Title: Taped History
Author: Elamae1
Fandom: CSI Miami
Rating: tbc.
Category: Gen/slash
Pairing: n/a (as yet)
Summary: Something from Speed’s past comes back to haunt him
Disclaimer: Don't own or have anything affiliation with CSI Miami or CBS. Just a fan having a little experiment with the characters she's enjoys. Making no profit, unless you count the emotional fluffies created by writing it and any potential feedback.
Author's Notes: This is my first CSI Miami piece. Be nice. It is looking at Speed's history, something that I have over the course of my addiction to the show, become fascinated with, not least for the reason that canon has given us next to nothing about the character's private life or his past. This is my own angsty take on what *might* have happened.
Horatio had never been sick at work. Never thrown up on a case in all his years on the force, despite having come close a few times. Particularly bad decomp's or body dumps. Nobody was that immune. But he'd always managed to control himself. Fight the bodily urge somehow and carry on. Always the professional.
But now, hung over one of the sinks in the men's bathroom he was two minutes past the point at which he'd ruined that record. And he couldn't care a damn.
He took a deep breath and leaning down, splashed water on his face for the third time. Unbidden, his mind kept returning to the unlabelled video tape that lay in the machine in his office. Innocuous. If you didn't know what it contained.
But Horatio did.
And the contents were what had sent him stumbling straight to the men's room.
One last splash of cold water and he stood up straight, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He reached for a paper towel and dried himself off. Walking out and up the hallway to where the water cooler was, he filled a plastic cup and walking back into the men's room, proceeded to swill his mouth out, grimacing at the after taste.
Once back in his office he sat down in his chair and stared at the small TV and video set up in the corner of the room. Not exactly necessary when they had all the specialist hi-tech equipment down in Tyler's lab, but Caine liked to be able to watch the news bulletins. Keep track of cases. The video player was for convenience.
Now he eyed it like it was something particularly nasty he'd found at the bottom of the harbour. Something strange and foul smelling from one of the umpteen murder scenes he'd attended over the years. The monitor was black but Caine could still visualise what was on that tape, blaring across the 20" screen in full tecnicolour. Amateur shot though it was, home movie style, there was no mistaking the content or the subjects used.
Caine swallowed again.
"Caine, I've got something here you might want to take a look at." Horatio knew the case Detective Willis was investigating. A straight forward charge of kidnapping and assault against a sixteen year old. Well, as straightforward as something like that could be, especially for the young boy involved. But there was no problem with the charge or evidence. It was as airtight as it could possibly be.
"We found this among Hector's belongings." Willis explained. "Guy had quite a porn collection, some legal some...not." Willis swallowed. "We've had to go through the lot, log it in as evidence. One of my guys stumbled across this."
Caine had taken the tape, not really understanding though, why it had anything to do with him. Not until he had got round to playing the tape almost fifteen minutes later after stopping to see Alexx about his current case.
Then he'd understood.
Hector Spangolos liked boys. The younger the better.
Forty five years old, a part time cook, he had been caught indulging in his favourite past time. Underage sex. Mostly Hector contented himself with the barely legal and not so legal rent boys Miami provided on certain street corners, but every now and again they weren't enough. Street urchins, runaways, homeless; all perfect prey for the likes of Hector Spangolos. This time, unfortunately for Hector, he had chosen the wrong prey. Fifteen year old Ricky Marston was a high school student who had been walking home from a friends party when he had been grabbed. Unlike his usual victims, who wouldn't dare speak out, Ricky had reported the attack. Hector, courtesy of his DNA and fingerprints, was being charged with kidnapping, assault, sex with an minor on top of anything else the DA could think of.
What the Hector Spangolos case could have to do with himself, Caine could not imagine. He had a feeling that whatever it was though, it wasn't going to be good. Nothing however could have prepared him for what he had seen on the tape.
He'd always suspected Speed had been skinny as a youth. The man was so slender at the age of thirty that there was no other conclusion to come to. He'd always pictured too somehow, the mop of curly black hair, slightly longer than he kept it now as an adult and the slender long limbs only just shedding their lanky uncontrollable stage.
Caine had watched as this younger version of Speed emerged onto the screen, one of five other boys, all of them in similar stages of undress. Watched as they all took it in turns on the large king size bed in the middle of the frame. Took it in turns to perform for the camera. First on their own, then in pairs or groups. Most of the participants were either drunk or stoned, not enough to impede performance, but enough to make them co-operative; that was clear to the cop part of Horatio's brain that was still viewing the tape as a piece of evidence. In all of their eyes though, even those who were slightly intoxicated, there was the unmistakable sign of fear. None of those boys were there by choice. Not really.
Half way through, an older man had come into the screen and proceeded to join in. He was mid thirties Caine estimated, certainly no younger. It was when it had been his turn with that younger version of Speed, that Caine had lost it. The expression of agony accompanied by the cry of pain as the man had forced himself inside of Speed had Caine scrambling for the off button and down the hallway straight to the men's bathroom.
"It is him then."
Horatio looked up at what was more a statement than a question. He nodded anyway.
"Yeah."
"Christ."
Willis sat down in the chair on the other side of Horatio's desk. His eyes looked tired. Rubbing a hand over his greying hair he cast a glance over at Caine, still staring at the blank screen.
"How old is the tape? Do you know?"
Willis shook his head. "There was no date on it but judging by the look I'd say about ten years maybe more. How old is he there do you think?" Horatio rubbed a hand across his mouth, before answering. "Eighteen, nineteen. No more."
"Looks younger."
"I think that was the point."
Willis closed his eyes momentarily. "Jesus."
"What do you need?" Horatio asked after a moment. He knew though.
"Because of the nature of this tape and what's on it, who are involved, Sex Crimes want to run with it. At least two if not more of those boys are obviously well under age." He paused. "I've only watched part of it, but that was not consensual sex." He wet his lips. "Those could be more kidnap victims, street kids..." He waved his hand. "Anyway you get what I mean."
Caine nodded slowly.
"The fact that we have one identified participant is not going to escape them. Speedle is the one concrete link they have." Willis looked over. "They're going to want to talk to him."
Horatio nodded again. "I'll talk to him first."
"I was hoping you'd say that." Willis confessed.
Caine snorted softly. "I'm sure you did." He turned away, head down. "No offence."
"None taken." Willis shifted in his seat. "We'll be talking to Hector, see if we can find out where he got hold of the tape, along with some of the other stuff he's got. It might turn out to be an associate of his. Or just something he'd managed to procure through contacts. Either way, he's got to know something."
"There's no reason for him to talk though." Horatio commented.
"No," Willis agreed. "I'll tell them you're talking to him first, but they're going to want to talk to Speedle fairly quickly."
"I know." Horatio said quietly. "I know."
Horatio had never felt so lost in his entire life. He'd spent so much of it in control, or at least seeming to be in control that this feeling of helplessness and uneasiness was almost completely foreign to him. Somehow he always seemed to know the right thing to say to victims or relatives, to somehow calm or ease the situation. He knew how to deal with suspects, how to manipulate them to say or do what he wanted.
Mostly.
But now, dealing with this, he felt completely out of his depth. He'd dealt with rape and abuse victims before, of both genders. It was difficult, but it was not unfamiliar. What he hadn't dealt with was when it involved was someone he knew. Somebody he worked with.
He watched through the glass as Speed conversed with Delko over some piece of evidence they were pouring over. The dark head bent over the table, finger pointing at something out of sight. Delko nodded and then turned to pick up something from behind him, handing it to Speed.
He waited until they'd collected whatever it was they were after before steeling himself to open the door.
Both heads turned at the sound of the door opening.
"Hey, H," Delko greeted warmly.
Caine nodded his greeting back. "Eric, would you mind if I borrowed Tim for a minute?"
"Sure. We got it covered. I'll just run this off to Valera," he carried on to Speed who had turned to look up at Caine, innocent curiosity in his face. Horatio felt his stomach twist.
Without saying anything further Horatio turned and walked out hearing Speed's light steps behind him.
"What's up, H?"
"We'll take this to my office shall we?"
"Okay." Speed's voice held a note of concern, but he said no more. They walked the rest of the way in silence, Horatio holding the door open for Speed who followed him inside.
"Take a seat, Tim."
Speed pulled up a chair and sat down, his eyes nervously casting across at Horatio as his superior took his own seat. "What's up, H?" he asked again. "You're making me nervous." He threw him a quick grin.
"Tim," Horatio started, not really knowing how on earth he was going to broach this with Speed, but knowing that he needed to get straight to the point, "Detective Willis has found a tape. It was in the belongings of the man they are charging with attack and assault of Ricky Marston."
"The school boy."
"Yes."
Speed's eyes narrowed. "What's this got to do with me? I wasn't involved in that case...."
"Not in that particular case no, but," he paused, wetting his lips, "Sex Crimes are pursuing the tape that they found. It's of particular interest to them because of the content." He glanced up to Speed trying to read the other man's face, but apart from his usual masked expression the only other outward clue was the intense gaze from those dark eyes. Usually Speed didn't like to keep eye contact, Horatio had noticed that the first time he'd met the young man; but now those eyes were fixed on him. "It shows five boys engaged in pornographic activities, three of them well underage." Horatio's voice was soft.
"Child porn."
Horatio nodded at Speed's soft comment. "Yes. There was an older man present as well."
Speed wet his own lips, before looking up at Horatio again. "What..does.." he tried to get out.
"One of those boys..was you," Horatio said.
Caine watched as Speed's adams apple bobbed as he swallowed. He turned away, hand coming up to rub his fingertips across his cheek. "I'm...," he coughed to clear his throat, "I'm sorry?"
"The tape; it's approximately ten years old I'd estimate. We don't know where it was shot, or by who. But it's very clear in it's content and it has clear close up shots of all the boys involved." He spoke softly. "I know it's you."
"No you don't." Speed had risen from his chair and had stalked to the window overlooking Alexx's lab. His breathing had increased, Horatio could see and there was a definite tremor to the hands that were now clenched at his sides. "No," he said again.
"Tim.."
"No!"
"Tim.."
"It's not.." he brought both hands up to cradle his face for a moment before suddenly turning around. He backed away towards the door. "I don't know where you've got this idea from," his hand was shaking as he pointed it at Caine, "but you've got your wires," he waved his other hand above his head, "crossed somewhere." He shook his head. "It's not me." He smiled suddenly, something that Horatio found more to be a grimace than anything else. "Not me."
He backed out of the door sharply, disappearing down the hallway.
Horatio was half way out of his chair, but stopped, resting his hand on the desk in front of him, head bent down. He took a deep breath. "Shit," he breathed softly.
"Timmy?"
Alexx stared down the hallway, one hand braced against the morgue door. She was sure those had been tears on his face as he'd sped past her, down the hallway and out towards the door to the back garage. She turned to look up the stairs towards Caine's office where he come from, a small frown on her face. She paused for a moment, in indecision, before pushing her way back through the door. If Horatio wanted to talk, he would know she was there.
'Well that went well' Horatio thought to himself. He heard the door go downstairs and knew Alexx had returned. He warred for a moment with the idea of speaking to her, but didn't feel comfortable in breaking what was essentially a confidentiality.
Of course, once the investigation got underway, it would come to light anyway, he thought ruefully. There were no secrets in a department like this. Even rumours were held as truth until proved otherwise.
He took another breath, rubbing his hand across his forehead. He needed to find Speed. There was no way the younger man could hide from this. He could deny it all he wanted to Caine but when Sex Crimes got a hold of it they would need to know all of what Speed could tell them. They needed it. If whoever it was who made that tape nearly ten years ago was still active then they needed to stop them now. It could also give them a crucial link into the closed off and secretive world of child paedophilia. Names, contacts, anything would give them the in they always desperately needed.
He found Speed out the back of one of the garages eventually. He'd asked Alexx if she'd seen which way he had gone and he saw from her expression she was concerned, but she didn't ask and for that he was grateful.
He approached quietly, pausing a few feet away to announce his presence with a soft, "Hey."
Speed hadn't responded other than to tilt his head slightly towards Caine. He was sat on one of the low walls that backed onto the yard. Horatio sat down next to him careful not to get too close to make Speed uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry," Horatio said softly.
"No." Speed swallowed, his voice almost too soft to hear. "I am."
They sat in silence for a while before Speed eventually spoke again. "I..never," he brought both his hands up to his mouth," I never thought I'd ever have to..." He stopped again, the unspoken words clear 'never thought I'd have to think about it again.
"How old were you?" Horatio asked quietly.
"Nineteen. Just. I think my birthday was the month before. I wasn't paying much attention to dates back then."
Horatio looked up at the sky. "I know from your file that you were..missing..for just about a year during your first year at Columbia. Was this..then?"
Speed nodded, eyes still turned towards the floor. "I had..a friend who died. Complications during surgery." He shrugged. "I....I couldn't cope. He'd.." He paused. Horatio could hear the emotion, thick in his voice. "He was paralysed on our senior high school trip. Everything we'd....I couldn't." He was shaking his head. "Anyway, I, took off. I had some money, but it didn't last long. I wasn't really thinking." He bit his lip. "I ended up in New York, living on the streets after a while. No money, no clothes and what I was wearing wasn't exactly..." He took a deep breath.
"How long were you there?"
Speed was shaking his head. "I don't know. Few months. I was in and out of hostels and shelters."
"Were you using?" Horatio asked quietly, his voice free of judgement or scorn.
Speed paused before nodding slowly. "Coke, off and on. Mostly alcohol. Easier to steal." He threw a quick humourless smile at Horatio.
"And the coke?"
Speed wet his lips again. "Payment," he spoke softly. Horatio could see him starting to shake again. "Services rendered," he whispered. His one hand was clenched tight, the skin white, the other one flexed open and shut nervously in his lap. He breathed in sharply through his nose, suddenly straightening, head thrown up to the sun. He blinked over at Horatio, holding his gaze before turning away to watch a patrol car slowly wind it's way into the yard.
"What do you remember about the film?" Horatio asked eventually.
Speed coughed, clearing his throat. "Truthfully, not a lot." He looked up at the building in the distance. "It's not something you want to spend a whole lot of time thinking about. Besides, they made sure there was enough booze and coke on hand, to...facilitate the process."
Horatio watched his fingers twisting together as he spoke. "How did they find you?"
"I'd been working street corners for a while. They came round...this one guy paid...," he paused, finding it hard to say the words, "for a...um," he looked around, unable to retain eye contact, "blowjob." He swallowed. "Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to make some money. That he had something lined up that would give me the same amount of money as a weeks worth of hustling."
Horatio closed his eyes.
"What you have to realise is that at that time, I wasn't really doing it for the money. I mean, I was, I wasn't doing it cos I liked it." He snorted. "I...it was to survive. But I only did what I needed to get enough for food. That was it. I wasn't thinking any further than that." He sighed. "But, a week's money would buy food, alcohol, might even get me a proper bed for a while." He bit on his thumb nail distracted. "He told me to meet him the next day at this cafe."
"Are you okay telling me this?" Horatio asked quietly. "You'll have to go through it all again with Sex Crimes when they interview you. If you'd rather wait..."
Speed shook his head. "No. It's....it'll help to get it clear in my head." He grinned humorlessly suddenly. "Besides, if I'm going to break down at any point over this I'd rather it be in front of you."
Horatio smiled. "Thank you....I think."
They shared the short soft laugh.
"How many people were in charge?"
"Erm.." He let out a breath. "Two. I think. The one guy I blew," Horatio noticed his grimace still, "and another guy who was with him. He just stayed in the background though. Turned out to be the cameraman. I met them both at this cafe the next day as they'd told me. Took me out to this house somewhere, I don't know where, but it was still in the city somewhere."
"What did they tell you?"
"They told me in the cafe what it was they planned. I...wasn't sure. They told me other boys would be there. I'd never done anything with...on the streets it was always men, older..." He stopped, a far away look in his eyes. Horatio waited patiently. "I'd had a relationship...I didn't want....it was special..." He looked away, one hand coming up to surreptitiously wipe at his face. "Anyway, I think they must have put something in my drink cos things got a little fuzzy after that."
"Drugs?"
Speed nodded. "I don't know what. I was aware and in control but..everything was, you know." He gestured with one hand and shrugged.
"I know." Horatio spoke gently. "Were the other boys there when you got to the house?"
"Yeah, all except one. They brought him in about an hour later. Me and the other boys were all holed up in this tiny room upstairs."
"What do you remember about them?"
"Mostly that they were young. I mean I was only just nineteen but I remember looking at them and thinking that most of them should have been in High School. There was only one other guy there who was about my age and he was the one they brought in last." Speed rubbed his face. "Also that they were other street kids like me. Scruffy, dirty. They made us all have showers first, scrubbed us till we sparkled," he smiled humourlessly.
"Did you get any names of the other boys?"
"No." Speed didn't look up. "Only first names and not for everybody. The other older boy was Ryan and one of the smaller boys was Charlie, but I can't remember anyone else." He snorted. "Great isn't it? Brought most of them off, got fucked by two and I didn't know even their first names."
"I'm guessing there really wasn't the circumstances or much of an opportunity to be sociable in the traditional sense," Horatio observed.
Speed laughed under his breath, shaking his head. "No," he said eventually.
Horatio hesitated. "What about the other man?" He watched as Speed stilled, his expression hardening.
"They didn't tell us, certainly didn't tell me or Ryan that he would be there and I'm guessing by their reactions the other boys didn't know either. He just appeared." Speed ran a hand over his hair. "Pete was blowing me and he just came up behind and stuck himself in Pete." Horatio noticed Speed's hand had begun to shake again. "I remember that the other boys got spooked a bit, some of them, that's when the two guys started to get more..."
"Violent?"
"Yeah. I mean up till then, everything had been more or less up to us. I mean, we were doing it for the fun of it but we hadn't exactly been kidnapped or anything. But at that point it got weird. They got rough." He swallowed again. "He finished with Pete and then started with me. Took his time." Speed eye's flickered up to Horatio. "Cos of Pete...."
Horatio nodded. The other man would have taken longer to come the second time having already expended himself once.
"I wasn't expecting....I mean, I was all right cos of Pete, we'd already...you know." Horatio nodded, though Speed was looking away. "But he didn't prepare or...he just took."
Horatio watched as Speed swallowed again, the dark eyes haunted.
"He did all but two of us." He went back to chewing his thumb. "At the end," he drew in a long breath, "at the end, they just gave us the money we'd been promised and chucked us out."
"Did you see all of the boys go?"
"Yeah, I was the last one they kicked out the van. They drove us back into the city and just kicked us out in central park."
What happened to the rest of the boys, do you know?"
Speed shook his head. "We just scattered. I think we just wanted to forget it ever happened; all of us. Ryan and I bunked down the first night together; one of the benches, but the next day we just...." he took a breath. "There was nothing much to say. He was working down on 5th and I...I'd come from Queens, but I didn't want to go back there. I dunno, I think I just wanted to get as far away as possible. I didn't want those men to come back and find me." He shrugged. "Not that they would, but in my mind I just...I needed to....disappear."
"What did you do?" Horatio's voice was soft.
"Dunno how I did it...I can't remember much of the trip, but I used the money I'd made and hitched down to Miami." He laughed suddenly. "I can still picture the look on Uncle Dan's face when I knocked the door." He smiled, turning away. "I hadn't had a chance to look in the mirror up till then so I didn't know what I looked like. But Dan was shocked. He almost didn't recognise me, thought I was some addict come to beg for money. I remember looking in the bathroom mirror when he took me in. He gave me some of..." Speed stopped, his expression changing again. "Dan wasn't my Uncle, he was Danny's...my friend."
Horatio nodded in understanding. He remembered Megan mentioning Dan Roberts; he'd worked in the department years before.
"Anyway, he had some of....Danny's old clothes, to change into and I remember looking in the mirror and thinking who the hell was that. You know?" He looked up at Horatio meeting his eyes for a moment or two. "I was thin, dirty...I mean I know I'm not the shining example of muscle city now," he snorted, "but even I knew I was well under weight. I hadn't eaten properly in months. Dan took me in, gave me a bed and food. Gave me time. Didn't ask me to explain where I'd been, although I think he had his suspicions. The only thing he asked was that I ring home and let them know I was okay."
"You were reported as missing?" Horatio asked, although he knew from Speed's file that he had been. His family hadn't waited long, before notifiying the police about their son's disappearance but as with a lot of runaway kids, he'd just simly disappeared. Being eighteen hadn't made him a top prioty.
"Yeah. I think they knew why I'd gone, well, my Mom knew anyway. I think my Dad was in denial still." He didn't say any more and Horatio didn't press. He knew there was something else Speed wasn't saying, but it wasn't his place to pry. Not there. Not yet.
"The rest as they say, is history." Speed smiled over at him. The expression was shaky though, Horatio could see.
"As soon as I contact Sex Crimes, they're going to want to speak to you pretty much straight away." He looked over. "Are you okay with that?"
Speed nodded. "Got to be, really." He glanced at Horatio. "Best to get it over and done with anyway. If I'm gonna have to go over the worst part of my life more than once, then I'd rather just get it done."
Horatio nodded. "I know." He stood up. "Do you want to take a bit, or do you...."
"I'll come up with you." Speed stood up to Horatio's surprise. "No time like the present."
"Okay," Horatio nodded again. "Let's go."
Calleigh didn't like rumours. In fact she thought they were just about the worst thing ever, bar a few. When they helped with cases she understood, she even welcomed them, but when they circulated around a place of work about a person at that place of work, she considered them to be evil.
Of course she also knew that she in fact a hypocrite in that she was a self-confessed Hollywood gossip addict. When she and Tim had been working on the Brad Tustin case a while back, she hadn't been embarrassed to confess her perchance for the gossip tabloids, but somehow it seemed different, even though morally she guessed it wasn't.
Sat here listening to the voices on the far side of the room though, she wasn't seeing that distinction at all.
"You know he was up in Sex Crimes *all* afternoon. So it wasn't just about one of his cases."
Calleigh rolled her eyes at this. How little did they know if they thought working with other departments on cases involved 'short' trips. She'd known days when she had disappeared for an entire day or more when co-working with other agencies or departments.
"Apparently it was to do with this tape that was found in the Marston case. Paul from QD overheard one of the Detectives in the locker room. Talking about how they'd found someone in the evidence they brought from Spangolos’s place.”
"Someone?"
"Someone from the department."
“So you think it was him?”
“Must be. Why else would he be up there?”
“Makes you wonder what they found, I mean, *Sex Crimes*.”
Calleigh couldn’t take any more. Standing up she cleared her throat loudly. Both women jumped visibly. They hadn’t known she was in the room, as Calleigh had been sunk down on the far couch engrossed in one of her reports when they had come in.
“Calleigh, erm…”
“Hey, er..didn’t see you there.”
“Obviously,” Calleigh said dryly. She walked over and threw the dregs of her coffee down the sink. “You know, if you’re going to gossip it might be worth baring in mind checking to see if any of the friends or team mates of that person you are discussing,” she looked up at them, fixing them with a stare “are around.”
Both women had the good grace to look ashamed, she noted, but she didn’t feel any sympathy or forgiveness. It was Tim they had been discussing and although she knew nothing herself about what it could be about, she was certainly not going to listen to other people’s gossip about her friend. With a last pointed look at them she turned round and left, turning at the last minute to head up to Horatio’s office.
Horatio sighed. He knew it wouldn’t take long for people to start to talk. It saddened him just how little time it had taken to make it’s way to the gossip tree. He had expected it to be a least a day. Little more than three hours must be setting a record. But it only took one person, one cop to be overheard discussing something to start a chain of reaction. As most people in the building were either cops or crimalists and investigation was what they did for a living, he supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised.
Speed had been up with Sex Crimes for most of the afternoon. He hadn’t been there for all of it, but he had watched the first part of the interview from the observation room. Speed had been relaxed when he went up. Part of it was numbness or shock, Horatio suspected. It would be tonight when the man went home that the reality of it would hit him. Horatio kept toying with the idea of offering to take him home, offering to spend some time with him, anything, but he knew both how private and how stubborn Speed was and he couldn’t think of anyway to offer anything without it seeming like he either didn’t trust Speed or was patronising him. He was toying with the idea of asking Calleigh or Eric when Calleigh had knocked on his door bearing the news that Speed was the latest victim of the office gossip chain.
He had broached it with her and she’d agreed that she would ask Tim, but she too had voiced her opinion that it was unlikely that he would accept. He nodded and promised to warn Speed when he came back down that people had noticed his trip upstairs. He knew she wanted to ask what it was about, out of concern for Speed rather than anything else and he told her the very basics so that if she encountered any further gossip she could set the record straight as much as she could. That Speed was helping Sex Crimes with a tape that had come to light in the property of Hector Spangolos because he had been involved in the case before. He could see in her face that she knew when he had said ‘the case’ that he was referring to something else. But that was the official line. She'd nodded. If or when Speed wanted her to know the truth, would be up to him.
Looking up, he saw Speed walking down the hallway towards his office. He looked rough, Horatio thought, even more than he normally did. Speed seemed to carry off the scruffy look well. If he turned up for work like that, he’d just look plain messy, Horatio thought. Speed made looking casual, look good. Now though, he could see the strain on his pale face, the tension lines and the stiff way he held his jaw. He wouldn’t even think about the look that was in Speed’s eyes.
“Hey, H.”
“Tim, how’d it go?”
Speed hovered just inside the doorway. “Okay.” His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, his dark head bent, eyes on the ground. “Er…” he looked up, his leg bouncing on the spot. “Would it be okay, if I…?”
“Take the rest of the day, Tim,” Horatio said gently.
Speed nodded. “Thanks,” he said gratefully. “I don’t think I could face anyone right now.”
“Go home. Take tomorrow.”
“H…”
“I mean it,” Horatio gave him what he hoped was ‘the look’. Gauging from Speed’s reaction it half worked.
Speed half turned away. “I’ll think about it.”
Horatio nodded, knowing that was as good as he was going to get. Speed turned towards the door, hesitating for a moment before turning his head back to look. “Thanks,” he said quietly.
Horatio nodded again in response, watching Speed’s retreating back and only then when he had gone, did he let worry cloud his face.
“Hey, Cal.”
Calleigh turned at her name, to see Eric Delko walk into firearms. She was about to smile a greeting when she noticed the look on his face, the tense line to his jaw. She let out a sigh, turning back to the gun in her hand.
“I take it you’ve heard.”
“I overheard some *jerk* on foot patrol out the front talking about Speed. Then I ran into Paul from the day shift who *warned* me about some rumour that was doing the rounds? Says he doesn’t hold with it himself, but he thought he ought to warn me. What’s going on, cos what I was hearing was *not* good.”
She clicked the safety on and proceeded to empty the chamber. “I don’t know the full story. Horatio isn’t saying, or rather, he can’t,” she looked up. “Confidentiality.” Eric nodded. “But, the ‘official’ line is that they found a tape among the evidence from the Marston case. From the suspect’s belongings and Tim’s involved because he was involved in the case previously.”
“Officially?”
She nodded.
“But Speed was no where near that case.”
“No. He wasn’t.”
Eric’s jaw tightened.
“Tim was up with Sex Crimes all afternoon, which is partly what set out friendly neighbourhood gossip chain off. One of the Detectives I think, was overheard discussing the case and people started putting two and two together and coming up with a gazillion and four.” She put the gun away and turned to meet his worried gaze. “I think Tim is going to need our support right now.”
“You’re thinking that gazillion is not too far away from the truth?” He could read the sombre concern in her face and felt it suddenly echoed in his own.
“I don’t know. But I saw the look on Horatio’s face. Whatever it is, it’s not good.”
When Calleigh saw Tim the next day she had the urge to slap him. Not that she really would, but she could see from his appearance that whatever he had been doing the night before, it hadn’t been sleeping.
She’d told him to call he if he needed to talk or even if he didn’t. Both of them knew she didn’t know the whole story, but they also both knew that that wouldn’t stop her worrying about him. Of cousrse she also knew that he wouldn’t call her even if he had needed to. But she had expected him to at least take the day off as she knew Horatio had told him to.
Looking at the silent figure hunched over the coffee pot though, she admitted to herself now that realistically she hadn’t expected him to do anything else other than come in. Tim was about as stubborn as she was and hadn’t taken a sick day for as long as she could remember. Sipping her own coffee she observed him quietly. Taking in the unshaven jaw and the dark untucked shirt at least a size too large draped over his lean frame. For the first time her life she didn’t know what to say to him. A simple ‘good morning’ would do, her mind supplied her, but somehow it didn’t seem enough. Not with what seemed to be hanging in the air, what he knew, what she knew, what other people thought *they* knew. It was still Tim, still ‘Speed’, still her scruffy, unshaven, dedicated, ‘man-of-few-words’ colleague; but somehow there seemed to be a question mark hanging over him.
She shook her head. “Hey, Tim.” She smiled warmly.
He half turned to her, still stirring his coffee. “Hey, Calleigh.”
“Did you get *any* sleep last night?”
He sighed, still stirring his coffee and paused before plunking his spoon into the sink. “Not much,” he eventually admitted.
“Horatio told you you could take the day off,” her voice, she knew, held her concern.
“I’m okay, Cal.” He turned round, leaning up against the cupboard, mug in hand. “Honestly. I’m better off here than moping around at home.” He threw her a small smile. “Get paid for a start.”
She shared his smile. “Well then, it’s me and you today.”
“I’m honoured.” He threw her a genuine smile.
“So you should be,” She grinned, following him out of the room.
Eric wasn’t sure how he made it through the day, let alone Speed.
By the time end of shift finally rolled around Eric was about ready to hit something; or someone. As it had turned out, he had ended up working with both Calleigh and Speed. His own case had wrapped itself up neatly early in the shift, whilst theirs had started to spread, so as soon as the last bit of evidence had gone up to the DA he had found himself assisting Speed in the trace lab. He hadn’t minded. It had given him chance to observe Speed over the day and keep an eye on his friend. He seemed okay, jumpy but okay. His usual laid back solemn attitude was in place, but he seemed more on edge. Eric wasn’t surprised. Throughout the day, although no one had out right said anything to Speed it was pretty obvious that they were talking about him. Looks, whispers, silence as soon as they walked into the room. Speed either didn’t notice it, which Eric highly doubted, Speed was a highly trained, highly observant CSI; or he chose not to notice. His way of dealing with it and Eric couldn't say he blamed him. He’d done better than Eric had, who was by now feeling very frustrated.
He watched him now, at his locker, leant over gathering his bag and spare shirt from inside. Shifting his own bag to his shoulder, he turned around properly.
“Hey, Speed, do you want to catch a Chinese tonight? My treat.” He threw the other man a grin when he turned round.
“Thanks, but, I..er I’m not really in the mood. Not tonight.” He shrugged his bag on. “Maybe some other night?”
“Okay.” Eric nodded.
Speed headed towards the door.
“Look, Speed..”
Speed stopped and turned.
“…I know,” Eric paused, “I know, I *don’t* know what’s going on here, but, I want you to know, well…you know. I’m here; we’re here…” He stopped, hoping Speed understood. He meant it. He had no idea what it was all about or why Speed was seemingly suddenly in the middle of a case that didn't involve him or why people were suddenly acting so strange, but Tim was his friend as well as a work mate and as far as he as concerned, that hadn't changed. He'd heard the rumors, he knew what they were saying but until Speed explained it to him, he would keep his assumptions under control.
Speed meet his gaze and nodded once. “Thanks,” he said quietly. After a moment he dropped his gaze and left.
Two weeks later
“So, do you think he’s gay?”
“Don’t know.”
“I mean, it *sounds* like he is.”
“Is that what they said?”
“Well...no.” There was a pause. “But if he was involved in *that*, well, he must be, mustn’t he?”
“I suppose.” There was another pause, filled with the sound of shuffling plates and a mug being placed on the table. “It proves the saying though, you don’t really know someone.”
“Hmmm. Certainly don’t. I mean, who would have thought it…street hustling.” The tone changed at the end, showing it’s owners complete surprise at the fact. “You know, he’s very lucky it never got on his record or he never would have got the job here.”
“Hmm,” the other voice agreed.
Calleigh closed her eyes, wiping them quickly with a single finger. This time she didn’t stand up, didn’t interrupt. Instead, she turned from her position just outside the door and walked away quietly.
Once inside the relative safety of the ladies bathroom she leant against the wall, letting out a silent breath. She had known it would get out eventually. It had to with the two trials now coming up, both the Marston trial and the one resulting from the tape. But to hear people actually talking about it, about Speed, made her sick to her stomach. The details of the case were not common knowledge, but enough people knew that Tim was involved, even indirectly in an important off shoot from the case. The filmmakers had been tracked down, still operating and were now facing numerous charges, with Speed as their key witness. Although no that high profile in the media yet, it had circulated around the department like wildfire.
The trial for the filmmakers themselves, as they were both still based and operating in the New York area, were being trialed up there. It didn't stop the news being spread around Miami Dade Crimalist department though.
It had been just after they had located the filmmakers that Speed had ended up at Calleigh’s place, the two of them sharing a drinking session. She'd found him sat in the corner of the locker room at the end of shift. He'd been in a pretty bad state. Not externally of course, the man had a better poker face than anyone she had ever met, but inside she could see, sense the hurt. It had been echoing off him in waves.
They'd gone to her place and between them they had demolished two bottles of wine, several beers and had started in on her Daddy's favourite scotch.
She'd been surprised when he'd started talking. She knew he was drunk, more drunk than she'd ever seen him, but he was still coherant though. Sat on the floor, leaning back against her couch, his glass still held loosely in his hand, he had started talking quietly, pain evident in his tone. She knew Horatio knew the details of Speed's case and so did she. Speed had come and told her not long after she had started hearing the rumours. He had asked both she and Eric to meet him in one of the evidence rooms and had explained everything to them. He had said that it was only fair and that he would rather it come from him, than from the department gossips like so much of it already had. She knew that it had taken a lot of courage to tell them, something she knew Eric realised as well, if the compassionate look on his face had been any indication. But none of them knew why Speed had ended up on the streets in the first palce and now she did.
"He was the first person I ever loved."
She had been quietly shocked. If anyone had asked her previously if she had thought that Speed was interested in men she would have scoffed. But sat there listening to him talk about Danny, she had observed the love that was still shining out of his eyes and she felt herself humbled by it.
He smiled softly. "We were twelve." Looking up he saw her echoing his own smile, unbeknownst to him though, it was half because Calleigh was trying to picture a young, cute, shy twelve year old Speed and the result was pretty adorable in her eyes.
“I wasn’t very sociable even back then,” he threw her another grin, “and I spent a lot of time with my head in books. Any free time at school and I would be in the library. That’s where I met him.” She saw his eyes grow distant. “I’d seen him around before, but I’d never got the courage up to speak to him. He spent a lot of time in the library as well, so one afternoon after school, when I was up in the corner reading up on a biology paper, Danny came over and spoke to me." He smiled to himself. “He’d been trying to buck up the courage to come and talk to me it turned out. He was fairly new, his family had only just moved there the month before. We hit it off straight away. He was into the sciences too, wanted to be a Doctor or a researcher.”
“He knew that at twelve?” Calleigh was surprised.
“Yeah. I did too. Medicine or research, something to do with that. Didn’t you?”
Calleigh paused. “Well I guess law enforcement was always high on my list of future jobs,” she conceded. “But with my family, it wasn’t too much of a leap.”
“We were inseparable from that moment on. Total geeks,” he laughed gently. “Science club, the whole works.”
“When did you know that it was something more?”
“I think we both knew from the start that what we felt for one another was something more than just two friends, but we didn’t know what it was. We were too young. We were fifteen when we first kissed.” He ducked his head and she could see the start of a blush. “We were in his room, working on some project, chem. I think, and it just…” he broke off again, gazing into the distance, “happened.” He shrugged. “I don’t know who started it, but,” he grinned, “suddenly everything seemed to slide into place. All the feelings that we had been ignoring or unsure about, embarrassed about, just sort of slid into place. Became clear.” He blushed again suddenly. “I think that was the only time we got a C on a project.”
Calleigh smiled.
“We spent the whole night making out on his bed.” He flushed again, smiling at the memory. “We knew we couldn’t be open about how we felt. We didn’t know how our parents would react. Well, I could guess. I didn’t find out till much later that my Mom had guessed not long after that first kiss anyway, but she was waiting for me to tell her. Danny’s parents though were a little more old school. His Dad especially. And there was school as well. We were already on the fringes of society as it was, being geeks and all, we couldn’t afford to give them any more fuel.”
"You stayed together though?”
“Oh yeah,” he smiled. “All through High School. We were in love; God, we were in love. I’m surprised no one suspected, the amount of time we spent together, but all they saw was two science nerds, two geeks.”
“We got into the same college, Columbia. Danny was going to go to Med school, while I was on a biology course.” He stopped, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “We both went on the high school senior trip a few months before we graduated. Ski trip.” He wet his lips. “There was…there was an accident.” He let out the words in a whoosh of breath. “Danny had been on one of the snow mobiles. I’d chosen to stay on the slopes.” He smiled quickly. “I needed the practice.” He stared at the floor, silent for a moment, before swallowing again. “I heard some commotion going on, down at the lodge and …somehow..I just knew. I don’t remember getting down there, or even much of what happened once I did. Just that I was trying to see him.” He took a breath. “I think I was a bit hysterical, cos I remember them trying to restrain me. I thought he was dead. I think a lot of people did. Apparently, he’d hit a covered tree stump, it had thrown the snow mobile and it had rolled, hitting the outlying line of trees.” He drew in a shaky breath and Calleigh could see the wetness in his eyes.
“He was paralysed from the neck down,” he said quietly.
“Oh God,” she breathed.
“I was camped out in his hospital room. It was lucky I’d already sat my exams cos there was no way I could have even done them let alone passed.” He smiled . "People kept telling me to go home, to..I dunno, ‘get a life’. What they didn’t realise was, half of my life was lying there in that bed.” He continued softly, “Danny was in a coma for two weeks. They already knew he was paralysed before he woke, from the damage to his spine. I was there when he opened his eyes,” Speed drew another shaky breath. “I was the first thing he saw. He just smiled at me and whispered that he’d known I would be there.”
“He stayed in the hospital for months. I went off to Columbia, but I was back visiting every chance I got, which was pretty often. My whole course was dedicated to helping Danny. To finding a cure. I was going to help him. Me.” He paused to take a drink, staring at the dark liquid. “They tried all sorts of things. Then one surgeon suggested a type of surgery they’d been working on. It was still experimental, but it held a good chance. Danny wanted to try. Thought it was worth the risk.”
Calleigh knew what Speed was going to say before he said it. She could read it in his eyes.
“He died during surgery. His heart gave out.” He swallowed. “No one was to blame, he just..” He stared at the ground.
“I couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t bear it,” he whispered, fingers twisting in the pile of the carpet. “I lost it. Completely.” He took a shaky drink of his beer. “We’d seen each other before he went down to the theatre. Said a ‘goodbye’ of sorts. We both knew the risks, even if I was in denial. I kissed him…told him I’d see him later…” At the point the tears that had been threatening to fall did. Calleigh reached over and wiped them with her fingertips gently.
“I dropped out. Disappeared straight after the funeral. Grabbed a bag and some money and left.”
Hearing Tim tell her about his descent onto the streets, his pain, his desperation had made the maternal part of Calleigh ache to have held that young Speed. As it was she took the adult version in her arms and held him tight as he sobbed again. Cried for his lost love, his lost year, his lost innocence. When he'd told her and Eric about the film she had felt physically sick. Sick at the thought of him having to go through that. Now, knowing what he had already gone through made her ache even more. For those other boys as well
He’d slept in her spare room that night and she was half tempted to put that into the rumour mill just to see how confused that got them, but she resisted. She did however share the thought with Tim and was delighted when he burst out laughing.
“Speed. Can I have a word?”
Speed hung back as the others filed out of the briefing room.
“Tim,” Caine sat back on the table edge, “the center has been in touch with me.”
Speed turned his head away.
“They tell me you haven’t attended any of the meetings you were scheduled for.”
Speed drew a breath and grimaced. “H, it was twelve years ago. I dealt with it…*years* ago.”
“Tim, it’s not just about that. It’s department policy for anyone involved in any sort of assault to receive counselling, there’s no time limit on that. Tied to that, the fact that you are personally involved in anongoing trial, makes it doubly important.”
“It wasn’t exactly an assault,” Speed said quietly.
“The DA wanted you removed from duty for the duration of the trail.”
“What?” Speed frowned.
“Attendance at the rape center was one of the stipulations. If you don’t attend they may still push to have you removed from field duty.”
Speed drew a deep breath, during his teeth over his bottom lip. “Okay,” he said after a moment.
“Okay.”
The End.
To be continued in part 2 which currently has no title.
For those not into it, I should probably warn you now that the rest of this series is going to be slash. If you hadn't already guessed of course! However it will involve an original character, something I have not worked with before.