A Night at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s

Situation:  Two kids have found themselves spending a night at their 
	      Grandparents when their parents go away.  They have never
	      spent a night alone with them before because they live in a 
	      different town.   

*Author’s note:  A and B can be played by either two girls/boys 
or one girl, one boy

(A and B and Grandma are at the door.  A and B have their suitcases
 in their hands and Grandpa is watching television, sitting on the 
couch.)

A: Hello Grandma, (looks around) hi Grandpa. (Grandpa waves his hand, 
not looking up from the television)

B: Isn’t this great (puts suitcase down), a night at Grandma’s and 
Grandpa’s.

Pa:  (sarcastically) Yeah, great.

Ma: (yells out the door) Go on, go have a great time you crazy kids.  
Everything will be fine here.  Bye! (shuts door) Hey Pa, bring these 
bags to their room.

Pa: Better not be anything heavy in those bags.  (gets up, stretches, turns 
off the television then walks over to the suitcases)

A: Oh, Grandpa, don’t worry about those, I can get it.  Just show me where 
the room is……

Pa: I won’t hear of it.  I used to lift one hundred pound bags of cement 
every weekend just for fun.  (tries three times to pick up the bags)

B: No, really Grandpa, we can do it.

Ma: Nonsense, he can do it.  He just needs to pick them up slowly.

Pa: I don’t want to injure myself, hockey season is just around the corner. 
(exits, dragging the bags)

Ma: Don’t mind Grandpa, he is getting a little feeble in his old age.  He 
Still thinks that he is thirty-two.  (motions to the couch)  Now, sit, 
sit.  Tell Grandma how you have been.

A: We have been fine Grandma.  

Ma: How are your marks in school?

B: Well, I made the honor role last semester.

Ma: And you too?

A: No Grandma, I didn’t do so well last semester.

Ma: What’s wrong with you?  I bet you are watching too much television
or playing with your little what do you call it?  It has a keyboard, 
and the inter…inter something.

A: A computer?

Ma: A computer that’s right!  You young people don’t spend enough time 
on your studies.  When I was young, we had to study all the time and 
if we didn’t get good grades then we had to milk the cows, and I’ll 
tell you….

B: (trying to change the subject) We had a good trip up here.

Ma: Oh did you.  I bet you are hungry.  I know what you need,  
some milk and cookies.  Homemade cookies right out of the oven.

A: I’m not really hungry right now Grandma. 

B: Yeah, we both had a really big lunch.

Ma: Nonsense, you both look too skinny.  I’ll get them for you.  
Just wait here. (exits)

A: What was that just about?

B: I don’t know.

A: (whispers) I don’t think they have redecorated in forty years.

B: (laughs) I think there is dust in here older than us.

A: (walks over to a shelf and picks up a trophy) I think I just 
found some.

Pa: (enters, yelling) Don’t touch that!  (A jumps, Pa walks over to A, 
grabs trophy) I won this in 1954 at a Drag Race.  I got my car to go  
over thirty miles an hour.  (puts trophy back, and then walks over 
to B) Your in my spot.

B: Is this okay Grandpa?

Pa: Your still too close, I can feel your breath. 

(B moves over again, A sits on the floor, and Grandpa turns on the 
television again.  They sit in silence while A and B exchange glances.  
Ma enters.)

Ma: Here they are, chocolate chip cookies.  I knew you kids would need some 
home cooking.  Chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven. 

B: They smell…interesting.

Ma: Well don’t be shy.  Take one, eat, and enjoy.  (A and B sit there, 
Ma yells) TAKE ONE!

A: Okay.

(A and B reach for a cookie and they take a bite.  They take a long time 
chewing and swallowing the cookie.  The whole time they have disgusted 
looks on their faces)

Ma: Now, isn’t that better?

Pa: Where’s the dog?

Ma:  Dear, the Sam died five years ago.

Pa: I loved that dog.  You should have seen the tricks it could do. 
He could do back flips on command, catch a football…..

Ma: Don’t be silly Pa.  First of all, Sam was a cat, not a dog.  Secondly,  
we could never have a dog because you were afraid of them since one
bit you when you were a boy….

Pa: Am not.

Ma: And thirdly, Sam couldn’t do back flips.  He could only do hand stands.

Pa: Sam could do anything.

Ma: Stop it, you’re scaring the children.  (pause)  What’s wrong?

A: We’re not hungry Grandma.

Pa: Not hungry?

Ma: In my day, if you got a cookie for a snack, you were considered rich.  
You would eat if you were hungry or not.  NOW EAT!

(A and B pop the whole cookie in their mouths, Pa starts whistling)

Ma: Now, isn’t that better? (turns to Pa)  Pa, quit that whistling.

Pa:  Sorry Ma, I didn’t know I was doing it out loud. 

A: (gets up) May we go look around outside?

Ma: You can all the fun you want in here.

B: Right, whatever.  Do you know what fun means.

Pa: Don’t be disrespectful.  (gets up)  I outta take you outside behind the 
woodshed?

A: The woodshed?

Pa: My Pa use to do that to me if I said a word.  I used to be black and 
blue. Couldn’t sit….

Ma: Stop it.  Don’t scare them.

Pa: Kids these days have it easy.  Back in my day…

B: How about we look at the photo album?

Ma: Good idea.  (gets photo album and sits on the couch between A 
and B)

A: Can’t we watch t.v.?

Pa: Only I can watch television.

B: Come on, look at the photos.

A: Fine.

Ma: Now, this was taken in 1961 at a Church Picnic.

A: It’s in black and white.

Pa: All pictures are in black and white.

B: No, Grandpa, pictures come in colour now.

Ma: (flips the page) This is your mommy when she was a baby.

B: Mom was fat.

Ma: Yes she was.  This was taken when she was still little, still innocent.
(flips a couple of pages, A looks bored)

B: Wait, turn back (B turns back a page), who is this?

Ma: That’s the no good criminal who took my baby away from me.  I told 
her that he was evil.  No good for you I said.  But no, she just went 	
and had a relationship with that greedy, money sucker who didn’t really 
love her.

A: That looks like Dad.

Ma: (laughs) So it is.

Pa: I’m thirsty, do we have any milk?

Ma: I have to go to the store to buy some more.

Pa: (gets up) Make yourself useful.  (pulls out a wad of bills)  Go to 
the store and get me some milk and a newspaper.  (A and B get up, 
Pa hands them a quarter)

A: A quarter?

B: Twenty-five cents?

Pa: How much do you think milk costs?  I want my change too. 
(sits back down)

A: Okay. (they head for the door)

Ma: Hurry back.  I’m making Shake and Bake for supper and 
you can help.
	
B: Where is the store?

Pa: You don’t know where the corner store is?

A: No, it’s….

Ma: Don’t be silly.  The corner store is on a corner.  Now hurry back 
(A and B leave, looking puzzled, Ma shuts the door behind them) That’s 
off to a good start don’t you think?

Curtain

C.  Clarke
May 1997

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