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This is a constantly updated list of important values and lessons we've learned from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And your parents said it wasn't educational! Ha! I've learned tons of pointless Latin phrases and Romanian curses from this show! So here are today's lessons, hope they give you a chuckle. If you would like to share what you've learned from Buffy, please e-mail your newly found value to Tiki .

58. Don't buy any African artifacts......especially masks.

57. It's best not to go to go to underground worlds where time passes much quicker than on the surface.....they really drain yah.

56. Don't trust social workers.

55. Whenever you need information on any recent deaths, don't bother looking in the paper or asking someone, just hack into the local coroners office. They won't mind...really.

54. When going to visit a teacher, you should always keep a recording of bat sonar handy...just in case.

53. If anyone gives you trouble, kill them....they were probably a demon anyway.

52. Before going into the steam room, find out exactly what's in the steam.

51. If members of the swim team are turning into giant fish monsters, it's probably a good idea NOT to join the swim team.

50. Do NOT hire Latvian bugs men to kill someone just so you can get smoochies from someone you really hate. They turn on you.

49. When one wants to get a date, tweed is not the best thing to wear.

48. Always be suspicious of your mom's new boyfriend...he could be a psychotic android.

47. Try not to fall in love with demon robots that you meet on the internet.

46. You should probably be worried if your librarian suddenly runs out of the library screaming something about a Boca Del Infierno.

45. If something goes wrong, you can always find comfort in chocolatey goodness.

44. Principals are evil...they're all out to get you.

43. Avoid serious relationships with brooding vampires.

42. People consider it strange if the only things you know how to say in Latin are curses and reversal spells.

41. If you have any connections to gypsies, you WILL be killed off by an evil 241 year old demon.

40. As a general rule, one should NOT cast love spells on a whole town. It's just selfish.

39. Before agreeing to date someone, it is imperative to inquire if they are a computerized demon, a vampire with a soul, a werewolf, a praying mantis, an Incan mummy, or a giant bug of any kind.

38. Stay away from guys named Malcolm.

37. NEVER take foreign exchange students into your home without first looking at their picture.

36. Little league coaches are evil.

35. If there is something you can't remember, blame it on a gas leak.

34. The cautious Slayer or Slayerette always carries a cross in their sleeve, jacket, or pants.

33. Stay away from bleached blond vampires with psycho girlfriends.... they're just not nice.

32. One should NEVER sneak into any zoo exibits that are closed. You never know when you're gonna run into a Masai tribesman or a demented Primal.

31. Do not attempt a relationship with your substitute biology teacher. EVER!

30. Don't drink anything offered to you by giant mantises or frat boys. You'll be food for giant bugs and snake demons.

29. One should exibit caution when trying to decoad ancient gypsy curses....you never know who's behind you or what crappy Latin verse allowed him to be there.

28. Don't eat the cafeteria food. It could turn into snakes.

27. You REALLY don't wanna look in your school's freezer....especially if you have a missing Biology teacher.

26. NEVER write "Have a nice summer" in anyone's yearbook. You never know who's gonna become an invisible psychopath.

25. A cranky Slayer is never a good thing.

24. The end of the world can wait...especially if you have a date with someone who reads Emily Dickenson.

23. Prophesies suck.

22. If someone strange attacks you, just tell everyone that it was a gang member on PCP, a misguided youth, or someone in desperate need of plastic surgery.

21. People who cut dead girls into little pieces do not get the benefit of any doubt.

20. If someone asks you to be their partner for the science fair, and they want to make a model of an eggsack, turn them down IMMEDIATELY.

19. Do NOT take your date to the funeral home.

18. Avoid spending time in the library. You never know what those things are built on.

17. If there is a girl at your school who hangs around in the library, carries battle axes and maces in her backpack, and seems incredibly strong for her size, it's probably best to avoid her. Otherwise, you'll end up with broken arms and head trauma.

16. If you walk into your school library and see books with the words "Vampyr" or "Bristow's Guide to Demons" on the cover, it would be the perfect time to run.

15. One should always stay away from horny dummies.

14. As a general rule of thumb, don't do something so exciting on the first date that it will be hard to top on the second. Especially if this involves stopping someone who is in serious need of industrial strength therapy from creating a girlfriend for his friend's dead brother.

13. Avoid calling up evil demons that possess people. They come back at the worst times.

12. When trying to impress someone, one should always remember to add sugar to the lemonade.

11. Don't go to frat parties. You never know when there's gonna be a giant snake demon in the basement.

10. When you're buying a Halloween costume, excercise caution. Make sure that the owner of the costume shop does NOT worship Janus.

9. Always be suspicious if your old crush suddenly moves to your town. He's probably trying to kill you.

8. As a general rule, if the re-animation of dead tissue is possible, your science fair project is definetely coming in second this year.

7. Avoid upsetting people that might send assassins after you. The Order of Teraka can be a real pain.

6. If your teacher gives you an egg to take care of as a lesson on the responsibilities of parenthood, boil it. It'll kill the weird, scorpion-like bezoar inside.

5. If you wake up naked in the woods 3 times a month and have no idea how you got there, it's probably not a good thing. Avoid silver bullets.

4. If you are going to cast a lovespell on someone, make sure to hire an experienced witch. Amateurs can cause a lot of trouble.

3. Hospitals are not happy places. Especially if there's a really ugly guy with a black suit and really weird eyes walking the halls and playing slice and dice with the younger patients.

2. Beware of polterguists that killed themselves at your high school 43 years earlier. They have a tendency to be just a little over the edge.

1. Hanging around in undead playgroups can be hazardous to your health. Join at your own risk.


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