We found he was useless in any position, hope you have more luck.
After a moment of quite repose
It's tum to tum and toes to toes
After a moment of sheer delight
It's back to back for the rest of the night.
Dear {bride},
Isn't it funny how history repeats itself?
{Age of bride} years ago your mum and dad were putting you
to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again!
This guy is getting married and he is a bit nervous since he is not too experienced. So he asks his best man to come along on the honeymoon and give a few pointers. The best man exclaims, "come on man, its your honeymoon, you're supposed to be spending time with your wife, not your best friend!" To which the groom replies that he has already paid for a room next door to his for the best man. After much coercion, the best man give in and decides to go along. They work out a system where the best man will pound on the wall and shout advice if he hears anything going wrong. So they honeymoon comes and goes, and the bride and groom go to the honeymoon suite of the hotel, and the best man goes to his room next door. After a few moments, the bride gets undressed, but the groom gets so nervous he runs into the bathroom and locks the door. After about five minutes of waiting, the bride says, "honey, are you coming out, I have to go to the bathroom!" The groom replies, "I will be out in a few minutes, hon, I'll be ready soon." After a few more minutes, the bride can't take it any longer, so she rummages under the bed where all the wedding gifts are stashed, grabs a box, unwraps it, pulls out the fondue pot, sh*ts in it, wipes with the tissue paper, closes it and shoves it under the bed. Just then the groom, having summoned his manly nerve walks out of the bathroom. The bride, being feminine and all, goes into the bathroom to stall for a few minutes so the groom won't know what she did. The groom, sitting on the bed *sniff* notices this awful smell! *sniff* *sniff* EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! *sniff* What can that be? He looks under the bed, finds the box, pulls it out and exclaims, "honey, There's SH*T in your BOX!!" *pounding on the wall* The best man yells, "turn her over, turn her over!"
One time, before a friend's wedding reception, we passed out keys (blanks) to several girls (and even one guy). Before some toasts were made, the best man said to the guests, "Now that Jim is married, it is probably a good idea to have any of you girls out there with a key to his apartment to turn it in now." Then the pre-selected girls (about a dozen of them) slowly walked up and handed in their keys as they made bedroom-eyes at him and flirted a bit. Then the guy walked up, turned in the key, and kissed the groom on the cheek while grabbing his butt. It's probably not original, but it worked pretty well.
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man began,"I can explain--"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say--"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind:
aisle, altar, hymn.
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is
sure to find out next morning it was someone else. -- Rogers
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- Coleridge
Nature has given women so much power that the law has
very wisely given them little. -- Dr. Johnson
The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want? -- Freud
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
out. -- Montaigne
For a male and female to live continuously together
is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural
condition. -- Robert Briffault
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your
life paying for it. -- Baskins
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
person your spouse would have really preferred.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
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