THE NEXT GREAT POET By Martin Douglas Stan had a big fight with his wife earlier. He is now attempting to write her a love letter to make it up to her. His good friend Mort has come over to assist him in his endeavor. INT. SMALL RUNDOWN KITCHEN -- DAY Stan paces back and forth nervously as Mort sits at the table twiddling his thumbs. STAN I've got to do something really nice for her Mort. It's got to be really good because I really messed up earlier you know. It's got to be really special. MORT Got it Stan. STAN So what do you suggest? MORT Not sure Stan....What about a poem. That always gets me on Roxie's good side when we have a fight if you know what I mean. STAN A poem? Yeah a poem. That's good. Yeah that just might work. So where do we start? MORT Paper and a pen works good for me. STAN Right, right. Stan runs over to the cabinet and grabs a pen and piece of paper from it. He lays it in front of Mort. STAN (CONT'D) You write. I think better when I'm on my feet. MORT Got it. Stan starts to say several words making the motions with his body as if he's about to deliver a great speech of rhymes, but the words never come out of his mouth. Mort looks at him strangely. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2. MORT (CONT'D) I don't think she's going to get that Stan. STAN Get what. I haven't said anything yet. MORT See that's my point. STAN Mort I... Stan starts to angrily advance on Mort. Mort raises his hands in apology. MORT Sorry Stan. Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood. STAN Well help me out here. I'm not too good at this rhyming stuff. MORT Okay let's see.... Mort closes his eyes and starts making circles with his fingers around his head. STAN What are you doing? MORT I'm trying to think... STAN Mort! MORT What? STAN Just take the pen and write. MORT Gotcha Stan. STAN How about something about her looks? MORT That's good Stan. That's good. STAN Okay write this. Your hair is like fine strands of silk. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3. MORT Oh she's gonna like that Stan. STAN Yeah she is, isn't she. MORT Can I try? STAN Sure but make it good. MORT Your lips taste like a sweet buttercup. As Mort continues writing he starts looking at the pen funny. He shakes it a few times. Stan is too engrossed in his own little world to notice. STAN Hey I like that. How about this? Your eyes shine with all the brightness of a beautiful sunrise. Mort shakes the pen a few more times before trying to write some more words down. MORT Your skin's as soft as the petal of a rose. Stan and Mort nod their approval to each other as they keep trying to come up with more lines. STAN Your beauty is more than any man can desire. MORT And your fingers are like short little sausages. Stan stops and glances at Mort. STAN What? MORT Huh? STAN What do you mean her fingers are like short little sausages? MORT Well you know they're kind of short and fat and when she.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4. STAN Shut up Mort! Just shut up! MORT Sorry Stan. STAN Okay now I need a really good closing line. How about...when I'm with you the rest of the world ceases to exist. Mort continues to shake the pen and then presses it really hard against the paper. Mort starts to tear up. Stan's to wrapped up in himself to notice. STAN (CONT'D) This is really good stuff. I could be the next great poet. I'm glad your getting all this down on paper. This is the kind of stuff that only comes to you once in a lifetime. Mort bursts out crying. MORT It is Stan. It really is. It's beautiful. STAN It's not that good Mort....But I appreciate the compliment. MORT It's not that Stan. STAN It isn't? MORT No, the pens out of ink. I didn't get a single word you said.... STAN Mort! MORT Stan.... STAN Get out! Get out! Stan chases Mort out of the room.