Salvador Dali: The fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Epicurus: For fun.
Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no
Sigmund Freud: The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted the
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on,
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
James Joyce: Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo
Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for *object a*.
H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous,
Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the
Paul de Man (uncovered after his death): So no one would find out it wrote for
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed
Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.
Ronald Reagan: Well, I forget.
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too!
Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with me back in
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
Star Trek Universes' Answer to the Question of the Ages....
Why did the chicken cross the road?
---------------------------
Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)
Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.
Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.
Quark: Who, me?
Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!
Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!
Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.
Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.
The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.
Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!
B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
Picard: There are four lights!
Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.
Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time..did I scream this time?
Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.
Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.
Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!
Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!
Spock: Fascinating, Captain.
V'Ger: To join with the Creator.
The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!
Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.
Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!
O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...
Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?
Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.
Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!
Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Mr. Homn:
Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...
Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.
Gene Roddenberry: To boldy go where no one had gone before.
Return to Scifi?More Chicken Humour.
It seems that Schick (a razor manufacturer) is coming out with a new line to complement its existing line of Lady Schick. These razors would be used on hens and roosters. It's called the Chicken Schick.
Animalens Inc. of Wellesley, Mass., markets red contact lenses for chickens (at 20 cents a pair), pointing to medical studies showing that chickens seeing red during the day are happier and eat less food. A spokesman said the lenses will improve world egg-laying productivity by $600 million a year.
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