Faux News - Headlines

 BUSH HIGHLIGHTS BOLD NEW STRATEGY
04/27/2005 Seattle (Faux News service ) 

   The Bush administration has pinpointed the recent 
6% profit increase reported by the Sharpie Pen company as
an indicator of it's sucessful economic policies. 
Stock analysts attribute the rise in profits toward increasing 
sales of Sharpie's toward homeless people manufacturing signs 
underneath highway overpasses.
    In a related announcement, rival manufacturer "Sir Marks-a-lot" 
announced a new product line featuring edible inks with a high
alchohol content.

"We're very excited", says homeless advocate Jeff Noyer,
"It shows that our message is clear. Homelessness creates 
Jobs". As an example Jeff showed how local bussiness are
hiring more personal security forces to deal with 
tresspassing transients.

    Billy Fremont, who has been standing under I-5 at 
the Cherry street exit for two days says he is very
proud of the work he hasn't been doing. "A lot of people
think we're just in it for the money", Billy added,
"but really it's a total way of life".



MAN ON THE STREET SURVEY:
 89% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT THE TROOPS 
  But when asked during the survey if they would hold still and 
take a bullet for the troops only 3.3% would do it. Approximately 74%
 of the respondents handed over their wallets when asked at gunpoint
to support the troops, while over 10% fled quickly.