Marriage Shorts.

  * Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
    You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has and
    wish you had ordered that.

  * At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
    your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I
    married the wrong man."

  * Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

  * Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree
    and the woman gets her master's.

  * A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
    married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still
    paying for it."

  * Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
               doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad:       That happens in most countries, son.

  * Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
    until I got married; and then it was too late."

  * A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the
    wife takes.

  * When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year
    married man looks happy - we wonder why.

  * Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man
    speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and
    the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
    listen.

  * After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
    when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
    love and didn't notice it."

  * It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
    ends up with the same boss.

  * A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
    received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
    mine."

  * When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
    thing: either the car or the wife is new.

  * A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

  * A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a
    millionaire."  "And what was he before you married him?" Asked the
    friend. The woman replied, " A multimillionaire".