Independence Day Celebrations Marred By Thinking About Independence KYIV - For Svitlana Vesoleva and her friends, August 24th started out well enough, but unfortunately ended on a down note. "Everything was going just fine," she told us. "We started out by watching a concert on the Maidan. Then we went over to a friend's apartment for some drinks and food. We were singing songs, drinking, and generally having fun. Later, we had planned to go watch the fireworks. Then, for some reason, Volodya started talking about how tough its been over the last 10 years and whether the average Ukrainian was better off now than he was before. That was it, party over. People started talking about corrupt politicians, wasted opportunities, lost savings, unemployment, and so on," explained Svitlana. "After about 30 minutes of that depressing talk, my friend Olga and I left. I just went home, I really wasn't in the mood for the fireworks anymore." Svitlana's plans for New Year's Eve will probably be toned down, she admitted.
National: Berkut Not Authorized To Beat Fans ZHYTOMYR - Deputy Interior Minister Mykhailo Klymchuk has said that Berkut (anti-riot police) forces did not have orders to beat back a group of unruly Dynamo Kyiv fans at a weekend Dynamo Kyiv-Polissia game. In order to avoid trouble, the 100 or so Kyiv fans were assigned a special section separated from other spectators. However after the game lo-cal police tried to escort the fans out of the stadium but they began to fight and Berkut forces intervened and be-gan beating the fans with rubber batons. A local court later ruled that Berkut's authority to beat journalists and opposition leaders could not be applied to sports fans and ordered an investigation. National: Kyiv Weekly Omits Ukrtelecom KYIV - In a move that has left most of Kyiv's expats in confusion, the recently launched Kyiv Weekly newspaper has published an issue without mentioning Ukrtelecom. Normally, Ukrtelecom, Ukraine's "telecommunications giant", would be the main focus of the Weekly's Telecommunications section, however in the September 6th edition, a piece about illegal operators, rather than "Ukraine's telecommunications leader" was featured as the lead story. In addition, Ukrtelecom also failed to show up in any other part of the issue, including the informative Economics section. Kyiv Weekly Senior Editor, G. Howe, told us, "It's not like Ukrtelecom pays us for the extra coverage, or pressures us in any way, or anything like that. We just felt like putting something else in that week, that's all. I don't really see what the big deal is." Shortly after making his statement to the press however, Mr. Howe was witnessed being forced into a large, late-model, black German sedan (with an Ukrtelecom logo on its side) and being sped away. At last report, The SBU was continuing to look for Mr. Howe in the Kyiv metropolitan area. International: Finland Low On Corruption Index, Asks Ukraine For Help HELSINKI - Finland has the lowest corruption level in the world, said Transparency International experts. The Berlin-based anti-corruption group said 70 percent of the 102 countries it surveyed for its 2002 Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI) scored less than half-marks, a clear deterioration from last year. Ukraine, Russia and other FSU republics scored less than three points on a ten-point scale with zero equaling absolute corruption. In light of the report, Finland has decided to import some corruption from Ukraine in an effort to avoid coming off as "too goody-goody". Diplomacy: Pascual Sets New Record in Speech to Students KYIV - In an appearance coinciding with the first day of the new school year, U.S. Ambassador Carlos Pascual has succeeded in setting a new linguistic record. In a speech to a group of Ukrainian students, the ambassador managed to use the word "democracy" or "democratic" a record 87 times in 20 minutes. The phrase "special partnership" was also figured heavily in the speech, with 15 appearances. "Concern" was expressed 13 times, most in regard to journalistic freedom and human rights violations, but several instances also referred to the unsolved Gongadze murder. When asked to comment about his speech patterns, the ambassador said "Hey, I just read speeches, I don't make 'em up."	News In Brief Prices Now Equal For Foreigners; Rudeness and "Being A Dick" Next On Agenda Wage Debt To Teachers is Nearly Paid Off; New Debt Plan Drafted Kyiv Provides Aid To Flooded Czechs; Toilet Paper And Vodka Given Back Pensioners Have More Purchasing Power; 2-Day-Old Bread Now Most Popular U.S. Postpones Decision On Market Economy Status, Requires Kuchma To Put On Pink Tutu National: Ukraine Decides On "Do-Over" POLTAVA - "Ukrainian Independence Day (August 24) should be recognized as a national idea uniting the people in the country," Prime Minister Kinakh was quoted as saying during the open-ing of an event in this oblast capital 200km east of Kyiv. He added that a country's independence was not just borders and national symbols, but an opportunity to work for the coun-try's and people's interests. "But since this has not happened", he later said, "we have decided to turn back the clock to 1991 and try it all over again." Preparations nationwide for the scheduled December 1st time-warp are being implemented. Development: USAID Changes Focus For Ukraine KYIV - USAID has announced this week that it will drastically alter its assistance programs for Ukraine in order to help the country enter the European Union by the new target date of 2137. Effective immediately, the agency will revamp current projects to make them more relevant. "The objectives were re-evaluated," said Christopher Crowley, USAID mission chief. "After three months of committee meetings involving hundreds of high-level and highly paid upper management officers, we came to the conclusion that we weren't, um, doing much to meet the real needs of the country and its citizens." "Under the new strategy, for example, women in development will no longer focus on steering women away from prostitution rings. The new goal will be to teach women how to dress. "We were training women to say 'no' when their attire was saying 'yes.' We realized we were putting the cart before the ox, if you will," Crowley said. "The banking reform project will shift away from its current goal of international standardization. Let's face it, Ukrainians have no money, at least according to official data, so why spend millions of U.S. taxpayer dollars setting up a viable banking system? A more realistic goal is to teach Ukrainians how to make change at the shops," he said. "Lastly, the business development program will undergo radical changes," he went on to explain. A series of workshops will be used to ingrain a work ethic into employees from all sectors of the economy. The various sessions will be titled, 'It's A Phone And It's Ringing - Answer It!', 'It's A Coffee break, Not a Four-Month Project,' 'Running Through The Office In High-Heels While Not Watching Where You Are Going - Somebody Could Get Hurt,' and 'Telling Time.'"
Street Poll Now that Ukraine has ranked so low on Transparency International's 2002 Corruption Perceptions Index we asked, "Do you think Ukraine is Corrupt?"
Natasha Lyubova, 18 - "I don't think Ukraine is really that corrupt anymore. For example, this year I only had to blow my history professor, instead of paying him $50." Oleg Ivanov, 48 -"Who did the survey? A German company? It's probably fixed." Tanya Belova, 31 - - "Russia ranked higher than us? But they were stealing our gas.…oh wait, that was us." Yevgennia Dvorets, 63 - "Lenin would be spinning in his grave if he heard about this, I mean, if he had a grave."	Olena Stelana, 26 - "I'm so sick of all these foreigners in the country with all their fancy bars and restaurants and…,what was the question again?" Petro Olenikov, 49 - "Who gives a damn about this stupid report? It's all the bribes that I have to pay, and all the cops shaking me down, and all the unexpected visits by inspectors to my business that we should be worrying about." Vitaly Shevchenko, 30 -"You bet Ukraine is corrupt. I don't even trust myself." Rick Summers, 41 - "Who is to say who's corrupt and who isn't? Based on some info that my CEO friend gave me, I sold all of my Dynex shares right before the stock price crashed. Does that make me corrupt?"

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