1. Blowjobs.
2. Mogwai
3. Jawas
4. Spider-Man poptarts
5. Billy Corgan
6. Slinkies™
7. honesty
8. the underlying joke that is Brian's life
9. songs with orgasm intros
10. using big words when you don't know what they mean
11. exsanguination
12. that little string on the tampon
13. the little flavoring packet that comes with Ramen Noodles
14. grated Parmesan Cheese
15. hugs
16. Toad from Super Mario
17. E-Z Bake Ovens™
18. silence
19. Manifest Destiny
20. the warm, earthy tones of vinyl
21. Snood
22. 1 + X = 2
23. those little tables that keep the box from touching the pizza
24. Captain Planet
25. Pearl Jam bootlegs
26. lesbian group sex
27. Eeyore
28. Jack Irons
29. Timmy!
30. cleavage
31. leopard panties
32. the short bus
33. beer
34. imaginary numbers
35. Northern Lights
36. infield fly rule
37. In a row?
38. flannel
39. the First Amendment
40. Ralph Nader
41. Optimus Prime
42. prime numbers
43. John Wayne
44. Mantown
45. the Batcave
46. lifetime supplies of anything
47. AK-47s
48. Blamonet
49. Rocky
50. Rocky II
51. Rocky III
52. Rocky IV
53. the fact that they never show Rocky V during Rocky marathons
54. Phil Anselmo's dick
55. "backdoor"
56. jumbotron [the big TV screens]
57. The Whale Song
58. high-fives all the way around
59. KY Jelly
60. inside-the-park home runs
61. anal sex
62. Asian porn
63. porns when girls swallow then puke
64. snowballing
65. Bevis and Butthead
66. Tom Hankey [the fact that he isn't you]
67. public nudity
68. red pants
69. Dude...need I say more?
70. ü
71. wombats
72. the metal sign
73. Satan
74. Canada
75. hockey fights
76. free stuff
77. free sex
78. prostitution
79. The Cars
80. Ed Vedder's mohawk
81. Ed Vedder
82. CD singles
83. Yoda
84. Darth Vader
85. Goosebumps books
86. Maynard James Keenan
87. wine
88. Hershie's Sunday Pie
89. Scandanavian Death Metal
90. cumshot porn
91. Conan O'Brien
92. Woodstock
93. LSD
94. professional wrestling
95. Long Road
96. Neil Young
97. Islam
98. jokes
99. Fantasy Baseball
100. The Max Weinberg Seven
101. sixty-nines (wait...did I mention that already? it's worth it to say it again! Huzzah!)
102. caller ID
103. Battlebots
104. songs with bong intros
105. secret sexual references in Disney cartoons
106. empty-net goals
107. huzzah
108. Cradle of Filth t-shirts
109. pissing with the door open
110. pointy bathing suit tops
111. guilt
112. deep-throating
113. away messages
114. Oh you didn't know? Your ass better caaaaaaall somebody!!!
115. Teddy Grahams
116. coloring books
117. Cherry Coke
118. sunflower seeds
119. hot teachers
120. The Hole
121. Hawaiian shirts
122. cheese
123. clouds that look like _______
124. ego-boosting nicknames
125. "spank"
126. meat
127. chocolate ice cream
128. Sponge Bob
129. drugs
130. no homework
131. vacation
132. sleeping
133. walking
134. writing
135. being anti-social
136. hair dye
137. finger paint
138. razors
139. when you relize the lyrics to a song have a deeper meaning and you go "Ooooh"
140. Mini Eggos
141. Count Chocula
142. bra theft
143. girls named "Vicki"
144. Bickford's
145. Chuck E Cheese
146. urinal cakes
147. alcohol swabs
148. porn junk emails
149. Untitled
150. street hockey
151. Freecell
152. Save It For Later
153. Malted Milk Balls
154. cynicism
155. saltines
156. ink
157. The Family Feud
158. Ed's ukulele
159. sudden-death overtime
160. Saturday Night Live (back when Farley, Sandler, Spade, Myers, and Carvey were on it)
161. the Daily Dirt
162. mp3's
163. art class
164. Jackie Chan
165. aliens
166. wiffle ball
167. What has two thumbs and likes blow jobs?
168. This guy!
169. Bill
170. Ted
171. their Excellent Adventure
172. the Special Olympics
173. The Ramones
174. Lemmy
175. Marijuana affects the memory!
176. Andy Richter
177. Soundgarden
178. Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeve Perry...Steeeeeeeeeeeve Perry...Journey!
179. Tetris
180. scribbles
181. the "you're not even fucking Jewish" scene in The Big Lebowski
182. muppets
183. CCCP
184. dead puppies
185. The Who
186. fight club
187. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
188. ESPN
189. mini golf
190. buddy lists
191. Ariel from The Little Mermaid (mmm...)
192. Mr. T
193. Baseball Tonight
194. ninjas
195. Breath
196. co-ed automatic slow pitch softball
197. YANKEES SUCK!
198. The Lord of the Rings
199. being a nerd
200. Fantasy Football
201. Kenny Rogers
202. Seinfeld
203. Homer Simpson
204. jumping off stuff
205. Baba O'Riley
206. The Beatles (after they all got hooked on drugs and stuff)
207. fuckin' up
208. when you find bad words in a dictionary
209. garage bands
210. computer games
211. rednecks
212. the homeless
213. sharks
214. trees falling in the woods
215. Delaware
216. Subway
217. bullshit spray
218. cubby holes
219. INVALID DIM
220. WGBH telethons
221. fake plastic trees
222. Ray Bourque
223. Scott Hatterberg
224. listening to The Doors
225. the fact that Dio sucks
226. dildos
227. football
228. twins
229. dead babies
230. baseball bats
231. DVDs
232. third and long
233. random things
234. spontaneous pictures
235. Fudge Rounds
236. air conditioning
237. the Campus Ministry office
238. Slash
239. random instant messages
240. Radiohead
241. the Superbowl
242. free periods
243. Thanksgiving
244. 24
245. tug-of-war
246. Livejournal
247. watching movies
248. ruse
249. Chinese food
250. windows
251. boobs
252. mouse pads
253. Brillo pads
254. any other type of pad
255. clocks
256. dry erase boards
257. bongs
258. crazy-eights
259. body piercings
260. cars
261. Dilbert
262. Dogbert
263. ties
264. cows
265. slide projectors
266. newspapers
267. lobsters
268. markers
269. Dana Abizaid
270. the end of the world
271. Iraq
272. www.bash.org
273. Mesopotamia
274. The Eiffel Tower
275. fooseball
276. Hooters
277. stealing home
278. the Mario Bros.
279. Ciampa
280. March Madness
281. Joe Theisman's broken leg
282. Duck Hunt
283. El Pollo Loco
284. the zoo
285. birthday hats
286. chemical burns
287. corn on the cob
288. people falling off balance beams
289. redrum
290. the "o-o-o-o" song
291. The Safety Dance
292. mp3 players
293. NAMBLA
294. War? Huh! Good God, y'all!
295. What is it good for?
296. Absolutely nothing!
297. Amanda Peet
298. "mean people suck" bumper stickers
299. stupid teenagers
300. Lenny=white
301. Carl=black
302. The Summer Olympics
303. The Winter Olympics
304. penal colonies
305. Major League
306. Brian Fellows
307. Ich bin ein Gelee Berliner.
308. jelly donuts
309. unexplained bacon
310. South Park
311. the KKK (get it?)
312. tourette's
313. the bends
314. Tim Wakefield
315. the knuckleball
316. sinking the last cup in beerpong
317. the "O" Face
318. sniffing glue
319. Jody Reed
320. Jerry Remy
321. cunt face bitches
322. Ghostface Killah
323. the folks at Anheuser-Busch
324. lots of head
325. classical music
326. The 5 Year Plan
327. The 6 Year Plan
328. Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!
329. Helen Keller jokes
330. Magic cards
331. the space shuttle
332. CD-RWs
333. handbags
334. trailer parks
335. bus rides
336. Kazaa Lite
337. people who are so lazy they leave their Christmas lights up all year
338. punch-buggy manger scene
339. blocked field goals
340. forty-year olds whose screen names are something like "sexybod69"
341. "cool beans"
342. college football
343. Magic Eye
344. wizards
345. Christopher Andrew Adam Murphy
346. running with scissors
347. kaleidoscopes
348. strip poker
349. beer commercials
350. pressed hams
351. colleges whose mascots are plants (i.e., the Stanford Tree)
352. Project Mayhem
353. the Nashua Pride's 21 game losing steak in the summer of 2002
254. El Guapo
355. fat girls in little skirts
356. the Dinobots
357. having a buddy list specifically for people you don't talk to
358. yogurt (and its many erotic possiblities)
359. The Venture Crew
360. purple's a fruit
361. Kelly's
362. only having to listen to Murphy three months out of the year
363. Aria Giovanni
364. Kobe Tai
365. censorship
366. Lucky Charms
367. going to bed before eleven
368. staying up past 3:00 AM
369. The Alkaline Trio
370. Rancid
371. Barbie
372. Charlie Brown
373. Linus
374. Linus' blanket
375. post-it notes
376. cyber sex
377. phone sex
378. sex in general
379. non-federally regulated security at airports
380. when scrambled porn gets clear enough to see for a few seconds
381. when the porn channel turns on the sound after eleven so you dont even need to see the images, you can just get off to the orgasm sounds
382. Brad
383. butt plugs
384. two outs in the bottom of the ninth
385. G.I. Joe
386. whackin' it
387. juxtaposition
388. inflatable rafts
389. Slip-n-Slides
390. small Asian people
391. perspective
392. the Bataan Death March
393. drunk Russian men
394. The Godfather Part II
395. the way the word "ambulance" is spelt backwards on the front of ambulances
396. soup
397. vodka
398. afro
399. the beach
400. jumping in piles of leaves
401. zombies
402. Chef
403. communism
404. when a dude expresses his undying love for his girlfriend in his AIM profile and you say, "Ha...what a sap."
405. Give me the fucking keys you fucking cocksucking motherfucker! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
406. S&M
407. knock-knock jokes
408. sponges
409. guys who eat babies
410. vampires
411. hangovers
412. boot & rally
413. the person who thought of putting 15.5 gallons of beer into a silver bin
414. Minor League Baseball
415. Independent league baseball
416. Arizona Fall League Baseball
417. Winter Ball
418. any league baseball
419. the fact baseball & beer are both national pastimes
420. Huh, huh, 4:20.
421. "World's Strongest Man" competitions
422. free balling
423. Tom Petty
424. the "500 free hours of AOL" CDs
425. Skinny Mo Vaughn
426. Fat Mo Vaughn
427. stupid human tricks
428. pirates
429. the Bruins
430. scalpers
431. Shaggy and Scooby
432. mini doughnuts
433. lollipops
434. breast milk
435. chalk
436. Bitch, I'm gonna kill ya!
437. lists
438. boogers
439. soft tissues
440. beauty pageants
441. being voted most likely to [blank] in your high school year book (unless the blank is, 'blow up a bus')
442. Eh.
443. hearing Joe Thornton say, "Holy smokes!"
444. Joe Thornton
445. the Canadian national anthem
446. tool boxes
447. party boats
448. keeping in touch with old friends
449. girls who shave their heads
450. one night stands
451. "da butt"
452. girls that don't wear bras
453. girls that don't wear panties
454. animals
455. smiles
456. sweet candies
457. My Size Dolls
458. blow up dolls
459. bubble baths
460. telescopes
461. sex dice
462. girls who mud wrestle
463. the tongue
464. the word "lick"
465. Happy Meal toys
466. winking
467. throwing up
468. turtles
469. the name "Amanda"
470. skinny dipping
471. the word "bitch"
472. the back seat
473. Six Flags
474. wrinkly old men
475. The Office
476. monkeys
477. the songs birds chirp
478. fingers and toes
479. spies
480. Greeks
481. the gay community
482. Ben Smith
483. friends
484. the saying "it's too good to be true"
485. the word "gay", in the happy sense
486. purple nurple
487. kittens
488. the color yellow
489. being #1
490. water
491. saliva
492. pepperoni on a stick
493. soap on a rope
494. Dr. Doolittle
495. family
496. the stary sky
497. hot men
498. Boxers or briefs?
499. Playdough
500. slimey bugs
501. bug juice
502. Macho Man Randy Savage
503. Slim Jims
504. Pizza Bagels
505. red Kool-Aid
506. The Hokie Pokie
507. WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)
508. WWED? (What Would Ed Do?)
509. Chris Cornell
510. Shawn Michaels
511. Hobbit feet
512. the half of Jim Ross's face that doesn't move
513. Sweedish Fish
514. five finger discount
515. Alex Thornton (the Canadian Jesus)
516. Joe Boxer
517. banannas
518. Mr. Spoon
519. Mr. Socko
520. the noises female tennis players make when they hit the ball
521. the Muffin Man
522. thong
523. g-string
524. police pursuits on foot
525. cavemen
526. pole dancers
527. Mother Goose
528. Chinamen
529. The Funky Chicken
530. puke
531. clicker
532. Mickey & Minnie Mouse
533. Ronald McDonald
534. play houses
535. cowboys
536. cops and robbers
537. silly string
538. monsters under the bed
539. bed wetters
540. the funny bone (which is not funny when you hit it)
541. Oscar the Grouch
542. Cookie Monster
543. cookies
544. people who pick their nose in public
545. pubic hair
546. Boston
547. IT (the killer clown)
548. zip-up undies
549. Disney princesses
550. snowflakes
551. midgets
552. fire
553. witches
554. fake orgasms
555. The Flinstones
556. bubble gum
557. the dictionary
558. foreplay
559. old people
560. birthdays
561. making funny faces and/or noises
562. Marilyn Manson
563. the words "twat"
564. the word "squat"
565. mold
566. ostriches
567. Tinkie Winkie
568. extension cords
569. multiple choice exams
570. plastic beer bottles
571. neon beer lights
572. velcro lace sneakers
573. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trading cards
574. baseball cards
575. Jody Reed's rookie card in mint condition
576. central air
577. sign stealing
578. Bobo...GO!!!!
579. drunk dialing
580. drunk IM'ing
581. massages
582. the eye of a hurricane
583. The Hurricane (the movie)
584. The Hurricane (the song)
585. the hurricane (the weather condition)
586. lint
587. firestarters
588. latrines
589. porta-potties
590. toe jam
591. mushroom stamp
592. olean
593. 6:03 AM
594. 6:03 PM
595. Crocodile Dundee
596. the Tombstone Piledriver
597. old school Undertaker
598. Dr. Isaac Yankum
599. penile fracture
600. outy bellybuttons
601. John Kruk & his one nut
602. swamp ass
603. <==
604. ball tap
605. titty twister
606. Can you hear me now?
607. people who leave their left blinker on while in the left lane of a highway
for up to 30 miles (or all the way to West Point)
608. people who don't use blinkers
609. daily updated AIM profiles
610. You got any balls down there?
611. About the biggest pair you've ever seen, dingleberry.
612. beer battered pickles
613. the pick off
614. hidden ball trick
615. burning ones eyebrows off
616. burning your friends eyebrows off
617. Jim Leyritz
618. the wave
619. slam dunking
620. touchdown dance
621. hat trick
622. unassisted triple play
623. John Valentin
624. Mickey's ridiculous association of happiness with excessive amounts of
baseball
625. condom prices at Wal-Mart
626. Freddy Krueger
627. band aids
628. money
629. crewcuts
630. chubby cheeks
631. Pizza Hut
632. Mrs. Butterworth
633. The Nestly Quick rabbit
634. rabbit foot keychains
635. pooping cows and pig key chains
636. Cat-Dawg
637. rainbows
638. toilet paper
639. house parties
640. big screen televisions
641. old jokes
642. whoopie cushions
643. Dill pickles
644. Rugrats
645. Bill Nye the Science Guy
646. cork screw
647. Mac & Cheese
648. spoild milk
649. headless chickens
650. snowballs
651. Tony Montana
652. Wendy's
653. Mighty Mouse
654. the Coors Light twins
655. two half hitches
656. Vanilla Ice (rapper)
657. vanilla ice (yummy frozen treat)
658. big egos
659. girth
660. the vagina
661. nipples
662. puppies
663. Michael Jackson
664. Jack Daniel's
665. Jim Bean
666. <==
667. surprise rooms
668. ping pong
669. bubble hockey
670. the Irish Curse
671. snowshoes
672. rabbits
673. blue balls
674. ping pong balls
675. beer balls
676. Larryballs
677. beanball
678. beef on a stick
679. high sticking
680. no fair catch
681. Game off!
682. Game on!
683. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
684. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
685. Sharkboy
686. sleeping late
687. Wendy's square burgers
688. Conan the Barbarian
689. Conan the Iguana
690. Swampthing
691. fly paper
692. mosquito netting
693. bug spray
694. the fact this shit doesn't work
695. aerosol
696. Aerosmith on drugs
697. ant hills
698. apple picking
699. smashing pumpkins (the action, not the band)
700. Mr. Potato Head
701. Mrs. Potato Head's tatters
702. heeeaaad, shoulders, knees & toes; knees & toes
703. cheerios
704. dunkaroos
705. kangaroos
706. Boston sports pride
707. What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral?
708. One less drunk.
709. purple
710. beta fish
711. Pete's fish impression at Kelly's
712. Terry O'Reilly
713. CSPAN
714. pictures developed at Ritz with the little white outline
715. comics
716. surprises
717. first snow day of the year
718. Slip 'N Slide
719. drunk girls
720. facials
721. vikings
722. Paul Pierce
723. computers
724. collectible cups
725. collectible plates
726. sharpies
727. the Hartford Whalers
728. pom-poms
729. stamps
730. picture frames
731. bullshit
732. That video where that guys gets attacked by a bull, and the bull rips his pants off.
733. stand-up comedy
734. condoms
735. the pope's hat
736. digipacks
737. that new CD smell
738. buying a CD the day it comes out
739. driving really slow in the fast lane just to piss people off
740. being an asshole
741. flat screen televisions
742. bobble heads
743. gratuitous boob shots on television
744. gratuitous ass shots on television
745. getting very high
746. the Soup Nazi
747. sporks
748. not working at Best Buy
749. not working at Chuck E Cheese
750. popcorn
751. Astroglide
752. putting boxcutters in people's bags before they go to the airport
753. contortionists
754. Stevie Ray Vaughn
755. 7 of 9
756. confusion
757. Hungry Hungry Hippos
758. naps
759. chapstick
760. the smell of girl
761. Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door visits
762. bowling
763. bowling a strike
764. fishbowling
765. peanut butter sandwiches
766. the satisfaction Coca Cola gives that Pepsi can't match
767. fifteen minutes of fame
768. Whatcha talkin' bout Willis?
769. tap water
770. the Great Wall of China
771. Italian Sausages
772. waffles
773. Simon & Garfunkel
774. self-check out registers at Stop & Shop
775. the meat department
776. the burger machine
777. eating a fat juicy steak
778. laughing at vegetarians
779. She dont eat meat...
780. But she sure likes the bone!
781. fog
782. haze
783. Camp Nihan
784. Atari
785. old school Nintendo
786. Duck Hunt
787. N64
788. RBI Baseball
789. cordless phones
790. mechanical bull riding
791. mechanical sharkhead
792. ricochet stud
793. Oxman
794. online quizzes
795. buried treasure
796. Mr. Nanny
797. Fran Drescher sucks
798. sexual relations
799. trial size candy
800. Court TV
801. Poland Springs, what it means to be from Maine.
802. Tony the Tiger
803. Grrrrrrrrrrreat!
804. Washington, NH
805. the space bar
806. backspace
807. the 'any' key
808. chixie dicks
809. Chex Mix
810. mix CDs
811. dumpster matches
812. silk boxers
813. cause & effect
814. March 10th, 1981
815. clear & present danger
816. the FCC
817. gravity bongs
818. King Kong
819. King Kong Bundy
820. Al Bundy
821. Victoria's secrets
822. pin the tail on the donkey
823. window cleaners
824. vacuums
825. crackwhores
826. www.google.com
827. the trenchcoat mafia
828. the Bible
829. 3:16
830. Sunday school
831. the Virgin Mary
832. bloody mary
833. Tequila Sunrise
834. sunrises
835. sunsets
836. six months of darkness
837. Sy the photo guy
838. Hulking Up
839. steel chair to the head
840. sloppy seconds
841. sloppy thirds
842. orgy
843. "SWITCH!"
844. Laid by James
845. blockbuster's lack of a porn section
846. .com's
847. snot rockets
848. space rockets
849. explosions
850. kites
851. Mike & Ike's
852. Bob Ross
853. homeless people sleeping on park benches
854. homeless people with funny signs
855. fat Oprah
856. fat Ricki Lake
857. talk shows
858. Popeye the Sailor
859. Malden Square Bowladrome
860. encores
861. people who take up more than one parking space
862. people who take up more than one seat on the bus
863. that seat that's always left open between people on the bus, or trains
864. room for the Holy Spirit
865. altar boys
866. altar girls
867. your mom
868. guitar solos
869. drum solos
870. the Umass Minuteman Marching Band
871. lightning bolts
872. burning bridges
873. earthquakes
874. cockblock
875. titty fuck
876. sledding
877. snowball fights
878. food fights
879. cat fights
880. red eye flights
881. red light district
882. night lights
883. bed head
884. head in bed
885. solar eclipses
886. pulling all-nighters
887. backyard wrestling
888. Angelina Jolie's lips
889. wingdings
890. hohos
891. twinkies
892. President's Choice Cola
893. Cheech & Chong
894. bong water
895. shot glasses
896. double shot glasses
897. Febreeze
898. frost
899. birds chirping at 4 A.M.
900. pigeons
901. the on deck circle
902. Darren Baker
903. springbreak
904. yo-yo's
905. Mr. Hanky
906. handkerchiefs
907. chocolate milk
908. ketchup
909. Saugus
910. Orange County
911. milk maids
912. slugs
913. bed time stories
914. snuggling
915. Mr. Snuggle
916. Frosty the Snow Man
917. photo albums
918. records
919. record dealers
920. shoe shiners
921. goat milk
922. pit hair
923. 10 things I Hate About You
924. swimming
925. the way your ass leaves a print on glass
926. mooning
927. flashing
928. sex on the beach (the drink)
929. sex in wild places
930. French toast
931. french kisses
932. silk pajamsa
933. lions and tigers and bears
934. Oh my!
935. skimpy outfits
936. hitch hiking
937. mopeds
938. Jerry Springer
939. birthday cakes
940. Blue's Clues
941. the moon
942. Jack and Jill
943. padded walls
944. cute nurses/doctors
945. the "wonder ball"
946. three-legged racing
947. Duck, Duck, Goose
948. mashed potatoes
949. slingshots
950. Timmy the Tooth
951. Stewert Little
952. Friends
953. dating shows
954. Playboy Bunnies
955. magazines
956. the cup holder in cars
957. coins
958. chocolate coins
959. hot cocoa
960. finger condoms
961. mittens
962. Hamburger Helper
963. white pants
964. Elmo
965. tooth picks
966. edible underwear
967. Tomb Raider
968. Ghost Writer
969. the Ghost Busters
970. cell phones
971. Trojan man
972. there's no "I" in "team"
973. strapless bras
974. pants with ties
975. rail road tracks
976. drawings
977. hop scotch
978. Marco Polo
979. hide and seek
980. speedo
981. Mr. Clean
982. play grounds
983. monkey bars
984. sandboxes
985. tire swings
986. summer vacation
987. upside down cake
988. curly fries
989. The Three Stooges
990. "easy access"
991. nightmares
992. big balls
993. goody bags
994. belly dancing
995. "bling bling"
996. naughtiness
997. sliding doors
998. hiking
999. whipped cream
1000. ice cream trucks
1001. Frankenstein
1002. Dumbo
1003. gumbo
1004. George of the Jungle
1005. sun glasses
1006. nude beaches
1007. self heating socks
1008. hash browns
1009. syrup
1010. tree houses
1011. corn fields
1012. whips
1013. ice cream cake
1014. Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots
1015. bugles
1016. toy boats
1017. race cars
1018. wedgies
1019. sunny side up
1020. candy apples
1021. cotton candy
1022. T.G.I.F.
1023. cream corn
1024. fire breathing dragons
1025. "you pompus idiot"
1026. dancing/singing in the shower
1027. juice boxes
1028. Slurpies
1029. Lunchables
1030. getting lollipops at the bank
1031. stickers
1032. Shake and Bake
1033. hookers
1034. The Man in the Yellow Hat
1035. pumpernickel
1036. goobers
1037. sleepovers
1038. makeovers
1039. clues
1040. girls'/guys' night out
1041. clubs
1042. shopping
1043. candle light dinners
1044. festivals
1045. carnivals
1046. movie stubs
1047. tattoos
1048. the Golden Banana
1049. baby drool
1050. grilled cheese
1051. sour apples
1052. Clifford the Big Red Dog
1053. Bananas in Pajamas
1054. breakfast in bed
1055. foot rubs
1056. dancing frogs
1057. dwarves
1058. penguins
1059. igloo
1060. elves
1061. brown lunch bags
1062. Slush Puppies
1063. cinabuns
1064. birth control
1065. walrus
1066. frogs
1067. gossip
1068. eating ice
1069. The Brady Bunch
1070. boogie boarding
1071. pie
1072. absent teachers
1073. MIA
1074. Gremlins
1075. crab cakes
1076. crabs
1077. gambling
1078. building sand castles
1079. Happy Hour
1080. Nick at Night
1081. The Fonz
1082. overalls
1083. Tim the Tool Man Taylor
1084. sex calendars
1085. the jungle
1086. My Morning Jacket
1087. crayons
1088. Hooked on Phonics
1089. true love
1090. working out
1091. pigging out
1092. satellite feeds
1093. blow horns
1094. French maids
1095. peanut butter brittle
1096. The Mickey Mouse Club
1097. Miss Piggy
1098. Kermit the Frog
1099. dreams
1100. flash backs
1101. space
1102. memories
1103. yellow pages
1104. glow worms
1105. fire flies
1106. credit cards
1107. Coolata's
1108. strawberry milk
1109. the Force
1110. neon colors
1111. Snoopy
1112. rubber ducky
1113. key chains
1114. jump rope
1115. Twister
1116. leprechauns
1117. birthmarks
1118. treasure hunts
1119. cross walks
1120. midnight
1121. noon
1122. goodie two shoes
1123. Betty Crockett
1124. copy machines
1125. fax machines
1126. the Pillsbury Dough Boy
1127. energy
1128. white out
1129. field trips
1130. blind dates
1131. fried ice cream
1132. advice
1133. Juggs
1134. leftovers
1135. cow tipping
1136. cheese doodles
1137. home fries
1138. bottomless pots of tea/coffe from Bickford's
1139. the Dell Computer guy
1140. sitcoms
1141. repeats
1142. revolvers
1143. revolving doors
1144. Coors
1145. boars
1146. oars
1147. choirs
1148. tires
1149. rotaries
1150. rotary phones
1151. dry ice
1152. hops
1153. barley
1154. oats
1155. boats
1156. wasps
1157. ASAP
1158. Tatanka
1159. tanks
1160. graduation money
1161. Seeing a pig and thinking, "He'd go great with eggs!"
1162. turkey dinners
1163. taking a dump
1164. dumpsters
1165. Yankee Doodle Dandy
1166. cock pumps
1167. Unsolved Mysteries
1168. Robert Stack
1169. Bert & Ernie
1170. Glad bags
1171. barf bags
1172. dirty laundry
1173. Darryl Strawberry's crack habit
1174. The Hobbit
1175. Bobbitt
1176. gobstoppers
1177. Only YOU can prevent forest fires!
1178. This is your brain on drugs.
1179. persian rugs
1180. bugs
1181. pugs
1182. jugs
1183. Fig Newtons
1184. Journey
1185. road trips
1186. AA meetings
1187. PTA meetings
1188. Fat guy in a little coat!
1189. phat
1190. plastic surgery
1191. spicey fries
1192. the Spice channel
1193. Happy Meals
1194. death row
1195. delay of game
1196. frat parties
1197. Canadians
1198. Canadian football
1199. asexual
1200. nympho
1201. droughts
1202. leaky faucets
1203. Guinness
1204. seaweed
1205. whale blubber
1206. the water bubbler
1207. water balloons
1208. breathing helium
1209. throwing snowballs at the Target sign
1210. Route 1
1211. "It's faaaaaantastic."
1212. whatchamacallit
1213. hickeys
1214. hicks
1215. ticks
1216. double click
1217. Irish music
1218. Hulk Hogan's entrance theme
1219. the Cross Face Chicken Wing
1220. meat tossers
1221. Starbursts
1222. Providence College
1223. Louie's
1224. Cuban cigars
1225. Fidel Castro
1226. ball point pens
1227. crack fiends
1228. gun racks
1229. clip on ties
1230. the Clapper
1231. the clap
1232. "It happens at Lappens."
1233. shit happens
1234. Wang Chung
1235. Donkey Kong
1236. horoscopes
1237. microscopes
1238. cross dressers
1239. Southern Cross
1240. butt floss
1241. www.mapquest.com
1242. unlimited credit
1243. open bar
1244. bar tabs
1245. bar stools
1246. pitchers of beer
1247. funneling
1248. the Comic Sans font
1249. rum & Cokes
1250. rain delays
1251. the drunk guy who decides to run the bases when the tarp is put down
1252. 57 yard field goals
1253. Paul Revere's ride
1254. Revere Beach
1255. Everett hoe's
1256. Wistah
1257. Glawstuh
1258. ear wax
1259. Turtle Wax
1260. jock straps
1261. strap-ons
1262. Gordie Howe
1263. Oldies 103.3
1264. Connecticut Blue Laws
1265. bullet proof vests
1266. fake IDs
1267. 21st birthday celebrations
1268. "Harness the good energy, block the bad."
1269. Richardson's
1270. mini-marts
1271. Mother Nature
1272. the Nature Boy Rick Flair
1273. remote control car starter
1274. Pop Tarts
1275. dart boards
1276. surf boards
1277. chalk boards
1278. chicken butt
1279. Never Never Land
1280. Munchkinland
1281. bungi jumping
1282. BASE jumping
1283. flipflops
1284. guys who wear socks with sandals
1285. 1995 Ford Escort LX wagons
1286. Cobra
1287. Sgt. Slaughter
1288. wool socks
1289. gold plated
1290. the guys on New York City streets who sell watches from suitecases
1291. the guys on New York City streets who buy these watches (ahem, LARRY)
1292. double spaced papers
1293. Double J Jeff Jarrett
1294. Double Mint Gum
1295. Double Dare
1296. double dog dare
1297. triple dog dare
1298. double trouble
1299. double vision
1300. double or nothing
1301. doubletime
1302. doubley delicious
1303. hitting a double
1304. double plays
1305. playing doubles in tennis
1306. tennis
1307. doubletake
1308. Double Dragon
1309. double decker buses
1310. double D's
1311. double doors
1312. automatic doors
1313. handicap spaces
1314. handicap ramps
1315. highway chases
1316. the White Bronco
1317. Girls Gone Wild
1318. info booths
1319. check-mate
1320. Connect-4
1321. The Deuce
1322. The Squire
1323. amateur night at The Squire
1324. Salute Your Shorts
1325. Donkey Lips
1326. nose hair
1327. red headed step-children
1328. keg stands
1329. Inside Out Boy
1330. Gutter is a tool.
1331. when girls wear pajamas out in public with their hair up
1332. "Can you hear me in the back? [knock, knock] Hello?"
1333. anatomically correct snowmen
1334. maxed out credit cards
1335. that kind of monkey that has a red ass
1336. hot potato
1337. nacho cheese
1338. seat back
1339. no snatchies
1340. 5's
1341. assclowns
1342. bubbles
1343. Bubble Boy
1344. speed bumps
1345. the mumps
1346. goosebumps
1347. Southern accents on cute, blonde, Southern strippers
1348. strippers
1349. tripe
1350. tubthumpers
1351. humping in a tub
1352. humping anywhere
1353. cleats
1354. Doug Maribelli
1355. Boron
1356. clean fingernails
1357. Doug Funny
1358. corkboard
1359. beating The Two Towers on Playstation 2 with Legolas
1360. "Self-improvement is masturbation."
1361. herpes
1362. redheads
1363. Ms. Holland
1364. Eureka's Castle
1365. Dungeons and Dragons
1366. open book tests
1367. wish granting genies
1368. Harmonic Minor
1369. C++
1370. All your base are belong to us.
1371. caffeine
1372. bawls
1373. Jolt
1374. twenty sided dice
1375. glockenspiels
1376. The Periodic Table
1377. Foxtrot
1378. The Quantum Theory
1379. Winamp Version 2.81
1380. bagpipes
1381. all things Geek
1382. NewsRadio
1383. glow in the dark keyboards
1384. computer mice with a laser instead of a ball
1385. male thongs
1386. Madden 2003
1387. Flip n' Fucks (those chairs that flip into a bed)
1388. making out
1389. mechanical pencils
1390. electric pencil sharpners
1391. CD-Burners
1392. "Soup at Hand' by Campbells
1393. tankini's
1394. tanning salons
1395. nail salons
1396. Camp Morgan Finales
1397. The big African Amercain football player in the movie Blue Crush
1398. Tom Brady
1399. orange
1400. Fleetwood Mac
1401. jet skis
1402. built in bras
1403. Molly Ringwald
1404. Dirty Dancing
1405. Top Gun
1406. Sixteen Candles
1407. Pretty in Pink
1408. The Breakfast Club
1409. IM smilies
1410. winter hats with the balls on top
1411. snowmobiles
1412. IM subprofiles
1413. buddy icons
1414. the Disney Channel
1415. General Hospital
1416. colored casts for when you break a bone
1417. flat irons to make your hair straight
1418. Newbury St. in Boston
1419. 5th Avenue in New York City
1420. Santa's elves
1421. Mr. and Mrs. Claus
1422. plastic shot glasses so you can't break them when you drop them
1423. glow in the dark shot glasses
1424. glow in the dark condoms
1425. home made mugs
1426. DVD players
1427. websites like this one
1428. Japanese restaurants that make you sit on the floor
1429. basketball
1430. Mall of America
1431. pool tables
1432. air hockey tables
1433. rotating class schedules
1434. Jammin' 94.5
1435. Arthur
1436. music
1437. Harrison Ford
1438. pictures
1439. Carebears
1440. "In the pants!"
1441. clowns
1442. getting free drinks from the vending machine
1443. mullets
1444. townies
1445. finding money in your pants
1446. watching people fall on the ice at Rockefeller Center
1447. team buses being pulled over for speeding
1448. the crazy English
1449. Keene State College
1450. PMS
1451. free air for your tires
1452. making out on the beach at midnight
1453. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1454. grape soda
1455. York Peppermint Patties
1456. peanut chews
1457. candy
1458. Fort Lauderdale
1459. seagulls
1460. Fuckin' A
1461. kisses on the forehead
1462. Kim Possible
1463. palm trees
1464. "For me to poop on!"
1465. staring
1466. THC
1467. the person you like IMing you
1468. family parties
1469. TPS reports
1470. goldfish
1471. listening to Alice in Chains
1472. NO MA'AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood)
1473. 100.7 WZLX
1474. Gary Busey
1475. morning wood
1476. the Fire Hydrant Game
1477. The Phantom Shitter
1478. The Donkey Punch
1479. doggystyle
1480. "You dropped your rock."
1481. popsicles
1482. Pittsburgh Pirates
1483. frozen mugs
1484. getting your balls licked
1485. coozies
1486. nuts on chin
1487. the reach around
1488. when people pass out with their shoes on
1489. eggs any style
1490. when people get so drunk they go to the hospital in an ambulance
1491. spooning
1492. Jesus
1493. screen names about famous people dying
1494. Weekend at Bernie's
1495. four game series
1496. flashlights
1497. spell check
1498. "Bring out your dead!"
1499. elevators with mirrors
1500. getting woken up in the middle of the night by a phone
1501. implants
1502. circumcision
1503. Moby-Dick
1504. the spaces for mothers-to-be at a parking lot
1505. the harmonica
1506. instant Mac & Cheese
1507. instant coffee
1508. flavored condoms
1509. money in the dryer or washing machine
1510. seeing a waiter or waitress drop your food
1511. body odor
1512. stinky feet
1513. farting
1514. Howard Stern
1515. long toe nails
1516. Matt O'Neil trading cards
1517. threesomes
1518. getting wasted on St. Patty's day
1519. Terry Tate, Office Linebacker
1520. "These ain't yo pens Richard, these pens belong in my house!"
1521. February 3, 2002
1522. having a red beard on St. Patty's Day
1523. cream soda with Southern Comfort
1524. IMchaos.com
1525. Gucci handbags
1526. Express Fast cash
1527. white water rafting
1528. prom night
1529. Flip Cup
1530. Kings
1531. extra pleasure condoms
1532. Sea-Doo's
1533. automatic car starters
1534. wireless laptop mouses
1535. Uncle Buck
1536. Orange VW Beetle Convertibles
1537. Newbury Comics
1538. Dunkin Donuts
1539. Good Times
1540. Family Guy
1541. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
1542. power metal
1543. Jagermeister
1544. bad porn
1545. bottled water
1546. shaving your pubes
1547. girls that shave their pubes
1548. Phish
1549. when you wake up hours before your alarm clock is set to go off and say, "Ha, yes!"
1550. karaoke
1551. laughing hysterically at nothing during an all-nighter
1552. getting food delivered at 2:00 in the morning
1553. the hookers in Grand Theft Auto
1554. Frank the Tank
1555. The Matrix
1556. MacGyver
1557. The Wonder Years
1558. chat lines
1559. Saddam's beard
1560. finishing finals and realizing you don't have class for a month
1561. passing a test using only sparknotes.com as a study guide
1562. wet willies
1563. toga parties
1564. crispy M&Ms
1565. Chippendale's
1566. anal beads
1567. scrambled eggs
1568. aviator Sunglasses
1569. hot pink and blue butterfly slippers
1570. peanut butter M&Ms
1571. dancing around naked while home alone
1572. Queen
1573. new car smell
1574. grundles
1575. inside jokes
1576. The Little Mermaid
1577. American Idol
1578. getting your driver's license
1579. getting an easy road test
1580. the AIM kissy face
1581. Easy Mac
1582. Jimy Williams
1583. KFC
1584. Ivanna Tinkle
1585. Seymour Butts
1586. extra innings
1587. no holds barred
1588. mo money
1589. mo problems
1590. Cheap Trick
1591. Slick Rick
1592. pop-up windows
1593. The 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox
1594. Old's
1595. Golden Crust
1596. Fennell
1597. Jason Giambi's intestinal parasites
1598. Your Mother's
1599. Dimebag Darrell (RIP)
1600. the jukebox at Old's
1601. inadvertent anal
1602. when you see Manny Ramirez settle under a fly ball then all of a sudden he gets that "Ohhhhhhhh shit" look on his face and he starts spinning in circles
1603. Katie Perry
1604. Skippy's Old Time Hockey
1605. SURPRISE!!!
1606. Straight Outa Compton
1607. Office Space
1608. Dad, Odd, Coach, Egon, Michael Kent...or whatever you may happen call him
1609. spiting someone
1610. going to the bar during a terrible blizzard
1611. TI-83 Plus
1612. cover bands
1613. hubcaps
1614. cars missing hubcaps
1615. cars up on blocks
1616. New Hampshire homes with broken down trucks on the front lawn
1617. swirlies
1618. beer coasters
1619. Brandon Arroyo
1620. Richie Z-isms
1621. clean-shaven Relphie
1622. bearded homeless Relphie
1623. bumper stickers taped to car windows
1624. lard
1625. bloody socks
1626. receding hairlines
1627. lamp
1628. Anchorman
1629. pressed wood
1630. three tab roof shingles
1631. architect roof shingles
1632. vinyl siding
1633. earning a degree and working construction
1634. cross music genre duets
1635. the first day of spring training
1636. the Red Sox playing on your birthday
1637. Chard
1638. www.baseball-reference.com
1639. the runner taking out the fielder sliding into second base
1640. Jerry Remy's mustache
1641. Alex Trabek's mustache
1642. "Who wants a mustache ride?"
1643. The Harp
1644. Harpoon
1645. poon
1646. Tig Ol' Bitties
1647. kitties
1648. Skittles
1649. kilts
1650. Brooks Badeaux
1651. James Monroe
1652. Joe Castiglione
1653. Jerry Trupiano
1654. mother fucker
1655. truckers
1656. dogs chasing mailmen
1657. letting your dog poop on the lawn of someone you hate
1658. stepping in poop
1659. the fly ball bouncing off Jose Canseco's head
1660. Ozzie Canseco's stellar baseball career
1661. beer farts
1662. beer shits
1663. Wild Turkey
1664. people who still don't have a cell phone
1665. the impending doom the cellular-less will find themselves in when they
are hanging off a cliff thinking "DAMN I WISH I HAD A CELL PHONE!!!"
1666. Chone Figgins
1667. toilets that flush by themselves
1668. John Olerud's Helmet
1669. not getting punched in the face right now
1670. dancing in the rain
1671. making scrapbooks
1672. walking around with a boom box on your shoulder
1673. flour fights
1674. brownie fights
1675. water balloon fights
1676. making teachers / professors mad
1677. making people laugh
1678. straight hair
1679. cuddling
1680. playing in the snow
1681. singing
1682. drinking
1683. meeting new people
1684. My Name Is Earl
1685. Mario Kart 64
1686. strawberry doughnuts
1687. T. S. Eliot
1688. Scrubs
1689. Mark Twain
1690. Boyz n the Hood
1691. The Adventures of Pete & Pete
1692. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
1693. The Boondocks
1694. JJ Evans
1695. Richard Karn
1696. breaking news
1697. peeing after having to pee for a really long time
1698. commercials with catchy songs
1699. Doing things is what I like to do...YES.
1700. the drunk driving episode of Saved By The Bell
1701. saving breaking the seal until after you leave Louie's
1702. The Automatic Softball League
1703. McPhail's
1704. drinking outside in the daytime
1705. promotions where they give out free stuff at bars
1706. right on red
1707. drinking right after work, especially if it's the early afternoon
1708. Dispatch
1709. hot girls at work
1710. eyefucking
1711. Spinal Tap
1712. That awkward silence right before a hooker pees on you (thanks, Dave Attell)
1713. Jon Papelbon
1714. having dreams about killing any contestant from American Idol
1715. hot drunk girls
1716. no line at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru
1717. getting the right order at Dunkin Donuts drive-thru
1718. mid-afternoon naps that last well into the evening
1719. little kids who think the state beverage is beer because, "My dad has it every night"
1720. label makers
1721. farting undetected in a group
1722. farting while moving around a crowded bar so no one knows it's you
1723. Elliott Smith
1724. tea
1725. hot vegan chicks
1726. green olives
1727. Guster
1728. free concerts
1729. leg warmers
1730. trophies
1731. hippies
1732. breaking into pools
1733. holding the train for some running drunk train riders
1734. finishing a book
1735. making fun of people who wear their blue tooth earpiece even when they're not talking to anybody
1736. catching someone singing in their car
1737. Hungarians
1738. the African nation of Chad
1739. Awesometown
note: There is no specific order to the list.
note: If you find anything on this page offensive: Get a life, it's all in good fun. If you don't, I'll send some guys who eat babies (#409) with AK-47s (#47) over your house to lay the smack down. (see #114)