It's not easy being with a celebrity. The distance between us can be too far at times. A phone call isn't good enough on certain days. I need her to be here with me. I need to feel her in my arms. To say I miss her would be an understatement. It's deeper than that. Sometimes I feel as if I love her too much but I can't help myself. It's the time we spend apart that makes my love so strong. When you only see the person you love on the holidays, you can't help but feel the way I do.

December is here, which means Gwen will be coming home for Christmas. It feels great knowing that we'll finally be able to spend some time with each other. Sure, the fact remains that I can call her anytime, listen to her sing, watch old videos of the two of us or look at picture of her but that's nothing. It's nothing compared to Gwen's presence, if she only knew how much that meant to me...she would have a much better understanding of me and the way I feel.

That's a problem in our relationship...understanding. Gwen sometimes says that our relationship would be much better if I were famous like her. I agree with her but the pressures of being a star can be too much for Gwen at times. Quite often, Gwen will just sleep when she's home. It's almost like she doesn't know I'm alive and that hurts. Of course, I want her to rest but I want to spend time with her too. Am I selfish for feeling that way? I don't know, I wish she would tell me. I need to have an idea of what's going on in her mind. I would like to know that I can relate in some way.

Gwen has her band, the infamous No Doubt. They're like a second family to me and it's very surreal to see them with the success they have now. Well, I have a band of my own. It's called Shades Of Meaning. We've been playing together for about eight years. I don't use Gwen's connections so that we can get a record deal. We want to make it on our own. My band consists of my baby brother, Deryck, two of my best friends and my ex-girlfriend, Mel. Gwen is more than willing to help us anytime we need it. We opened for No Doubt once before and got a standing ovation so we're definitely on our way to having an impact on people's lives through this thing called music.

Another one of my best friends, Shannon, is a WWF wrestler. I recently sent him a tape with some of our songs. He is the type of person that will support you no matter what so I wasn't too surprised when he told me that he liked it. But he also told me he liked it so much that he was gonna give it to Vince McMahon, which could get us signed to SmackDown Records. So we have our fingers crossed. It would be so weird if we got a record deal. I know the day is coming but it just would be hard to swallow if that opportunity came at an unexpected time. Gwen and I haven't gone public with our relationship. Only our friends know about it and so far, they haven't opened their big mouths. The reason I don't want no one to know is because when my band makes it, I don't want anyone to say it was because of Gwen. You can understand that, right?

Gwen and I met through Shannon actually. Both of us happened to be backstage at this WWF show that was in my home state of North Carolina. He knew that I was a big fan of Gwen so he introduced us. The smile on her face was so beautiful, I can still see it now. Anyway, we ended up exchanging phone numbers. Those conversations on the phone led to us getting together as a couple and I can't complain about that one bit. Our two year anniversary is two months away...if we make it. The reason I say that is because we encounter so many trails and tribulations. The arguments are crucial and sometimes, unnecessary but they only make us a tighter unit, believe it or not. Sometimes, we'll have fights just so that we can make up. Making up is making out with Gwen. Making up is a way we become closer. Making up is sex...great sex.

That isn't the base of our relationship though. I've been in relationships when all that's left is the sex so my relationship with Gwen is unlike anything I've experienced and that's is an awesome feeling. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be with Gwen Stefani. But that's one of the good things about what we have. I don't know her as Gwen Stefani, the celebrity. I simply know her as Gwen. We have thought about breaking up but we were lucky enough to realize that we weren't ready to let go. I cherish every moment we spend togehter. That's why I plan on taking advantage of the time she's here this Christmas.

It took me a week to get the house clean but I did it. I'm very proud of myself because anyone that knows me can tell you I'm a very messy guy. I never clean up, Mel always does it whenever she's over here but not this time. I fixed the place up real nice. I decorated the house with Christmas stuff and everything. Gwen loves coming home to a clean house so I look for ward to seeing that phenomenal smile of hers. I was considering proposing to Gwen on Christmas morning but I changed my mind. I doubt very seriously we're ready for that type of commitment and we're still growing up but I know I'll be ready to ask her at some point in the future.

**************

There I sat in the living room, waiting to hear that doorbell. God only knew how much I missed her. If she could only see how many times I watch her videos, her performances, she would laugh and call it adorable. That's the type of stuff I miss. Heari her laugh, tickling her or just chilling with her outside on the back porch. It's gonna be so cool having her here again. I'm very lucky to have her. She completes me. She loves me. She takes care of me. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. I couldn't ask for more. Now that she's mine, I don't want to go to heaven. She keeps me happy enough, you know.

The doorbell rang all of a sudden. I jumped, ran to the door and opened it to see Gwen standing there smiling at me. I laughed, grabbed her and kissed her. Nothing could come between this. I took her into my arms as my tongue left my mouth to explore Gwen's hungrily. This was my definition of paradise. This was my definition of love. I had been craving for this moment for so long and now, to feel her soft & delicate lips against mine made all of that worth the wait.

"I love you, Jeff." She said as she looked deep in my eyes.

"I love you too, babe." I replied before we embraced, oblivious to the world around us.

There will never come a day
You will ever hear me say
That I want or need to be without you
I wanna give my all

Baby, just hold me, simply control me
Because your arms, they keep away the lonely
When I look into your eyes
Then I realize all I need is you in my life
All I need is you in my life

'Cause I never felt this way about love
Never felt so good
Baby, never felt this way
About love and it feels so...good

The End