Situation: After a long, grueling, day at the slopes, a first time skier tells her friend
about her awful experience on skis. She has decided that she will never get back on a pair of skis again.
(walks in with two cups of hot chocolate and sits down on the couch) How was my skiing adventure? Well, it was an adventure. What a day I had! If I never saw a pair of skis again, it would be too soon. (pause) What happened? It is a long story. Okay, I will start from the beginning. We arrived at the hill, my brother and I, and everything was fine. The sun was shinning, and it wasn’t cold. You could call it a perfect day. So, we went inside the chalet to rent some equipment. We ended up standing in a rental line for 30 minutes. You can image how impatient I was by the time I got my equipment. I ended up with these ugly gray skis and boots that looked pathetic compared to my brothers beautiful Salomon skis and Technica boots. Anyway we got on the rope tow and went up the beginner hill, or the "baby hill" as those expert skiers call it.(stands up) I made it up the lift without falling, which was a huge surprise. Once at the top of the hill, my brother said "all you have to do is form a pizza wedge, and then you have to turn." (forms pizza wedge) Now, the pizza wedge or the snow plow is very uncomfortable! So, I’m standing at the top of the hill in my ugly skis and boots, in this pizza wedge, and my brother says "try doing a turn". Okay, how hard can it be? So I start to move, still in my pizza wedge, and I am approaching the side of the run. I am approaching the forest. Oh no, I’m going to hit a tree. (panic in voice) I am going to hit a tree!! My brother is yelling "turn", but I can’t. I can’t turn! So, I fall to the hard, cold ground with a big, loud thump. Meanwhile, as I was trying to regain my pride, there were little four year-olds zipping by me. I finally got up, which is very hard to do. It took a few attempts. I brushed myself off and decided turning is for losers. So I went straight down the hill, and I gained a lot of speed. However speed can be negative thing when you can not stop. Thankfully, the Ski Patrol man was a pleasant, soft, landing pad. (sits back down on the couch) Out of that, I got a long, boring lesson on the Skier’s Responsibility Code. It states "one shall not collide with another skier. That man was really mad, and took away my lift ticket. Thirty-two dollars down the drain. I don’t understand what the big problem was. I mean, don’t these things happen all of the time? Anyway, I didn’t like skiing. That one run was enough for me. I could have injured myself, or worse, I could have broken a nail. I sat in the nice,warm chalet for the rest of the day, (sarcastically) which was a whole lot of fun. But it was better than being on a set of death traps. Skiing is a very dangerous sport, and I think that I will stick to watching it on television, instead of actually, physically participating.
Curtain
C. Clarke
January, 1997
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