The Top 16 Indications Your Fiancee Is About To Dump You!

16. She now refers to you as "The ******* Formerly Known as Sweetie Pie."

15. She starts spending long weekends with her 'gay' friend.

14. You ask her to pass the salt and she screams "It's always about *you*
    and *your* needs, isn't it?  YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!"

13. She insists that the wedding invitations be written in pencil.

12. Well, *somebody* ratted you to the SPCA for your illegal ferret farm.

11. The look on her face when she catches you in her wedding gown
    lip-synching to ABBA songs.

10. She is constantly complaining that Wedding date conflicts with
    Wrestlemania XIX.

9. Engagement ring now being used as nose ring.

8. She can't bring herself to say "wedding" without throwing in
   "schmedding."

7.  cover article, "Getting Rid of That Loser," written by
   you-know-who.

6. She takes you to dinner in U-Haul, asks the band to play "50 Ways To
   Leave Your Lover," then leaves to "get wallet."

5. Despite her earlier promises, she *does* kick you out of bed for eating
   crackers.

4. When you ask her to sign the release forms to appear on The Newlywed
   Game, she says, "Not so fast, Chester!"

3. That ad she's running to sell his old ski boots begins, "If you like pina
   coladas, and gettin' caught in the rain..."

2. As a topic of conversation, your mother's beard is no longer off-limits.

and the Number 1 Indication Your Fiancee Is About To Dump You...

1. On her last conjugal visit, she was sporting a tattoo of somebody else's
   bass boat.