Situation: An eighteen year old female high school student (and a victim of rape) tries to deal with juggling her life, her future and her baby .
A few nights ago, Casey was rocking Emilie to sleep in my bedroom. She hummed softly and pushed a white blonde curl off the little face. She looked up and watched me for a second.
"I want to have a baby, Laura. They're so cute and sweet. I really want one," she rocked slowly. I looked at her. She was serious. I got up from my desk, where I had been writing a paper for Psychology. I knelt beside her and just wept. My dear little sister is fourteen and I would never want for anybody to have to go through what I have been through in the past year, especially not her. I love my little Emilie dearly and I'm really glad I didn't put her up for adoption, but if I could somehow go back in time and keep this from happening, I would do it in a heart beat. I mean, I'm a Senior in high school- I will turn eighteen in two months, and I'll graduate in three months. And for the rest of my life, my little girl will come first. Mom and Dad love her dearly, and so do Casey and Brian, but Emilie is my child, and I can't let them do everything. Going out with the girls every Friday and Saturday until four or five in the morning is no longer an option. I pay whoever watches Emilie on those nights. I have my job, and Casey or Mom will take care of her for free when I'm working, but otherwise, I pay them for baby-sitting. Part of each of my pay checks goes to my parents to help feed and cloth and take care of this little girl. From now on, my dear little Emilie will come before everything- even myself. When I go out with a guy, the first thing I think is how will they react to my child? If they can't deal with Emilie, they have to go. Matt and I started seriously dating about four months ago, but we stay in more than go out. Emilie loves him and he loves her. He bought her a big teddy bear for her second birthday in December. He understands that with me, comes my little girl. And it will be that way for the rest of my life. That's really hard for me to deal with sometimes. I cry myself to sleep quite a few nights, thinking of how my life will never be the same again. And I have no idea what I'll do in a next year, about college. I have been accepted to UGA, Boston College, and U of M; but how to get there and take care of my child I have no idea. But I guess that's something that will have to be figured out later. Mom told me once to just live for today, and only today. And that's the only way I get through life without going crazy or having a nervous breakdown. I go through life step by step, one day at a time.
Angel Harrison
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