Matches in WOWF are simmed with ZeusPro.
WOW Episode #31F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Fans, welcome to another edition of WOW - Women of Wrestling!
I'm David McLane, and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And fans, no matter what
you like to see from a wrestling program, this week's show will have something
for you. For fans of tag team action, you'll see Law & Order take on the
team of Farah the Persian Princess and Paradise.
Marshall: David, Law and Order has served notice to the WOW tag team
division that they are a duo to worry about. In their debut as a team, these
two rogue cops took down the hellraising Harley's Angels. And a couple of weeks
back, they easily disposed of the Beach Patrol.
McLane: And not only did Law & Order defeat the Beach Patrol in the
ring, Lee... after they got the pin, they handcuffed poor Summer to the ringpost
and beat her down with their billyclubs! Summer's partner Sandy tried to save
her friend, but she was unable to stand up to the two very tough customers that
comprise Law and Order.
Marshall: The beatdown is Law & Order's calling card, David. They
have also tried to beat down Hammerin' Heather Steele, and when they fought
Harley's Angels, they very nearly got EZ Rider. But Thug was able to interfere
and save her protege.
McLane: Yup, they tried it unsuccessfully twice and succeeded on the
third attempt with Summer. And Summer was not the least bit happy about that
development. Apparently, she expected Sandy to be able to save her... I'm not
quite sure how that would have worked. Summer was so distraught with her partner,
in fact, that California Wendi was able to talk her into joining the Star Stable.
And Lee, this Star Stable continues to get bigger and bigger, and I don't mind
telling you that it's keeping me up nights. The more power Lana Star wields,
the worse off the rest of us around here are. She does not have anyone else's
interests in mind besides Lana Star.
Marshall: But David, let's get back to talking about Law & Order.
As you said, we'll see them face Farah the Persian Princess and Paradise later
tonight. And quite honestly, Farah and Paradise will have to be on the top of
their games to pull out the win. But, they do have the advantage of being a
more experienced team, and that counts for a lot.
McLane: We'll also see Selina Majors take on Roxy Powers. This will be
Selina's first match since losing the WOW World Championship belt to Jungle
Grrrl. I spoke to Selina about this match, so let's roll that interview please.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Selina Majors interview.
McLane: Selina, as we all know, you lost the WOW title to Jungle Grrrl
last week. Looking back on it now, do you regret your comments about Jungle
Grrrl that portrayed her in an unflattering light, and possibly gave her motivation
going into the match?
Selina: Do I regret my comments? Do I regret my comments?? I don't have
any regrets about anything I've ever done in this damn business. I was winning
world titles back when most of these girls were pooping their diapers. I think
I'm perfectly capable of handling myself in a championship match. How many title
matches have you fought in, McLane?
McLane (flustered): None.
Selina: So why are you sitting there in that ridiculous suit asking questions
as if you knew what the hell you were talking about?
McLane: Okay, Selina, forget I asked... let's talk about your match tonight
with Roxy Powers.
Selina: Well, that upstart called me out when I was still champion. If
she's still got a problem with me now, she's got a fight. She don't like me
or Caged Heat... we don't care much for her either... we can definitely do this.
And let me say this, too. That Roxy's beaten some good opponents. If I beat
her, after I beat (counting them off on her fingers) Slam Dunk, Riot, Terri
Gold... I better get another shot at that title. Otherwise this federation's
a complete joke. And that, McLane, is the real deal.
Back to the announcers' desk.
McLane: So Selina Majors is not a happy camper right now by any stretch,
Lee Marshall.
Marshall: Well, she hasn't been a happy camper for quite a while, David...
ever since she turned on her friends Terri Gold, Beckie, and Billie. Selina
makes an excellent point about the significance of this match, though. Roxy
has beaten Slam Dunk, had an impressive win against the powerful Vendetta recently,
and showed well against the current champion Jungle Grrrl, too. In my mind,
if Roxy wins this match against Selina, who was the champion just last week...
that would make Roxy a very serious contender for the WOW title.
McLane: I would think so, Lee. Well, we'll kick things off here with
the Disciplinarian taking on Hammerin' Heather Steele.
The Disciplinarian enters and gets on the mic.
Disciplinarian: You illiterate underachievers out there probably think
I'm going to get on this microphone and insult your precious cute little "tool
time girl", Hammerin' Heather Steele. Well, if that's what you thought,
it's just one more question you got wrong. If I had to choose one person in
WOW who came close to living up to my demanding standards, Hammerin' Heather
Steele might well be the one I would choose. Why? Because she works hard. Oh,
it's true... she's always working out in the gym... she practices more than
any of the other wrestlers, besides me... she gets the most she can out of that
tiny body. (pause) Unfortunately for her, none of that changes the fact that
at the end of the day, her best just isn't good enough. So let's get her out
here, so she can learn who WOW's real best worker is.
A determined-looking Hammerin' Heather Steele enters, and the bell rings.
After the match, Heather rolls around, selling the effects of the leglock hold. Disciplinarian goes to her corner, gets her yardstick, and comes at Heather with intent to spank. Heather legsweeps Ms. D to a big pop, jumps on her, and starts throwing punches. Disciplinarian eventually pushes her off, and Heather makes her exit.
[EnerX commercial]
McLane: Quite the opening match there, Lee!
Marshall: Yup, Hammerin' Heather Steele and the Disciplinarian both really
went at it, and... wait, what's this??
Roll out the red carpet... Lana Star is making her way to the ring. And what's more, she is accompanied by the other members of the Star Stable -- Bronco Billie, Jane Blond, Jaded, California Wendi, Poison, and Summer. Lana grabs the mic.
Lana: Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of the Lana Star Show!
Well, it's so totally super that all of you are tuning in every week to see
what's going on with those sexy, lovable ladies of the Star Stable. It might
be getting kind of boring, though... we haven't lost a match yet! Now, everyone
in the Star Stable is a lady of class, refinement, and distinction. So that
means we like to accessorize... and we especially like belts. Jane here has
a very nice one. [Jane holds up the Intercontinental belt triumphantly] But
there are a few more we want. That's why we keep bringing in new members...
each one has their own super contribution to make! And we won't stop until we've
got all the belts out there! A couple weeks back, Poison joined our little group.
Poison: Lana, I'm proud to be part of the undefeated Star Stable. The
way we're going, I don't think anyone will be able to stop us. And if anyone
wants to get in our way, they can [all the Stable members turn around and slap
their butts] KISS IT!
Lana: Yay, Poison!! Now, here is our newest member... you knew her as
that Beach Patrol fashion victim, Summer... but now you can call her California
Bobbi!
[The announcers weep and moan over this development.]
Bobbi: Lana, Wendi and I are going to reform the Beach Patrol... except
this time, it'll have two good wrestlers in it, not just one. We're gonna win
the tag team titles, and not only that, we're gonna be the best-looking team
in WOW! [Wendi and Bobbi bump butts.]
Lana: Wow, Bobbi, that was completely awesome! You're my new favorite!
The little lovefest is interrupted by a loud, pounding theme song and a video depicting acts of destruction... Riot (with pyro and baseball bat) makes her way out.
Riot: Lana, I don't know if you've figured out yet that the sign on
the door here says Women of Wrestling. WOW is for girls who can kick
ass... not for late-night Cinemax movie actresses like you and your Stable.
Now get your carnival act out of that ring, or else find out what a natural
born wrestler can do.
Lana: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?? I dare you to come up to my face and say that!!
Riot runs to the ring. Lana immediately hides behind Jane. Wendi jumps to the floor and stops Riot, as the other Stable members prepare to come to her aid. Riot and Wendi trade punches for a bit. Jaded, Bobbi, Poison, and Jane come to help Wendi, but the melee is interrupted by Danger appearing on WOWVision.
Danger: Well, Riot, this is very unlike you. Taking on six women at
once... well... I can't say it's not brave. It's spectacularly stupid, of course...
but it's brave, I gotta give you that. Since you seem to be in the mood for
a challenge, I'm more than happy to oblige. Why don't you take on California
Wendi later tonight?
Riot: I thought you said a "challenge", Danger? I've already
beaten Wendi silly, with a cookie sheet, a garbage can, and whatever else was
handy. So she has some new friends now... like that makes a difference?
Danger: Oh, but it does... because this will be a no-disqualification
match. Watch your back, Riot. I heard that some wrestlers in this federation
actually stoop to the level of doing sneak attacks.
Riot storms out, cursing. The Star Stable members confer briefly and leave as well.
Cut to the locker room. Paradise and Boom Boom the Volcano are engaged in animated, happy conversation. Farah tugs on Paradise's shoulder.
Farah: Paradise! We have a match now against Law & Order!
Paradise: Okay, okay. [finishing up the conversation with Boom Boom]
So I said to him, "If that's his umu, I'd hate to see his cave!" [Boom
Boom laughs appreciatively] Okay, let's go.
After the match, Order attempts to handcuff Paradise to the ringpost. Law, with the billyclub, stands by waiting. Urgently, Farah grabs Law and gets her into the Persian Carpet submission hold. Order is forced to leave Paradise and free her partner. Paradise and Farah make a run for it, as the cops yell at them.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
McLane: Farah certainly showed us something there, Lee!
Marshall: David, she thought on her feet. She was able to distract Nikki
Law by putting her partner Kristi Order in the Persian Carpet... and by doing
that, she got her friend Paradise to safety. Well, we're just about set here
to see Roxy Powers take on Selina Majors.
Cut to Terri Gold, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, Roxy Powers, and Tanja Warrior Woman in the locker room. Roxy is limbering up and getting ready for her upcoming fight.
Terri: How do you feel, Roxy?
Roxy: I feel tremendous, Terri. With my girl Tanja [the two slap five]
by my side, I don't need to worry about Caged Heat. It's gonna be me and Selina
Majors one-on-one, and although I respect what she's accomplished in this business...
at this stage in the game, she can't hang with the Total Athlete.
Terri and Beckie cheer Roxy and Tanja on as they exit for the match.
After the match, there is the requisite shoving and pushing between Roxy/Tanja and the Caged Heat affiliates, but nothing major. The refs clear the ring. Then... whoop... whoop... DANGER! Pyro, water spit, and the Acting Commissioner (in business suit, with crutch) makes her way to the ring.
Danger: It shouldn't be a surprise to you folks to hear that I had to come out here because Slam Dunk ran her big mouth again. Roll the tape.
[Play Slam Dunk's speech to Danger from last episode]
Danger: Well, Slam, despite all the women you have beat, there's still one who you most definitely have not -- Roxy Powers. So I'll tell you what. If you can defeat Roxy in a #1 contender's match, you will get your shot at Jungle Grrrl and the WOW World title. That's not asking that much of you, is it, Slam? To beat the girl once in three attempts? If anything, I'm being biased towards you now. But Slam... you better beat her sometime. You don't want to get swept out of here like the Sacramento Kings. [cheap pop] Now is as good a time as any, so, may the best woman win.
Danger exits. Back to the announcers' desk.
McLane: So, Danger has set up a #1 contender's match for the World title
between Slam Dunk and Roxy Powers. Do you think Slam will accept the challenge?
Marshall: I don't think it's a question at all, David... I'm sure she
will.
McLane: Fans, stay tuned, because Riot is about to take on California
Wendi.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Riot recovers from the Blowout relatively quickly. She grabs her bat and clears the ring of Star Stable members. Then she makes an angry exit.
McLane: Riot, bowed... but never broken. Things are just heating up, fans, so make sure you're here next week as the drama continues here on WOW -- Women of Wrestling!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)