The Isms
Socialism: If you have two cows, you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: If you have two cows, you give them to the government and the government gives you some milk.
Facism: If you have two cows, you keep the cows and give the milk to the government; then the government sells you some milk
New Dealism: If you have two cows, you shoot one and milk the other; then you pour the milk down the drain.
Nazism: If you have two cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.
Capitalism: If you have two cows you sell one and buy a bull.
Fundamentalism: You have two cows, and you shoot them both and offer the blood to the sky.
Computerism: You have two cows, and you sell them on eBay.
Cubism: You take the cows and a chainsaw, and then make them cubes.
Hinduism: You worship the cows and offer the milk to the sky.
Postism: You chain your two cows to two chairs and have them post on webboards all day long.
Realism: You shoot the cows realizing they'll die anyway.
Budgetism: You shoot one cow, skin it, and keep the other
Poorism: You shoot the cows, skin the cows, and use the skins for clothes.
Imperialism: You go out and try to take everyone else’s cows.
Lazyism: You ignore both cows completely and then eventually die of starvation.
Anarchism: You kill every cow you see.
Nihilism: You kill the two cows, and then go steal new ones.
Nationalism: You think your cows are better than anyone else's.
Piratism: You go steal other cows' milk.
Patriotism - You kill all cows that aren't colored like your country's flag, and paint their carcasses with your flag.
Movism: The cows live happily and die of age in a green, green forest.
Darwinism: You sit around watching the cows in hopes they will "evolve" into something better for decades until they die. Then you die of old age as well.
Creationism: You don't know where your cows came from so you assume they appeared magically.
Atheism: You witnessed the birth of your cows, so you assume nothing supernatural exists.
Fanaticism: You are obsessed with your cows
Narcissism: You brand your cows with your likeness
Veganism: You respect and worship your cows, and refuse to drink their milk, wear their skin, or eat their flesh since they are living creatures.
Sizism - You disrespect one of the cows because it is smaller than you. You then let the other cow pick on it, because it is larger.
Hedonism - You take the whole neighborhood’s cows, due to the fact you are so great, and deserve it.
Freudism - You blame the cows mothers for their poor milk output. You then encourage the cows to imagine their father is a pillow.
Simism - You make a very small version of the cows and put it on a computer program. You make millions from CowSim™
Monothism - You refuse to believe there are two cows and neglect the other one.
Footism and Mouthism - You import two new cows from a far off land. You are then surprised when all four cows become very ill and stop producing milk. You decide to set fire to your cows.
Hermitism: you fear talking to the cows, so you flee to the hills.
Prism: You shave the cows and paint them the colors of the rainbow.
Hism: You kill the male cow.
Hersm: You kill the female cow.
Apocolysm: You nuke them both.
Heroism: You paint them both green, give them flamethrowers, and pretend that you're a knight and that they are dragons with damsels in distress.
Listism: You buy 50 more of them, and then tell them to make a long list of things that end with -ism, and say what they have to do with cows.
Ismism: Your cows say “ism” all day long.
Stupidism: You have no idea what to do with the cows so you ignore them.
Scism: The cows secretly plan to take over the world by having a monopoly on scissor-factories.
Armism: The cows multiply and start drilling in platoons.
Kism: You have the sudden urge to kiss them.
Popism: The cows start listening to rap all day long, or they start wearing really tall hats.
Hopism: The cows jump over the moon, and the scissors run away from their platoon.
Regicidism: You place one cow in charge, and the other cow kills it.
Spacism: You send your cows up on the space shuttle.
Fightism: You send your cows to fight someone else’s cows.
Webboardism: You spend all day on webboards talking about cows.
Spamism: Your two cows are both named Thor.
NOTE: This is a compiled list of many webboards. This list may be used liberally.