Winning friends and influencing people in the office?

1.  Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch 
    paper, 99 copies.

2.  In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual 
    massage."

3.  Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4.  If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen 
    while talking to others.

5.  Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

6.  Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all 
    weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

7.  Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

8.  Practice making fax and modem noises.

9.  Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:"   
    them to your boss.
  
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with 
    prophesy."

12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over 
    your ears.

13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge    
    across the room.

14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and 
    insist to others that you "like it that way."

16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" 
    noise.

18. Honk and wave to strangers.

19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their 
    complimentary mints by the cash register.

20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..

21. type only in lowercase.

22. dont use any punctuation either

23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute     
    whole streets.

24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:  "Do you     
    hear that?"  "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of 
    your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," 
    and repeat.
 
27. Ask people what gender they are.

28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a 
    parakeet.

29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to 
    see if they slow down.

30. Sing along at the opera.

31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their 
    answers in a notebook.  Mutter something about "psychological 
    profiles."

33. While sitting in your cube, yodel.