Just A Thought 

There are just a few things that need to be said.

Why am I looking around and finding that everyone is scowling at me?
Am I to think that I am to blame for all of the stress and misfortune happening to everyone of us?
There is always more than one correct answer and I am afraid that I am only one person.
Why do you make me the one person that you can hurt so easily and leave you with a smile after it is all done?
Do you not think that I have feelings?
Have you pondered the possibility that I am thinking about you with a tender heart?
Or have you made it official that I hate and slander you, as you do to me?
I often think about the times we shared and the memories we made together.
Do they mean nothing to you?
Do you not believe in second chances, or do you like to endulge in the idea that people only deserve one chance?
Aren't we all human, can't we all make mistakes?
You say I've made more than one mistake, and sometimes the same mistake more than once.
Did you try to help me realize these mistakes?
Of course you did.
You got angry every time I did it and accused me.
I, in self defense, got angry back.
Is that the way you wanted it?
Because it surely seems like it.
You've gotten what you want, everyone scowling at me, didn't you?
Does it make you feel good to hear everybody slander my name and laugh at my attempts to be with you again?
Do these attempts seem pathetic to you?
Or maybe, you too have feelings, and you feel sympathetic for my persistancy.
I often wonder if you use the word "hate" and my name in the same sentence. I also often wonder why I am alone.  
Did I do this to myself?
That's your answer.
Was there terrible miscommunication and misunderstanding between us?
That's my answer.
But where's the correct answer?
It's hidden underneath your hatred, my isolation, and our silence.
I'm reaching beneath the depths of all of it, but it's too heavy to bring to surface.
I need help to pull it up.
But you've got your back against it, and can't hear me ask for your help;
Your cooperation.
You once loved and cared for the girl you knew last summer, last fall.  
She came back, and she's standing right here.
I went on a long, terrible trip.
A trip to where I had lost all ties, all communications with the people I truly loved.
The only people who truly loved me.
Well, guess what?
I'm back now, the airplane has landed.
I'm just missing some luggage.
But as soon as I find it I'm on my way home to you.
It might be a bumpy ride, yet it might be as smooth as ever, just like you remember it to be.
I let some one take who I was away.
I've taken myself back.
Some one has already seen the improvements I've made.
He's now on his way to being with me again.
He's also told me that you and Him are waiting the return of who I truly am.
I can't wait to show you.
Right now there isn't much control in my life, and I have no control over it.
The one thing I have control over is who I am, and who will influence me.
Personally, I see no one getting to me like I let Her get to me.
Never again will I let some one blind fold me and hold my hand, leading me astray from the ones I love.
I am extremely good at burning bridges, as you know, and I have set aflame the bridge that took me away.
Now I have the task of building a bridge back to you, and stabilizing it.
Are you thinking that what I have done is unacceptable and there is no excuse?
Of course you are.
I don't blame you for a second for thinking that.
But I want to disprove those thoughts by trying.
I'm not asking for another chance, I'm just asking for you to see what I am returning to.
If you happen to like it, then the bridge is built.
We will be together again.
I am a good person when I want to be, as you have said.
And I want to be a good person.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good lover.
There are only a few more steps to get to the point where I can finally say
I am a good friend.
I am a good lover.
But in order to do that, I must have the opportunity to do that, right?
Alot is left in your hands to decide the fate of this.
But I will not let you do it alone.
I am holding my hand out to you, and I've inscribed the words
"Trustworthy", "Loyal", "Caring" onto it.
I've also inscribed "Influencibal", "Backstabbing", "Liar", and "Frustrating" on my hand, with X's through them all.
I'm no longer going to wear the Princess Attitude She gave me, and instead wear a smile.
There isn't much else I could say.
I could ask a million things from you, but I know better.
Patience is a virtue, as I'm too often told.
Perhaps I should practice and wait and see what happens? Perhaps I shall.