Tuesday night a week ago I had this most wonderful deja vu experience while I was driving my car. The weather has been unseasonably cold these past few days....pretty much between the 40s and 60s. It's been enough to keep all the windows closed on the house. Personally, my word for this weather is "brisk". It's very refreshing and energizing to me unlike the hot and humid days of summer hear in Northeast Ohio. Anyhow, getting back to my deja vu experience, I had my car window down, letting the brisk air flow past me as I drove along the road. Suddenly, a song by Smashmouth started playing on the radio. It was their first hit from way back in 1997, of which I can't recall the name at this moment. In any case, the song combined with the very unique quality of the air to instantly draw my mind back to my time living down in Columbus while I was on Co-op in 1997. It was such a pleasant feeling, and though the intense sensation only lasted for less than a minute, there has been a lingeriing effect on my mood.

I tend to experience these moments of "season deja vu" whenever the weather first begins to change on the cusps of the seasons. The most intense is usually the autumn one where I can just smell and feel the leaves beginning to turn and the air crisp some. It takes my memory back to apple picking and raking leaves and other fall persuits. This wasn't it quite yet, but in a few weeks that moment should come. I also get a similar experience in the spring on the day when it suddenly becomes warm enough to remove your jacket, and you can just feel the freshness in the air and the leaves and flowers waiting in anticipation to leap from the buds. I know that similar feelings strike me as summer and winter approach also, but not quite as intensely or memorably.

I really have to wonder if it is just me that gets these kinds of feelings or if it's wider spread than that. To me, the changing seasons are so exhilarating. It's this wonderful energy in the air that manifests itself in smells, but more than that also. Maybe I'm more sensitive to the seasons than others, or maybe this is a more common experience than I had thought.

The brisk weather has motivated me in my job search. On Tuesday a week ago I sent out resumes and letters to three different companies. I'm trying hard to find a few more possible opportunities for myself. None of these three jobs is perfect, but they all would have certain redeeming qualities. The one I'm really hoping for is in Columbus.

Honestly, I keep having the feeling that I really want to end up in Columbus in the immediate future. There is just this mysterious attraction for me that I really can't explain. It might be that I know the city about as well as I know Cleveland. It might also be that it's distant enough from home that I feel a bit insulated. It could be that Allen and his friends are down there and I'd really like the possibility of joining their gaming group, even if it's only a possibility (for that matter, a few of my college friends are living down in the area). Could be that the gay community down there seems much more accessible to me that the one in Cleveland. Might just be a reasonless whim......how am I to know?! I just know that Columbus seems right to me somehow.

One of the things I did last week was to get my old bicycle out of the inner reaches of my parents' garage for the first time in many years. I've had this urge for bicycle riding over the past few days, so I fixed it up the best I could, considering the front rim is slightly bent making the front brakes almost useless. I realized that it takes a bit of time to get used to the bicycle when you've barely ridden in the past 5 years. I discovered that I can't makes as sharp a turn as I used to be able, and I'm not feeling balanced enough to ride with no hands. That was something that I prided myself on being good at (even with a bag of newspapers slung over my shoulder) once upon a time. I know it's not the safest thing to do, but I don't exactly live in the big city either. In any case, I'm thinking about getting a new bike since there is enough age showing on the old one that it would probably be cheaper to buy one than to fix the one I already have.

I've been trying to be social recently too. I talked to so many people by phone last weekend. On Thursday, I believe, I talked to Mickey for a good long while. I forget all that we discussed....lots about relationships and dating....lots about jobs and finding them.....and most importantly, we bonded in a positive way. Mickey thinks that our communications over the net tend to get tense and mis-communicated, and I think I'm convinced of that as well now. I think he was happy that I seemed to really open up and talk about me personally and what I am thinking.

I called my friend Ryan down in Texas last Friday and we talked for hours, as it's been since last year that we talked. Our friendship is one of those lasting ones I think. We haven't seen each other in probably 6 years, and we only really talk when I call, but there's not this tension over the time between when we communicate. We managed to enter that stage of friendship where you lead completely separate lives, but you can pick up where you left off without missing a beat.

I talked to Kari for a long while by phone Friday also. She's working down in Cincinnati these days, but doesn't really know anyone down there....I promised a visit at some point in the near future to hang out and explore a bit. I don't really know the downtown area that much since my relatives all live outside of that, but I'm familiar enough to know a lot of *what* is there. So, with a map and some directional hints from my relatives, I think that we can be off and running in no time to see the marvelous sights of Cincinnati.

Last Saturday I spent the day hanging out with Nardo, Laura, Dan, Natalie, and Rhiannon. We picniced and saw Nardo's new apartment, and watched a movie in the evening. Dan was leaving for home for a few day before heading off to Detroit to start his new job. We had a nifty cool time of it. Sunday I took Melissa to explore Coventry, so she could learn a bit more of her way around Cleveland. I guess she's really enjoying her teaching job so far, which is nifty. I also suddenly remembered that I talked to Chrissy (Hi Chrissy!!!!) briefly a week or two ago....I think it was Labor Day weekend since her boyfriend was up to visit her.

Discipline. That's something that is required to become an Olympic champion. To go out there and be the best in the world. To face trials and tribulations and come out of it and keep pushing for the gold.

Discipline is also something that I feel I myself am sorely lacking much of the time. It shows itself in various areas of my life, most obviously in my academics. I was just filling out a job application the past few days. On the application there is a section asking for GPA in a few math and science areas. I tried briefly to find a way to pad the numbers a bit without lying (because I'm not going to lie....a minefield that is.) Yes, they really are that bad....trust me, if I was dealing with a 3.0 for some things I would be quite happy.

I'm going to get really down on myself right now. I'm hoping that no one of consequence in my career path ever reads this, as I certainly manage to show my bad side here sometimes. It irks me tremendously that I have these vague dreams of being an overachiever and end up being an underachiever on far too many occasions. I wonder if it would have made any difference if I played sports during my youth. So many people realy learn a lot of discipline from athletics, either individual or team. I'm not at all sure why I was never athleticly involved....maybe I'll blame this one on my parents, as I've already absolved them (in my mind anyhow) of being responsible for me being gay, other than the genetics part of it.

But in the end, that would be shirking my personal responsibility for my own life and actions. There are plenty of people who have not had any of the advantages I have in life. Who grew up poor, unloved, sick, set upon by all sorts of problems, and who ended up being successful and even quite remarkable human beings. What is it that causes some people to be driven by adversity while others are destroyed by it? How can I shape my life to be one of the victors? What if I have no significant adversity? How then can I prevent myself from sliding through life in the shoes of mediocrity?

I guess I'm full of the tough questions tonight. It's sortof sad that I get in this funk after watching the Olympics or other momentus events go on in the world around me. Sometimes I just have to ask why it isn't me in the seat of success for a few moments. And there don't seem to be any answers that I can come up with that are even close to satisfactory. I think this is like Rob's Everest thing....yeah Rob, I do understand the Everest thing, even if I make like I don't most of the time. I hope you get there someday. I also hope I find my Everest someday as well.

Ok, I'm sure those past few paragraphs will get me plenty of responses, so I will lighten my mood a bit for my own benefit. As previously mentioned, I've been watching the Olympic coverage the past two nights. It's wierd that up til the moment it happened, I truly had zero excitement for the Olympic Games whatsoever. Now, suddenly the mood has pervaded my life out of the blue. Very wierd.

I have to say that it's interesting getting a good glance at Australia from the coverage. It seems to me so far that Australia would be quite a nice place to live if I were to live somewhere other than the US. I suppose Canada wouldn't be a bad place either, though I'll wait to talk about them until next time they host some big event....I can't have my conversation wandering all over now, can I?

Anyhow, the TV announcers seem to keep talking about the friendliness and humility shown by Australia, and even stuff about them having a bit of an inferiority complex. Now, I don't give much credit to Bob Costas (you don't nee to listen long to tell he's a dolt), but I can see how this might be true to some extent. The upshot of all this is that, Australia is not in the "leader of the world" position that the US is in at many times, and has the luxury of being allowed to be much more comfortable with itself in many ways. That's a somewhat attractive spot to be in I would think. I think I will have to visit Australia someday.

Of course, I'm also not minding watching the Olympics for the athletes either. So far I've seen weightlifters, swimmers, and by far the best, gymnasts. Gee, I bet everyone thinks I'm this total hormonal case the way I talk about hot guys I see just about every entry. Maybe I'm not that bad....who knows....sigh. In any case, the male gymnasts are definitely some of the hottest. If I could find a guy with a body like them that would be a fine thing. Oh well, I can continue to dream (and gawk) I suppose. Hmm....maybe I need to build a body like that and get other guys to clamor for my attention. Hmm......dreams....they are wonderful things. And some of them even come true over time.

Last evening I took my bicycle out for a real spin. I went over to the neighborhood where my old newspaper route was about 8 years ago. I also rode through the neighborhood where my family used to live about that long ago. It was strange to see so many houses where I used to know people.....friends, neighbors, others.....and so many where I didn't know anyone anymore. It was strange to see my old house and relive a few memories in my mind. Somehow though I didn't particularly miss my old house. I guess I've gotten used to living in different places by now, with all the moving during college. I ended my ride along the narrow dirt path that I used to walk to the elementary school every day. I ran up the ancient playground equipment (careful not to hit my head) and slid down the slide, careful to avoid the puddle that still forms in the mud at the bottom. It's wierd that my old neighborhood is less than a mile away, yet I have not really been over there in a couple of years.

I think when I next write, I am going to come up with a sortof personal political platform. I'm honestly quite tired of reading and hearing what the politicians have to say but not really feeling like they are even addressing any of my concerns very clearly. I hope that I get the chance to be in politics someday because I think that I will work a bit differently than most. Bah.

Anyhow, that's all for this very timely update. It's wierd that I am so inspired within a single week to write twice. I think that I am going to attribute it to the cool weather. It just brings out this special mood in me that is unlike any other I know.

I feel like I need to add some more commentary on to my entry from the other day. My thoughts in relation to success and the Olympics and whatnot were really expressing a lot of the frustration I've been feeling in life lately. I think that I've come to a few new realizations that continue to open up some new windows for me to look out of.....some new viewpoints on life.

The Olympic coverage ran a totally touching story about a swimmer from Equatorial Guinea. Now, the country of Equatorial Guinea has a team of only 4 at the 2000 Olympic Games. This swimmer, it turns out, had only been recruited to swim three month earlier, and had never even seen an olympic sized pool, much less swum that distance. They showed the race, where the other two swimmers in that heat both false started and were disqualified. So this guy, who had never even swum the distance he was swimming (100 meters) ended up swimming it all by himself in front of 17,000 people at the Olympics. He said in the interview afterwards that he felt like giving up after he had gotten only halfway, but kept on going and finished the race with a time that was over a minute slower than most of the competitors.

Strangely enough, even Bob Costas couldn't ruin this story, and it send a lot of thoughts through my brain. I had been looking at the Olympics these past few days, and seeing all these beautiful people who are quite literally the best in the world at what they do. I really forgot that there is so much more to it than that. I forgot that the Olympic is also a place for people to represent their country and themselves with pride, even when they aren't among the best and come from a nation that isn't among the most advanced and successful in the world. I also forgot that for all the greatness, there are also a lot of people, like those on the American gymnastics teams, that have to deal with mistakes and injuries and bad days....failures if you will.

But what makes all these people great, is that they get back up after defeat and after many trials, and they go at it again, and try to improve. This is something that I think I lose sight of at times. The media is inconsistent; at some times the it captures the struggles very poignantly, and at others it chooses to only show us the perfect people and the beautiful people. But this isn't about the media.....it's about me. It's about having the humility to accept my trials and difficuties gracefully, and having the pride to get back up after a defeat and not give in to despair.

I tend to be a results person sometimes....I get very fixated on the end results and lose sight of the importance of the process of getting there.....the hard work and struggle involved in most things that are worthwhile. I think that this might have been what really got in the way of greater academic success for me. I hated the process.....all the work that had to go into getting the grades. I never really had to deal with that before college, because it all had come so naturally to me up to that point. This is something that I need to keep reminding myself of from now on. The process and the struggle are as important as the end result.

Today I got some really good news actually. I managed to secure for myself, not one, but two interviews next week. I got a long call this afternoon from the place out in Ashtabula. It went really well. They're going to have me in for a number of hours next Wednesday. Later, I got a call from the place that had the Technical Sales position in Columbus. This was actually for interviews in Detroit for a job up in that area. I will have that interview either Thursday or Friday of next week. I was honestly exhausted after fielding those two calls. I don't know if it's the tension I feel or the energy I put into it, but I felt like I had just been through a workout (but no, I wasn't sweating).

I honestly would like to come out of next week having secured an offer for both jobs, but my expectation is more that I will get an offer for the classic engineering job in Ashtabula and not for the sales job in Detroit. This is fine. In all honesty, after thinking about it some, I think that it is probably best for me to take a classic chemical engineering job than one in sales. In the long run, it would be very easy for me to land a sales job after working at a chemical plant for a few years, but it would probably not be as likely for me to get an industrial job after working only in sales. There's also the fact that the industrial job sounds fairly cutting edge in the type of stuff I'm interested, and looks to have good potential for advancement and training.

The big drawback I can anticipate is that it's not in the kind of big city atmosphere that I would hope to live in. I've been dreading for a while the idea of living at home and working in a smaller town. I am somewhat changing my view on things though. Living at home does have the benefit of low cost, since my parents will probably charge me little for it. This would allow me to get a new car easier and start paying off my loans a bit ahead of schedule. So financially it would be a really great move.

Where I still have questions is in regards to my social life. Both living with my parents and living in a rural area really hold me back from working on new friendships or relationships. In many ways, I'm far away from people who I would associate with socially. Admittedly, the drive in to Cleveland in under an hour, but that's still a pretty big distance to travel after working all day. I've been holding off on coming out to my parents until I am securely in a job and moved out of the house. It would frankly be quite impossible to be involved in any sort of relationship unless the entire relationship went on beyond the reaches of home.

So, having thought through stuff a bit, I hope that I get hired by the Ashtabula company. At that point I can settle myself in at home for a bit and start to persue a bit of social interaction outside. I guess that I'd like to be in a place of my own around the beginning of next year. That will have given me a few months to save up money so that I won't have to start off with a tight money situation.

I had intended to make a trip down to the southern reaches of the state this weekend to visit friends....Allen, Kari, maybe a few others. That trip is going to have to be postponed for a bit. I talked to my friend Karen from home yesterday and found out that her dad, who had been ill with cancer, had taken a turn for the worse. I got an e-mail from her today that her dad had died and she was on her way home. I'm going to spend some time with Karen and Paul hopefully, to be there for them.

Wow, these updates are coming like wildfire, aren't they! I have a rant that I really have to make because I'm just that angry and indignant at the moment.

Dammit, Bob Costas is such a twit! His inane comments make me just want to be ill. One of last night's "Olympic Moments" was about the emotional power that dwells in the Star Spangled Banner being played for the US gold medalists. The spot was very nice up until the end. They ended with a typical Costas comment about how "you can't blame people" for finding the nationsal anthem a niusence the way it's played at every sports event, no matter how commonplace.

What?! If he had been in the room with me, that man would not have been standing after that. I would have hit him that hard. Of course you can "blame people" (and I sure as hell will) for being lazy miscreants with no appreciation for the value of the freedoms we have in this country and for being self centered greedy bastards. What a total cop-out that was. Here we have a television announcer making excuses for all the Americans today who are nothing but lazy ungrateful trash.

I say that people can damn well show some respect and reverence for the ideals that this country was founded on and that we should still be striving for today. It doesn't matter that a lot of the realities of contemporary politics are disillusioning at best, the ideal still remains as a guiding light for us. That the media sees fit to cheapen that ideal, as if the entire population had such severe ADD that they can't show reasonable attentiveness to the National Anthem, is abhorrent to me. Now, I'm not suggesting that we start censoring the media, but people need to stand up publicly and disagree when we are fed this kind of shit from on high as if it were gospel truth.

This rant has been brought to you by the letter Z and the number 42.

Okay, here is the short version of my life the past few weeks. I interviewed in Ashtabula. I interviewed in Detroit. I hung out with friends in Detroit. I sat around a lot at home for a week. I got depressed and decided to make changes in my life.

That pretty much brings us up to the present moment.

Hey all, you are in luck. Today is election day. I am motivated. You get to read my first journal entry in nearly a month while you watch the numbers come in from the polls. I don't know which is more exciting, the election or my journal. Oh, okay, so I'm being facetious. We all know my journal is much more exciting.

I've been doing a lot of Model UN over the past few weeks, and into the near future for that matter. Three weekends ago was the Model UN Conference at Kent State that I help staff at. I had a lot of fun, a bit of partying and socializing, and very little sleep. The CWRU team went in with a smaller group than usual and came out with second place overall. Congrats to them! This weekend is the conference hosted by CWRU, which I will also be helping to staff. In the middle, I have been working on our MUNnet project, helping revise the rules of procedure for Kent's spring high school conference, aiding the Cleveland Council on World Affairs with their conference, and helping the CWRU staff prepare. Doesn't sound like a lot does it? Heh.

Last Tuesday I got a bit of resolution on the latest chapter of the job search. I called the place in Ashtabula that I interviewed with last month. They are not hiring at the moment because the company is in the process of being sold. They said it would probably be sometime after the beginning of the year when they look to hire. I am still in the running when that happens, and I have done everything that I can at this point. As much as this may sound bad, it is really a relief to me in so many ways. I was really feeling paralyzed about further job searching while I was waiting for such a perfect opportunity. This has given me a bit of closure so I feel like I can act again and move forward.

My plan for the moment is to look at employment agencies that place people in technical positions. It would be nice to find something that yielded up a long term job, but I still want to keep myself open in case the Ashtabula job or a couple of others I have talked to open up after the beginning of the year. I'm finally listening to people on this front....a number of people have suggested going to employment agencies over the past few months. I'm really hoping to have something good come along soon. I really want to be working now.

Over the past weekend I took a trip across Ohio to visit friends. I spent one day with my friend Karen from school down in Columbus. She was in a car accident a few weeks ago, so she is somewhat laid-up still. I spent another day with Kari down in Cincinnati. I got to see her new apartment, and we went out Latin dancing in the evening. She tried to teach me, but my dancing had much to be desired I think.....considering I have never done Salsa or Mirengue (sp?) before, I am pretty happy tho.

I don't know if any of you have had the experience of seeing a tractor trailer tire retread blowout in front of you? I did on my way down to Columbus. It was pretty freaky to have most of a tire suddenly fly past you in two or three pieces only a lane away. I feel bad for the people who were right next to the tire when it went. Thankfully was no accidents caused by it. It makes me wonder why I haven't had this happen before though, since you see so many pieces of tires sitting around the edges of highways.

On an exciting future note, Mickey will be visiting me the weekend before Thanksgiving. He has some vacation time to use up (and some money to burn I guess) so I get to play Cleveland tour guide for a weekend. I like showing people around my city, so I know that we'll be having all kinds of fun. From what we've talked so far we're going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and also touring my campus and the Art Museum, and the Coventry shopping area. I've also hit upon a boon of persons involved with the Kent Model UN program who may be willing to troop about with us to some gay clubs in Cleveland. This is all very fortuitous happenstance. I dunno what else we will be doing that weekend, however, I expect a good bit of eating out and shopping as well. We will probably also explore around Lakewood a bit since Mickey's hotel is going to be over in that area.

One Saturday about a month ago, I attended a Catholic Young Adult Conference in Cleveland. It was a one day event for people in their 20's and 30's. Overall it was a wonderful experience, but there are certainly some highlights that are very important to me. I got to see a number of people who I know from the Newman Campus Ministry, both at CWRU and from Diocesan wide events. I also had the chance to meet a lot of new people.....the openness and sense of community that existed from the beginning was really exciting. There were close to 400 people there, so the few dozen I had a chance to talk with briefly only scratched the surface.

They had two workshop sessions in the afternoon, with a variety to choose from. I went to a workshop on dealing with conflict within the Church and promoting dialogue, and a second workshop on how the church is called to be inclusive of and supportive of its homosexual members. Both workshops were good.....the second one could have been better....the presenter wasn't really up to the task presenting the subject dynamically, and the time was a bit short. The real benefit of that session was that I got some resource material that I had been wanting, and a couple guys sitting behind me set off little blips on my gaydar.

It turns out that one of them (at least) is involved with efforts on the part of the Diocese to begin a more comprehensive gay and lesbian ministry. We in the Cleveland Diocese are very lucky to have a leader in Bishop Pilla who is so very committed to breaking down barriers, creating dialogue between groups, and bringing social justice to prominence in the community. One aspect of this ministry is that they are working on setting up a gay and lesbian young adult group. This sounds like exactly the kind of thing that I need in life and want to be involved in right now. I'm very curious to see the total focus. I'm hoping there are a variety of elements, both spiritual and social and beyond.

I'm honestly not sure how broad in scope this will be, but I hope that eventually we can do some outreach to the Newman Campus Ministries in the area. There are too many people like me who had to struggle along on their own for a while figuring things out. There are also too many people who leave the Church over homosexuality issues at a time when the Church is struggling hard to be inclusive and getting better at it every day. That's why I find it so important to let college students, some of whom are just trying to come to terms with sexuality, know that there are a lot of people out here who are there to support and help them, even if the church at large is still somewhat uncomfortable discussing homosexuality.

Around the same time as the Catholic conference, I was making a lot of inroads in my personal struggles on moral issues. On Friday I had a long ICQ conversation with my friend John in DC. We discussed some thoughts on Catholic moral teaching in regards to contraception, which led into a second conversation on abortion. I think that conversation strengthened my own personal pro-life convictions greatly. Honestly, it's very tough for someone like me who is often so inclined toward compromise to take a strong position in the face of seemingly insurmountable opposition. I now have a stronger feeling for my stance.

At the Young Adult conference, the keynote speaker was Sister Helen Prejean, on whose story the movie Dead Man Walking was based. She was a most amazing speaker and storyteller....very down-to-earth, and very "earthy" in some ways. She talked about her ministry with death row inmates, as well as her work with victims' families. She talked a lot about the meaning behind being a Christian, of being open and willing to accept God's call to work for social justice even when you are afraid to do so, and of Catholic Social Teaching in general. I can't but be amazed at her amazing willingness to work for the respect and dignity of all human life. Yet she is just an ordinary person who has been open to facing her fears and working for social justice.

At the end of the weekend, I had another chat with John over ICQ. We related thoughts on abortion and on capital punishment, and discussed them in the context of the electoral campaign. This sortof tied things together for me very well, making some connections in my mind. At this point I think I have a very solid grasp of why I am pro-life not just in an abortion sense, but in an overall sense of humanity.

So now, to end things off I'm going to talk about politics and the election. As I am writing this it's really late and I'm about ready to go to bed. Neither Bush nor Gore have gotten a decisive victory in the presidential election, and with a vote count one or two thousand apart in Florida, they are conducting an automatic recount. This is an event that has not occurred in this century, to have a race this close for president. I think that the close result of the presidential race and the narrow margins held by the Republicans in congress will force a lot of bipartisanship and a lot more democracy of listening to the voices of the people.

And what about Ralph Nader? Well, he didn't capture the 5% of the vote nationlly that was hoped for, however he still posted some impressive results in my opinion. The Nader showing was strong in Ohio, but the numbers are not enough to have thrown the election in a different direction, so frankly he had no end negative effect on either Bush or Gore in Ohio, but the positive effect for the Green party can not be underestimated. Nader pulled about 3% of the Ohio vote, 114,000 of the approximately 2.6 million votes he garnered nationwide. I happen to be one of 3,092 who voted for Nader out of 100,000 voters in my county. I guess I find that pretty impressive.

The key for the Green party from this point and looking into the future is to use this as a launching point to populate the national legislature and state legislatures and other high level offices with some solid green party candidates. Being identified with a solid Green party effort for the presidency with Ralph Nader will undoubtedly help future candidates for office on all levels. I think that the next 4 years are crucial for the Green party because they have to take advantage of the small momentum they have gained in this election. Ralph Nader has gifted the party with profile and legitimacy. The party needs to make use of the enhanced organization and experience it has gained to promote candidates on a statewide and local basis. Green candidates need to show that they can challenge the status quo effectively and get elected, but they also need to show that they can work well with others to come to solutions.

I don't know how much I've discussed this in my journal, but I am clear in my reasons for supporting and believing in the Green party. I beleive solidly in the party's "10 Key Values" upon which everything is based. I think that a solid and coherent set of basic values in important, and I think that the other parties have not been able to clearly articulate their own values to my satisfaction.

I tend toward a much more centrist or moderate orientation overall, but depending on the issue I lean towards more conservative or liberal stances. With my opinion being such a combination of liberal and conservative influences, I have always had a hard time identifying fully with either the Democrats or the Republicans. I don't really know if the Green party will be right for me in the long term, mainly because of the areas where it tends towards socialist ideas. I think that I'm a small government Green. No doubt, that sounds like a contradiction to some who have looked a bit into the Green Party. However, a lot of things in the Green party ideals point towards less government on the national level and more focus on the state level and down to the community. Specifically, in the 10 Key Values, Grassroots Democracy, Personal and Social Responsibility, and Decentralization all speak directly to the idea of giving power back to the communities and the people rather than centering it in the US Capitol. This is where I have reservations about the run for the Presidency when it seems much more important to elect Greens to all levels of government, especially legislative bodies.

Anyhow, I would love to continue to write away, but I get the feeling that this entry will end up being posted late anyhow..... The upcoming weekend is going to be our Model UN conferenc at CWRU, which I am assisting with, and the weekend after that Mickey is going to be visiting me in Cleveland for the weekend! With my few journal entries of recent I have not been able to announce that. I will, however, try to updat while he is here somehow. I'm excited about being able to show off my city to someone who's never been here before. Anyhow, gotta boogie.....laters!

Well, life's been rather busy in these parts lately. I actually just got started in earnest with my job search again today. Last week I got myself all set up on Monster.com. Today I finished setting things up with the job searching application they have at school for students and alumni. I also talked to people at an employment agency that does technical positions locally. I'm going to send them a resume tomorrow and interview with them sometime next week. As I was searching today I was feeling alternately good and unhappy. Like I've said before, the job search process is very irksome to me. I really just want to snap my fingers and have a job so I can get on with the engineering stuff, which is what I want to do. I didn't go to school for 4 years just to spend my life interviewing, web searching, and writing cover letters.

I just put in some music on my CD player. Now I'm ready to churn out some good journal writing, hopefully before the evening is out. We all know how my promises go in regards to the journal, but I think I can get through this. There are only two weekend long events for me to chronicle. Of course, if you all have been watching the weather you might know that it's rather snowy around these parts at the moment. Cleveland through Buffalo is pretty much a mess...s'posed to clear up before Thanksgiving though, so hopefully family travel down to Cincinnati will be nice and uneventful.

Weekend number one, two weekends ago, was a Model UN weekend. I think I mentioned that I was helping with the CNMUN conference that the CWRU group hosts in Cleveland. I won't dwell too much on the conference, as I know I don't have too many Model UN devotees as readers. It was a busy weekend, but well worth the effort. My main task for the weekend was doing the data entry and calculations for the awards scoring system. This took a lot off the hands of the rest of the staff. I also did a lot of miscellaneous running about, which was also good. I suspect it is just very helpful to have a five time veteran helping to do many of the little tasks for the weekend.

All in all, the conference was an unparalleled success for us. We lost numbers on our attendees from the original estimates, but stayed steady with last year. As far as smoothness, things were better despite a number of changes and new challenges we faced. I'm looking forward to CNMUN VI already, as I think it will continue to improve.

This past weekend Mickey was in to visit, and we had a wonderful and exciting time of it. It's not often that I get a visitor from across the country to escort around my city and show off the sights. We did a lot of cultural and touristy things and tried a lot of different restaurants and other exciting places to hang out.

He got in around 9 PM as the plane was delayed a bit and kept circling the airport. We drove through the city to the Hotel that Mickey had in Lakewood. After getting all checked in we went over to Truffles, the coffeehouse that I went to with Erin back in May. It was fairly empty, but we had a nice time just hanging there and chatting. I drove back home that night as I needed to pack up stuff I would need for the weekend. I also honestly was sneaking around my parents about all of this. This is the trouble with not being out to my parents andnot having any idea how to explain having friends who I met over the internet who just happen to be willing to fly across the country to hang out with me. Some day this will all be a lot easier....like when I am moved out.

Friday morning will be affectionately known as "hell morning" for a while to come. The snow was making the roads ugly out my way east of the city. I managed to have my first major snow spinout ever (at least that I recall) on my way back to Cleveland. I got a bit too confident at some point and drove a bit too fast. I managed to start sliding off the the left side of the road, oversteer and 180 off the right side of the road facing traffic. thankfully no other cars were near me at the time, but I was stuck in the tall snow until a kind person stopped and helped me rock the car back onto the roadway. There were definite guardian angels watching over me that day.

As it turns out I discovered at this point that my exhaust system was beginning to fall down from my car. I don't think the spinout caused it, but I think it aggrevated it considerably. I made it out to Lakewood with only a bit of scraping upon the road. We drove ourselves out to the East Side, and on the way, the tailpipe evidently popped apart in a spot because the car got really loud. I managed to get to my regular repair place (you know the car is old when you have a regular repair place) without losing any pieces. After this was the second stroke of luck, as we discovered an Enterprise Rent-A-Car not even a block down the street. We grabbed a car for the day so we could run out home to borrow my mom's car for the weekend. Mickey got to see my incredibly messy room in all its lackluster glory. We had lunch at Tommy's in Coventry and shopped around a bit once we got back. I had wanted to tour around camps, but because of the car troubles we did abbreviated pointing out of landmarks on our way from place to place. I had brought a whole bunch of stuff that I inherited after the Model UN conference to store away on campus and out of my hands. After that we hit the boring Model UN meeting and then headed back to Lakewood.

Friday night we called up my friend Melissa who lives just down the street in Lakewood. She went with us to a restaurant called The Diner on Clifton. It was a diner, but very chic and upscale with nice decor....not your average greasy spoon. The food was good and inexpensive. Afterwards we went back to Melissa's for a while to just hang out. I'm glad that Mickey got to meet a few of my friends over the weekend because I think that helps to reveal a lot about who I am.....the only drawback is that he had to endure me talking about various subjects that were probably way boring.

Saturday was our first downtown day. We started things off with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As I hadn't been back there since the first year it was open, it was a pretty new experience for me as well. I got much enjoyment in examining the Billy Joel display which was new since he was inducted in 1999. Of course, the actual hall itself seems to be an almost mystical experience. The beautiful glass panes with the signatures of all the inductees seem to go on forever. Mickey seemed to like the building itself a lot too, much more than the E.M.P in Seattle evidently. I guess that's the difference between I.M. Pei and Frank Gehry.... After the Rock Hall we wandered across downtown to Tower City for some shopping. We were very much in control of our buying impulses. We shared an Auntie Anne's pretzel and I bought a shirt from Structure....it was on clearance for $10, so I could hardly pass that up.

Saturday evening my friend Julie from Model UN snagged us for dinner and dancing. We went to a restaurant on the West Side called Snickers. The food there was beyond excellent....it was also a bit expensive, but probably worth it. I had a good fettucinni with a vinaigrette sauce and calamari, shrimp, and mussels on top. The calamari was pretty good, neither the best nor the worst I have ever had. They also had a wonderous appetizer of artichoke hearts stuffed with cheese.

After dinner we rushed back to the hotel room for some quick clothing change. I got out my hot new shirt I bought in Seattle. Our main stop for dancing was The Grid, one of Cleveland's better gay clubs from what I understand. I was a bit nervous, being that this is only the second gay club I've been to. They had Flash Gordon the movie playing on the overhead monitors.....they also had a very well muscled guy in a thong dancing and evidently getting a good amount of money. Once I had a couple drinks I was loosened up enough to dance the night away without further delay. Julie eventually found her friends and they wandered off to Atlantis, a more lesbian club around the corner. Mickey and I did dance the night away, or at least a couple of hours of it. I enjoyed myself, as Mickey is a good dancer in my estimation. I also enjoyed the view of the bois in the rest of the club....as the evening went on more shirts came off. Not mine of course, but then again the shirt and I compliment each other rather well. I really enjoyed the weekend and had forgotten how I enjoy dancing....the cover at the Grid was only $2, so I could do an evening out for less than $10 with drinks (and I still maintain that gay clubs serve better mixed drinks), it was a nice crowd, but thankfully not so packed you can't actually dance, and I might be able to develop those tight abs dancing like that often enough. I've concluded that I need to create a snowball effect now....if I dance more, I'll be more inclined to work out so I look better, and if I'm working out and looking better, I'll be more confident when I go out....what a wonderful circle of causality!

I had to run off to Akron Sunday morning for the Annual LEIMUN meeting. I let Mickey sleep in more or less, once I grabbed us a quick breakfast at Burger King. (Croissanwiches are much better than McMuffins.) When I got back we went out to the East Side again to visit the Art Museum. Mickey enjoyed that a lot seemingly, so I'll let him talk about it if he wants. After the museum we wandered over to the Flats for dinner at the Rock Bottom Brewery. The food was good but our waiter sortof sucked....oh well.

We crashed ourselves at the hotel for a while after dinner and then decided to finish off our day back at Truffles for hot beverages and dessert. It was a lot more busy there on Sunday night....plenty of cute guys hanging around. A bunch of guys from the Men's Chorus were hanging out at one table. There was a cute boi at the table next to us alone looking very sad and lost puppy like. I was almost about to ask him to join us when he got up and left....next time something like that happens I'll ask sooner. I've decided that this is definitely a place in which I should spend more time. I'm much more likely to strike up a few random conversations in a coffee shop, and maybe make a few friends or something more, than I am at a club (but I'll still hit the clubs too).

Monday was a bit of a short day. We slept in and checked out of the hotel at Noon. We met my friend Rhiannon for lunch downtown. I arranged with Rhiannon to have her help me transport cars back home after she finished work. Then Mickey and I went over to the Galleria to shop for a bit until it was time to go to the airport. The airport was uneventful, as we said our goodbyes and I headed back to the East Side to pay for my car. Rhiannon and I then shuttled cars back to my house and I shuttled her back to her car in Cleveland. We stopped for dinner at Alladin's and went our separate merry ways.

Okay, I was getting annoyed that people seemed to not be posting much again, but then I got wrapped up in my life for a few days and didn't finish this in a timely fashion, so I have no reason to complain. Anyhow, some people have posted since then I think. In any case, Thanksgiving was wonderful....Cincinnati was Cincinnati....that's about all there. I was in luck that my cousins also like Thursday TV night, so I got to get my Will and Grace fix on Thanksgiving.

Friday night over the holiday I had a wonderful dream. It was in three parts, but the middle part as the one I liked the best. That part took place near a club that was nominally like The Grid. (Actually when I dream, the places are seldom much like they are in real life, however I make memory associations for whatever reason.) So, I'm outside this club with four girls whom I know fairly well (though I can't recall which ones) and two guys who I don't know well. I think we're leaving at this point, so we're all sharing hugs goodbye. When I get to each of the two guys, there is the briefest of awkward silent moments, followed by sheepish grins, followed by hugs. The really fun and memorable part of the dream is that in the process of a hug, each of these guys give my ass a good firm squeeze. They were pretty good looking too, so I can't complain. But alas, it's only a dream....heh....maybe they come back for more in a future dream. I can hope.

Also, I read a fun book that Melissa lent me when Mickey and I hung out with her the other week, Love Junkie by Robert Plunket. Were I a book reviewer, I would characterize it as:

It's a wonderfully funny and hilly story of an upper middle class woman who ends up getting caught up in gay society and then the porn industry in the early 1980's. I would definitely reccommend it as a heck of a trip for anyone who doesn't mind some pretty graphic language and sexual situations.

I got lots of lectures from relatives about really digging in and searching for a job in earnest. That is what I have been doing this week mostly. I spent most of Monday rooting about the internet looking for things. I got an e-mail from an employment agency that saw my resume on Monster.com. I went in for an interview with one agency on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. I left both feeling pretty positive, as each had a job that they thought I might be able to fill. Hopefully one of these will work out, or another even better match will come along soon. I'm planning to contact at least two other agencies in the Cleveland area as well as a few actual "chemical" companies I know of that people pointed out to me in recent days, as I had forgotten about them.

Tuesday, after the first interview I met Julie at her work for lunch. She sells cars, so she also took me on a couple test drives and showed me some cars. I figure that once I get my job I'll be looking to get a new car. I really liked the Toyota Solara, so I think that might be the one I get. It's big, fairly sleek looking, gets good gas milage, has good cup holders, large back seat room, flip down back seats for bigger trunk room, and a reasonable price tag. Thursday night I met Julie at work again. We were supposed to finish up sorting a bulk mailing of brochures for the high school MUN conferenc ethis spring, but they got it done earlier, so we just hung out and watched Will and Grace (which was a rerun anyhow) and a few other shows on TV.

I spent most of my Friday at a Model UN workshop, teaching high schoolers from Ashtabula all kinds of good secrets about being an awesome MUN delegate. There were three of us running it, and about 30 students there. We ran a bunch of small sessions on different subjects, and then had some mock debate sessions at the end. I think I developed some really good teaching materials/methods for my sessions. The students were also very attentive and productive even though most of them had little or no experience. I helped Julie mail the brochures for the high school conference afterwards. Then I headed out to Cleveland to catch the CWRUMUN meeting, stopped by Cecil House to visit Andrew and company briefly, and grabbed some food at Que Tal.

For the evening I ended up hanging out with a bunch of the longtime staff from the Kent State MUN group. Rocky, one of the original staff (and still deeply involved with MUN) from 20+ years ago, was playing with his band at a bar in one of the East Side suburbs. I got invited along during a conversation after the MUN workshop. It was a bit odd, if only because everyone else is at least 30 and some a couple decades more than that. But we had a fun time....more specifically, I had a fun time. I actually managed to informally come out to at least some of the people there at large (the beer made it easier of course). It worked its way into the conversation pretty easily, and I got to know a few people better that I had barely talked to before. It was a really special experience, and very satisfying in a social context.....it didn't leave me feeling empty afterwards.

Today has been a lazy day for me. I slept in late and eventually helped my mom clean the bathroom. Other than that I have mostly been vegetating. I chatted with Mickey on ICQ a bit this evening. He may give me a call later. Today is in fact his birthday, so Happy Birthday Mickey! Hopefully he's doing fun and celebratory birthday things as I write this. As he mentioned in his journal the other day, I sent him a cool calendar with artwork by Joe Phillips, who does work for a clothing company called Xodus USA. (Mickey sent me an Xodus USA shirt for my birthday) Phillips does a lot of fine cartoonish artwork of young guys, which the calendar has much of.

I got on the phone for a while this evening.....that energised me a bit for the rest of the evening.....that's the reason you are actually reading a finished journal entry from me. I've got my MP3s from 1985 playing too. I talked to Melissa a bit. She and I are going to try to get together in the coming weeks and hang out some more. I might draft her to go to Truffles in Lakewood with me and maybe see the Dungeons and Dragons movie. I also talked to Allen a bit....he was on his way out to the Holiday Gallery Hop in Columbus with some friends so we're going to talk more tomorrow night. I'm also thinking of visiting him next weekend. We could go Christmas shopping like we did last year, and just hang out some. For whatever reason, I feel like we exchanged a lot of positive energy during our conversation. That was really good for me.....sometimes our conversations during the past year have been a bit tense or too mellow or whatever, but this was a good one. I'm thinking again about job searching down in the Columbus area too. With all the fun stuff I had discovered to do in Cleveland while Mickey was here and since then, I had sort of let the good things about Columbus drift out of my mind a bit. I think visiting the city will help me renew my ongoing relationship with Columbus. Not to mention I miss Allen, and really want to see him (especially since we didn't make connections when I was through the city last time.)

Oh well, no impressive random introductory paragraph. The 35th anniversary of Rodgers and Hammerstein's The Sound of Music was a couple days ago and I watched it and got the songs stuck in my head for a few days. This happens to be one of my favorite musicals. I suspect it s one of my mom's too, as she used to sing some of the songs from it to us, and has the soundtrack on a record album we used to play....which reminds me that the last time Mickey and I talked on the phone, I was shuffling through my family's stack of record albums, coming up with all kinds of interesting things that I listened to as a child but had long forgotten about. We have plenty of Disney and a few of those Sesame Street Sing-Along albums you ordered of the TV ads. It was quite a trip down memory lane.

I e-mailed Bryan yesterday and was happy to discover that he was posting another journal entry finally. It seems like my little corner of the journal community has been perking up just a bit lately. It's been rather nice for me, as I miss hearing about everyone's lives. I guess it would never hurt for me to be more prompt with my updates. Perhaps I can manage that.... Oh, and I know what Matt is getting for Christmas...haha....I don't know if he's ever visited my site like he has certain other peoples', but if he does he'll just have to sit and squirm in anticipation for a few more days because I'm not telling. My lips are sealed.....well, maybe I'll say that his gifts have to do with potato products in a convoluted way.....BWA HA HA HA!!! My evil is far too clever for mere mortals...oops, did I say that?! I meant to say what a good boy I am....heh.

Two weekends ago was a fun weekend for me. I started off the weekend with a trip down to visit Allen in Columbus on Friday. It had been since July when I saw him last, I think, so the trip was long overdue. We spent most of the afternoon wandering the mall (City Center) but not buying anything.