Matches in WOWF are simmed with ZeusPro.
Hard Knocks Pay-Per-View Event - Aug. 26, 2001
Ohhhhhhh....WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
Marshall: Fans, welcome to WOW Hard Knocks! [pyro and other pomp and circumstance] This is WOW's fourth pay-per-view event, and there's no doubt in my mind that it will be our biggest and most exciting yet. And helping us to make this an event not to be forgotten is a man who is a legend in the sports entertainment business... who is universally acknowledged as one of the greatest managers and announcers of all time... please give him a warm welcome... Bobby "the Brain" Heenan!
Bobby "the Brain" Heenan enters to suitable fanfare and sits next to Marshall.
Heenan: Finally you give me a decent intro, Marshall. You
may learn how to do this job yet.
Marshall: I'm trying my best, Brain. Well, you've certainly chosen to
join us on a momentous day. What a card we have for tonight's event. I don't
think I have ever seen a lineup like this in decades of following women's wrestling.
And of course, the highlight is the main event, where Danger takes on Riot.
Heenan: I haven't seen Danger in the ring since WOW Unleashed, Marshall.
Of course, neither has anyone else!
Marshall: Indeed. After Riot cost Danger the World Title at Unleashed,
she then took her rival out with a knee injury that was considered possibly
career-threatening. Riot thought she had gotten Danger out of her hair for good.
But when Danger was named Acting Commissioner of WOW, . And now, for the first
time in six months, Danger steps back into the ring... trying to take the World
Title from the woman who put her out of commission.
[Video package describing the Danger vs. Riot epic. Danger and Riot were once partners, forming a team that seemed destined to win the original Tag Team Tournament. However, in their very first match together, Riot's showboating caused the team to lose. Riot was later named the #1 World Title contender and was granted a title match against Terri Gold. Danger, feeling that she was slighted for the #1 contendership and resenting Riot for her performance as her partner, came out before the Terri-Riot match and put Riot through a table. Danger then beat Terri and became WOW Champion. In the Danger-Terri rematch, Riot returned the favor by tabling Danger and costing her the match. Not content to stop there, Riot then kneecapped Danger in the parking lot, tearing Danger's ACL. The injured Danger was soon named WOW's Acting Commissioner, and proceeded to make Riot's life very difficult. Riot and Danger continued to trade barbs as the Commissioner forced Riot to participate in handicap matches, no-DQ matches, "Lion's Den" matches, and "Poolside Battle Royale" matches. Riot triumphed every time, and Danger eventually granted Riot her long-awaited title shot, against Jungle Grrrl. Despite the last-minute addition of Terri Gold to the match, Riot won yet again and became World Champion. By this time, Danger was ready to wrestle... and to take the World belt off Riot. She set a title match between herself and Riot under streetfight rules, and then resigned as commissioner. After months of waiting, WOW's greatest and most heated feud finally comes to a crescendo on Aug. 26.]
Back to Marshall and Heenan.
Heenan: What a story, Marshall. I cannot wait to see these
two women settle each other's hash.
Marshall: Who do you think has the advantage, Brain? Riot, the current
World champion, or Danger, who was the World champion before her injury?
Heenan: If there was ever a more even match, Marshall, I've yet to see
it. Both these fighters have tremendous motivation to win... both because the
most important prize in women's wrestling is on the line... and because they
plain hate each other. And both women are equally powerful and skilled competitors.
Marshall: I think you've hit the nail on the head, Brain... I'd hate
to have to pick a side there, either. And I could say the same about tonight's
opening match, which pits Ice Cold against Poison.
Heenan: Those two are still going at it?
Marshall: Indeed. This is a re-match of a confrontation we first saw
at Spring Vengeance. At that time, Ice Cold was on her way to becoming the Intercontinental
Champion. Ice fought hard for that title -- holding off the combined powers
of the Star Stable -- and held it for quite awhile. But now, Terri Gold has
dethroned Ice as the Intercontinental champ, and Ice is even less happy than
usual. Her anger has found a familiar target... Poison, whom Ice Cold accuses
of being selfish and uncaring.
Heenan: A bit ironic, isn't it, for Ice Cold to make such accusations?
Marshall: Well, the turning point was when Poison got involved in the
feud between Harley's Angels and the Beach Patrol. Let's look back at the sequence
of events, and you can see for yourself whether you think Ice's accusations
have merit.
[Recap concentrating on Poison's strange WOW journey. Poison and Ice Cold, two loners, formed an "odd couple" tag team to participate in the Tag Team Tournament. But Poison turned on her partner, leaving her to get her head shaved by Lana Star at WOW Unleashed. The two cost each other matches in the Intercontinental Title Tournament. Poison then joined Lana Star's Stable. Ice Cold tried to attack Poison, but could not get to her through the Stable's protection. However, Ice did get some revenge against the Stable by defeating Jane Blond for the Intercontinental Title. This was the first in a series of Stable losses that convinced the always self-interested Poison that Lana's crew could no longer help her to the top. Poison turned against the Stable and became an assassin for hire. Meanwhile, Harley's Angels had issues with the Stable as well. The Stable had bought the Angels' old bar and transformed it into a sickeningly sweet "movie producer" office. The team of the Beach Patrol, California Bobbi and California Wendi, eventually ejected the Angels from the office. The angered Angels hired Poison to take out Bobbi. Poison was more than happy to oblige, even offering a discount. Ice pointed out rather rudely to Poison that her mercenary status illustrated just how disloyal and untrustworthy she was. So at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26, the Beach Patrol take on Harley's Angels, and Poison faces Ice Cold.]
Back to Marshall and Heenan.
Heenan: Nope... I still think Ice is nuts.
Marshall: Nuts she may be, Brain... but some say that works to her advantage
in the ring. We'll find out right now, as these two great rivals are ready to
go at it.
Marshall: Well, Poison showing there why she has the toughness
required to be a wrestler for hire. She withstood a brutal attack from Ice Cold,
and finally used that deadly venom spit to triumph.
Heenan: Why shouldn't Poison be a mercenary, Marshall? She is just watching
out for herself... it's the only smart thing to do. Money makes the world go
around. Anyone who denies it is being foolish.
Marshall: That could be, Brain. Certainly, as long as she wins matches,
she probably won't be complaining. And now, we've got something unprecedented
for you, and I feel it'll be extremely entertaining. The Disciplinarian is set
to fight a handicap match against Jaded and Caliente... but to even the odds,
she is doing it in her very own schoolhouse! It'll be a School House Brawl,
in which the first wrestler to score a pin wins the match... and in which there
are no disqualifications, meaning that the use of any foreign object found in
the school house is fair game!
["School House Brawl" hype video package. The WOW Television Title belt was originally the "Star Stable" belt. Lana Star had bought it to combat the dissension within her ranks caused by the Stable's lack of championship gold. When the Stable went away to film their movie, they left the belt behind. Acting Commissioner Danger "accidentally" ran across it, re-named it the WOW Television Title belt, and quickly started up a tournament to give it away. Lana impressed upon her charges the important of winning her belt back. But there was a problem... the Disciplinarian. Ms. D beat Caliente in the tournament, and then went over Jaded when a fired-up Caliente got a little too fired up and hit her own stablemate with a trash can. A very angry Lana challenged Ms. D to a PPV rematch against either Jaded or Caliente, and was informed that the TV Title is only defended on free TV. She settled for this three-way match on the Disciplinarian's home turf... her schoolhouse. For at least two of these three contestants, it will truly be the School of Hard Knocks on Aug. 26.]
Marshall: Now, Brain, I know that you like the Disciplinarian,
and feel that we should have more teachers in her image.
Heenan: I do, that's true... but I also love that Lana Star. If Jaded
and Caliente are from her Stable, they must have a lot going for them. She reminds
me of me!
Marshall: In other words, she constantly cheats, brags, and lies?
Heenan: Your words, not mine.
Marshall: Yup... they sure are, aren't they? Anyway, let's go to the Disciplinarian's
schoolhouse right now as we prepare for some back-to-school mayhem in the first
ever School House Brawl.
Ms. D-Jaded-Caliente match (School House Brawl)
Marshall: Phew... what a performance by Ms. D. I would
say that the Disciplinarian took Jaded to school, but she was already there!
Heenan: Leave the jokes to me, Marshall.
Marshall: Maybe I should... But prior to that, we saw plenty of hard-hitting
action, and some great exchanges between Jaded and the Disciplinarian. Two trained
martial artists going at it... quite a sight. I wonder how Lana Star will react
to the seeming confusion we saw between Jaded and Caliente. Caliente seems to
be perhaps a little over-anxious to make an impact...
Heenan: I'm sure that Lana has already figured out the proper way to
handle the problem. She's a wrestling genius!
Marshall: Sure... In any event, now we've got two more Star Stable members,
the Beach Patrol, taking on Harley's Angels.
Heenan: Need I describe why I love the Beach Patrol?
Marshall: I think we'd all be better off if you didn't, Brain. As we
saw, this feud stems from the Stable's purchase of the Angels' bar, and subsequent
rude behavior. The Angels used Poison to get some comeuppance against California
Bobbi, who is one half of the Beach Patrol. Let's see if they can express their
displeasure in a more hands-on manner tonight.
Cut to ringside. Lana Star, accompanying the Beach Patrol, makes a brief speech.
Lana: Take a good look at WOW's foremost tag team! Check out these two girls... if they're not tag team champions in the making, then I don't know what it takes to be a wrestling superstar. [Marshall: "Imagine that!"] Now girls, try not to get yourself too dirty when you dispose of these completely gross bikers. I know all the guys out there want to see you beautiful and unblemished! Because they think they can have you... in their dreams, that is! And to the very few of you who have girlfriends, and who brought them along today... well, sisters... too bad you can't look like this... maybe then you could keep your man's attention! Don't blame us... it's not our fault we're beautiful!
Harley's Angels are announced. They run to the ring (Thug following behind) and immediately begin the attack.
Marshall: I might consider that a bit of an upset, Brain!
Heenan: I'm not sure I agree. California Wendi is a strong and fundamentally
sound wrestler, and California Bobbi is improving rapidly under her tutelage.
This is not your father's Beach Patrol!
Marshall: I suppose there might be a lot of truth in that.
Heenan: Of course there is... I said it!
Marshall: Riiiight. Moving along, we've got another grudge match between
Slam Dunk and Roxy Powers. These two prodigiously talented athletes have been
trying to reach WOW's highest level for quite a while now... and always seem
to find the other in their way.
[Roxy/Slam video package. No one knows exactly why Roxy Powers and Slam Dunk don't get along. Roxy has always said that she just can't stand Slam's obnoxious, bragging mouth. In any event, the two wrestlers' fates have been intertwined for as long as WOW has been around. Roxy called Slam out for a match at WOW Unleashed. An indecisive finish set up a later strap match won by Roxy. Roxy continued to move up in the ranks, eventually earning a World Title shot (and beating Slam again along the way.) Slam began to earn a reputation as a choker, and was no longer a World Title contender. After Jungle Grrrl beat Roxy for the World Title, and Terri Gold turned on Roxy with some harsh words, Roxy's mettle was also being questioned. So the Roxy-Slam re-match at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26 is very important to both competitors. Both want to be catapulted towards the top of the WOW ladder by a win. And both will enjoy the other's loss as much as their own win.]
Slam Dunk is introduced first, and grabs the mic.
Slam: All right, Peroxy. I'm tired of everyone saying [whiny voice] "Slam Dunk always chokes... Slam Dunk can't beat Roxy Powers..." If it wasn't for your fake friend Terri Gold, no one would be saying a damn thing about Slam Dunk... except "there goes the WOW World Champion." We agreed that there would be no outside interference tonight, and no stupid gimmick to the match. But make no mistake, Roxy... under those rules... whatever it takes... you will be chokeslammed tonight... and Slam Dunk will get what is hers.
Roxy runs to the ring, and the match immediately begins.
Marshall: Holy cow!! Slam showing a fury there that we
have never seen from her!
Heenan: That's how you win matches, Marshall! Like she said... whatever
it takes!
Marshall: But brutalizing poor Roxy with a television monitor??
Heenan: The ref decides what's legal, Marshall! If he doesn't have a
problem with it, why should you?
Marshall: Well, he obviously didn't see it!
Heenan: Well, complain to him! That certainly isn't Slam Dunk's fault!
Marshall (sighing): That's just ridiculous, Brain. Anyway, Roxy is being
tended to by the paramedics as we speak, and we hope she's ok. And if I can
editorialize a bit, I hope that Beckie the Farmer's Daughter fares better in
her next match against Jane Blond, who is not exactly known for letting her
opponents off easy. If Beckie can win this very difficult match, that will in
effect be sticking it in Terri Gold's face... Terri had insulted Beckie's abilities
as a wrestler. And I, for one, would love to see that.
[Beckie/Jane Blond video package. Beckie the Farmer's Daughter
and Bronco Billie formed a popular tag team, the "Country Connection."
But their team was broken up against the will of both members when the Disciplinarian
bought Bronco Billie's ranch. Ms. D tired quickly of Billie as a pupil, and
sold the ranch to Lana Star. Beckie made it her mission to free her friend from
Lana's clutches, but problems met her at every turn. Billie's ally Terri Gold
was too selfish to help Beckie out in her quest. The combined power of the Star
Stable proved stronger than Beckie fighting by herself could be. And most damningly,
Billie herself eventually grew to enjoy the glamorous life of a Stable member,
willfully accepting her role as Lana's personal assistant. When Terri finally
turned on her friends, Beckie was devastated. Star Stable member Jane Blond
picked that time to try to rub it all in Beckie's face. An incensed Beckie challenged
Jane to a match... and lost after Star Stable interference. But this time, at
Hard Knocks on Aug. 26, it will be the determined, high-flying Beckie one-on-one
against the sadistic, arrogant Jane Blond, with no one at ringside to interfere.]
Marshall: So, after two losses when the Star Stable interfered,
Beckie the Farmer's Daughter proves that, in a fair fight, she is a better woman
than Jane Blond.
Heenan: Luck, Marshall. Pure, unadulterated luck. One out of three proves
nothing!
Marshall: Gimme a break, Brain. Beckie is an amazing wrestler, and believe
me, we have not seen the last of her defeating high-level opponents. But now,
we move on to the part of the program where we start giving out gold. Yes, we
have not one... not two... not three... but four title matches, one after
the other! We begin with a Hardcore Title bout.
Heenan: That belt isn't gold. It's made out of stuck-together chewing
gum... that's already been chewed!
Marshall: You know that's not true, Brain... it's not gold, I do admit
that... but anyway. Selina Majors is challenging the current titleholder, Tanja,
for the belt. These are two women who have never gotten along, and after Terri
Gold turned on Tanja and her friends and fell into league with Selina, things
just got worse.
Heenan: You gotta like Selina here. She's a grizzled warrior, to be sure.
Who's tougher than her?
Marshall: But Brain... Tanja's been the Hardcore champ for quite a while,
and she's beaten the hardiest competitors WOW has to offer... Thug... that psycho
Jacklyn Hyde... and even Selina herself!
Heenan: Again, I say... luck.
Marshall: You're "lucky" Tanja doesn't pop you one!! Well,
let's let the competitors figure this one out in the ring... of course, there
are no rules in this WOW Hardcore Title match.
Selina-Tanja match (Hardcore Title)
Marshall: Tanja with another very impressive win to retain
her Hardcore Title... and you know Terri Gold is feeling that one.
Heenan: I'm sure Terri is disappointed that her friend lost, if that's
what you mean. But are you implying that Terri is capable of jealousy, or anger?
Because nothing could be further from the truth! Terri is a straight shooter,
and a role model for us all!
Marshall: Please, Brain... spare us. We'll be seeing Terri in just a bit,
in that ladder match with Jungle Grrrl that should be one for the ages. But
first, let's see WOW's two top tag teams in action.
Heenan: Even I can't argue with you there, Marshall. Clearly, Law &
Order and Caged Heat are the two forces to be reckoned with in the tag team
division.
[Caged Heat/Law & Order video package. Caged Heat was WOW's dominant tag team for months. But when Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter got together as a team, suddenly the Heat had competition. The Terri/Beckie team, "Air Force", soon dethroned the Heat as champs. Meanwhile, a new tag team was serving notice to opponents in dramatic fashion. Law & Order reeled off a string of impressive victories, often punctuated by post-match billystick beatdowns. When Terri turned on Beckie, the tag team titles were vacated. Caged Heat and Law & Order clearly were the only two reasonable contenders for the belt, and a title match between the two teams was quickly arranged. Caged Heat won the bout and the belts, but the angry cops attacked them after the bell. The policewomen then cost the Heat a non-title match against the Genies in a Bottle team. Caged Heat vow to get the fuzz off their back once and for all when they face off again at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26.]
Law & Order enter first. Nikki Law grabs the mic.
Law: Welcome to a new era... an era of obedience and respect
for the law. We're here to bring order to this Tag Team division, and that requires
a simple policy: beatdowns first, ask questions later. And if one of these suspects
should happen to get hurt and not be able to wrestle again for a while... well,
you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet, know what I mean, Kristi?
Order: Exactly, Nikki. The ends justify the means, after all. Folks only
have the rights we give 'em... and we ain't givin' these perps a damn thing.
Caged Heat run to the ring and immediately mix it up.
L&O-Caged Heat match (Tag Team Titles)
The victorious, ecstatic Heat work the crowd with the usual schtick.
Marshall: Caged Heat... certainly the greatest tag team in WOW history... and still the champions. But now, it's time to decide the Intercontinental Champion. The rules are simple. The first wrestler to remove the Intercontinental Belt from its perch high above the ring is the winner. The rules are simple... but when you have two incredible high-flying athletes involved... and when they've hated and resented each other for months... just about anything can happen.
[Video package describing the Jungle Grrrl-Terri Gold rivalry. Terri Gold and Jungle Grrrl were once good friends and training partners. However, their friendship was torn apart by the pressures of wrestling competition. Jungle Grrrl beat Terri in their first match. By the time of their rematch, Terri had become the World Champion. Jungle Grrrl challenged Terri to a rematch for the belt... and this time, lost. An angry Grrrl proceeded to destroy all opposition she faced, earning a reputation as perhaps WOW's most talented and focused competitor. Finally, she was named #1 World Title contender, and promptly defeated Selina Majors for Terri's old World Title. Terri was afraid to face JG herself, so she sent Roxy Powers and Tanja to win the belt back for her. Both Roxy and Tanja failed, and Terri turned on her friends, uniting with the similarly vengeful Selina Majors and becoming a full-fledged heel. Terri was inserted into Jungle Grrrl's World Title defense against Riot, making it a three-way match. Terri took JG out with a sledgehammer, but could not put Riot down; Riot became the champ. Undaunted, Terri weaseled her way into an Intercontinental Title match against Ice Cold, and won it with Selina's help. JG now seeks to even the score by taking the Intercontinental belt from Terri at Hard Knocks in a ladder match on Aug. 26.]
JG-Terri match (Intercontinental Title)
Marshall: And Jungle Grrrl is the new Intercontinental
champion! What a match, Brain!!!
Heenan: I can't fault Jungle Grrrl at all... right now, that is. What
we just saw took incredible guts and athleticism... on the part of both wrestlers...
but especially the ultimate winner, Jungle Grrrl.
Marshall: Unbelievable action. I doubt Terri will take the loss of her
belt lying down, though. And now... we're set for the main event. We know how
much history goes into this... how much anger... how much anticipation. It's
finally time for Danger to challenge Riot for the WOW World Title.
Cut to the street for the World Title streetfight.
Danger-Riot match (World Title)
Marshall: The piledriver, Brain! The piledriver!! That's
illegal in WOW!!
Heenan: It's legal in this match, Marshall! If they can throw glass at
each other, they can do a piledriver!
Marshall: ... I'm receiving word from our CEO, David McLane, that that
is correct... Danger will be awarded the World Title. But good grief, Brain...
I don't think Danger would have minded if Riot didn't get up again... ever.
Heenan: I'm sure the feeling was mutual!
Marshall: I suppose that's true. Well, fans, after Riot triumphed over seemingly
insurmountable odds to finally become the WOW World Champion, her arch-rival
Danger has immediately snatched the belt away from her. It's a triumphant return
to say the least for Danger... in her first match in six months, after recovering
from a career-threatening knee injury, Danger has won the World Title. But,
despite the shape Riot is in right now... and despite all we've seen transpire
between these two great warriors... I have to believe that these two women are
just getting started.
Folks, you've just witnessed one of the most breathtaking sporting events I've yet to see. Let's recap tonight's action:
And believe me... these competitors are far from finished with each other. Tune in to WOW - Women of Wrestling next week to see where all this will lead. Thanks for watching Hard Knocks! For Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, this is Lee Marshall, saying goodnight.
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
An excellent ZeusPro resources page