Left on the Cutting Room Floor-3

by Tyra

Thursday April 9th - Lady Jane and Brenda

~ Tea and Sympathy ~

"Would you like some tea?" Brenda inquires of John and Lady Jane. As John responds "no", Brenda gently tugs on Lady Jane's arm positioning her so she would block her from Jax's view. She murmurs, "Say you'd love some". Lady Jane quizzically whispers, "Why?" Brenda quickly explains, "So we can get out of the room." She nods and more loudly responds "Oh yes, actually I'd love some!" Brenda with arms upraised in a shrug, smiles, "Imagine that? We're going to go make some tea! As they practically skip towards the kitchen, Jax lowers his head to hide his enjoyment of the antics of his two favorite ladies.

Brenda's head is inside the cabinet under the kitchen range top. Her voice echoing off the pots and pans as she thanks Lady Jane for going along with her ploy. "You don't have to thank me dear, I welcome the chance to speak with you privately." Having found the tea kettle, Brenda apprehensively peeks upwards to see Jane's expression. Seeing her pleasant expression had not changed, she stood up and began to fill the kettle with water.

"I welcome the opportunity to speak with you too Lady Jane. I can't begin to tell you how amazed I am that you are on my side concerning Jax. As I said before I would totally understand if you and John never wanted me near you son again."

Lady Jane places her arm around Brenda's shoulder giving her a slight squeeze. "To be honest, I do have to say I was quite angry with you at first. Jax was so devastated when you went back to that man."

She takes a step back from Brenda and the two women turn to face each other. "However, he chose to stay near you, befriend you, protect you. My son is no fool, so we decided that there had to be more behind what happened between the two of you than appeared on the surface.

Both sit down as Brenda places the tea on a nearby table. Jane slowly stirs, watching the cream swirl and blend into her teacup. She looks up and meets Brenda's uneasy gaze, "That's not to say I didn't have my concerns. But in the few times we have spoken over the past year, I've noticed a change in you. You now have a good sense of who you are and what you want. And most of all, in saving my son's life you put your own at risk, which is an unselfish act that John and I will be forever in your debt."

Brenda reaches across the table taking Lady Jane's hand in her own. "It didn't take any bravery on my part when I saw the reflection off the sniper's scope. I just reacted. I saw Jax was in danger and I had to protect him."

Lady Jane pats Brenda's hand, "It's comforting to know Jax has someone watching his back. Sometimes he gets so caught up in the game he forgets he's not immortal."

Brenda reaches for her tea. Her fingers nervously tracing the cup's rim, she speaks in a weak tremulous whisper, "You know, I have been seeing a therapist since my breakdown. Gail Baldwin has really helped me to understand myself and the choices I have made in my life. I don't think I really believed in Jax's love when we were first married. Didn't think I was deserving of it. Brenda looks around the kitchen her voice strengthening with each word, "In telling Gail about my choices over the past year, I realized that they were the choices of a child. I was a fool. I thought trust meant secrecy, passion meant pain, grand gifts meant love."

Brenda restlessly stands and begins to pace around the room, speaking to no one in particular, "You know I was overweight as a little girl. A fact that my father liked to point out to me frequently.. Even when I lost the weight, it didn't change his opinion of me. Julia, my older sister, was perfection in his eyes. She's blonde, shapely, was great in school, well behaved, perfect manners, and as smart in business as my father. Julia was the delight of my father's life. And I was the mirror image of her perfection. Everything she was.....I wasn't.

Lady Jane watched the painful memories cross Brenda's face. How could any parent inflict that kind of lasting pain and insecurity on their child? She remained quiet, a mother's sixth sense telling her Brenda needed to continue along this dark and lonely portal to the past. "I was the family embarrassment, the ugly secret he wanted to hide. Why else would he have sent me so far away for school.. Out of sight, out of mind. From my father I learned that love was disappointment, disapproval, distrust. When I met Sonny, I think I saw my father in him. Sonny never let me know his innermost thoughts, he kept his business a secret from me, he showed me his love with gifts instead of giving of himself. That was love. It was what I learned, It was what I knew....."

Brenda's eyes shinning with unshed tears, refocused on Jane. Her mouth curved into a radiant smile, "And then I met Jax! He loved me as I was. He showed me love meant trust, caring and sharing, freedom of spirit, delight in living. Maybe this was love? That's why I married him. He told me that he was the only one who could truly make me happy, and I believed him. We lived life together with such happiness and joy and total honesty with one another. We were partners in life, equals, best friends. And I knew this was love."

Brenda returns to her seat, hands surrounded the cup feeling it's warmth. "You know just before our second wedding, I went to find Jax to tell him that 'I'm crazy, head-over-heels, in old fashion love with you!' I had never felt so loved, cherished, appreciated as I did that morning. And then Miranda appeared during the service. Miranda left the room, and I watched Jax follow her, and I was standing on the outside again. Alone." Jane fought back her own tears as Brenda still focussing on the past whispered, "that was love... She was his first love, pure love, perfect love. I saw in her, Julia reincarnated. In that moment, in that instant, I was fat little Brenda again. The failure, the girl who wouldn't amount to anything, the one who would never measure up. He wouldn't want me now that he had Miranda again. She was perfection and I was the reflection trapped behind the mirror looking out."

Brenda looks at Lady Jane, imploring her to understand, "I know Jax said that he loved me more than Miranda, but I didn't believe him. And when I betrayed his trust in me with Sonny, I didn't deserve him. And when he let me go, I went back to Sonny because I thought that was love. Lady Jane, I want you to know that in my sessions with Gail, I've discovered myself. A self I'm proud of, a self I like, a self who's strong. I know now what true love is and it's what I had with Jax. I hope it's not too late to repair the broken trust between us."

Lady Jane in that moment, knew that her son would never be in danger of being hurt by this woman again. She takes both of Brenda hands in hers, "Brenda, I know my son still loves you. I can see it in his every glance towards you. I can hear it his voice when we speak of you. In all his life he's always been able to cut his losses and walk away. But he hasn't been able to walk away from you. He has stayed in Port Charles for over two years. That alone is a testament to his devotion to you. All we need to do is convince him that he can trust your love this time. All I want in life is for my sons to be happy. I know that's what Jax had found with you. John and I will make him see that you two are meant to be."

"Lady Jane, I don't want you to push Jax towards me. If we do reconcile, it will have to be on our own terms. It's a partnership we have to form.

Both women stood taking their cups to the sink. Lady Jane hugs Brenda with affection and says "We should get back to our men. John might have convinced our son the error of his ways by now."

Giggling, Brenda heads back to the livingroom with new found hope and allegiances, "You guys...."

Friday April 10th - Jax and Brenda

~ The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face ~

As Jax leans closer to Brenda his lips just inches from hers.... SLAP!.... Brenda gives him a friendly thump on his well muscled chest. "Go back to you pinball game because I actually just came by to say 'good night', so 'Good Night.'"

Jax's fingers drum nervously on the mantle of his fireplace as he watches her leave. "Let me walk you out. I hate to think of you wandering pass the garbage strewn streets of Port Charles undefended."

Brenda leans against his door frame every nuance of her body radiates flirtation. "This mean you might even consider tomorrow?"

Jax playfully responds "This means you have an escort to your car. The rest I'll think about."

Still reclining against the door frame she practically purrs "You're falling you know."

Jax leans in close, their cheeks just a hairs breadth apart. He flips the light switch down, "Not on your life."

Brenda moves away from the door as Jax pulls it shut, "Oh, O....K....."

They stood in companionable silence in the elevator. They both were lost in their own thoughts of what had transpired today. As they walked towards her car, she had a feeling of peace and a glimmer of hope. She had such a great time with the entire Jacks family. They made her feel as if she was part of their warm loving family. Something that she never had as a child.

As Jax assisted her into her car, he noticed her far away smile. He was leaning down to bid her goodnight when she reached up and pulled his head close to hers. Her lips gently brushed against his ear as she whispered "I really had a good time tonight Jax. Please think about coming to my house along with your parents tomorrow." Winking as she removes her hand by trailing it slowly from his neck across his cheek and lips, "I'll promise that I won't cook."

Jax taps the roof of Brenda's car as he straightens, "Brenda, I told you I would think about it, that's all I can commit to right now."

Not missing a beat, Brenda laughs, "Yeah, right. I'll see you tomorrow Jax, don't be late."

She drives off before he can respond. That woman will be the death of me. She'd been keeping her promise of not initiating any more kisses with him, but in her every look, every touch, every pose, she was tempting him to th edge of precipice from which he was fighting mightily not to fall.

As Jax enters the elevator a classic melody by Robert Flack floated down from the overhead speaker....

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the night and the empty skies my love

To the night and the empty skies

Brenda's face flashed into his mind. Her flirtatious smile, those compelling mysterious eyes. What am I doing! His mind strained for any other thoughts. I have to remember to contact Mac to see if he has decided if he wants to be Commissioner again.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth

I felt the earth turn in my hand

Like the trembling heart of a captive bird

That was there at my command my love

That was there at my command

This haunting melody was bringing unwanted thoughts to mind. He closed his eyes and found himself sitting face to face with Brenda in Malibu. He could feel the warmth of her arms around him, feel the softness of her lips as his descended to meet hers, smell the ocean as it mingled with her perfume. It had been intoxicating.

Jax shivered and exhaled sharply. It's awfully hot in here. Can this elevator be any slower!

The first time ever I lay with you

And felt your heart beat close to mine

I thought our joy would fill the earth

And would last 'till the end of time my love

And would last 'till the end of time

Thoughts wandered back to Brenda standing in the rain. Her spirit as drenched as her clothes. All he had wanted to do that evening was protect her, care for her, warm her. He was stunned when she desperately reached for him and asked him to stay. He asked her once if she was sure. He remember thinking how odd that Brenda's rain chilled lips were setting his body on fire. Then he was consumed by a passion rising in him like the hottest flame. He yielded to the searing need which had been building for months. Flesh against flesh, soul touching soul, her body melted against his as they succumbed to exhausted, satisfied, slumber.

Jax's mind was pulled back to the present with the opening of the elevator door. Massaging his neck as he approached his suite he was lost in thoughts better left in the past. What was he going to do? He was falling fast.

As he opened his door, he hears the sounds of his pinball machine in the dark room. Lights all aglow it illuminated the intruder. He flipped the switch, bathing the room in light. The intruder does not flinch, he just turns around with a smirk of confidence on his face.

"Hello Jerry"