BASTARDS...BASTARDS...er...oh yeah...AND OTHER THINGS

Hello, here I am with another page as requested. This page has been long awaited by my followers that consist of a donkey, a pigeon, and a piece of string(?). My latest news is that the being known to the world over (and a little bit more) as Large has been caught. He was last week craned out of a cave in Norway after a chase lasting for four and a half hours without intervals. He has been put before the International Hippo-Related Crimes Tribunal. He is being charged with the eating of food in a public place and swimming in the Norwegian Fjiords without due care attention to any of the forty ton tankers there. If this man is convicted he could spend fifty years on a diet. Large is currently appealing against this court action. In his year's worth of freedom to disguise himself he has gone by the name of Humpty and Big Red. The KGB's latest escaped prisoner goes by the name of La Tomate Masquée. He was charged last week with illegally copying a web page of a senior member of The Temple Of Grundle. He is currently believed to be hiding in Nelson's column in London. Shoot him if you see him.
The Tex Mex/Sport's Café barman has merited to post of being the greatest bastard in history. He has kicked out senior members of The Temple Of Grundle on numerous occasions. He has also refused to help poor helpless Brazilian damsels who happen to be dying on his doorstep. He therefore merits the award of Public Bastard NO.1. If this man is found on your doorstep dying then do something nasty to him. Scrotalise him if possible and I'll leave your imaginations to run wild on what that last word might or might not mean...
The prize of public bastard NO.2 goes to two people as I cannot decide which one is a bigger cock-sucker than the other. Seb Kaine and Alistair Cumberpatch are those two people each with their fair share of personality disorders and various ituaoradour's on their feet. Ituaoradour is in fact a new word that was created by that king of sing , Fred Fétangée. Anyway, I like it, and I want to use it more in conversation. If you see these two prize bastards, then do something nasty to them.
By the way, I would like to thank the people of the metal group Haetus (two thirds also happen to be members of the Holy Grundle) for putting a link to this page and in effect getting more people to look at "Interesting Fings". Thankyou! You have my...gratitude. By the way, had any of you heard that they have sent up a rocket to photograph the other side of Agent Large. Well, I suppose he likes giving pleasure to people.
I once knew this little basset hound whose two back legs didn't have and knee joints. These legs were therefore shorter than usual with the result that this poor little creature's tackle/todger was constantly dragging along the ground. This however left him in a state of permanent 'excitement'. He would therfore try and 'hump' everything that was in his vecinity including tables. His particular favorite was to hump the television table with the result that the television would be vibrating all the time even when people were watching it. Eventually some person who thought they'd be a bit sharpish installed bits of holly on the necessary sections of the tables, chairs, doors, beds, etc thus stopping the falling of televisions, people, babies and so on. Another version of this dog was recently discovered by Simon Andropov. This dog apparently liked to masturbate. Anyway, that's quite enough of that. Its all rather silly really.
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