
who could do something about it would find out and take care of it. I never...I never expected him to last this
long."
"At
a brush station there aren't many calls for big structure fires," Roy said
slowly, still staring at his hands. Cap
was silent, his eyes on the pencil half he was turning end over against his
desk. Johnny swallowed and forced
himself to meet his partner's gaze. The
smile Roy offered was small, but it was forgiveness, if not understanding, and
Johnny took what was offered, breathed it in and out, and smiled. The atmosphere in the room lightened, and
Cap's chair creaked as he relaxed into it.
But
Johnny knew the reprieve was only momentary.
There was still Cesar's information to be shared.
"There
aren't many structure fires out there, but there was that big refinery
fire. The two-day one?"
Both
Cap and Roy went utterly still again.
"The
one where Sullivan died?" Cap finally asked.
Johnny
nodded, suddenly not quite sure what to do.
Would they accept this part of his tale as well? "Yeah.
Cesar told me Palmer was the one working the hoses with him. And with at least a couple of other guys
who've been injured over the last few years."
Roy
breathed deeply, and exhaled, puffing his cheeks out. "And now there's Mike..."
"And
Palmer's spreading the same damn lies about him that he spread about Cesar ten
years ago." Only this time Johnny
wasn't going to sit by and let him get away with it.
"Claustrophobia,"
Cap said, and grimaced more than smiled when their gazes turned toward
him. "It's something they never
used to test for, never had to. You guys,
you get it in the Academy. But some of
the older firefighters the ones who were here before the safety rules were
enforced, they can't take the SCBA gear.
It gives them claustrophobia."
Roy
frowned. "But I thought that took
a period of time to develop, hours.
According to Weathers, Mike and Palmer had only been in that fire for
ten minutes."
"Maybe,"
Cap allowed, then dropped his pencil.
"Bronson told me that fire at the video store was their fourth fire
since supper. Small ones, but
still...that many fires, putting on the SCBA gear that many times, I'd think
would be as much of a problem as being in one fire for a while. And Mike turning off his hose and following
Palmer into the fire to get him out, that makes a whole lot more sense than
anything else I've heard."
"What
about Mike's SCBA gear being off?" Roy asked quietly.
"Maybe
he was yelling at someone, when the ceiling collapsed on him. Maybe someone took it off for him. Maybe he took it off himself. Weathers said his air bottle was empty and
you know how hypoxia screws up your head." Cap sighed and picked up the pencil again. "The truth is, we may never know. But I do know that anyone who's worked with
Stoker will know better than to believe the crap that Palmer's trying to
spread."
Cap's
wry grin said he caught the irony as much as Johnny did. Mike's reputation would protect him, much as
Palmer's had back then. Only this time
it would protect the right guy.
"What
do we do, Cap?" Roy asked for him.
"Right
now I've got a bunch of reports to catch up on. You two have a log book to fill out. " He dropped the
pencil and spread his hands out, before clasping them and leaning forward in
his chair. "I...I'll make some
phone calls, and then we'll all see what Mike has to say when he wakes
up."
The
silent, unavoidable "if" that overrode Cap's hopeful "when"
filled the room for a second.
Stanley's chair squeaked when he moved, picking up the shattered pencil. Chewing on his lower lip, he stared at
Johnny, then took a deep breath.
"Gage...Johnny,
I hope...I hope that if you ever see anyone here doing anything that's
endangering the rest of the crew, you'd feel free to come to me and tell me
about it."
Johnny
grinned, weight lifting off his chest.
"Yeah, Cap. Not a
problem. I'm always willing to help you
keep Chet in line, you know that."
Stanley
snorted and Roy chuffed quietly.
Shaking his head, Cap pointed the pencil stub at Johnny. "Get out of here, ya twit, and let me
finish my reports. I'll keep you
posted," he added, when Johnny, his hands on the arms of the chair, ready
to push himself up, hesitated.
Cap's smile was slight, and he
shook his head. "Look, Gage, for
what it's worth I believe you. Just
give me some time to talk to a few people and figure out the best way to
approach this. Trust me, I don't want
my men in any more danger than they're already in. Bad enough we have to fight fires; we don't need our fellow
firefighters endangering us."
Standing,
Johnny returned Cap's grin, then followed Roy out of the room. Once again, he'd done what he could do and
it was in the hands of higher powers.
So why he couldn't shake the feeling that once again, he'd failed at
whatever it was he was supposed to have accomplished?
~*
E! *~
Smoldering fires are not easily extinguished...
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Smokey
the Bear pointed reproachfully at him as Johnny reached for the shirt he'd
slung in his locker yesterday morning.
He pulled the short-sleeved, yellow shirt out and closed the door just
far enough so the poster couldn't stare him down. The morning was heavy with a
weariness that spoke of nightlong battles against smoke and flames at
four alarm fires. Truth was their last
run had been a minor single car accident at midnight, and the engine crew had
been home in quarters before one a.m. They'd actually managed most of a night's
worth of sleep. The paramedics had
ridden with the inebriated driver into Rampart as a precaution, and then Johnny
and Roy had headed up to ICU, hoping for better news than they'd had
earlier.
They
should have known it was a vain hope, Johnny thought, retrieving his shoes from
the locker, ignoring the bear's accusing eyes as he automatically tapped
Smokey's nose before swinging the door shut.
They should have known better.
Reynolds
had already changed his clothes and left this morning, practically bolting from
the station. Johnny didn't blame him;
it was hard to be the replacement for a fallen man. The rest of A-shift was intent on their after-shift rituals. Five feet away, Chet gazed silently into his
locker, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. Seated on the bench just beyond him, Cutler stomped his feet into
his boots, looking sheepish when they all started at the noise. Roy grinned faintly back at him before turning
his back. Johnny just shook his head,
concentrating on getting his shoe on and not falling over. No, it wasn't physical weariness that
weighted their limbs with lead this morning, that had them ignoring each other,
as if held apart by some terrible secret they all shared. No, it was the last of their hope shriveling
in the harsh fact of morning, the grim realities of hospital ICU's and Do Not
Resuscitate orders signed by friends when the terrible need to invoke them was
simply a vague and smokey possibility.
Johnny
pulled his laces tight and tied them off before he switched feet. No matter how hard they tried to step softly
last night, his and Roy's footsteps had echoed in the silent hall leading to
ICU. He hadn't recognized the nurse
seated next to Rayna when they entered the waiting room in the wee hours of the
morning. An older, grey-haired woman,
she seemed calm and sympathetic enough.
But no matter how soft her voice had been in the morbidly quiet room, no
matter how solicitous her manner, the explanation of Do Not Resuscitate papers
could not be made gentle. Prayer beads
hanging limply from her hand, tears streaming down her face, Rayna had
nonetheless listened intently. Johnny
gave her credit for her half-choked enquiry about organ donation, but he
couldn't remember what the answer had been.
Slender fingers wrapped tightly around Rayna's free hand, Andrea Stanley
had leaned, gaunt and weary, against Rayna's other shoulder and it wasn't quite
clear who was holding whom up. Chief
McConnike had hovered in the background, his face grim and his uniform
wrinkled.
Roy
and Johnny hadn't stayed long; they'd made their way through the thinned and
much sobered group keeping vigil and headed back to quarters with the
news. Mike wasn't expected to live
through the night.
Johnny
tightened the loops on his shoe, then stood to do up the snaps on his
shirt. If Mike died, that would up
Palmer's toll to two dead, and two crippled--that they knew of. And despite his conversation with Cap
yesterday, Johnny's conscience still refused absolution. He tried to placate it with the promise that
powers higher up in the Fire Department would now take care of Palmer; Johnny's
part was done. If he had to testify at
a hearing in Mike's defense, he would.
He'd shout it to the four corners of the world, and he'd make sure Cesar
told his story too. Anything to get
Palmer out of the Department and away from the men he worked with.
Too
bad his conscience didn't think that mattered.
The
telephone jangled, muted by the closed door between the locker room and the
Captain's desk in the dorm. In the
midst of tucking in his shirt, Johnny froze, staring at his shiftmates. The phone shrilled again, but nobody moved
to grab it; no one wanted to be the one to have to break the bad news to the
others. The third ring cut off halfway
through, and there was almost but not quite a sigh of relief in the room. They'd put off the grief for a few minutes,
at best.
It
should have been funny a minute later when the locker room door swung open and
they all jumped, as if toys pulled by the same string. Should have been, but no one laughed. Dwyer's blond head poked through the
doorway. "Hey, you guys. It's Marco.
He wants to talk to somebody."
"Did
he say..." Roy started, but Dwyer shook his head.
"No,
he didn't, he just insisted that he needed to talk to you guys before you left
for the hospital. So somebody go talk
to him." One long finger pointed
to the door into the dorm.
For
a long second no one moved, and then Johnny sighed. His silence years ago made him responsible at least in part for
Mike's condition; he might as well bear the brunt of the matter now. The other three men followed him into the
dorm, Dwyer lingering in the locker room.
Roy slumped against the wall beside the table and studied the tops of
his shoes; Cutler sat on the foot of Cap's bed, his arms crossed tightly
against his chest. Chet went around the
brick half-wall that separated Cap's bunk from Mike's, as if to distance
himself from the coming news. Leaning
forward, his chin resting on his folded arms, he watched mournfully as Johnny
took a deep breath and then lifted the receiver.
"Hey,
Marco."
"He
made it, Johnny, he made it!" Marco's voice spilled excitedly from the
receiver.
"What?" Johnny was confused, his brain taking
precious seconds to switch gears from expected to actual news. He shared a confused look with Roy.
"What do you mean?"
"I
mean," Marco said, speaking slowly as if to an imbecile, "Mike made
it! He's breathing better and getting
more oxygen in his system, and his kidneys are working again. They think he's going to make it now!"
"Really?"
Johnny said, not fighting the slow grin his face insisted on. The other three men all straightened as he
asked to hear the good news again.
"He's doing better? Really
doing better?"
With
an exasperated sigh, Marco repeated himself, this time adding some medical
details it was clear he didn't quite understand. Johnny was too distracted to follow them entirely, something
about PEEPS and peak pressures and blood gases, but what he did follow was the
news that Mike had begun to improve, that doctors were now cautiously hopeful
instead of sadly pessimistic. Marco's voice
rose. "He'll be on the respirator
for a couple more days, and he'll probably be in ICU for a week, but he's
getting better, Johnny. He's going to
make it!"
Johnny
let the grin grow and he gave a thumbs up to his shiftmates. "He's going to make it," he
repeated and felt his own heart lighten with Chet's delighted laugh, and Roy's
pleased smile. Chet leaned forward to
exchange a high five with Cutler, and Roy ducked out of the room, muttering
about Captain Stanley. Johnny wasn't
sure how much of his own relief was for Mike in general and his own guilty
conscience in particular, but still, it was the news he'd been hoping--and
praying--for. Someone, his mother's
Spirits or Rayna's Goddess or maybe even Sister Tercella's Blessed Jesus, had
heard their prayers. Mike was going to
live. He'd have to dig the cigarettes
from his locker and send his own thanks skyward.
"That's
great, Marco, that's just great," he said.
"Yeah,
it is," Marco said. "Look,
Rosita and I are going to give Rayna a ride home, and Cap's wife is going to
head out, too. You guys, Captain
Stanley, we're all on his list for visitors, and Rayna," he paused, his
voice growing serious. "Rayna's
worried about Mike being here by himself."
It
was routine to sedate patients who were on a ventilator, to keep them from pulling
out the tube and injuring themselves.
Johnny knew all the medical reasons why Mike was most likely unaware of
any of the people who'd stood mournfully and hopefully beside his bed for those
brief ten minutes during each of the last eternal hours. But he also understood all too well Rayna's
fear. Years after Jeffrey's death, his
mother remained convinced that if, in her absence, one of her other children
had been allowed to sit with their brother, if she and his father had made it
to their small son's side before it was too late, Jeffrey's spirit, his wanagi,
would not have wandered so far from his physical body in its loneliness. For that reason, the Lakhota never left the
ill alone; mothers in any culture he was familiar with never abandoned their
dying children.
"Tell
her not to worry, we'll make sure someone's there for him."
"Sounds
good, amigo. I"ll see you here
later today, then."
"Yeah,
get some rest, Marco. We'll leave the
overnight shifts for you lazy dogs."
There was a snort in his ear.
"Hey,
I start training for dispatch next week.
I'm gonna be the one getting you guys out of bed in a month or
two."
Johnny
grinned. "Yeah, well, the only
good part of that is that we'll know you're up all night instead of sleeping
soundly like we are."
Marco
snorted in his ear, and then goodbyes were said. Johnny hung up the phone almost dazedly, jumping when Chet
slapped him on the back. Captain
Stanley burst through the locker room door, followed by Roy and most of
B-Shift. They all gathered about
Johnny, everyone animated by the news. Mike was going to be okay. Johnny could rest easy about his friend, and
as for Palmer, well, Captain Stanley would see to it that he was taken out of
the picture, if not immediately, then soon.
And maybe, just maybe a victory night celebration would be the ticket
that finally convinced Jenny to allow him into her bed.
Grinning,
Johnny turned to answer the excited queries his crewmates were throwing at him,
shutting the door firmly on his conscience.
~*E!*~
Failure to make a well-coordinated attack on a fire can permit
or allow the fire to gain headway and get out of control.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
"Oh,
come on Garvey, you should have caught that one!"
Stoker's
disgusted comment floated through the doorway of his hospital room just as
Johnny pushed it open. He walked past
the empty bed nearest the entrance and stopped next to the partially drawn
privacy curtain.
"Maybe
he had a bet riding on the score and has to throw the game to win," Johnny
said, grinning at the disgusted glare his comment netted him.
"Yeah,
and I could just remove you from the premises and make room for someone who
appreciates the finer points of the game, too," Mike growled.
Johnny
shook his head as he stood beside the bed.
"If
you want me to take that threat seriously you're gonna have to wear something
besides a pajama gown with air conditioned seating."
"Gage..."
Mike scowled at him, but the game pulled his attention away. "Oh, yeah, Forster, that's the way to
pitch the ball," he griped.
"Why don'cha hit him in the nuts next time!"
Johnny
laughed as the player on the small screen took his base. "I brought a bribe so you'd let me
stay," he said, when the commercial replaced the chorus of boos from the
Dodger fans. Stoker gave up on the
television screen long enough to stare suspiciously at the pink and brown
spotted bag Johnny set on the tray table in front of him. He made no move to open it.
"What
is it?"
Hands
on his hips, Johnny shook his head.
"What
does it look like, Stoker? Man, you are
getting suspicious in your old age."
Mike
gave him another sour look.
"One
too many visits to a helpless man from Chet Kelly have that effect on
you."
Johnny
grinned.
"Yeah? What'd he do this time?"
The
engineer shook his head, reaching for the bag.
"I'm
not telling, and if he ever says a word he's dead and he knows it. I have friends who will avenge me."
"Well,
how can we avenge you if we don't know what he did?" When that question brought no response,
Johnny tried again. "Aw, come on,
Mike," he pleaded, leaning forward with one hand on the bed, the other
tapping his chest. "This is me,
you're talking to. The Phantom's
favorite pigeon. Look, out of everyone
at the station I'll understand. What'd
he do? You know I can keep a
secret."
Stoker
looked up from inspecting the pint of ice cream he'd just pulled out of the
bag.
"Did
you really say what I think you just did?"
Johnny
glared and Stoker smirked as he continued his careful inspection of the carton.
"You're
too damned aggravating, Stoker, you know that?" Johnny pointed at Mike.
"Everyone thinks you're just Mr. Nice and Clean and never cause any
trouble, but you're just absolutely too damned aggravating." He grabbed
the carton and opened it, handing it back to the other man before pulling a
pink plastic spoon from the sack.
"Been
reading the covers of the ladies' magazines at the stores again--Hey,
strawberry cheesecake! Nice going,
Gage." Mike forbore to finish his
insult in favor of shoveling a large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. Johnny crumpled the sack and tossed it into
the garbage can next to the bed. The
television went back to the game, and Stoker's gaze gravitated back to the
screen while he dug into the ice cream.
"Yeah,
well, you're welcome," Johnny said, disgust coloring his voice. Many years of experience told him he wasn't
going to learn anything from the engineer.
Chet, however, was another matter.
Stoker's lips might be sealed with super glue, but Kelly could never
resist bragging about his exploits--no matter how afraid he might be of
Stoker's threatened revenge. One or two
free beers and Chet would tell anyone anything he knew about anybody.
Grinning
at his solution, Johnny pulled an empty chair over and settled back into
it. He put his feet up on the end of
Mike's bed.
"You
want your own bed, Gage?" Stoker asked, quietly. "There's an empty one down the hall."
"Nah,
there's an empty one right there, if I want it. Besides, who'd want to stay here? Even if you do get cute nurses, they keep poking you with needles
and they sure as heck won't let you sleep through the night."
Stoker
groaned and shivered. He concentrated
on loading the small pink spoon with far too much ice cream.
"That's
the truth. I think all nurses have to
pass Sadism 401 before they'll give them a license."
Johnny
laughed and shifted his feet on the yellow bedspread. Mike turned away from ice cream and baseball long enough to
glower at him.
"I
could just have Rayna put the evil eye on you--or on your feet. Not that you need any help tripping over
them, but..."
Johnny
grinned, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands behind his head.
"Like
that scares me, Stoker."
Mike
shrugged and licked the spoon.
"Scared
Chet. Not that he'd admit it, but it
did."
"Yeah,
but what else would you expect from Chester B?"
Mike
snickered and rescued a wandering drop of ice cream from his chin with the back
of his hand. He stared at it for a
second, then looked at Johnny before licking it off.
"You're
a desperate man, Mike."
"Two
weeks of hospital food will do that to you," was the retort from behind
the ice cream carton.
Johnny
laughed and removed his feet from the bed.
Bracing his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward. On the television, Steve Garvey caught Davey
Lopes' throw and tagged the base for the double play, and the teams switched
places. Johnny had never understood the
appeal of baseball. Why stand around in
a grassy field and wait forever for a little white ball to maybe come your way
when there were far more entertaining ways to spend your time?
"Thanks,"
Mike said a minute later, turning and dropping both empty carton and the spoon
into the garbage. "They tried to
tell me I had ice cream with supper last night, but I didn't see anything but
some left over haz-mat foam on my tray."
"When
are they springing you from this place?"
"Tomorrow,"
Mike said, relaxing back against the pillow.
He fumbled for the control switch beneath his covers and turned the
television volume down. "I can't
wait to get home and get back to work."
"When
you coming back?"
Mike
grinned. "As soon as I can. I'm not leaving my engine in the hands of
amateurs any longer than I absolutely have to."
Johnny
snorted. He'd never quite understood
the love affair between Mike and his engine.
If and when Roy ever did move on to be an engineer, Johnny couldn't see
his partner feeling the same passion for a hunk of metal that Mike did. And speaking of passion...
"Rayna,
she's okay with this? With you coming
back to work? I mean, she was pretty
scared there when you were so sick."
And it was your fault, his conscience whispered, but Johnny
pushed aside the lingering whisper. He
was here to make peace with that voice, if he could, but that didn't mean he
had to ruin the entire visit.
Mike
stared at Johnny blankly for a second, then shrugged. "It's what I do. She
knows that." He scratched at the
purple scar on his arm, just visible beneath the short sleeve of his hospital
gown.
"Must
be nice," Johnny said.
"Jenny's already hinting that I should find a safer job." Mike made a face, and then the two men
shared a grin. Yeah, like either of
them would give up firefighting for a woman.
Johnny sat back in his chair and pointed at Mike. "By the way, you lied about the
sympathy effect."
Mike
shrugged, his attention captured by the baseball game again.
"Maybe
she just doesn't want to give you any...sympathy. Or else she wants a license first. Lots of women do."
Johnny
stared at Mike. Roy had made that same
observation the last time he'd tried to talk to his partner about how stuck outside
the bedroom his relationship with Jenny seemed to be.
"You
really think so? I mean... this is
the 1980's. I just figured, well, you
know, the sexual revolution and all.
You know, no strings, no attachments, fun for everyone. Birth control takes care of any accidents;
no one's going to get stuck in a relationship.
Who needs to get married? I just
want to have some fun. And heck, most
of the other women I dated didn't mind, they enjoyed...uh.. Well, they enjoyed--" He smiled, but
Stoker was shaking his head, looking slightly panicked.
"Gage,
I really don't need the details on your dating life." Mike's gaze went back to the television; the
other team had managed to end the inning with the Dodgers unable to score.
"Damn, but that was a good play.
Now we're out again." He
sighed, then cast a glance at Johnny.
"Maybe you could let Chet have a chance with Jenny. She'd probably be grateful to come back to
you."
Johnny
opened and closed his mouth a couple of times.
He frowned as he thought that idea through, unappealing as it was. "You really think that would
work?" he finally asked.
Mike
shook his head.
"No,
actually I think the combination of you and then Chet would cure her from ever
dating a fireman again."
"Oh,
very funny, Stoker."
Mike
smiled and ignored Johnny's indignation in favor of watching the game
again. The pitcher threw the ball, the batter
didn't swing, the catcher threw the ball back to the pitcher. Big deal.
There had to be more important things in life. Like how Mike made scores with the girls when he, Johnny Gage,
obviously better looking and better date material, didn't.
"So
come on, Mike, how many times did you make it..." Johnny's voice trailed off and his eyes
narrowed as he stared at his friend.
Mike was suddenly very interested in the ball game, and while it
was hard to see in the sunlight warring with the florescent lighting of the
hospital, a faint red flush seemed to be covering the other man's face. Johnny did some fast thinking, compared his
results with certain details he knew about his friend's current relationship,
and laughed.
"Rayna!"
he crowed. "You were hurt in the
building collapse with Marco! You used
the sympathy effect on her!" Mike
was definitely blushing now, refusing to look at Johnny. Johnny sat back in his chair and
gloated. "Mike, Mike, Mike. Who would have guessed that you had it in
you? You sly old dog, you." He grinned even larger at his friend's
discomfiture. He pointed at Mike,
"So, now all I have to do--"
"Is
get yourself half-killed at a fire so your girl will finally sleep with
you! Oh, and don't forget being
responsible for your friend's career-ending injuries," Mike snapped,
forgoing the game to glare at Johnny.
His
mouth open, Johnny stared back, and knew by the warmth suffusing his face it
was his turn to blush. Fortunately his
darker complexion hid the emotion better than his friend's pale face. He crossed his arms tightly across his chest
and stared out the window instead.
The
late afternoon sunlight slowly faded from the room, and the baseball game
echoed in the uncomfortable silence.
Turning back to the Dodgers, Stoker appeared ready to sit in silence all
night; Johnny couldn't stand it that long.
He shifted in his seat, got up and stalked to the window to stare out at
the traffic crawling along Sepulveda.
He knew what he'd come here to do, and Stoker's...accusation? Comment?
Johnny knew the outburst wasn't directed at him, but it was entirely too
close to his own thoughts for comfort.
He'd known better than to hope it would be easy to apologize, but even
with the subject landing in his lap, Johnny wasn't sure how to start. After a second he turned around to find Mike
watching him.
When
in doubt, deflect.
Johnny
took a deep breath and came forward to stand next to the bed. "What exactly happened with Palmer,
Mike? I never did hear how it all went
down. What happened?"
Mike
rubbed one finger across the raised pattern of the bedspread, studied the bumps
in the gold material like they were the secrets of the universe, in
braille. Johnny had almost given up on
getting an answer when Mike shrugged and looked up at him.
"Just
like I told McConnike and Cap," he said.
"I was on the nozzle, Palmer was behind me. I was fighting him almost more than the
fire. He was holding the hose funny,
pulling on it, making it damn hard to keep the water on the beast." Mike reached up and rubbed his head,
scratched the scar again. "We
almost had the damn thing knocked down when he dropped the hose
completely. It nearly got away from me, but I held it, and
then I looked over my shoulder to check on him, make sure nothing was
wrong. The smoke had lifted; someone
had ventilated the roof, so I could see him pretty much. He was on his hands and knees, coughing,
hacking, and his air mask was off. I
yelled at him to put it on or get out, but he didn't seem to hear
me." Staring off into the corner
now, Mike wasn't really seeing Johnny.
"The idiot started crawling off, deeper into the building, closer
to the fire. I kept yelling at him to
come back, but he wouldn't listen, just kept going. So I shut off the hose to follow him, to try and get him out
before he got lost." Mike met
Johnny's eyes finally, but his grin was weak.
"Funny, he found his own way out and I was the one who got turned
around and lost in there."
"The
ceiling fell on you," Johnny said, and Mike shrugged.
"Dumb
luck, then, I guess."
He
turned his attention back to the game; someone had just scored, but Johnny
could tell that Mike didn't know which team it was either. Johnny waited a second, then took a deep
breath. Time to confess his own part in
all this...
"Mike..."
The
blue eyes regarded him steadily, Mike's face stoic.
"I...uh..."
Johnny grinned, weakly, then took the plunge.
"It's...it's my fault too, you see..." Johnny rubbed one hand on the gold coverlet,
then stuck it in his jeans pocket. Mike
was looking slightly confused. Johnny
took a deep breath. "See... there
was a fire... ten years ago... and Palmer... he did the same thing, he lost
control--Cap thinks he's got claustrophobia, gets it from the mask, and well...
he got two good men hurt that day, and then he wandered off. I...we were making
our way out and I found Palmer and brought him out too."
Mike
was frowning now, but at least Johnny could tell he had his full
attention. Another deep breath, and he
could finish what he'd come to say.
"Palmer
blamed Trujillo, and Fuller, our Captain, let him. But me and Trujillo, we both knew that Palmer was the one who'd
screwed up. It's just no one would
listen to us, on account of we were a probie and a rookie and we
were..." Johnny's voice faded
away, and he swallowed. Why share that
part of the decision again? "And
that's why Trujillo wouldn't work with him, and you got called
in...Palmer...he's gotten more men hurt, and at least one man killed. He can't handle being in the fire and he
freaks, and if I'd just left him there that first time there would be at least
four good men still fighting fires and you wouldn't be here now."
Mike's
frown was deeper, and he stared at Johnny for a long, tense minute. The TV volume went up, time for
commercials. Stoker irritably fumbled
for the remote and switched the television off, before turning back to
Johnny. The paramedic braced himself
for the rebuke. As he'd expected, it
was quiet. Mike had never needed to
raise his voice to make a point.
"Let
me get this straight. You're
apologizing to me because you rescued someone from a fire ten years ago? Not just someone, a fellow firefighter. A brother."
Johnny
nodded, then frowned as he tried to follow Mike's logic. Then he shook his head.
"No,
I'm apologizing to you because I'm the reason Palmer's still out there acting
like a firefighter and getting his brothers killed and injured. Including you."
Mike
sighed and gave Johnny a disgusted look.
"That's
not your fault, none of it is. You tried,
the brass wouldn't listen, and that's all you could do--" Mike raised his
voice as Johnny opened his mouth to protest.
"Come on, Gage, the Fire Department is one of the biggest old boy
networks around. You haven't got
connections, you can't get jack-shit done and you and I both know it. Incompetent men get promoted every year and
that's the way it goes down. Things are
getting better, but it's a long way from perfect, and with the right friends
you can still get your butt covered for just about anything."
Johnny
turned away, his lips tight. He hadn't
come here for absolution, he'd... wait a minute. How did Mike know so much?
He turned around and pointed at Mike.
"How'd
you--"
Mike
didn't have the grace to look ashamed.
"Cap told me. He came by
yesterday with McConnike to tell me the results of the inquiry. Look, Johnny, it's not your fault. You did what you could, and no man in this
department will blame you for backing off when they threatened your
career."
Johnny
ignored the forgiveness for the more important detail.
"Results? What results? What inquiry?"
Mike
scowled, and Johnny felt his stomach twist.
"They're
not letting Palmer blame anything on you, are they? 'Cause if they are I've got news for them--" Mike was shaking his head, and Johnny put
his hands on his hips. "Okay, so
what inquiry? And what results?"
Mike
sighed, and shifted restlessly in the bed.
"They're not blaming anyone.
Official report is that Palmer's regulator was messed up."
"What
about--" Johnny started but Mike cut him off.
"After
Palmer left I heard what sounded like someone calling for help, and went to
investigate." His voice was
bitter, and he refused to look up as he finished. "That's when the ceiling fell on me, and I was trapped and
ran out of air."
A
muffled page for Dr. Gutierrez floating through the hall was the only sound in
the room for a moment.
"And
what happens to Palmer?" Johnny asked quietly. The flash of fury across Mike's face was as strange as it was instantaneous. Johnny couldn't even be sure he saw it; now
his friend just looked...uncomfortable, like a bug that wasn't quite dead on a
pin.
"Look,
I wasn't supposed to tell you this. Any
of it. Cap was gonna--"
"What
happens to Palmer?" Johnny insisted, stepping forward and bracing his
hands on the bed. After a long second,
Mike sighed, giving in.
"He's
going to be transferred out of our battalion." The words fell into the silence between them, flat and ugly. Johnny waited a second, waited for the rest
of the sentence, for Palmer's just desserts to be added to the news, but Mike
said nothing. He just toyed with the
remote, staring out the window at the sunset.
Johnny leaned forward into his line of sight, forcing his friend to look
at him.
"That's
IT? Palmer gets transferred out of our
battalion and that's IT?"
With
obvious effort, Mike shrugged Johnny's incredulity away.
"They
said he's got less than two years to retirement. He's got connections--"
"Yeah,
yeah, connections in the department. I
know that, hell, I know that."
Johnny spun away, turned his back on his friend, tried vainly to stem
the flood of anger. He wasn't sure who
he was angrier with: Palmer, the Department that sheltered him in spite of
everything, Captain Stanley for failing the trust Johnny had placed in
him. Or Mike, for going along with this
farce. After a second he gave up and
just decided to be angry with all of them.
Whirling around, he pointed at Mike.
"Dammit, Mike, you nearly died!
They were explaining Do Not Resuscitate Orders to your
girlfriend!" Mike flinched and the
remote fell clattering to the floor,
but Johnny ignored both of them.
He wasn't done yet, not by a long shot.. "What the hell else do they want? MacAdams and Nelson were crippled, and Sullivan DID die! What else do they want?" He was yelling now, but he didn't care. Let the whole world hear; maybe they could
get something done then. "How many
more sacrifices before they'll believe the Indian and fire the asshole?"
Mike
slumped back against his pillows and shook his head. His gaze was bleak.
"They do believe you, Johnny, at least McConnike and Cap do. I do. Hell, I saw the man, he was totally and completely freaked. Out of control. That's why he's being transferred out of our Battalion. McConnike refused to go along with the
'results' Division wanted until they removed Palmer. But Palmer's father-in-law and his uncle and a couple of cousins
are high up brass in the department.
There wasn't anything else the Chief could do, without putting--"
"His
own career in the hopper, I know, I know." Johnny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Why had he expected the system to help him this
time, when it had failed him for the last ten years? But he had expected more of both Captain Stanley and Chief
McConnike, and their failure was hard to swallow.
"No." Mike's rejoinder was quiet, and it took a
moment to for the rebuttal to register.
When it did, Johnny opened his eyes and stared at his friend. Mike was quiet, indefinable emotion rippling
across his normally serene face.
"It was my career. My
decision."
His
mouth open, Johnny stared at Mike, but the engineer obviously found the blank
television screen more interesting.
Johnny had a sudden picture of his friend, books open before him at the
station, studying for the next exam on the career rung. Mike, out polishing the engine, checking the
gauges yet again, making sure that everything and anything were in their place.
Mike, helping out and taking charge at various rescues. The engineer's only goal in life beyond
firefighting was to be Captain, have his own crew. He'd started studying for that test the week before this accident
and everyone agreed he'd be a damn good Captain when he passed--not if. To have all that threatened, to maybe lose
everything he'd worked for when Mike himself hadn't done anything to merit the
action...it was a feeling that Johnny was all too familiar with.
He
took a breath, but Mike beat him to the punch.
He still wouldn't look at Johnny, and his voice was soft--sick. "It was the best deal I could get. Palmer transfers out; I don't say anything
about...I wasn't supposed to tell you or anyone what really happened. But I figured of all people, you had a right
to know." Under Johnny's scrutiny,
Mike's face had slowly flushed again, and it dawned on Johnny suddenly that the
expression on his friend's face the last few minutes was shame. He opened his mouth, but Mike wasn't
finished. "Cap was gonna talk to
you and Roy about all this tomorrow. If
he or anyone asks, what I just told you is exactly what happened. And if anyone makes waves, me, or you, or
Cap..."
Mike
didn't have to finish the comment, Johnny knew the threat all too well.
"They
can't do this..." Johnny said, but his voice trailed off and Mike's bleak
look said they both knew better. Yes,
they could, and did, and everyone knew it.
Captain Stanley had tried, McConnike had tried. They believed him and, in the end, they had
protected their own, made sure Mike's career was still on track, insisted
Palmer get moved out to where he was no longer a threat to the men they were
responsible for.
Johnny
bent over and retrieved the remote from under the bed, standing up and handing
it to Mike. The smile Mike tendered in
return was a pale reflection of his usual good humor, but they both
understood. Mike clicked the baseball
game back on, and Johnny watched for a bit, shaking his head as Mike tried to
explain the rational for bunts. At
least the Dodgers had a winning season this year.
A
few minutes later Johnny smiled and slapped Mike's shoulder as he said he
needed to meet Chet for a few beers.
Mike scowled at him, but Johnny grinned the threat away. He'd leave Mike to lose himself in the
baseball game, allow his friend to try to forget the deal he'd made to save his
career. He'd get over it, forgive
himself like Johnny had after his own run in with Palmer's magical Departmental
connections...eventually.
And
maybe it mattered that this time the good man had kept his job, didn't get
blamed for anything.
But
as the door closed behind him, muting the baseball game, Johnny realized that
maybe it didn't matter. Moving slowly
down the hall, dodging a harried looking nurse, stopping and waiting behind a
mother with a screaming four year old for the elevator, Johnny examined the
results of Mike's deal with the brass, and what it meant for him, and no one
else. The elevator door closed on the
screaming child, and Johnny waited a second before he hit the button for the
next car.
What
it all meant was that while Mike's career was back on track, Palmer was still
out there, still in someone else's battalion, still endangering other
firefighters. And Johnny's conscience
had just about had enough of being responsible for the man.
~*
E! *~
Firefighters should keep in mind that applying water to smoke
does not extinguish the fire...
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
"Here,
back here!"
Johnny
lifted the biophone and turned sideways to edge through the half open door,
taking care not to catch either the orange radio or the defibrillator on the
crockery haphazardly stacked beside the door.
Roy sidled in behind him, the trauma box held in front of him. As Johnny maneuvered between the laden
shelves on either side of the door, the trauma box banged into the
defibrillator which then hit Johnny's knee in a chain reaction.
"Ow!"
Johnny hissed, and Roy shrugged apologetically before the two continued into
the cluttered workshop. Waist-high
tables dusty with powdered residue and shards of pottery filled the center of
what once was a single-car garage.
Still more shelves loaded with ceramics and pots in various stages of
completion ranged around the edges of the room.
"Oh,
please hurry! We're back here,"
the voice called again, just as Johnny rounded the last worktable. In a small space about half the size of
Cap's office, a man lay crumpled before a large, silver kiln, its lid open and
several fired pots scattered on the table nearby. Her jeans and chambray shirt coated with white dust so they were
nearly the same snowy color as the man's hair, a slender, older woman cradled
his head in her lap. Pieces of
shattered china and a large splash pattern with the unmistakable look and smell
of split peas spread out from beneath an overturned tray to cover most of the
floor beside the pair.
Her
long, silvering hair tucked behind her ears, the woman gave a sharp sigh of
relief as Johnny and Roy's equipment thumped down beside her.
"Oh,
thank goodness! You certainly got here
quickly."
"Yes,
ma'am. We were just down the
street." Roy said, neglecting to
tell her they'd left most of two coney dogs with all the trimmings sitting on
the picnic table when the call came in.
He opened the trauma box and removed his stethoscope and the blood
pressure cuff. "How long ago did
he collapse, ma'am?"
She
blinked, and her eyes, large and violet-colored in the bright October sunlight
spilling into the room, grew even larger.
Trying to avoid the spattered soup, Johnny went down on one knee and
flipped open the catches on the biophone.
"Desmond? Oh, he only fainted a minute or so ago. I should have warned him, but I was looking
for a rag so I didn't hear him come in.
I caught him, but it's easier to sit down with him than try to
completely stop his fall." One
muddy hand came up to brush a stray hair from her face and she smiled at
them. "Nonna went to get the
smelling salts."
Nonna
must have been the dark-haired woman who had directed them back to the workshop
from the street. Johnny, the biophone
open and ready to transmit, exchanged a confused look with Roy, who just
shrugged.
"Does
he do this often, ma'am?" Roy asked, maneuvering between the kiln and the
unconscious man.
The
woman blinked, and then laughed. It was
a pleasant, sound, warm and welcoming, inviting them to join in her mirth. Her face crinkling into sunny lines and her
eyes sparkling, she said, "Oh,
no. No, no, he doesn't. And he's absolutely mortified every time he
does."
And
then she winked at Johnny. Grinning
back at her from where he knelt at the man's feet, Johnny decided that Desmond,
unconscious or not, was a lucky guy.
Roy,
pulling at one of Desmond's arms so he could put the blood pressure cuff around
it, looked like he couldn't make up his mind whether or not be confused with
the woman's lack of concern, or disgusted--at her and at Johnny's reaction to
her. His look said 'we're
professionals, do you mind?' But Johnny
had had lots of practice ignoring Roy when he got stuffy. Besides, with her happy spirit and all those
laugh lines, she was a lovely
woman. Far be it from Johnny to ignore
a pretty girl, no matter her age.
"Is
he epileptic, or is there some medical reason he faints, Mrs...?" Roy asked pointedly, finally getting the
blood pressure cuff set and pumping it up around Desmond's arm. Johnny shared another smile with the lady,
and shifted over to take a pulse. The warmth
spreading along his shin told him he hadn't been careful enough to avoid the
soup. Damn.
"Elaine,
dear. Just Elaine. And no, no medical reason. Just this." She moved her other hand beneath Desmond's head. Roy dropped the bulb and reached out to keep
the man's limp head from hitting the concrete floor. And then both paramedics stared at the hand Elaine held up,
wrapped in a rag the same indeterminate color as the unfired clay of her pots. Deep crimson blood soiled the cloth, the
stain on the makeshift bandage growing alarmingly even as Johnny scrambled to
help Elaine shift out from under Desmond's weight. Blinking as he settled her back against the leg of a nearby
worktable, she smiled beatifically.
"It's just the blood, you see.
Poor man can't stand the sight of blood."
An
hour later, Roy slipped the key into the ignition as Johnny slammed the
passenger door of the squad. Just
beyond them an ambulance backed in towards Rampart and the Emergency department
doors, the attending squad hanging back to allow the boxy vehicle room to
maneuver.
"Man,
can you believe Elaine? Sitting there,
taking care of Desmond when she was bleeding like that? That had to be murder on her hand." Johnny set the box of supplies on the seat
between them. "And him, just
fainting like that!"
Glancing
at Johnny, Roy started the engine and put a hand on the gear shift. He shrugged. "It happens. Some
people just can't take the sight of blood."
"Guess
not. And the bigger they are, the
harder they fall."
Roy
chuckled and Johnny grinned at his partner before pulling the call slips for
their last two runs out of his pocket.
"Mortified" had been a good term to describe Desmond's
reaction when he woke up just seconds after Johnny had unwrapped Elaine's hand
to reveal two neatly avulsed fingers, white bone glinting beneath the red blood
and shaved muscle. The pot that had
shattered in her hands and separated the flesh from bone lay in shards on the
table above her head.
"I
might have to go back and get one of those pots for Joanne for Christmas,
though," Roy said. "She had
some nice stuff there. Joanne likes
that stoneware look."
"Yeah?" Johnny made a last notation on the paper for
this run, then tossed the slip into the jockey box with the rest. "I didn't notice."
"That's
because you were too busy flirting with Elaine--and Nonna." Elaine's attractive, middle-aged niece had
returned with smelling salts just after Desmond woke up, then had escorted the
embarrassed man, his face lacking any color at all, from the room while the
paramedics worked on Elaine. Roy
glanced sideways at Johnny.
"They're both too old for you, you know. Besides, I think Elaine and Desmond are...attached."
Settling
back into the seat, Johnny grinned at his partner. Laying one hand on his chest for emphasis, he asked, "Age is
a matter of mind, Pally. And can I help
it if women just naturally recognize superior breeding, no matter how old they
are?"
"You're
unbelievable." Roy shook his head
and concentrated on starting the Dodge.
He waited for Squad 16 to finish backing in before putting their own
vehicle in gear and pulling away from Rampart.
Johnny started to wave at the driver of the other squad, then realized
that it was Craig Brice. The other
paramedic ignored his half-completed greeting entirely, and Johnny muttered,
"Cezacikala." He
grinned as Roy accelerated out of the parking bay, leaving a frowning Brice in
their wake. Yeah, that was as good a
word for Brice as any.
Johnny
spent the next few minutes reviewing his store of swear words and nasty names,
Lakhota and otherwise, just to see how many of them could be used to describe
the anal-retentive paramedic from Squad 16.
A satisfyingly large number of them did work.
"You
calling Brice names again?" came Roy's quiet question as he came to a stop
for a red light.
"Who,
me? Now would I do something like
that?" Johnny asked, knowing his
partner wouldn't come close to buying the innocent act.
"Yes,
you," Roy responded. "And
yes, you would." Before Johnny
could come up with a suitable retort, Roy evidently decided that a change of
subject would be in order. "You
know, Joanne still hasn't found a babysitter for Mike's party."
"Geez,
Roy, that's only four days away. You'd
better get a move on. What about
Cap--"
"The
last time we let Brad babysit we had to call Roto Rooter before we could use
any of the toilets again. Cindy still
has nightmares about decapitated Barbies."
"And
none of your neighbors--?"
Roy
shook his head, and opened one hand helplessly. "Do you know how hard it
is to get a teenager to babysit on Halloween?
They've all got better things to do on Halloween than ride herd on
little kids."
"Well,
Mike did say you could bring Chris and Cindy, if you wanted to."
"Johnny,
the idea is for Joanne and I to have a little fun, not spend the entire evening
trying to keep the kids out of the spiked cider."
Johnny
snorted. "Yeah, I can see where
that would put a damper on the festivities."
Roy
sighed, then hit the turn signal.
"Between my work schedule and the Cub Scouts, Brownies, peewee
football and the PTA, it's been a long time since Joanne and I went out on a
date. Too long, if you get my
drift."
"Yeah,
well they don't call it the old ball and chain for nothing, Roy."
Roy
scowled at his partner, but didn't deny the sentiment. He shook his head, made the turn after the
car behind them hit their horn.
"Worst of it all is Joanne's so desperate for a night out she's
thinking about calling her mother to come down and watch the kids."
There
was dead silence in the cab for a moment.
"Her
mother? As in your
mother-in-law?"Johnny asked incredulously.
Roy
nodded miserably.
"Yeah." He took a deep
breath. "The good news would be
Joanne and I could stay out all night if she came down. All night."
Johnny
stared. His partner looked positively
blissful at that thought. Time to
remind him of what the true state of affairs would be if his harridan of a
mother-in-law came to stay.
"Yeah,
but the bad news would be that she would be there when you got home in the
morning, pally."
Another
deep sigh. "Yeah."
After
a second Johnny shook his head and turned away from his partner's misery. "Sounds like a real drag, pal. You're damned if you and damned if you
don't. You know, there are good
reasons my mother's people have a taboo against speaking to your mother in
law--or her speaking to you."
Roy
shook his head wearily.
"Must
be nice." He slowed the squad,
steering around a delivery van taking up most of one lane in the road. After a few moment's silence, he asked,
"So, you taking Jenny to the party?"
Now
it was Johnny's turn to scowl.
"No," he replied staring out the window.
"No?"
Roy asked.
Johnny
didn't answer immediately. He slouched
in the seat, drumming his fingers on the metal door. After a second, he turned to Roy.
"I
broke up with her last night.."
"You
broke up with her? You did?"
"Well,
yeah, I did. Me, myself and I. I could not take another evening spent over
at her sister's house, watching TV! That
girl was not happy unless we were going somewhere or spending time with someone
else. All we ever did was go out here
and go out there--Oh, and in addition to making me watch TV at her sister's,
she dragged me over to her parent's house for dinner at least four times in the
last three weeks! Four times, Roy, four
times! Never any time at home, never
any time alone. And then last night,
when I asked her why we couldn't watch TV at my place, or her place, she said
she didn't trust me! Me!"
Johnny
paused, staring closely at Roy to be sure his partner wasn't laughing. Roy paid very close attention to his driving
for a moment, then looked over at Johnny and shook his head.
"Sounds
like a real drag," he said.
Enjoying the relief of venting at least some of his frustration
concerning his relationship with Jenny, Johnny ignored the uncharacteristic use
of slang by his partner.
"Yeah,
well, that was the last straw. I mean,
three months...no, four! Almost four
months we've been dating and she never... she just...she wouldn't...well, you
know," he finished, lamely. He
looked over to see if Roy did indeed, know, and was satisfied with his
partner's sympathetic nod. Johnny
turned to the passing landscape of fields and manufacturing plants. "Roy, as stubborn as that girl, as
stubborn as Jenny was, I think she'd have strung me along until--"
"Until
the wedding?" Roy asked, smiling slightly as he steered the squad across
the road, preparing to back it into the Station.
"Well,
yeah--except I didn't want any wedding!
And no mother-in-law!" He
pointed at Roy to be sure he made his point, and was rewarded with another
slight smile. Satisfied, he waved a
hand in the air. "I just wanted to
go on a few dates and have some fun, maybe...you know! You know what I wanted!"
Roy
nodded again as he concentrated on backing up into the vehicle bay. The engine was in its usual place and Mike,
polishing the rear side with a rag, stepped back out of the way until Roy came
to a stop. Roy killed the engine and
stepped out, and Mike returned to his work.
His frustration with Jenny fluttering away, Johnny sat, watching Mike
through the side mirror. In the two
months since the engineer had been back with A-shift, Johnny's conscience had
almost quit reminding him that he was at least partially responsible for the
incident that had nearly killed him.
Almost quit.
Johnny shrugged and twitched the accusing whisper away as he got out of
the squad. He kept his back to Mike
while he collected the run slips for the day from the jockey box, and by the
time he'd gotten them all together Mike had made his way to the other side of
the engine and Johnny could escape to the day room without facing either the
engineer or his own condemning conscience.
The
tones didn't go off again until after eight o'clock that evening. Johnny had finished the dishes, and Mike was
up two pawns and a knight on Bobby Cutler.
Roy and Cap sat at the table opposite the chess game, going over the log
book. Henry was ignoring Chet's
attempts to coax him off the couch with a leftover piece of Mike's fried
chicken.
Everyone
stopped and listened as the tones went off, going on and on. They finished, and Marco's voice floated out
of the speaker, calling engines and stations to a fire on the other side of their
district.
"Wow,
that's gonna be a big one," Bobby commented. Mike nodded, as he took a rook and Bobby swore softly.
Cap
shut the logbook with a snap. "And
it probably means we'll be busy covering their territory for the night. Good thing it's been a slow day."
There
were nods and agreement, and Johnny wiped down the counter before he wrung out
the rag and started looking for a twist tie for the garbage. Half an hour later Roy was taking Mike on at
the chessboard, Bobby offering advice over his shoulder. Chet was dozing beneath both Henry and an
engineer's study manual on the couch, and Cap had disappeared into his
office. Johnny put the lid on the
coffee pot and set it carefully on the stove as the tones went off for the
third time since the first alarm. This
time the sound was familiar, and in less than five seconds the room was empty.
~*
E! *~
Consideration must be given to which extinguishing agents are
effective...
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Johnny
Gage was in hell. Behind him, the
narrow doorway glowed faintly, emergency beacons flashing by in red and yellow
and white intervals. But, muddied by
the escaping smoke, light and sirens couldn't penetrate the darkness with any
believability. Crawling into that
darkness, Johnny's consuming thought
was that he wanted to push his face mask up and scratch his nose. He concentrated instead on progressing down
the dark hall toward the fire, on ignoring the creaking, groaning walls and ceiling,
the lukewarm water filling his gloves, soaking his knees. Sweat dripped from beneath his hatband,
poured from under his arms.
In
the half hour since 51 had responded to the third alarm, the paramedics had
failed to rescue two unlucky janitors and treated a few minor burns and smoke
inhalation cases amongst the fire crews who'd been battling the blaze. Part of the first alarm assignment, a weary
and sooty Brice and Bellingham had been content to escort the few injured to
Rampart. That had left only Johnny and
Roy to answer when Battalion called for a search and rescue. The Chief had lost contact with one of their
hose crews, and wanted them found before they pulled everyone out and settled
into a surround and drown. Pulling
their air masks on, the paramedics ran toward the building; the point spread
was two-nothing in favor of the conflagration, and they had a score to settle.
Another
minute, a few more feet crawled down the long, blackened hall. His air bottle was dead weight on his back,
dead weight without which he'd soon be dead in the toxic fumes so innocently
labeled "smoke." One of the first things a probie learned was to only
expect twenty to twenty-five minutes of air from his SCBA, not the thirty
minutes supposedly provided. Breathing hard
and fighting panic as well as fire took its toll on many things. Could they get in, find the missing men, and
get out in that time?
Small
sounds and scuffles behind Johnny said Roy was at his heels. But those small sounds were soon lost in the
greater, larger roar of the uncontained fire ahead of them. Fifty feet in front of Johnny the fire
raged, unsatisfied with all it had fed on so far. Devouring wood and plaster and anything else in its path, the
monster consumed the century-old office building from the inside out. Roaring, perhaps in pain, it reared up and
threw flame and viscous smoke at the firefighters kneeling before it. Water from their myriad hoses sprayed up and
out, a lethal sacrifice seeking the fire's heart. The moisture that survived the heat collected on the cement
flooring before making its escape.
Johnny and Roy crawled through the small flood, dark water reflecting
the flames beneath them.
But
this beast was a long way from mortally wounded, and for now the battle was going
badly for the LA County Fire Department.
It
was a small eternity of sweat in his eyes and the stale, enclosed smell and
taste of his SCBA mask. At last Johnny
reached a point just in front of the encroaching flames, the narrow hall held
by a small group of desperate firefighters.
He touched the nearest man's back, and didn't recognize the face behind
the flickering reflection when the mask turned toward him. The third alarm must have called in more
units from another Division.
"Where--"
he started to yell, and the other firefighter took a hand from the hose and
waved to his right. Johnny followed his
motion, and stared at an adjoining hallway.
The yawning entrance half hidden in the smoke, the orange glow of flames
illuminated beams and ceiling joists fallen like pickup sticks across the
opening. A single fire hose snaked
through the debris and disappeared beneath the debris. Smoke oozed out along the ceiling to join the
fumes seeking an exit in the outer passageway held by the firefighters.
Johnny
nodded. "How far?" he
yelled.
The
only response was a shake of a head, the man's attention already on the slight
shift of firefighters in front of him.
Flames were licking up the walls and starting to roll on the ceiling
above them. The unknown fireman sidled
sideways a step or two with his crew, picking up the hose and humping it with
him as they fought to block the enemy's advance, to give Johnny and Roy time
for their search and rescue.
Movement
behind Johnny translated into Roy, crawling up next to him. Johnny pointed at the side hallway. His partner's nod was grim as both men moved
forward, leaving the other men to hold the exit open for them. Johnny glanced back as Roy edged through the
tangled mass in front of them. His
unknown informant was looking over his shoulder, and this time Johnny didn't
need to hear to know what the message was.
Hurry, the man's eyes said, before turning back to the
beast that was slowly, but surely, advancing on their position.
Following
the hose, Johnny and Roy crawled through the maze of posts, joists, crumbled
masonry, insulation, all the things that create the heart of a building. Easing between two fallen beams and past a
closed door; Johnny laid a hand on the wood.
The heat emanating from behind it only added to the urgency of their
quest.
Ducking
beneath one more beam and clambering over two, they found themselves in a
relatively clear area of the hall. They
hesitated at the edge of the space while Johnny shone his flashlight down the
hall. Small, scattered pieces of
building material, the lone hose, and its attendant trail of water were
revealed in the swirling beam of light.
Twenty feet further down, the canvas hose bent and disappeared around a
corner. Smoke drifted in from the
adjoining corridor, growing thicker and following the drafts already seeking
the ventilation holes cut by firefighters.
"Let's
hope that's all the further they got," Roy shouted. "Those guys behind us aren't going to
be able to hold out much longer."
Johnny
nodded. It wasn't easy to hurry when
the only gait was a duck-walk, but the paramedics made their way down the hall,
Johnny's light flashing over debris and smoke and water. Roy reached the turn and was just about to
start climbing through the mess in the branching corridor when something caught
the edge of Johnny's light. He grabbed
Roy's arm.
"There!"
Again,
the face behind the SCBA mask was one Johnny didn't recognize. The firefighter sprawled just beyond the intersection
of the corridors, his helmet askew and one leg bent grotesquely. It took seconds to lift the debris that
pinned him. Kneeling in the water that
covered the concrete floor, Johnny pulled off one soaking glove.
"He's
breathing, and his pulse is steady," he announced, seconds later. Roy, examining the broken leg, nodded, and
they shared a moment of relief. One man
found, two more to go. "That leg
looks nasty," Johnny said.
"You wanna stay here and I'll go find the other two?"
Roy
nodded, pulling the handy-talky from his turnout coat as Johnny returned to the
search. He tuned out Roy's request for
help, focused instead on the ruined material
blocking the passageway ahead of him.
The man they'd found must have been the last man on the hose; the other
two men should be just a bit further down the hall, if they were lucky.
He
began crawling, wiggling his way further into the tangled debris, his light
bouncing off walls and two by fours before being absorbed by the smoke above
him. Johnny tried not to think about
what the smoke hid, about the half burnt flooring above his head and
surrounding him. There were no weakened
joints where the floor joists met wall.
The fire was not still burning through the cavities between the floors,
loosening more wood and tile and plaster...
About
seven or eight feet in, he heard a strange, thumping noise. His left arm was suddenly wet to the elbow.
"What
the--" he started, and then his flashlight revealed the canvas hose,
trapped beneath criss-crossing beams.
Water gushed from the open nozzle.
Johnny frowned. The men must
have still had the hose open when they were knocked down by the ceiling
collapse. That meant that both of the
other men on the hose should be nearby.
But
a careful search of the rubble near him revealed no more turn-out clad
figures. Leaving the hose to its
impotent spray, Johnny made his way further into the debris. The growing orange glow gradually eliminated
the need for his flashlight. He was
calculating that he'd probably crawled about twenty feet further down the hall
when movement caught his eye. This time
a hand came up in reflex when his light flashed across the firefighter's face
mask.
Seconds
later, Johnny knelt beside the man.
"Take it easy, we're gonna get you out. Can you tell me where you're hurt?" The roaring fire in the room beyond rendered
Johnny's queries almost inaudible. He
set his light down, and studied the charred posts pinning the other man's legs
to the floor.
The
firefighter, 149 barely visible on his skunk-striped helmet, shook his head and
grabbed for Johnny's shoulder. Johnny
shrugged him off, already focused on the one piece of rubble he'd need to move
to free the man.
"Okay,
I'm going to move this timber here. Can
you pull yourself out when I do?"
The
other man nodded. Johnny gathered
himself and lifted, holding the post while the firefighter rolled laboriously
to his stomach and pulled himself free with one arm. Dropping his burden, Johnny scooted over to where the man lay
panting, an arm tucked tight against his ribs.
Pulling one glove off with his teeth, Johnny did a quick check of the
man's arms and legs. The arm braced
against his chest told most of the story; nothing else seemed to be broken. As Johnny finished his examination, the
firefighter grabbed his hand, shaking his head when their eyes met.
"Down
there!" The face mask muffled the
man's cry; the fire roared over it. He
dropped Johnny's hand to point down the hallway. "Couldn't get...down there!"
"Your
other man? He's down there?"
This
time the firefighter nodded, gasping and clutching tightly at his side before
shifting and trying to sit up. Johnny
reached out to assist him, settling him carefully back against an upraised
piece of sheetrock.
"Take
it easy, now, just take it easy. I'll
get you out of here and then we'll come back--"
The
firefighter shook his head again.
"No
time...turned around, I followed....come back, but...didn't hear. Ceiling came
down...get him..." The last plea
trailed off into a whisper, and the firefighter hunched forward, arm still held
tightly against his ribs. "...'m
fine, get...get him..."
Pulling
his glove back on, Johnny frowned at the firefighter. Glancing down the hall to where the other man had pointed, he
realized the captain was right. They
were running out of time. If Johnny was
going to have a chance to save the other man, he needed to go now.
"Can
you get out on your own?"
A
nod, another cough, and the man shifted forward, gathering his legs beneath him
and his strength for the trip. Johnny
put a hand beneath his elbow, and helped get up on his heels. Squatting beside the man, he checked his air
tank. Fifteen minutes left; they must
have barely opened up with their hose before all hell broke loose around them.
"Okay,
my partner's back that way with your other man. He's waiting for the help we called in. You go ahead and start, and we'll be right behind you,
okay?"
Another
nod, and the man moved back the way Johnny had come. He made it over the first obstacle, using the wall as leverage to
keep himself from falling over. Johnny
wasn't certain how far the man would get on his own, but at least he could get
somewhere. Hopefully help would meet
him on the way, and they would get him out before Johnny had to cope with two
injured men.
Once
he was certain the firefighter was actually making progress through the twisted
mess, Johnny turned to examine the rubble in front of him. Large chunks of plaster and sheetrock were
cracked over trusses and two by fours.
Paint was bubbling and boiling on the walls of the hallway; flames
licked out from a room just beyond the collapsed section of ceiling. Dark smoke billowed out with the fire into
the corridor, rising through the breach in the ceiling and masking the fire's
efforts there.
They
were all running out of time.
Johnny
climbed carefully through the jumble of building material, stopping to lift
pieces here and there, digging down as quickly as he could to shine his light
into the voids, trying to be certain he was seeing the floor before he moved
on. A large truss slipped and cracked
beneath him, and Johnny barely caught himself before he landed astraddle. Heaving a deep sigh of relief, he leaned
over and retrieved his flashlight. The
beam of light swung crazily and caught something. Johnny held his light still and stared. Turnout pants and most of one boot. protruded from beneath
several pieces of broken sheetrock and older plaster and lathe
construction.
Scrambling
over the tangled wreckage, Johnny his best to ignore the orange flames that had
leaped from their doorway and were now caressing the walls just ahead of where
the trapped firefighter lay. He wormed
his way under the sheet rock next to the man's leg, shone the light down the
void, and froze.
Eddie
Palmer, his SCBA gear tangled beneath his chin, lay unconscious beneath the
rubble.
Seconds
later, training took over, Johnny wriggled in far enough that he could reach
Palmer's hand. There was a pulse, faint
and slow. He froze in place as Palmer
coughed and wheezed, but the other man's eyes never opened. Blood trickled down his forehead, and a
livid bruise marked his face. A large
piece of plaster was crumpled over him, hiding all but his face, arm and foot
from Johnny's view.
His
stomach in knots, Johnny backed out of the void. Flames had jumped further out into the hall, rolling across the
ceiling toward his position. He moved
one beam, threw some plaster out of the way.
Made a half-hearted attempt to shift another beam off of the pile above
Palmer, then stopped. He stared at the
fire for another moment, then looked back over his shoulder.
No
one was there to assist him; there was no sign of the man he'd sent out to make
his way toward help. Palmer was his
responsibility, and his alone.
Something
sharp and hot was digging into his knee, and the inside of his turnouts were
clammy and sticky. The outside of his
coat steamed in the heat, and he had a wrinkle in one wet sock that was
probably going to leave a quarter sized blister. Heat from the fire buffeted and pulled at him, but still, Johnny
stared. His conscience screamed at him,
his rescue instincts screamed at him, and he just squatted there, staring.
Staring
back into the past, Johnny saw Fuller's limp body, Cesar's broken arm, Cesar's
face a month after he'd been transferred out of 31s. Nelson sat in a wheelchair, baseball glove cradled in his
lap. Then Sullivan's funeral, the
bright red line of fire trucks interspersed with firefighters from the entire
county, and across the state, their blue uniforms dark accents of sorrow in the
procession. Many, like Johnny, had
hardly known the man, but came to honor the fallen brother at his funeral none
the less.
He
saw Cap, haggard with worry and grief, his shoulders slumped and weary under
the responsibility of two of his men almost killed in the line of duty in less
than six months. Roy and Joanne,
wrapped in each other's arms and their fear.
Mike's girlfriend, his lover, her face pinched and red with sorrow, her
body sagging with the possibility of his death. Mike, lying too still under the respirator and then flushed with
shame as he confessed the depths to which he'd sink to keep his job.
And
Johnny's own face stared back at him, the hollow anger he'd felt when Fuller
refused to listen to him, his impotent rage at both the LA County Fire
Department and his willingness to sacrifice Cesar for his own career, the sick
disappointment in himself that it had taken years to live beyond.
But
he'd chosen to save Palmer, all those years ago. His hesitation then had been brief, minute, born more of anger
than ill-will. There had been no
thought that he wouldn't at least try.
"Shit!" Taking a deep breath, Johnny shoved the second
beam aside and began pulling at the broken plaster. It came apart in his hands; he lofted the chunks behind him as he
worked, racing the fire and the creaking, groaning building. Paint on the wall beside him was blistering,
heated bubbles multiplying down the wall.
Breathing hard, Johnny sat back on his heels and released the two by
four he'd been attempting to jiggle loose.
Oily orange flames mixed with fiery black smoke above his head as the
fire rolled on, lapping at the edges of the debris above Palmer, reaching out
for Johnny.
The
decision to save Palmer last time had been easy. But for what? The men
Palmer had worked with for the last ten years had been paying for Johnny's
decision ever since. Now there were two
more to add to Cesar's list of injured, crippled and dead, to Palmer's tab, and
by fiat, Johnny's. If he included Mike,
that was three men injured in three months.
All because they had the unlucky draw of Palmer on the hoses with
them. Mike had said Palmer had two
years to go until retirement. If Johnny
pulled Palmer out, again, how many more brothers would be sacrificed in that
two years? How many more brothers would
be on Johnny's conscience?
How many more?
When
Johnny crawled out of the debris into the other hall minutes later, Chet and
Cutler were just leaving, the firefighter with the broken leg draped limply
between them. Crawling and waddling
through the obstacle field of smoke and debris, they carried their burden
carefully through the rubble. They all
knew there was no guarantee yet any of them would make it out of the belly of
this beast alive. But they had to try,
and Johnny loved them for it.
Kneeling
by the wall, Roy knotted a grimy bandage, strapping the other injured
firefighter's arm tightly to his chest.
The skunk-striped helmet lay on the floor, and the man's hand lifted
toward Johnny. There was resounding
crash as yet more of the interior of the building collapsed behind him. He met Roy's gaze bleakly, before scrambling
over to kneel by the Captain's side and grasp his hand.
The
answer to the question was one, the final one, but he couldn't ever tell
anybody else that. Johnny took a deep
breath, and steeled himself to meet the man's eyes.
"I'm
sorry, I couldn't find him."
~*
E! *~
Performing proper salvage and overhaul is one of the most
effective means of building goodwill within the community.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
The
morning light softened to pearl by a layer of marine clouds, its grey light
reflected the somber mood in the locker room.
Traffic hummed by on either side of the station, the noise drawn in
through the bay doors B-shift had left open when they rolled on their first run
of the shift. But the noise was muted
by the pall that cut off the normal give and take between the men, the banter
over how they'd spend their days off, the discussion about Mike's party later
this week, razzing about dates made and lost.
Death in the line of duty was something they acknowledged, but,
superstitious as firefighters were, no one liked to talk about it at the
station.
However,
Johnny had the distinct feeling that the quiet in the locker room this morning
was more for the idea of a firefighter dying in the line of duty, rather
than news of this particular firefighter's death.
A
fire department grapevine was the fastest news service in any town. Johnny didn't know who had told Cap last
night that the man he "couldn't find" was Eddie Palmer, but he knew
Chet was the one who'd blabbed it to the entire A-shift crew. Still toweling his hair dry, Johnny had
walked into the suddenly quiet day room, and looked up to find everyone staring
at him. His heart had leaped into his
throat, fearing that they knew the decision he'd had to make. The fear wasn't quite dispelled, even after
Cap had hesitantly told him the news.
No
one had asked if he'd known who it was he left behind; hopefully they'd
misinterpreted his quiet reaction to the news as stunned indication he
hadn't. His knees weak and unwilling to
lie any more than he had to to his crewmates, Johnny had simply walked out of
the room and left his comrades to whatever their assumptions might have been.
And
he was hardly off the hook yet. Eddie
Palmer's body had been pulled from the steaming and blackened rubble just an
hour before the shift change. Palmer's
death in battle meant he would receive a large, department-orchestrated
funeral, a procession of fire trucks and uniformed personnel, and flags at half
mast throughout Los Angeles County.
There would be an official wake, a flag would be presented to Palmer's
family, and just a general big to-do would be made. Unless he was on duty, Johnny would be expected to attend some if
not all the events.
Maybe
he could schedule some overtime this week, start making up the money he still
owed Ina, pad his down payment account a little more. Johnny glanced over at Mike, buttoning up
one of those plaid shirts of which he seemed to have an endless supply. Would the engineer be seeking overtime this
week as well? Disability pay wasn't going
to cover everything a month's lost wages would have.
Lost
in his reverie, Johnny was startled when Chet slammed his locker door. Everyone in the room focused on the short
firefighter. Jacket over one shoulder,
Chet tossed his keys up and caught them in one hand. Eyebrows waggling up and down, he smirked at Johnny.
"So,
Gage. When are you going to give me
Jenny's phone number? I'm sure by now
she's tired of hanging out with a sorry excuse for a firefighter like
you."
Chet's
grin was as obnoxious as ever, but he'd effectively broken the pall that held
the room. His uniform shirt unbuttoned
and half pulled out of his pants, Johnny stared at Chet open-mouthed for a
second, before he got his thoughts to switch gears.
"I
don't think so--" he started, but Mike interrupted.
"Here." The engineer pulled a pink slip of paper out
of his locker and held it out. Chet
grabbed the note before Johnny could ascertain anything other than it was another
phone number, written in what looked like the same, loopy feminine hand as the
note Mike had given him several months ago.
"Hey!"
he objected, frowning at Mike.
"What do you think you--"
"Stow
it, Gage," Kelly said, making a big show of reading the number and then
putting it safely in his wallet.
"I have it on good authority that you broke up with Jenny, and I
need a date for Mike's party."
His
mouth open, Johnny turned to glare at Roy, who was absolutely engrossed in
folding dirty uniform shirts into his bag.
He at least had the grace to look embarrassed. Johnny then directed his ire at Mike, who simply shrugged,
nonplussed. Johnny stared between them,
stung by the betrayal--and ignoring Chet, whose gloating grin was more
insufferable by the second.
"Mi--"
Johnny tried again, sure that he would never live this one down, but once again
Chet interrupted his objection.
"Just
goes to show that any girl Gage can't keep, I can catch," Chet said,
slapping Johnny on the arm before heading for the door. Cutler chuckled, shutting his locker and
following Chet out of the room.
Before
the door could swing shut, Mike called after Chet. "Hey, Kelly! That's
her work number! Tell them who you are
and ask for Jenny!"
Chet
stuck an arm back through the doorway and waved his understanding. Then he and Cutler disappeared into the
empty vehicle bay, Chet cheerfully whistling "Bolero."
Johnny,
on the other hand, was fuming. Pulling
his uniform shirt off and throwing it at the bench, he scowled at both
men. "I can't believe you two! I cannot believe you! Roy, why did you have to tell him I broke up
with her? And you, Mike!" Johnny shook his finger angrily at the engineer. "Where do you get off, giving Chet
Jenny's phone number like that? You
should have at least had the courtesy
to as--what's so funny?" Johnny
demanded as Mike sat abruptly on the bench, his shoulders shaking as he
dissolved into silent laugher. Johnny
spun around and found Roy, his ears red, looking about as embarrassed as Johnny
had ever seen him. First Johnny checked
his feet, then looked down his back as best he could, trying to be sure there
wasn't any toilet paper or anything else incriminating hanging from his shoes
or his pants. Satisfied, he turned to
his friends, put his hands on his hips and glared at both men.
"Will
one of you two please tell me what the hell is going on?"
Still
smiling, Mike stood and reached into his locker, pulling out his wallet and
keys. Pocketing those, he pulled out
his gym bag and set it on the bench.
"Don't
worry, Johnny," Mike chuckled, retrieving the blue shirt he'd just
discarded from the floor. "I
didn't give Chet Jenny Caraveggio's work number."
Johnny
frowned in confusion, then looked at his partner for clarification. Roy shook his head and smiled thinly.
"He
gave Chet another phone number, for a different Jenny. This one's a..." Roy hesitated, and met
Mike's eyes for a second, before finishing, "working girl." His ears were purple.
"Escort,"
Mike clarified, still grinning. He
folded his uniform carefully into the bag at his feet. "The service she works for will make
the date with Chet, then get his credit card number and charge him $100 before
she'll go anywhere with him."
Agog,
Johnny stared at his friends.
"ONE
HUNDRED dollars?" Johnny rubbed a
hand over his face while he considered the idea of how much that would sting
his already tight budget. Shaking his
head, he stared at Mike. "A
hundred dollars?"
Mike
nodded, a satisfied smirk on his normally stoic face.
His
anger at Mike's duplicity gone as quickly as it had arisen, Johnny stepped over
and jabbed a finger at Mike.
"You're telling me you set up a date for Chester B that's gonna
cost him a hundred dollars?"
Decidedly unrepentant, Mike nodded again, and Johnny stared at him in
disbelief for a moment. Leaning an
elbow against the locker next to Mike's, Johnny rubbed his chin as he thought
about the idea. "That's an awful
lot of money! I mean... okay, it is
Chester B.," Johnny waved a hand in acknowledgment of that fact and leaned
towards Mike. "But don't you think
a hundred dollars is just a bit harsh?"
Behind
Gage, Roy looked uncertain, but Mike shook his head. He shut his locker and glared at Johnny.
"Consider
it Chet's just deserts." Grabbing his
gym bag, Mike took a step away from the lockers, but Johnny grabbed his
arms. He stared at the engineer for a
minute, then grinned.
"Wait
a minute. Does this have something to
do with whatever it was Chet did to you in the hospital?" Mike's bed-ridden threat about Rayna's
"evil" eye had evidently worked; Chet Kelly had been unusually
close-mouthed about whatever prank he'd pulled on the engineer. Johnny's efforts to loosen the man's lips
had gained him nothing but a substantial bar tab.
Jerking
away from Johnny's grip, Mike scowled.
"It has everything to do with that. And Chet deserves whatever he gets."
"So,
what'd he do?" Still standing
directly in front of Mike, Johnny grinned invitingly, but Mike just glared in
return. Glancing his shoulder at Roy,
Johnny found his partner looking just as mystified as he was...except for what
might have been a suspicious gleam in Roy's eye.
"Don't
ask me, I'm just in on Mike's end of the gag," his partner said, shrugging
when Johnny lifted an eyebrow inquiringly.
Then Roy was suddenly very interested in whatever was left in his
locker. Johnny turned back to Mike, but
the other man simply shook his head and grabbed his own equipment bag. Stepping around Johnny, he left without
another word.
"Was
it something I said?" Johnny held his hands out and asked the room in
general after the door swung shut behind the engineer.
Roy
held a finger up to his lips.
"Shhh..." He went to
the locker room door, pushed it open and peered outside. Evidently satisfied with the view of the
empty vehicle bay, he shut the door carefully and returned to where Johnny
waited, arms akimbo. Straddling the
bench in front of their locker, Roy sat down and waved Johnny in close.
"You
have to understand, if you tell anyone, if this gets out at all, Dixie will
have your head. Not to mention you'll
be first up on Mike's short list of vengeance."
"Hey,
I'm good, I'm good." Johnny laid
one hand on his chest. "I can keep
a secret, unlike Chester B." He
waved off Roy's "yeah, right," look.
"Tell me, what does Dixie have to do with this?"
Roy
grinned.
"She's
my source. I finally got it from her
last night, when you were in with our frequent flier, Mrs. Olsen." He didn't need Johnny's nod; he kept right
on going. "I knew Dixie knew what
happened, but it's taken me this long to get her to tell me. She swore me to secrecy. I'm not kidding, if this gets out, we'll all
three be in Mike's sights, and after what he's doing to Chet--"
"Our
asses would be grass," Johnny finished for him. He planted his foot on the bench and leaned an elbow on his
knee. Bending over, he motioned for Roy
to continue. "I got it, I got
it. My lips are sealed. So, what happened?"
Roy
smiled. Even though they were alone in
the station, Johnny had to lean in to hear his whispered explanation. "After we knew Mike was going to be
okay, but before he was moved out of ICU, Chet was sitting with him. Mike was still pretty out of it, pretty
doped up."
Johnny
nodded, not really wanting to think about what Mike had looked like, out of it
and doped up. Roy took a deep breath,
his smile spreading.
"Well,
I guess Chet found some betadyne the nurses had left out, and he--" Roy
choked and laughed, unable to finish his sentence.
"What? What?"
Johnny hissed. He grabbed Roy's
arm as, finally, Roy got himself under control.
"He
painted a target on Mike. With
his...you know...as the bull's eye."
Roy pulled his arm from Johnny's grasp and made a circular motion above
his lap with one hand.
Johnny
frowned, then suddenly grinned.
"No. He didn't."
"He
did." Roy nodded.
Mouth
open, Johnny stared at Roy.
"You've
got to be kidding. Mike? Chet really did that to Mike? Oh man!"
Tears
in his eyes, his face nearly purple he was so choked with laughter, Roy
nodded.
"The
nurses weren't going to tell Mike, but I guess he saw it that morning when they
were removing his catheter. He was
furious, not to mention embarrassed, and they promised him no one would find
out. But... well, word did get out. The way Dixie heard it, he woke up that
night and found three student nurses... uh... checking out the uh... the
target."
The
locker room rang with their laughter for the next several minutes. Finally, Roy wiped his eyes, and started
pulling his badge and nametag off his dirty shirt. Johnny shook out the paper sack he kept in the bottom of his
locker. Catching Roy's eye, he grinned.
"Well,
I have to hand that one to Chet. I
would never have dreamed he'd have the balls to pull something like that off. In my opinion, he's lucky to get off with
only a $100 date." Pulling his
dirty uniforms from his locker and stuffing them into the sack, Johnny pointed
at Roy. "Remind me not to piss
Mike off, ever."
Roy
laughed. "You got that
right." He zipped his bag, and
fiddled with the zipper.
"Johnny..."
"Yeah?"
"You...you're
all right? About Palmer and
all..." Roy's voice faded, and he
stared at Johnny from beneath his bangs.
For a second, Johnny froze, the entire story bubbling up to his
lips. But he couldn't tell anyone, not
yet--and probably never.
"Yeah,"
Johnny said finally. He shrugged off
his friend's concern. "I guess I
don't have much of a choice, do I?"
Roy
shook his head. After a second he
smiled. "Well, I guess I'll see
you tomorrow? UCLA kicks off at
noon."
"You
got it, pally. I'll bring the
steaks."
Roy
nodded, then departed. Johnny turned to
his locker, retrieving his coat and shrugging into it. The cigarettes were where he had left them
two months ago, at the very back of the top shelf. Johnny tucked them into his jacket pocket. Tapping Smokey's nose, he shut the locker,
grabbed his sack, and headed out the door.
~*
E! *~
Pre-incident planning has several characteristics that make
the process a positive, effective tool in reducing fire and life loss.
~~Essentials
of Firefighting
Shivering
in the autumn chill, Johnny zipped his jacket and squatted on the minuscule
patio behind his apartment. To his
right, the sun was beginning to burn through the low-hanging clouds. But the mid-morning breeze was soft and
cool; the mingled scents of asphalt and the nearby dumpster would be muted by
the ocean smells for yet another hour or so.
That moist, Pacific air was one of the things that kept Johnny in
Southern California, close to the coast.
His family lived further inland, in the drier farmlands north and east
of the coastal mountains. But Johnny
had grown to love the soft caress of ocean breezes and the sun, the year-round
warmth. Not to mention all the Los
Angeles beaches with all the beautiful girls in their bikinis. The Beach Boys had it right; nothing beat
California girls.
Thinking
of the various women he'd dated, in their bikinis, Johnny grinned. Pleasant recollections, even if the
relationships themselves hadn't lasted.
Grit grated beneath his boots as he shifted, and the contents of his
pocket crinkled. His grin faded and he
pulled the package of cigarettes out.
He stared blankly at the red letters, the torn cellophane, and the faint
hint of ocean was lost in the memory of smoke.
Tires rushing on the thoroughfare became the roar and hiss of fire,
belching ash and flame and bringing hell's fury crashing down about their ears.
No,
Johnny amended, catching himself just before he clenched his fist around the
cigarettes. It hadn't come crashing
down about their ears. It came crashing
down after they made it out, he and Roy with Captain Robinson limping
between them. Once they exited the side
hall, the other crew had been freed from their holding action, all of them
scrambling to get out of the building.
They'd made it, just; dust and smoke billowing from the doors and
shattered windows and grabbing at their
feet as the building caved in on itself behind them.
Despite
the fact that there had been well over two dozen men inside, fighting the fire
and searching for the missing and injured, when the building finally collapsed
there had only been one Fire Department fatality for the night.
Eddie
Palmer.
Shaking
out a cigarette and sticking it between his lips, Johnny set the rest of the
pack down and fumbled in his pocket for a match. Striking it, he cupped both match and cigarette in his hands,
then shook the match out and dropped it to the ground. Nursing the embers to life, he held the
cigarette out in front of him. The
smoke ascended, thin and grey, making a slightly darker wrinkle on the back-lit
clouds above.
Johnny
stared up into the cotton-swathed sky until he couldn't separate his
contributions to LA's smog from anyone else's, God or commuter. Taking a drag on the cigarette and blowing
more smoke out, he realized he wasn't sure why he was lighting this cigarette,
any more than he'd been sure two months ago, behind the station. Though, looking back, that time he'd been
seeking help, any kind of help he could get.
While the fact that Mike had not died had been a very nice conclusion,
Johnny had to admit that a large portion of his plea had simply been because he
didn't want any more lives on his conscience.
But
now, in spite of everything, he had one more.
Johnny
took a drag on the cigarette, let the smoke fill his lungs, felt the familiar
mild buzz of nicotine hitting his system.
Things
had been too busy last night for him to think much about his decision. Still half fearful that his thoughts would
give him away, he hadn't wanted to think about anything this morning at the
station, with his friends, with the men who respected him, trusted him. But now he was home, alone with his
conscience. And he still couldn't
decide if he had any morning-after regrets, about either Eddie Palmer's death,
or his own role in it.
Pain
flamed on his fingers, and Johnny yelped, the cigarette flying as he jerked his
hand away from the heat. He carefully
followed its trajectory, and then walked over to grind the butt out in the
dew-damp grass before returning to his spot by his dirt-spattered patio
door. He inspected his fingers, but
other than a slight redness there wasn't any sign of a burn.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord, intoned a voice
from his memory, and Johnny shivered.
He could see Father Dengler's horse-like face now; his sad
disappointment had always been harder to deal with than Sister Tercella's
righteous anger. No amount of Hail
Marys and Our Fathers would get him off their hook this time. He'd probably have to buy an indulgence,
donate the down payment he had saved up to the Fallen Firefighters Association
or something, and that might not even do it.
In their dogma, he'd greatly overstepped his bounds. Murder was a mortal sin, they would say.
Murder. Johnny
went cold at the word, and on the road beyond the yellow apartments a siren
wailed. Was it murder, what he'd done
yesterday? After a moment's thought,
Johnny shook his head. No, it wasn't. He'd been given a choice, and he'd made that
choice, Palmer's life for the lives of the men he'd be working with for the
next two years. He could even say it
was a choice between Palmer's life and his own. It had been close at the end, very close, and had Johnny stayed
behind to dig Palmer out, neither of them might have made it out.
Johnny
pulled another cigarette from the pack and turned it over in his fingers. Compared to the Christian God, Lakhota
spirits were far less grabby with the power.
They were more likely to respond to a request for help by giving the
person tools and temporary skills, not by taking over entirely. They might set the situation up, but it
would be left to the individual to actually make the decisions and take care of
whatever needed taking care of.
The
cigarette stopped its tumbling motion through his fingers. So, if he went with his mother's beliefs,
and even his father's, whose lackadaisical Catholicism had been tempered by a
Lakhota grandmother, he had acted properly. The Powers had set the situation up for him, and he had made the
most responsible decision under the circumstances. Choosing not to risk his own life--or the lives of Roy and
Captain Robinson--to save Palmer's, was more than acceptable. Ultimately, he was looking out for his tiospaye,
his tribe, the brothers he worked with and depended on every shift. He had acted responsibly to safeguard their
lives when he'd been given the second chance to do so.
Not
to mention allowing some well-deserved divine justice to claim Eddie Palmer.
Johnny
quickly pulled a match from the book and struck it. The ritual of lighting the cigarette and offering the
smoke--west, north, east and south, then washing it over his face and
arms--took seconds. After that, he puffed
on the cigarette until it was glowing brightly. He held it out in front of him, and let it all go up with the
smoke. Ten years worth of demons and
anger and shame. What he'd felt toward
Palmer, the guilt he'd carried for Cesar and Mike, and, more briefly, for
Sullivan and all the others. His
nagging, whining self-pity and self-disgust.
All of it gone, flowing from his fingers, burned away with the tobacco. He sucked yet more smoke from the cigarette,
and breathed in deeply. Exhaling, the
fear that he may have made another mistake yesterday fluttered away as
well. Johnny had done only his best,
done only what he had to do.
"Pilomayo yelo," he whispered, watching his offering ascend
into the sky. "Thank you."
~*
E! *~
Finit est.