[Part 2]
By: Lena
Rated: PG
©2001
jetcgroups01@yahoo.com
Author’s Note: Thanks to Holly the audience can enjoy the second part without her I don’t know where I would be so here goes. Please of Please send FEEDBACK!!!!
Summery: Well I left with Janeway and Chakotay in bed and Janeway won’t be going to get any sleep. This takes place the next morning while the two are eating breakfast. This part will be a little darker than most so be prepared.
=/\=
The next morning Janeway and Chakotay are seated at the table. Janeway is pushing her food around on her plate looking serious and deep in thought. He wants to know what’s bothering his wife. Chakotay can sense that something is not right but doesn’t know how to break the awkward silence.
“Honey, can if I ask you something do you promise not to jump down my throat? I mean I don’t want to ask it unless I know you are prepared for it.”
“Huh? I’m sorry Chakotay honey what where you saying I wasn’t listening, not that your words bore me I just have a lot on my mind and I am trying to figure out a way to sort through them with little hurt.”
“That’s what married people do they talk through there difficult times and hopefully in time can heal the hurting that their partner, the one they will spend the rest of their life with, that’s why we married to begin with right?”
“I thought you married me because I was the only one that was available on the ship who would fit your standards. Or maybe it was because I was carrying your child…the one that died in your arms”
Chakotay stretches his hand out toward Janeway’s and places it gently on her hand. The gentleness made Chakotay’s hair stand up on the back of his head he hadn’t felt the woman before him in his arms since the day the child died. She became a stranger to him and it seemed that their married life was over. No matter what he would be with her always and would not let her down.
“You can tell me, I’m your husband if something is bothering you tell me maybe we can work it out and hopefully you can forgive yourself and move on with your life.”
“I want to I really do, it just like I have this emptiness inside of me and it is taking over my body and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know even where to begin.”
“We have plenty of time come on, maybe we can go to the holodeck to a quiet countryside and listen to the silence until you are ready to talk to me openly and honestly. Believe it or not I am feeling those same feelings I just don’t express them openly because I need to be strong for you.”
“You don’t need to be strong for me. I am a strong woman and I can handle things like this you. Maybe we should go on the holodeck and get some R&R God know I need it.”
“So do I, now finish your breakfast and I will contact Tuvok he would gladly like to run the ship for a few hours. We can talk through all of our feelings and hopefully I can help you deal with all of the emotions you have bottled up inside your body. Its not healthy and you know that, I don’t mean to sound like the doctor but if you stay on the level that you are on now I am afraid of what you might do and I really don’t want to loose you this early. I want to have more children a happy life and I want you to be waiting at home for me to come into your arms and hold you all night long.”
“Okay Chakotay but promise me one thing, don’t and I mean don’t start talking like the doctor or I will have to leave or remove you of my sight. I have had enough of him.”
A smile crossed her face lightening it up. Chakotay hadn’t seen her smile for months and he was afraid that he would have never seen it again. Let alone ever see her happy again. It gave him some relief that she was very slowly accepting what had happened and he had hopes that they would be back to normal in a matter of time. But he knew that it would be a long time before she would fully recover but he could see that she had a long ways to go and he would be there every moment along the way no matter how difficult it would be.
Together as Janeway finished her breakfast they took each other’s hands and exited out of their quarters. It would be a long road but they would succeed.
=/\=
In the holodeck Janeway and Chakotay both in civilian clothing enter the holodeck. Beaches with ocean waves reached their peak as they crash down to the wet sand beneath the couple’s feet. It was romantic but somehow something was missing. Maybe it was the eternal love they had once shared was falling apart. Or maybe it was because once again Janeway was deep in thought.
“Kathryn why don’t we sit up by those rocks and smell the fresh air. Then we can talk about what is bothering you and how I can help to heal the hurt I know you are feeling deep inside.”
“I don’t know where to begin, there is so much I need to deal with and I don’t know if you can help me with everything I need help with. The first thing is the baby…our baby the one that died in your arms, I have never felt so much pain in my life and when I found out that she had taken her last breath my whole world just crumble before it even began. Her life was finished the moment that she entered the world. I wanted to protect her but I couldn’t. I mean that was my job I was her mother…I was supposed to protect her but I was to weak. I keep thinking that if I were strong enough I could have saved her.”
“Kathryn, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way. I could have helped you instead of taking you to the holodeck to ease you pain. But you have to understand I also was hurt and you were not to blame for the death of our daughter it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Please believe me.”
“I am trying to Chakotay, now I may never have anymore children and I wanted them so badly. I wanted you to be their father I know you would have been a good father. But the doctor has said that I needed to go through some very painful surgery in order to at least try to conceive and he isn’t even sure that will work.”
“Are you thinking about having that surgery? I mean I think you should really think hard on it your would be on your back for three months before you are even aloud to get out of bed. If you do that and you still can’t conceive you will blame yourself again. I don’t think you are ready to go through that again.”
“I don’t but I still want to at least try and get the surgery, maybe if we are lucky we will conceive. I must say that I am not crazy about laying on my back for three months but I want a baby don’t you?”
“Yes of course I do I just think we can wait a little longer until you have completely healed from the first loss. Besides the doctor has some of your eggs in storage for when we really think we are ready to start a family again.”
“I want to conceive the old fashioned way when two souls become one and feeling my husband inside me. It’s sacred and I don’t want the doctor to insert a syringe inside of my womb just to allow me to possibly get pregnant. What kind of fun is that, when you’re making love to your husband you know that this could be the day that you conceive that child you always wanted and knowing that that sacred moment when your husband fills you with joy could be the beginning of a new life a life you created with him and would always be there with you.”
“I know how you feel, I’m not crazy about giving the doctor sample of something you share only with your wife. Knowing that you got pregnant because of the doctor’s expertise not because of nature or me. I want you to have this surgery so we could try and get pregnant. I just think it is to soon and we both need to heal on the inside as well as the outside.”
“I want to do that surgery now Chakotay I want to start to try to have another child with you right away. Thinking that maybe it will help me heal in ways no one has ever expected.”
“Okay, lets do it but promise me one thing…don’t get upset if we don’t get pregnant right away it could take time everyone says that and the doctor also said it could be painful when we first get intimate after the surgery so please promise me you won’t get upset.”
“Okay I promise, will you be patient with me on being intimate it may take a while for me to get into the whole sexual thing.”
“I will.”
Janeway smiles for the second time since the death of their daughter. Chakotay missed that she looked so beautiful. Chakotay took her into his arms and sat on the hot, dry sand beneath their feet they held each other for hours in complete silence. There was a long road ahead for Janeway and Chakotay but they accepted that challenge with open arms.
TBC
