From no_hitting@whiny.net:

Mr. Ded, I am crying as I write this, because your page has hurt my widdle feewings. Please stop making additions to this page and stop talking about paddling poor, innocent children. Thank you. Now please tell me what you really think our children can do to increase their opportunities to speak their minds whenever they want.

HAVING SHARED MY VAST KNOWLEDGE OF BEATDOWN THEORY WITH PEOPLE IN HIGH PLACES; ANYONE FROM GRADE SCHOOL KIDS ON UP TO PARENTS,TO SENATORS AND EVEN PRESIDENTS; I HAVE ALWAYS FELT IT WAS PRUDENT TO HAVE A HIGHLY EVOLVED SENSE OF THE FORM AS WELL AS THE FUNCTION TOWARDS THE EXECUTION OF SUCH A CORRECTIVE TOOL. THE CALIFORNIA "TIME OUT" SYSTEM IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF BAD FORM, AND HAS NO FUNCTION IN TODAY'S SOCIETY! THE VERY NOTION THAT A CHILD SHOULD SPEAK HIS OR HER MIND IS WEAK AT BEST. THAT'S WHAT GETS THEM IN THE POSITION FOR PUNISHMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE. THE PROPER EXECUTION OF BEATDOWNS BY AUTHORITY FIGURES MUST BE IN PLACE FROM THE VERY START, SO THAT THE CHILD ADHERES TO THE RULES AT AN EARLY AGE AND HAS TIME TO DEVELOP WITH A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIRE CONSEQUENCES OF UNRULINESS!

Editor's Note: Mr. Ded has recently been using a new technique to modify children's behavior. The technique was pioneered by Child Control Corporation and involves having children HIT THE SORRY POPPER before getting paddled. Try out the SORRY POPPER below.